Chapter 7: Out of the Frying Pan / Into Hot Water

After fleeing Central Dogma, the Japanese pilots retreated to the Training Area Four where two goons waited for them. The room looked a lot like a gym to any American boxer who happened to wander into it. A full ring occupied one corner, mats in another, and some heavy bags in a third. Various equipment and some lockers occupied the last quarter of the room.

Jared and John waited on the mats.

The pilots froze. On the one hand, John was back, alive and intact. On the other hand, John was back, alive and intact. Last anyone had seen, he was dead several times over, tazered with enough juice to cook an elephant, then kidnapped and left to rot. Now he and Jared appeared rested, ready, and pissed. Small cuts indicated a recent altercation. Also John's hands were dirty. Very dirty. He was using a rag to scrub dried blood off of them. And Jared didn't just look angry, he looked like a bitter man ushering in the end of the world.

John actually smiled at the group, then stepped up to Rei, revealing that his smile was only for her.

"How have things been going?"

Rei actually smiled... kind of. "nothing i couldn't handle."

She might have glanced at Sohryu.

John nodded, finished with cleaning off his hands. He tossed the rag in a garbage bin, and put his Mini-MAGI back on. Returning to the mat next to Jared, he upped the Lens Flare Glare, causing the pilots to squint.

Shinji finally spoke up after Asuka elbowed him. "Um, Jared? Your hair is on fire."

John shook his head sadly.

Jared waved off the comment with an angry snort. "Don't change the subject! John doesn't think that I've taught you anything during his absence... and today we're going to prove him wrong!"

Toji spoke to Shinji out of the corner of his mouth, unwilling to break eye-contact with the goons, lest they pounce. "You'd think the sprinklers would've come on by now, or that he'd at least run out of hair to burn."

"We're going to be taking Unit-03. Andy has elected to stay behind and guard the base," Jared continued.

"It must have been really uncomfortable riding in the elevator with him," Asuka added.

Andy then dashed into the room with a large bucket and dumped the contents on Jared's head, extinguishing the flames. "Whoo! Packers!"

Jared spit out a mouthful of water and flicked a small octopus off of his shoulder. "Was that really necessary?"

John finally started screaming at Jared. "What part of 'your hair is on fire' don't you understand? Your mop was sparking! Your 'do was a flue! Didn't you notice it get a little warm wherever you went?"

"I have hair?!" Jared ran shaking hands over the remains of his hair, sanity leaving his eyes. "Oh my God! Noooooo!"

Andy jumped on top of Jared's shoulders, and began riding the panicking goon around the training room. "This insanity has gone on long enough! I feel like it's been a year just to get this far and I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!" He let out a keening noise somewhere between 'ferocious bear' and 'wounded hog' as Jared's sprinting took them from the room.

John looked at the pilots. "Um, okay. Moving on to the cages..."

Ritsuko's comments were confirmed by the goons waltzing into the Eva Firing Range and ordering up a training session without so much as a funny look from the staff. There were some questioning looks, given last anyone heard, Genoni was as a corpse being dissected on an operating table at a military base so secret that people who looked too hard in its general direction disappeared. Now he was alive, intact, and pissed off.

Asuka was a tad annoyed at how everyone jumped to obey the goon, but quickly smothered her complaints when she was put first on the firing line in Unit-03.

While the Eva pilots prepared, Andy arrived and the goons conferred.

John lead with a disapproving frown. "You didn't do any drills to teach them how to handle ki?"

"John, they have to get a feel for how Evas are different than their own flesh and blood, so they need this practice first. We'll do drills when they can understand what the drills mean."

"Andy, did he do anything besides instruct them in physical training?"

Andy replied with a short grunt and a shake of the head.

Jared scoffed. "I was busy."

"Getting laid."

"Doing research! Anyway, if you're some super fly master instructor, lets see what you taught them."

"I'm not on the hook for goofing off for four days while my comrade was imprisoned by hostile forces!"

"Quit bitching, you big baby! You're perfectly fine!"

"Speaking of which," Andy calmly interrupted the shouting goons. "How did your interrogation go?"

"I'll get around to that later. Right now I have to school a self-righteous moron in Teaching Martial Arts 101."

Jared snarled back, then took to the air with his aura blazing.

Asuka placed Unit-03 on the firing line; a rocky beach that wild waves smashed against with abandon. Swiftly built to ensure the Evangelions would have some place to practice AT-Field manipulation techniques outside of a simulation, it had become a 'high priority' item on the goons' list of places to visit. Unfortunately they hadn't gotten out there as often as they would have liked.

"Asuka, let's warm up with a small one. Fire in the hole!"

Unit-03 dropped into a familiar stance and concentrated for several seconds.

"KAMEHAMEHA!" The blue bolt streaked across the ocean and detonated a dozen kilometers out. "And that, weaklings, is how we do that!" Those watching the video feed inside of the little shack on the ground got to watch Asuka's eyes bug out in shock before she slapped her hands over her own mouth.

Waddell did not have the benefit of the video feed, though he could have with his Mini-MAGI. He was difficult like that. Floating next to Unit-03's shoulder, he frowned at the mecha. "You have spent far too much time around Andy."

Genoni had joined the Eva, floating near the opposite shoulder. "Actually I think that was pretty much stock Asuka."

While an unconscious John rocketed into the clear blue sky against his will, Jared began the lengthy, prickly process of convincing the technicians to stop cowering and get the systems in Unit-03 setup for the other pilots.

Ritsuko passed the sign reading 'Hideaki Park' without evening noticing it, and wandered to the top of the highest hill in the park to begin her meditation.

She had watched, through the security cameras, as the goons dragged the other pilots out to the firing range. Watched as they ordered, coached, and cajoled. Watched as they prepared for the inevitable war with the old men. She also watched Genoni receive the worst right hook in history, and the other two snuck off while the pilots took care of securing their own Evas.

The goons were fighting on NERV's side, against SEELE. For...

She was feeling very conflicted; an unusual state of mind for one who was strong with the Force. The Force offered comfort in certainty. She knew her path, knew its destination, and while it wasn't perfect, imperfection was a defining trait of any path she could forge. Making peace with that had been her first true lesson in the nature of Fate.

And then the goons arrived.

The fucking goons.

Like children fighting a war, half the time they couldn't be expected to understand that there was a good side and bad side. Most of the time they wouldn't stop playing around to think that was even a possibility.

They clouded her certainty. The Force could do little to predict their actions in the long term. She couldn't make peace with Fate when Fate was the goons' personal bitch.

She couldn't shake the insane notion that Gendo's plans might be the wrong path simply because the goons were here.

That was the crux of it. They had stolen her notebook. This delayed implementing NERV's version of the ACP control system. SEELE should have swooped in days ago, installed their own hardware and software, and told Ikari to use it or else. She had all but declared war on Genoni to get things back on track, and yet...

And yet, various technical problems had hamstrung SEELE's efforts to gain control of the project. The old men couldn't even keep Genoni on a leash, if his debriefing could be believed. SEELE gained nothing by kidnapping him. Her plans were now implemented, pending the arrival of the Control Core she couldn't build no thanks to the goons...

She shook her head. Even in the serenity of meditation, she couldn't tease out a logic to their behavior. Well, actually she could. She'd considered the only explanation that made obvious sense, but it was crazy even for them.

No answers.

No time left.

She needed that Control Core. She had to test it, make sure they all weren't doomed to die horribly the first time it was activated.

She didn't dare think of what it would do. Down that path lay madness.

Sighing, she opened her eyes. Time to make her demands, put up the last bit of defiance. Finish this step down her clouded path to an uncertain future. Find out if she was doing the Right Thing.

Without a moment of hesitation or worry, she rose silently to her feet and watched as the battered body of John Genoni hit the turf and skidded to a halt a few meters downhill. "Ah, just the corpse I wanted to see."

A hand slowly rose from the prone form, and John's voice wavered. "Medic?"

Ritsuko allowed a smirk to show. "How was the training?"

He moaned in pain.

Suddenly, the smirk felt very out of place. "The Core, please."

"What core?"

"Cute, but I really don't want to have to use this thing." Ritsuko brushed back her lab coat in the manner of Old American Cowboy movies to display her lightsaber hilt. She fought against the embarrassing revelation that she'd worn it out of NERV.

"I don't want you to use it either, at least not until I can see a chiropractor. Now what Core are you talking about?"

He sounded so reasonable. She could do reasonable. "The Control Core to Unit-06."

"There's no Control-oooooooh... That Control Core. Is that sweet-ass gun ready?"

"Have I told you recently how sick of your games I am?"

"Not in recent memory, but I have been under the influence of a lot of drugs lately."

She smiled coldly. Some things, she didn't need the Force to predict. "I'm in a bit of a quandary."

"Please, but be swift about it, I'm starting to pass out."

"I have a grand opportunity to kill you right now, and I'll hate myself if I don't take advantage of this, yet I need you alive since your friends obviously have no idea about the control systems for Unit-06."

"I sense another ultimatum coming."

"My office, one hour, bring the Core."

"You should try smashing some phones when that vein on your forehead bulges like that; I've found it highly therapeutic."

"..."

John relented. "It'll be a bit before Jared gets back. Andy will likely take to the ductwork..."

Ritsuko spent a minute checking on things through her Mini-MAGI. "They're trying to bait him out of the ventilation ducts now. An hour?"

"Seventy-five minutes. Umm, Rit-chan?"

"Stop calling me that." She ordered. The words shot out more harshly than she'd intended. Or maybe not harsh enough. Her grip on the lightsaber tightened.

"There's a chunk of metal I'd swear is wedged between the tenth and eleventh thoracic vertebrae. Could you be a dear and pull that piece out?"

"I think I'll leave you to your writhing in pain. Seventy-five minutes, or I'll find something you do care about."

"Ta-taaa." John's head finally twitched slowly to one side as he apparently blacked out.

Ritsuko stood over him for a minute, and slowly put away the sword. He'd survive. She left, wondering what excuse he'd drag to her office along with his friends.

Seventy-four minutes and forty-five seconds after delivering her ultimatum to Genoni, Ritsuko tapped a button on her desk. The door to her office opened, revealing an empty hallway. The doctor sighed. "Next time, I'll kill them when I have the chance."

Waddell's voice answered her from the 'empty' hallway. "That's only if you get a 'next time,' Doctor."

"Get in here, now." Ritsuko commanded.

"And play 'French Revolution?' I don't think so."

"I took that thing down yesterday."

Mucha's voice came from a different location. "You expect us to believe you?"

"Well, there is the tiger trap outside the door."

"We can fly."

"That's what the falling ceiling is for."

"Alright, alright."

The two goons stepped from... somewhere to the hallway right in front of her door. She didn't think there was enough space between the doorframe and parallel walls of the hallway to hide a couple of guys that large. Maybe it was time for more video cameras. Or smaller hallways. The pair sat in two of the three chairs set out for their little chat. The big one watched her closely, while the other looked around the room clueless as usual.

"Did Genoni decline to grace us with his presence, or will he be teleporting in fashionably late?"

Waddell shrugged. "I don't know, he contacted me via Mini-MAGI."

Genoni appeared before the unused chair carrying a small duffle bag and sat down without a glance to confirm his destination.

"What took you?"

Genoni shrugged. "Traffic."

Waddell turned to his comrade and beat Ritsuko to her own question. "In subspace?!"

Genoni shrugged again.

Waddell glanced at the bag. "You didn't!"

"I did."

"Why?!"

"It'll be cool. I promise."

"Your promises are a soggy napkin in a bowl of peeled grapes, Genoni!" Mucha shouted.

"What?" Waddell glared at Mucha.

Ritsuko was done listening to this crap. "Hello?"

"WHAT? WHAT?! What is so fucking important that we had to do this now?!"

Keeping her calm on surface, "The Control Core to Unit-06."

"What 'Control Core?' That doesn't make any sense!"

Genoni supplied. "It's in the bag."

"Well?" Ritsuko prompted him.

The goon set the bag in his lap and opened it to reveal a state-of-the-art... blender. He set it on the edge of her desk. It was huge, it was chrome, it had a control panel that looked at home in Central Dogma, and some errant part of Ritsuko's brain made a note to check NERV's stores for pilfered parts.

Conversationally, she declared, "I'm going to kill you all now for wasting my time."

Mucha nodded. "Fair enough."

"This is the Control Core to Unit-06."

"That's Vikki!" Waddell shouted. He glared at John. "I put my blood, sweat, and tears into that blender."

Ritsuko ignored the banter. "That is a blender."

Apparently that was Mucha's cue. He popped out of his chair and gesticulated at the blender, speaking with the cool, confident, and slightly smarmy tone of an experienced salesman. "But what a blender! See these blades? Damascus! Combined with the three hundred and fifty horsepower motor in this puppy, you could puree a brick!"

(Fun fact: this bit was written long before Top Gear did theirs! - Ed.)

The goon reached into his Hawaiian shirt and pulled out a brick. Ritsuko ignored the impulse to ask him where it came from or how it was hidden in his shirt without a telling bulge; that way lay madness. Finishing his spiel, the goon opened the blender, dropped the brick inside, closed the top, and pressed a button on the panel. The blender cranked over, caught, then cackled to life before the blades engaged and the engine roared. In one second, the blender turned off and a fine red powder began to settle in the glass vessel.

"Why would anyone want to puree a brick?" Ritsuko asked absently. If they were going to waste this much of her time...

Much opened the blender and grabbed a handful of the powder. "For Ninja Vanishes." He threw the powder on her desk. "Hah!"

The doctor willed herself to remain motionless, not breathing, as the dust settled on every goddamn thing in the office. She absently wondered which freezer had enough space to hold their corpses.

When the red dust was done settling, revealing Mucha's absence, Waddell spoke. "I get to kill him first."

"You always call first! I want to kill him this time!" Genoni yelled.

Holding her lightsaber hand back with virtually all of her concentration now. "Give. Me. The... Core."

"Ritsuko, misuse of the A.I. in this-even accidentally-could have disastrous results. We'll clean up, find Andy and meet you in the test cages in about... half an hour?"

"I've already waited long enough, Genoni."

"And I don't have any time to waste, Rit-chan. But you'll have to adapt to my schedule or back away from the project completely. Thirty minutes. We'll try to be early." John grabbed the blender and disappeared with his teleportation technique.

Ritsuko took a deep breath, and had to hold in a sneeze. To hell with them, she was going to kill Mucha herself. Ritsuko glared at Waddell, but his eyes weren't watching her face. Panting, trying to hold the sneeze in, she grabbed a metal cat-shaped paperweight from her desk and threw it at his head using the Force.

Almost of its own volition, Waddell's hand shot up and caught the paperweight inches from his temple. He returned it to her desk, and caught her glare out of the corner of his eye. He looked at the other two empty chairs, and suddenly realized he was supposed to be anywhere else. "Ummm... yeah."

Upon leaving Ritsuko's office, Jared followed the pair of red footprints down hallway and around the corner. He grumbled under his breath the entire way, stopping only when he came face to face with a patiently waiting John and an impatiently waiting Andy.

"Someone send the kids to the training room, I don't care what they do there, but they aren't allowed near the testing." John said, as if someone had died and made him king.

Jared frowned. "Why not?"

"I don't trust the test pilots."

Andy shot the younger goon a suspicious look. "Aren't we the test pilots?"

"...Some of us."

John being an ass aside, What was going on with Vikki? "Why is Vikki suddenly the central figure in Ritsuko's project?"

"Protection."

"Like a cybersex condom?" Jared ventured, ducking the obligatory right hook from Andy.

"No. Unit-06 is basically an Angel wrapped in armor, and to keep the Angel from controlling the pilot, we need some kind of interface. Vikki is supposed to reside in the plug's computers and protect the pilot from the Angel."

"Right, that's what I said. A cybersex condom."

"It's not-"

"For protection from thought-transmitted diseases, right?"

"That's enough."

"Well, think about it; every time you climb into that long, hard shaft, it leads directly to hot, brain-on-brain action."

"I'm not thinking about it."

Cue smirk. "Now you are."

"Jared! Heel!"

The resident Pervert finally paused to draw breath, and glanced at Andy. The huge goon was holding his hands over his ears and humming a familiar pop song at yelling volume. "Oh. So... you're going to be the test pilot?"

"Yes."

"And you've been keeping Vikki out of Ritsuko's hands just for giggles."

"No, because she'd lock it up and build the damn dummy plug system instead!"

"Oh. But you're going to do the testing, right?"

"Yeah."

Jared pulled out a length of lead pipe. "This is going to hurt you more than it's going to hurt me."

"Wha-"

John stumbled into the Test Cage Control Room holding a bag of ice to the back of his head and grumbling to himself. "How dare they up the ante from wood to metals without a proper memo..."

Ritsuko glanced at him as she heard the comment. "Oh, there you are, so glad you could join us."

John moved from leaning against the room's door frame to leaning against a console inside of the room proper, and looked around the place. The trio had only been in this particular room a few times, despite the length of time they'd been in the Evangelion universe. For a moment, he remembered at least three different versions of this same room, and had to fight off the deja vu. This room had huge computer terminals, a weird raised dais at the far end, an observation area, and thick windows. At least the windows looked exactly the same as the anime. "How long was I out?"

"Long enough to figure out how to plug in your blender. I'll admit, I was surprised when the thing actually worked as advertised."

"And to think, you promised not to underestimate me anymore. Fine, I'll get dressed and we can test this baby out."

"That's not necessary, Jared's getting inserted right now."

"Don't use the word 'Jared' and 'insert' in the same sentence, please." John stopped himself from continuing to blink. "I could have sworn you just said Jared was piloting Unit-06."

"Swear all you like, he's getting screwed in right now."

"Oh, someone's getting screwed alright... Listen doctor, that A.I. will give the pilot an uncompromised tactical view of any situation, enabling the pilot to fight at their fullest capacity, while keeping the Angel body and mind constrained. Jared will probably pop out of there and try to seduce half of this base, and you put him inside of the plug!"

Maya tensed up. "Uh... Senpai?"

"This was my project and you stole it. It's no longer my concern whether or not it works. Maya, Load the plug."

John sighed. "Five... Four... Three... Two... One... EVERYBODY DUCK!"

"Quack!" Said some random technician in the back of the room. A second later, a giant fist slammed into the AV7 window, which cracked in a spider web pattern under the force of the impact.

Ritsuko popped up from behind the console she was using as a shield. "Maya! Activate the plug's self-detonation sequence!"

John popped up from behind Ritsuko. "Maya! Don't you dare! Eject the plug!"

Maya froze, glancing back and forth between the two authority figures fighting over her will.

The main doors opened and Makoto stuck his head into the room. "Maya? Could you be a dear and get me those Mt. Fuji reports when you're done in here? Thanks..." The technician trailed off as he sensed the awkward air in the room and quietly retreated. The door shut behind him.

"Don't listen to him!" Ritsuko shouted. "Blow it or we all die!"

The AV7 took another hit from the Eva's fist. John jumped the console and dashed to intercept Maya. Ritsuko reached out with the Force, causing a binder to fly off a nearby shelf and head straight for John. The goon ducked the attack and body-checked Maya away from her console. Fingers racing, he punched in the eject sequence.

The entry plug rocketed out of the Eva with an explosion that shook the entire room. The cylindrical object bounced around the cage like a superball on crack, doing more damage than the flailing Eva.

John grabbed the Emergency Crowbar from the wall and opened the access door to the cage. Inside, he jumped to the floor in a single leap, and approached the smoking wreckage that used to be an entry plug. "Please be dead, I want your car."

He pried the hatch off, noting the lack of blood. The door hit the floor of the cage with a deafening clang, leaving John to peer into the plug's dark interior with ringing ears.

Jared shot out of the plug like a cheerleader on crack with a new puppy. "WAI! WAI! That was fun! AGAIN! AGAIN!"

The Pervert was miraculously unharmed, but John had Mr. Crowbar, and Mr. Crowbar quickly fixed that problem. He shouted at the control room, dragging Jared away by a foot. "I'm going to strap Jared to a hospital bed. Do NOT touch that Eva. I shall return."

The doors slid shut behind him. He could almost hear Ritsuko insisting that Andy be prepped for piloting next, but he shoved that thought away. Jared fucking knew better. Incensed, he decided that instead of using an Instant Transmission to get to the infirmary, he would drag Jared there.

And maybe swing by a dozen extra stairwells on the way.

Nearly a full hour after leaving the damaged cage, John arrived in the infirmary. Dragging Jared down that third flight of stairs had been a mistake. He'd woken up, gotten loose, and ran off screaming something about a peashooter. By the time John had hunted him down, they were another twenty minute walk to the nearest infirmary. John didn't bother to avoid stairs, but he did keep a better grip on the goon when Jared inevitably awakened.

This proved to be rather annoying when came to restraining him to a gurney. As he finished tightening the last restraint around Jared, he heard a distant roar. Jared's constant, far-too-upbeat singing of the Meow Mix jingle didn't even change tone.

"Now, stay." John ordered.

Jared continued to sing.

John checked his Mini-MAGI, ignoring the nurses loudly complaining at him even as they refused to approach Jared. "That bitch doctor is probably loading Andy right now."

Another roar echoed through the complex as if in reply to John's comment.

"Can't leave him alone for five minutes..."

This time, John put two fingers to his forehead and departed for the next test cage control room with an audible pop.

Ritsuko dived for cover. "BLOWTHEPLUGBLOWTHEPLUGBLOWTHEPLUGBLOWTHEPLUG-"

The Evangelion twisted suddenly to bang its back against the AV7. The warning labels marking the entry plug took up the entire swath of the transparent barrier. There it stayed, daring anyone to follow the doctor's orders.

"Uhhh... never mind, Maya."

Then John kicked in the sliding door to glare at the Doctor.

Ritsuko chuckled mirthlessly. "What? It's not like I ever listen to you."

Maya had a different reaction. She prostrated herself at John's feet, clutching his knees. "Save us! SAVE US! I'll do anything! ANYTHING!"

John's face clearly conveyed his thorough entertainment of the possibilities. "For starters, I want a keycard to the Dummy Plug Control System Storage. It's getting bothersome burning my fingers hacking into the panel all the time."

Maya thrust a card into his hands. "Take mine! Just save us!"

John pocketed the card shamelessly. "Thank you. Now, do we have communication with the pilot?" He took in the wave of shrugs. "Maya, I'll need visual communication with the Entry Plug. Ritsuko, while she's working on that, give me your gun."

"Over my dead body!"

"Okay, I give you fifteen seconds before Andy breaks through the wall and arranges just that."

Unit-06 put a fist into the cage wall as if to punctuate John's threat.

Ritsuko knew when she was between a madman and a berserker Evangelion. She removed the clip from her sidearm and threw it none-too-gently at John. "Fine, it's chambered."

John cycled the round out of the gun. "Maya, how are you coming?"

Andy appeared on the screen after a burst of static. A manic grin conquered half of his face under a pair of inverted U eyes that owned the other half.

That's right, Andy was chibified.

"Behold! I am CHEEZOR! And together we will be GODS!"

Crack, boom.

John stared. "...My fifth worst nightmare has come true..." He shook himself, put on his game face, and dangled the gun before the room's comm camera. "Aaaaandyyyyy, look what I have for youuuu."

"Oooh! gimme, gimme, gimme!"

The plug partially ejected, right through the security glass. Chibi Andy tumbled out of the open door. "Ooooowww..."

Chibi Andy shook his head, Tokyo-shuffled to John's kneecaps, and jumped at the hand cannon. John teased him a little before he dropped it on the little maniac's head. The impact barely fazed him and he was bouncing around in glee seconds later.

"WAI! WAI! WAI!" Chibi Andy stopped mid-air, slowly floated back to the deck, and pointed the pilfered handgun at John. "Now you die."

Click.

"You... you TRICKED me!"

Glowing slightly, Chibi Andy hovered up to eye level, growling. Then he let out a cute little roar. His eyes faded to white and his hair changed to gold. His blazing golden aura, while adorable, was a little unNERVing to see in a red-aura kid of guy.

"He's gone all the way to Super Chibijin!"

John didn't even look in Ritsuko's direction. "Ok, now you're just making stuff up."

"No, they were a race of pygmies that lived high in the mountains. Legend speaks that they were immensely powerful for chibi. One Super-Chibijin is as powerful as one normal man!"

"That's it?"

Ritsuko had just realized what she'd said. "Um, Yeah."

John punted Super Chibijin Andy at the door he'd kick in upon entering. Then he turned on Maya with a nightmare-inducing grin. While a nameless tech closed the door behind the goon, "Well now... my little 'bridge bunny'..."

John glared at the sign on the door to the training room for a moment before pulling it off and crumpling it into a ball. Under his breath, he muttered dangerously. "Portal of Power indeed. Jared never gets to write signs on anything, ever again. That innuendo is a tactical strike against human decency."

The goon then opened the door and stepped inside just in time to watch Toji slide down the wall next to the entrance. Rei stood in the center of the room in a gi. She looked immaculate. With a glance, John found Shinji bent over the exercise equipment along the far wall. A second scan didn't turn up a certain redhead. He looked up, finding Asuka hanging from the rafters, her foot caught in a cross beam. "Well... ouch."

Oddly enough, or maybe not, considering the spiral marks in the place of Toji's eyes, Rei spoke up first. "genoni-sensei!"

"Ayanami. Excuse me while I clean up in here."

"hai. i shall go change."

The minutes flew by while John put things in order. He called the medical staff, laid what was left of the pilots by the door, and retrieved the cleaning supplies from the room's closet. When Rei returned in her usual school uniform, John was scrubbing at some bloodstains on the mat. "Always clean up after a fight. It shows responsibility and gives the forensic guys less to work with."

The wailing, tormented ghost of a smile haunted her pale lips. "hai, genoni-sensei."

The goon sighed. "I'm sorry I'm late."

"it is okay, i entertained myself."

John smirked. "Apparently so."

"it will be past designated dining hours if we do not leave soon."

The goon opened the door, gesturing for Rei to join him. "Right as always, my dear. Soooo..."

"..."

"How's that homework assignment coming along?"

"i have fucked with the heads of seventy-five percent of the list you gave me."

"Good girl."

Ritsuko stood at attention in the center of the Commander's office while the Commander himself read the summary to her report. There was no whole report-most of the important details were in the footage and MAGI system-but her summary complemented that information. She had been there, watched everything from a front row seat.

The Commander finished, closed the file, and set his reading tablet on the desk before steepling his fingers together and regarding her as one would a misbehaving houseplant. "So the project is a failure?"

"It didn't try to self-detonate. I would see the berserk behavior as a sign of internal struggle, but if John is to be granted even a token amount of credit, it would seem that the A.I.'s combat analysis abilities force so much information onto the pilot that they're hardly even in contact with reality anymore, just reduced to their base impulses."

"The A.I. made them go temporarily insane?"

"Technically, they did go... more insane, but... okay, their behavior was a result of the A.I.'s influence."

Gendo nodded. "And Genoni didn't test?"

"I wouldn't let him. He may have sabotaged the programming and until I'm certain that Unit-06 is reliable, I'm keeping it locked away." The test data and her report backed up that judgement call, but the truth was that she knew what would happen, and didn't want anyone else to catch a whiff of the truth.

Shit, she was starting to sound like Gendo.

"How can you test reliability if it's locked up?" The Commander challenged.

She stood her ground. "Exactly."

Gendo re-laced his fingers. "It wasn't a rhetorical question, Doctor."

Time to take a stand. "I think it was a mistake to even attempt this."

"Then why attempt it?" Ikari asked.

"We may need to put this weapon in the hands of our pilots to deal with the Angels."

The Commander's eyes narrowed. "You're implying you would trust the Americans more than the committee?"

Ritsuko stayed calm. "Now that I'm certain they aren't working for the committee, yes."

"More than myself?"

She wasn't crazy. "I don't have to trust you. I have to do what you say."

"And I have to take your advice." He said, putting the ball back in her court. "So, what do you plan on doing with the unit's primary weapon?"

"My workers will slap it on before we lock the unit down."

He nodded; of course it might need to be used, just not to SEELE's ends. "That would be throwing away a lot of time, money, and effort."

"I can handle the committee."

"But obviously not three mentally dysfunctional Americans."

Ritsuko had already made her stance clear to him... between the lines. "Is there anything else, sir?"

"Plans are in motion to regain certain commodities. I suggest you stay on base for a little overtime."

So, he'd take her away from Genoni to test loyalty? "Fine, I'll be in my office."

"Dismissed."

Outside Gendo's office, Ritsuko sagged against the wall. Half of the time, it seemed like Ikari was secretly working with the Americans while using the threat of SEELE to keep everybody else in line. Or he could be testing loyalties. But with whom? Was she only to decide the magnitude of her suffering now? What of Ikari's most secret of plans? "What devilry am I to be part of now?"

Half a city away, goon and clone returned to Rei's apartment after a somewhat eventful lunch. John had swapped the polo for a white button-down, and Rei was in a long skirt and blouse. The blouse was marred by a red stain.

"So Shinji and Asuka are finally a couple, eh?" John said, changing the subject as they moved to within earshot of the author.

"hai."

"How do you feel about that?"

"i... i do not know what i should feel."

"Are you happy for Shinji?"

"h-hai."

"You'd prefer it wasn't Asuka though."

"hai."

"It's not entirely too late to try and get Shinji."

"he seems... better for it all. i do not wish to ruin what companionship he may find with sohryu."

"That's very mature of you."

"you haven't... you seemed to have changed methods in approaching myself."

"Oh, that."

"much less like waddell-sensei." Rei said as they stopped at her door.

John set his head against the apartment door. "Gods, I hope so. I... decided around a week ago that I had made my admiration for you clear enough and that I'd ease off and let you decide to come to me. Besides, it's kind of creepy lusting after a fourteen-year-old. Maybe you Japanese are okay with that but it's just weird for me."

Rei considered this for a second, and stepped closer to the door as well. "i enjoyed lunch, i had never had italian before."

"I'm sorry, I forgot that there are only a few vegetarian entrees at that restaurant. And I apologize again about the sauce."

The blue-haired pilot had the grace not to look at the huge red stain on her blouse. "it is nothing of consequence."

John stepped to one side. "I'll wait out here while you get changed, ok?"

"as you wish." Rei grabbed the handle of her door.

John wondered, for the first time, why Rei's apartment had western-style swinging doors while Misato's complex-as well as much of the city-had more eastern-style sli-

Misato nearly fell off of her seat when the shockwave from a map-altering blast pounded into Central Dogma like a shockwave from a map-altering blast. "Whoa!"

Makoto gripped his desk. "Earthquake?"

The Major shook her head, feeling the console in front her and finding no vibrations shaking it. "No... That was an explosion. A really big one."

Shigeru was hammering the keys on his console. "That's correct, seismographic monitors indicate a massive explosion... Centered roughly around... that's Rei's apartment complex!"

"Give me a visual!" Misato shouted at Maya.

"I can't! All the cameras are knocked out in the area!"

"The first level of armor has been moderately damaged." Shigeru continued to report.

Makoto moved to a different console. "Tapping into satellite feed now!"

The main screen changed to a distant view of the spot where an apartment complex used to stand. A massive cloud of dust marked the building's passing. Makoto hit a few more keys and picture changed to a radar scan of the same picture. The buildings in the foreground jumped into sharp relief, but the center of the frame was taken up by an immense crater. Maya gasped.

"An Angel?" Misato asked.

"No blue pattern detected." Makoto answered.

"Is someone bombing us?" Shigeru asked. "I'm picking up some code-band."

Misato shook her head. "Air-dropped bombs are shape-charged these days. Smaller crater, more focused. I want casualties, damage estimates, and five teams out there NOW! Put the city on alert, all civilian personnel to their shelters until we get this figured out."

"Yes ma'am!" Shigeru answered, triggering the city-wide alarms.

"I want every pilot accounted for. Where are the Americans?"

Makoto moved to a different console. "Waddell and Mucha are still in the infirmary since an hour ago." He typed some more and blinked. "Uh, Pilots Ikari, Sohryu, and Suzuhara are also in the infirmary recovering from light training injuries."

"What about Genoni and Ayanami?"

"...I'm not receiving a signal from their Mini-MAGI."

"Just what the hell is that supposed to mean?! They're turned off?"

Maya answered. "They can't be turned off, Major... No signal means that the unit is heavily damaged or... completely destroyed."

"Somebody tell me some good news. Any good news."

"Production on the next Shining Glorious Super Magical Girl Ayane movie has already started, ma'am!"

"You..." Misato pointed at the random technician. "Get a raise!"

"There's a huge energy spike hitting the grid! From the outskirts of the crater!"

"Can you identify it?!"

"Now it's on multiple circuits. At least one point twenty-one gig-Wait! That can't be right!"

"What can't be right?"

"The spike just inverted itself! It's sucking in power! Half of the city just browned out!"

"So are NERV's systems!" Makoto exclaimed.

"Would someone tell me what the fuck is going on!" She looked around for a convenient answer dispenser. "And where is Doctor Akagi?!"

"The energy spike is gone. Electrical grid reports everything normal."

Misato rummaged in her pockets for some aspirin. Orders would come next, orders that she didn't have enough information to make right now.

Ritsuko happened to be in her office, cursing her brain's ability to discern Gendo's duplicitous jab before her desk stopped vibrating.

She forced herself to breathe calmly for a slow count to ten, then snatched the phone off her desk in mid-ring. She watched the device shrill at her for five full rings before she pushed the talk button and listened.

"Go to the site and confirm what you no doubt already know. You know what to do then. Don't take too much time with appearances though, I'll be waiting for the good news that Ayanami is alive and well in my office."

The line went dead.

Ritsuko hung up her end and made another call, then another. She'd need the supplies, and the rescue team. Needed them more than Misato did; and the Major would never know they went missing.

That done, she smashed the phone to little bits, then smashed the little bits to powder. Then she smiled. Genoni had been right.

To be Continued...