A/N Strap yourself in. Here comes the start of the angst. It's hard to find the balance when writing my Ana, even though she has cheated I don't want her to be seen as a villain, we all know the C and A chemistry is an overpowering thing. But i also don't want her to become a victim. With that in mind, this chapter is Ana's growing realisation in regards to both the Elliot/Kate situation and her feelings for Christian. Also this is a AU story some people have questioned the Elliot/Ana relationship, i just thought it would be fun to explore it

Again thanks to everyone who read, enjoyed and reviewed!

I think I am in a state of denial. This can't be happening. Frozen staring at the kitchen door I barely register Christian talking to me

"Ana?... Ana... Come on let's go and sit down... Ana please!" He begs and I turn to look up at him, my eyes blurred with unshed tears.

"Why? Why is this happening to me?" I beg him knowing full well he doesn't have the answer. A stray tear falls and Christian reaches to brush it away and all of a sudden I don't want his touch. The hypocrisy of the situation isn't lost on me. The overwhelming urge to run is strong

"Christian I need some space"

" i really don't think you should be alone right now"

" Well it's really none of your concern what I need" I hiss and he looks like I've just slapped him across the face. Heading towards the door I hear him following me, I grab my coat and without turning around I whisper my plea

"Christian just give me some time" and i am out the door

I don't know how long I have been walking but it must have been a while because my fingers feel like ice. Seattle in the winter is not to be undertaken lightly and I am thankful I manage to grab a warm jacket in my hast. I am consumed by my thoughts, the evil ones which keep you from falling asleep at night, the one's which you exaggerate to hell. As I walk round the Grey's neighbourhood in Bellevue I am truly stunned by the wealth on show, rows and rows of million dollar mansions, designer stores and boutiques, car dealerships stocked full of vehicles I could only dream of owning. This world is alien to me and I know I will certainly never fit in. Maybe that's why Elliot is cheating on me, allegedly. Kate is from the is world, she grew up with money and is comfortable with it. Every time Elliot bought me a gift I would hestiate about taking it and there was always a fight about who would pay for dinner. I have supported myself my whole life, earned every cent and to relinquish that control to someone is difficult. That's another reason why Christian and myself would struggle, you know beside the whole brother thing, if I thought the money was an issue with Elliot it would be 1000 times worse with Mr Billionaire.

I find myself walking across a well kept Green with a stream at the very end I head towards it and sit huddled up on its banks. Looking back on yesterday I can't believe I was so stupid to sleep with Christian after only knowing him a few hours. I am not that experienced in relationships, Elliot is my first serious one and the only person I have ever been in love with, but I never had that instant chemistry that I had with Christian with Elliot. As soon as our eyes met there was this electricity and I was drawn to him and his danger. I had a pre conceived idea that he was cold and hard, unloving and driven by money but that is not the case. The side I saw of Christian was the exact opposite, yes I have had a glimpse at how mercurial he can be but when he is playful and smiles it is a joy to behold. But I am not going to leave Elliot if I am not 100% sure on his brother.

Ha if I leave Elliot. There is no qualms, if he has been cheating on me with Kate regardless of what I have done i will leave him this has clearly been going on longer. I will not be made to look like a mug. My roommate and best friend for goodness sake! And right under my nose.

I look out over the stream and gaze at the scene in front of me. A deserted field covered in glittering frost, it's so peaceful and serene whereas my life is quickly turning into a soap opera. The tears spill freely down my cheeks matching the river in front me.

I don't hear him but I can feel his presence. Christian sits down behind me wrapping his arms around and pulling me back into his chest. I can't control the loud sob that escapes

" Hush baby. I can't bear seeing you cry"

This only encourages more tears and he just holds me. I turn and bury my face in his neck and he rocks me gently kissing the top of my head. I don't know what exactly I am crying for; the betrayal of the two most important people in the world to me, the guilt of what I have done to Elliot, the pain that will almost certainly arise whether that is mine or to the whole Grey family, the sudden loneliness I feel. Whatever it is it sure is cathartic.

After what seem like hours, I finally calm down enough to stop crying and look at Christian. I see the worry etched on his beautiful face and I can't help my caress his cheek, leaning into my touch he pressed his lips to my forehead and murmurs

" I was so worried, I couldn't find you anywhere"

"I'm sorry for being so distant with you earlier, I didn't mean to speak to you the way I did" I look away ashamed

" It doesn't matter. I get it. Are you okay"

I feel my bottom lip trembling again and I take a deep breath in an effort to control my emotions

" Everything is such a mess Christian. How could he do this to me! And with Kate of all people!"

" My brother has never been the sharpest tool in the box Ana and for him to cheat on you, he must have a screw lose"

I can't help but smile at him. How does he do that, cheer me up when I am feeling so down.

" I don't wanna hurt your family Christian. What we are doing has the potential to tear you all apart and I couldn't bear that"

"Hey! That's not going to happen ok? I'll make sure of it" He tucks my head under his chin and hugs me tighter.

"What are you going to do about Elliot and Kate? "

As if from nowhere I feel this inner strength, like someone a lit the match. The rage is burning up in me and I feel ready for a fight

" Skin them alive if this is true" i scoff " I swear to god Christian if Kate has done this to me I will rip her a new one"

I can feel his chest rumble with laughter

" Who would have thought little Miss Steele is a bit of a firecracker" I smirk at him. I climb off his lap and help him to stand up.

" Are you ready for this?" I nod and take a deep breath

" It's now or never" He takes my hand and leads me back across the Green and to the car, determination filling me with every step

I am on the warpath

A/N I love feisty Ana! I know this chapter was a bit of a rollercoaster but I think the shit is about to hit the fan (excuse the expression). As ever you guys are awesome

Lianne xxx