Therapy part 1

Broken Dreams

Kurama got into the car to go to his appointment in therapy. He was not looking forward to it. He had tried to change and be cheerful and put it behind him, but how long could he hide it from his kaasan and stepfather to be?

Shiori was very worried and had started to grow somewhat ill over the past few hours, ever since last night. She and Naynoku- san had agreed that they had both seen a remarkable change in the way Shuichi acted. Kurama grew nervous. He had never been to a therapist. He felt like a young child ready for his first day of preschool.

The office was quiet with a receptionist at the desk typing in available dates for more appointments for other people. Kurama hoped that he would only have to go for a few sessions, fix his problem and get out. It made him nervous even though he masked well.

"Shuichi Minamino, are you ready?" It was a guy. Dr. Tastini. He had flowing purple hair pulled back into a loose bun. His shorted bangs, yet long fro bangs, hung at the right side of his face. Kurama sat down on the futon and the Doctor sat in a recliner that had been open for Kurama to sit in if he had wanted to. "How are you?" Kurama smiled weakly. His instincts were to be polite and gentle.

"I am fine. I am doing well in school, the tops grades in the entire school actually. I'm doing fine." He repeated sadly. The Doctor leaned forward to him.

"Sometimes, Shuichi- kun, intelligence and grade point average aren't the only things to life." Dr. Tastini said with concern. "Shiori- san told me that you have suffered a great loss. What happened, Shuichi?" Kurama didn't know how to answer that. He wasn't sure what the therapist would do. The doctor saw him hesitate. "Shuichi- kun, anything you say in here will stay in here. Trust me. I'm not going to bite you, so don't be afraid to say something." The doctor was very patient. Half an hour went by before Kurama could finally put it into words.

His lips trembled as he spoke and his voice quivered. "My… my friend died. We were getting something important and this gang… they chased us and shot at us and… and… it was horrible!" Before he could stop them tears fell down his face. Kuronue, I'm sorry.

The doctor seemed calm. It was irritating Kurama. He himself was normally calm and serene but lately he was pressured and much too anxious. "Shuichi- kun, there are things I need to know…"

"I don't remember who they were! I don't remember what we were after and I don't remember when it was!" Kurama couldn't keep himself from bursting out.

The doctor nodded. "It will be fine, Shuichi. Do you remember the name of your friend?" Kurama didn't think before he answered. He parted his lips.

"Kuronue. He was my best friend." Kurama said.

Over time the doctor got to know the Shuichi that everyone else knew as well. But he seemed to act differently in the office than he did in his normal life. The next time Kurama went to see the doctor, for his third session, the doctor was holding a piece of paper.

"Good evening, Shuichi." The doctor was smiling happily.

"Hello." Kurama wondered what he had there.

The doctor suddenly frowned and looked concerned. "Are you sure, Shuichi, that you were not imagining your friend and his death?" Kurama looked dumbfounded. Kurama slowly shook his head.

"No, I didn't. I know I didn't. I saw it and I ran. I did not imagine it, why!" He was frantic.

"I'm sorry, Shuichi. It's just that your friend, Kuronue, was not logged into the PC. It said that he either didn't exist or to check the spelling. I rechecked the spelling of your friend." Kurama didn't know what to say. "I checked his name to see what he looked and his background information and if he's dead. If he is dead then when it happened and how. And all of the other things." Kurama burst into tears of pain and anger.

"I didn't imagine it! I know he's dead! I buried him! I hate you! Leave me alone!" He turned away gasping and sobbing. The doctor didn't seem too phased. He seemed concerned. "It's all my fault."

"What is?"

"Everything. I have used my friends. I cussed in class. I everyone in the school hates me or looks at me like I'm something bad. I've lied to my kaasan. I've been sent to detention for the first time ever, and I lied to her about it. She doesn't know, neither does Naynoku- san. I fhave fallen in love and broke her heart. She thinks I believe she's a 'sex machine'. I didn't mean to make her feel that way. I only… I don't know. We'd done it before like two or three times, but no one knows and she thinks I'm using her. My friend is dead and his anniversary was two weeks ago. I told my best friend in the whole thre… world that I wanted him to leave. He's not my friend any more and I bet he won't even talk to me! I just want to go away! I want me and everything else to just go!" He was sobbing so hard and loud that he was sure Shiori and Naynoku- san could hear it. "I just want t…"

"Runaway. You want to runaway don't you?" He took a deep breath and leaned forward. He promised himself not to touch Shuichi because it made other people feel uncomfortable, perhaps violated so he was taught not to do it; otherwise he would have. "Shuichi- kun, there are other ways to leave it all behind. There are ways to bandage 'what you've done'. It's not all of your fault, Shuichi- kun. Try to believe that. Running away from your problems won't help. They will still be there and if you runaway you are only magnifying it; making your problems bigger.

"Now you spoke fast and without thinking. That is good. You have told me everything you want or need me to know. Let's start from the top. Why did you curse in class?" He had a feeling the Shuichi's problems were tied together in some way with one big problem and that's where the doctor had to go. He had to go to the source of Shuichi's pain.

"I… I wrote sex on the board instead of a math problem." He was deep crimson now. The doctor didn't look to concerned.

"Why did you do that? What were you thinking at the time?"

"I was thinking about Botan- chan, my girlfriend… or she was."

"Hmmm. You have had sex, have you not? So then that was what occupied your thoughts, correct? You love her and what you've done made it worse. Do you see how that was tied together, Shuichi- kun? Do you see what would happen if you ran away? You'd only make things more complicated." He reached over and brushed a tear from Shuichi's cheek. "You are a good person, why do you lie to Shiori- san?" Step two: braking down Shuichi's barriers while still managing to move forward to the next problem.

"I'm not sure. I have many secrets that I cannot tell anyone. To tell would make them hate me and move away. But I might as well have told them my secrets, told everyone, because that's what they're doing now and… and it would not make a difference." The doctor seemed to be thinking.

Finally he said, "I cannot hate you, Shuichi- kun. My job is to help you, no matter what. I will not hate you. If you have murdered someone or something else I cannot hate you, I will help you. So will you tell me?" Kurama hesitated. That was true, but his case was deeper more secret. He could not. So he opposed a question with a question.

"Do you believe in monsters? And stuff like that." Kurama asked suspiciously. The doctor seemed uneasy; he wasn't sure why this was relevant but he didn't wish to interrupt.

"Why do you ask?" He did the same thing Kurama did, he counteed with a question.

"Because it's important. So?" He looked at his therapist critically.

Hope you like it chapter8 coming soon!