I don't own these characters; Disney does.
7: Broken
Yori wandered in the woods, hoping she would come across Shego. She was not sure how long she had cried, but once her tears dried up, all she could think about was finding Shego and begging Shego to tell her what to do, what would make things right. She did not find Shego, though. Nor did she find any answers.
She searched the mountain woods high and low, crying on and off while she did so, feeling hollow and abused. The sun came and went and she did not bother to return to the school. She just wanted to see Shego, but it was not meant to be. She returned to the cabin eventually, thinking Shego might be there. All that greeted her was still, stale air and an envelope waiting in the fire pit.
A lump settled in Yori's throat as she approached the letter with true fear in her heart. She instinctively knew this letter was going to tell her that she lost what she considered the best thing in her life. And for what, she silently demanded to know. It felt like she was empty. She lost everything inside of her if Shego was truly gone. She lost herself for this school. She gave herself for this school, knowing they would never return the favor, knowing they would never give her what she needed, and knowing they would never fulfill her.
"So, in the end, what was the right thing to do? If it was this, it certainly does not feel like it." Yori scowled. This could not have been the right thing if it cost her Shego, if it made her feel like life was not worth living.
She sat down and opened the letter. Tears flowed down her cheeks like a tiny storm as she read. As suspected, she had lost Shego. It felt like everything inside of her and everything that made up who she was beyond the physical was shredded into tiny bits and drowned in magma. She let loose the most anguished wail ever and proved there was life in the forest because all sorts of animals scrambled for shelter because of the noise.
-8-8-8-8-
Shego got home in record time and was upset with herself for going to the condo instead of returning to the lair. She had never been in the condo without Yori. It was their home. It was empty without Yori. It was dead without Yori. It was a tomb without Yori and Shego was ready to bury herself alive right there, but wanted somewhere less personal to die… if only to lessen the pain.
"I'll have to sell it," she muttered as she looked around the living room. Surely a beachfront condo would go quickly on the market and she would never have to think about it again.
As she left Japan, her anger had given way to her anguish and she began to understand how much Yori meant to her. Yori was not just a hangout partner or a roommate or even someone for her to spoil rotten while taking care of the younger woman. Yori was even more than just a girlfriend, a lover. Yori was so much more than a label, a name, or even an emotion.
Yori was her reason to wake up in the morning, her reason for breathing, her reason for being. Yori was her heart and soul. Thoughts of taking Yori out helped her make it through rough days with Drakken. Being close to the little ninja helped keep down her raging temper. Sometimes when she was with Yori, she did not see anything to ever be upset about. Life always seemed so good. Holding her girlfriend always seemed like the greatest thing, soothing away any trouble inside of her. It was Shego's "best thing ever!" Now, that feeling was gone and it was replaced by the flip-side of all of those peaceful and serene feelings.
She doubted she could feel any worse if she was drawn, quartered, and burned alive. The feeling surprising got worse and everything cut deeper, eviscerating her, as she passed by Yori's room. She gritted her teeth, clutched her grinding stomach, and tried her best to override the pain with rage while making sure she did not vomit.
"I'll send her shit later on," Shego declared out loud, trying her best to sound angry, but she sounded like she was going to burst into tears. She felt like she might cough up all of her internal organs as she rushed past the room.
It was not until she hit her bedroom that she finally broke. She noticed Yori's pajamas resting neatly on top of the bed, reminding her of where Yori slept right before they left for Hawaii. Shego dropped to her knees and let out a loud, dry sob into her carpet. It did not stop there. She hollered into the floor, releasing all of her anguish inside, but not feeling any better.
Curling up into a tight, little ball, she flopped over to her side. She lied there, on the floor like a helpless baby, not sure how much time passed. It felt like everything drained out of her, like she was melted onto the floor, and like she might never be able to get up again. When she finally had the strength to get up, she climbed to her feet and quickly fled her home. She left all of her things there and all of Yori's things. She went right to the lair, hoping things would feel better there.
"Shego, you're back! I thought you were going to be on vacation forever! Now we can get started on my next plan!" Drakken declared, rushing out to meet up with Shego.
He grinned from ear to ear. She knew it was because he was happy to have company, which was also the reason he had a hair-brain scheme waiting. She wanted to throw herself into the work and forget everything that happened, but she did not feel up to it. She could not even figure out how she made it to the lair, so there was no way her head was in the game for anything semi-serious. She waved Drakken off as she went marching toward one of the empty rooms in the lair. She did not even think to bother with her own room since she used to share that room with Yori.
"Shego, where's Yori? She went with you, right?" Drakken inquired with his brow furrowed in confusion, following behind her like a lost puppy. He knew Yori was with her when they left, which was why he had been so lonely for the last week and a half, but he could not figure out why Yori was not with Shego now.
"Yori's probably not coming back, so just drop her from your mind," Shego ordered in a hard tone while continuing to walk. She started speeding up her step, wanting to get away from Drakken before he started asking a million questions she did not want to answer.
"Not coming back? What do you mean, not coming back? She has to come back! We have karaoke in a few days!" Drakken pointed out in a bewildered panic. He balled his hands into tight fists, as if he was about to throw a tantrum, but the wrath that was about to come down on him cut that thought out very quickly.
"Who gives a damn about karaoke! Just drop it! Yori's never coming back," Shego screamed, finally getting to the room she wanted. She entered and slammed the door in his face, shaking the metal walls in the process.
"Shego! What do you mean? Shego!" he hollered to the door, but he did not get a response. He knocked and she did not respond. "Shego, where's Yori? Shego!" He pounded on the door with his small fists, demanding an answer of some kind as to where the ninja was. He sounded like he was near tears himself, not liking the idea that Yori would never come back. It can't be true. She's part of our evil family. We do karaoke together.
"Just go the hell away!" Shego bellowed while leaning against the door. She slid down to the floor and hid her face in her hands. Small noises escaped her throat while salty water poured through the gaps in her fingers.
-8-8-8-8-
Yori wandered the woods outside the school, searching for resolve she doubted she had, but she knew Shego had tried to instill in her. She had thought on everything over and over again to the point where she had a throbbing headache and she felt like she had gotten nothing done. It was all the same as it had been since she had come to back to this damned place.
"What the hell am I doing here?" Yori snarled, punching the heavy air in front of her. "What was the right thing to do?"
And then, it hit her squarely right between the eyes. How could she turn her back on the woman who would do anything for her without wanting something in return for a school that, yes, had saved her, but wanted everything from her?
It is all so simple. Why did I have to make it so difficult? How could I think it was honorable to abandon the one person to ever care about me just for myself? How could I not see what was the right thing? She had never felt so stupid in all her life.
She knew what she had to do, but before she did anything for herself, she had to help Ron. He was her friend, after all, and it was clear he was hurt. Besides, she wanted him to understand what he could be getting into if he decided to stay at the school and become a student, thus becoming an agent. He needed to know what it meant to be a ninja for Yamanouchi.
She moved swiftly and silently, sneaking back into the school. She had to sneak into Ron's room, finding him twisted and laid out on his futon. She laughed a little and shook her head to the sight. She understood now why Shego would sometime look at her and utter the word "adorable" in her direction.
She crept by his head and sat down. She then put her hand over his mouth as she shook him awake. He yelped as he sat up, causing Rufus to roll down his chest. Ron struggled, moved, and wiggled, but he was no match for Yori. Rufus yowled as he hit the floor and was ready to give whoever disturbed his rest a piece of his mind until he saw that the person was Yori. Ron noticed who it was much sooner and regarded Yori with a puzzled look.
"Yori, what's going on? Is this part of my training?" Ron asked while letting loose a long yawn. He sat up to be face to face with her.
She shook her head. "This has nothing to do with training, Ron-kun, but everything to do with us."
"Us?" he echoed with a pinched face. He squared his shoulders and looked like he was fully awake. She had his undivided attention.
"Ron-kun, we shared a kiss and we need to discuss it before anything else. Shego saw us and you know she and I are together. Now, I somehow doubt you did this to cause conflict between me and Shego." Of course, even if he had, she should not have kissed him back. She was just as to blame.
His eyes went wide. "I didn't! I'm sorry, Yori. I didn't know Shego was around!" He waved his hands around, as if that made his words truer.
"Regardless of that fact, you knew she and I were together, yet you kissed me, anyway. I am well aware I am just as guilty since I kissed you back, knowing you were with Kim and knowing I was with Shego. That was very wrong of me."
Ron shrugged. "Okay…"
She expected more of a reaction from him, but knew there was something wrong with him and decided to continue. "I must explain when I kissed you, I was very confused and it was sort of a silent surrender, but I am no longer giving up. I will fight for what I want. Ron-kun, I love you as a friend, my very first true friend, but I love Shego in a way that cannot even be compared to you." Letting her know the depths of her stupidity because she was about to let Shego slip through her fingers.
Ron nodded, sorrow painting his deep brown eyes. "Did I mess things up between you and Shego?"
She shook her head. "I caused my own problems. I did not treat Shego as she deserved and that is my own fault. I am troubled by why you would kiss me now, though. Why would you come to Yamanouchi for training now? Ron-kun, tell me, as your friend, what is going on in your life?" She sat with her feet underneath her and her hands resting on her knees, ready to hear any and everything he had to say. She would show him care and patience and hopefully save him from the fate he did not know he was signing up for.
A blond head shook and soulful brown eyes looked away for a long moment. "I've been feeling skittish lately. The powers thing has been bugging me, but there's more than that, which I guess you guessed a little anyway. I don't like being away from Kim at school and then she keeps taking these summer courses and crap, so it's hard for us to spend time together. I don't want to complain to her about it because I know this is important to her and I know her school is tough and everything. She's been introducing me to all the people she's met there and, god, let me tell you, she's meeting some top-crust people. Everybody has a 4.0 GPA and a double-major at the least and they're planning to be president of the universe and crap while I'm barely pushing out a 2.0 average and haven't even picked a major yet…"
Yori blinked, taking in as much as she could about what he said. She was not too sure what a "GPA" or a "major" was, but she got the gist of what he meant. He did not think he measured up to Kim's new friends, which was weird. He had to be used to Kim being the way she was. She always was a top achiever and knew the best of the best.
"Ron-kun, did you think running away would solve your problems or if you learned to control your massive power that would somehow balance out things?" she asked. She did not get why he thought coming to Yamanouchi was the answer to his problems.
Ron laughed a little and shrugged. "To tell you the truth, I'm not totally sure what I'm doing. I guess if I learn to control this power, I would feel more like I deserve to be with Kim and I can stand tall with all of the people she knows now."
Yori shook her head. "Has Kim ever cared about how you measure up against others?"
His mouth turned downward a little. "Um… not really."
"I am sure it is because there is nothing to measure up against. You are her oldest and dearest friend as well as the love of her life. You are on a whole different level compared to everyone else she knows. How could you not know that?" she asked. But, then again, how could she not know that when it came to Shego? How could I treat her as anything less than that?
Ron offered her a half-smile as if it was an apology. "You know, she tells me stuff like that… a lot more than she used to. I guess she's been reading my mind." He scratched the side of his head.
"She should be able to see how much sorrow is inside of you. She knows you best of all, after all." Yori saw it immediately, so Kim probably saw it before Ron even processed how he felt.
He smiled for real this time. "You're right. I guess I just needed someone else to tell me that. Sorry I kissed you."
"Why did you do that anyway?" she inquired.
"I don't know! I was just going crazy inside my own head." He made a twirling motion with his finger around his ear. "Maybe I thought I could start all over with you, so I did something stupid!" He groaned and slapped his hands over his face. He could not believe he did something so incredibly idiotic now that he thought about it. "How could I be so damn dumb?"
"You were surrendering too, huh?" she asked, eyes on the floor for a moment.
"I think so. Everything seemed like so much and I thought I was going to lose everything, but after talking about it, it doesn't seem like anything anymore. It's like I overreacted."
Yori smiled. "I am glad. It feels the same for me. Sometimes, talking about things help more than you think." I must remember that.
He nodded. "It helped a hell of a whole lot. More than I ever would have thought, but I'm glad it did."
"Good because there is something else I wish to talk to you about and it has to do with the school. I think you need to know what they did to me before you plan to stay here too long."
Ron blinked hard, thinking those were odd words from the ninja. "What they did to you?"
Yori took a deep breath and slowly exhaled before she started to explain how Master Sensei had taken her in after she ran away from abusive, uncaring family members after her parents died. The lies and half-truths he told her, filling her young, desperate mind with hope of a better life and doing good in the world, standing up for people who could not stand up for themselves and things like that. In return for learning ninjitsu and having a warm place to stay with three meals, she was expected to be blindly obedient and do everything that was requested of her from her teachers without ever questioning. She was taught it was honorable to do everything the school wanted of her because it was the school that saved her. That message was told to her constantly until it became her only mode of thinking. Many of the other students were the same.
"It is not just a belief for us. It is the truth. The only truth," she said and then she took another breath. It was hard to admit. Yes, she was used to Shego putting it into words, but saying it aloud for herself made it so much more real.
She had to pause before she explained many of the things she had been talked into doing by reminding her it was her honor to obey the school. She was made to believe going on missions was the right thing to do, obeying the school, regardless of the assignment. She regretted many things, hurt many people — some who did not deserve it — and worst of all, Yori told him something she had not even told Shego. She had blood on her hands. Blood put there to save what she thought was her honor, blood put there from orders of her teachers that she obeyed, even when she thought it was wrong. Her programming made her think it was honorable, though.
"But, my thoughts did not matter. Only the school. Not those lives. Not my life. Not anyone. Just the school," she whispered, eyes burning with shame and humiliation. How could she be so stupid? And she was going to stay here? She planned to let them keep her, even though she knew how it felt when she carried out orders she disagreed with.
"Yori…" Ron was not sure what to say. He guessed Yori understood him more than he would have ever thought. "This is what you were saying when you were telling me you understood about the powers thing?"
She shook her head and rubbed one eye with heel of her hand. She knew it would not keep the tears at bay. "I know what it is like to tap into something darker than you and larger than you, but I know other things as well."
"I'm sorry." He placed his hand on her knee and that was enough. It was impossible to stop the deluge building inside of her.
Tears flowed down her face. "I cannot redeem myself from the lives I have taken, but I can save you from condemning yourself. You know what it is like to take a life, but you did so to save the world, to save your love. I have done it from orders, like a mindless puppet. I do not want you to ever have to do that. I do not want you to ruin yourself and your psyche for this school. You can learn to control the powers on your own, Ron-kun. You are that talented, but you have to apply yourself and dedicate yourself to it. I would still love to teach you, to help you, but I cannot do that from here. You also have Kim by your side and while she might not have powers, she is extremely gifted in all areas."
He nodded and moved his hand from her knee to her shoulder, giving her a gentle tap. "I understand. I didn't know the school was like this."
"I did not expect you to know that. You were not here long enough and we painted a very rosy picture for you. Master Sensei wants you to stay, though. This is why he asked me to teach you. He knows you trust me and he knows you would feel comfortable with me as a teacher. He is trying to manipulate us both." It almost worked perfectly.
His eyes went wide as he took in that information. "Wow, Yori, I really didn't know it was like that here. Master Sensei seems so nice…" he muttered and trailed off, going through his mind what he knew about Master Sensei. He paused on a few memories. "But, I can see what you mean about him manipulating situations for things to work out to his advantage. I mean, that move with Hana, giving her to my parents by pretending to be an adoption agency, what the hell was that all about?"
"That is just one of his many manipulations and it was very mild compared to others. I beg of you to watch out for Hana, too. He is going to want her back soon, to train her to become a ninja for Yamanouchi. I do not wish this life for her." Yori sniffled and her eyes shining with tears and pleas. Hana deserved a life of her own, one where she would not have to worry about destroying lives or pleasing the school.
"I'll do my best. It's hard to look out for her since I don't go to school in Middleton. I mean, she's at home with my parents all the time. When do you think he's going to want her back?"
"Soon more than likely. He is going to want to train her young. It will let the brainwashing, as Shego calls it, set in. Because of things he told me as a child, I was easy to control and the perfect ninja until I met Shego. Everything was my honor to do because it would bring honor to this school and to the man who saved my life, but I know differently. I do not want this for Hana."
Ron nodded and pressed his hands together in thought. "Yeah, I totally agree." There was no way in Hell he was going to allow anyone to use his little sister, especially if it was to kill people. "I tell you what, I'm going to make a call to my parents as soon as I can and tell them that you're going to come see Hana. I'll tell them that you're basically her sister and you've been looking for her. That way you can spend time with her and protect her in case any ninjas show up while I'm not around."
Yori's mouth dropped open and she grinned for the first time in days. "Would you?" Her heart jumped at the thought of seeing Hana again. New tears flooded her eyes, but they were joyful.
"Of course I would! You said she was like a sister to you anyway. You should get to see her then."
"Oh, thank you, Ron-kun!" Yori threw herself into him, hugging him tightly.
"Careful. This is how we got into this mess in the first place," he remarked, even though he returned the embrace.
"Thank you so much, Ron-kun. I have missed Hana very much."
"I'm sure you have. Like I said, you did say she was like your sister. You should see her, then. You deserve to see her and be with her. So, I'll make the call for you as soon as I get out of here. Which is probably going to be tomorrow, so I can go see Kim as soon as possible and show her I'm not as screwed up as I was the last time she saw me and move forward with her."
Yori laughed, more because of his goofy expression than his words. They pulled apart and stared at each other for a few seconds. They both then nodded, as if reading each other's thoughts, deciding they were much better as friends and they preferred things that way. The moment was broken when Rufus jumped on Ron's back.
"Hey, easy there, buddy. I might need that spine one day," Ron joked as they sat up.
"Rufus, why did you not talk some sense into our friend before this?" Yori asked.
Rufus shrugged and snickered. "Tried," he squeaked.
"No, he didn't." Ron pretended to shoo Rufus away. Rufus ran up Ron's arm and settled on his head, kicking him for good measure.
Yori chuckled. "I think I believe Rufus on this one."
Ron shook his head. "Everyone always takes his side. It's probably because he's bald." Then, it looked like he got an idea. "You know what? I have your cell phone number, so I can call you as soon as I'm done with my parents and let you know how everything goes."
"I would very much like that. I might be occupied for the next few days. I have another mess to fix," Yori commented.
Ron winced and rubbed the back of his neck. "Sorry about that again."
"Think nothing of it. You were not the only one who acted rashly. Besides, I had other issues. This one merely helped everything come out and straighten things out. So, once again, you have helped me in a most unconventional manner, Ron-kun," she quipped with a pleasant smile.
"I need to start helping in better ways because last time I crushed your spirit and this time I ruined your relationship." Usually, his fumbling at least saved the day. Yes, he helped Yori get to some sound decisions, but he hated how he hurt her to do it.
"It is still help. I am glad I have you in my life, Ron-kun."
He smiled and they hugged again. After that, they bid each other farewell. Ron packed his things while Yori had to go make one more late night visit. She hoped it would be the last time she ever saw Master Sensei, too. She did not owe him anything anymore.
Yori decided to show she was a much better ninja than she ever actually showed before. She slipped into Master Sensei's personal chambers undetected by the guards. She entered the room to find Master Sensei sitting at his desk with his back to her.
"Sensei," she said, knowing he was aware of her presence.
"Yori, you are becoming much like that woman you brought here, sneaking around places that do not concern you and showing no regard for the rules," he commented in a neutral voice.
"You sold me to her," Yori stated. It was not an accusation, just an observation. She was a tool, a tool could be sold like any other object. She could only wonder how much she was worth to him and to Shego. How much money did Shego part with to do this for me?
Master Sensei let out a long breath, as if he was sighing, like his decision weighed so heavy on his heart. She knew it was an act. He was about to act grandfatherly toward her, but she knew he did not give a damn. He was a good actor, but she could see right through the act now.
"It was a contract, like always. Nothing more than that," he informed her.
"A contract for life. I thought you wanted me here to teach Ron-kun," she pointed out. She was not even upset he lied to her. He was a liar, so she expected that much from him. But, there was something more here, like he thought he conned Shego. Little does he know, she is a con artist herself and wouldn't be taken by his tricks like a child would.
"You can still stay. She has not called you away on any business and if she did, I would merely tell her you were unavailable at the moment. There are ways around these things, Yori. The school just required funding and I was able to get it because this woman was interested in you, but there are ways around it."
Yori shook her head, so now not only was he lying to her, but he thought he already figured out ways to steal her services after selling her to Shego. How was anything he did honorable? "No, there are no ways around it. You sold me to her and she requires my services. The honorable thing to do is to go to her. I am going to her, sensei."
"Yori—"
"Goodbye, sensei. Thank you for all the good you have done me, especially this," she said and with that she vanished from sight. She was done with the lies, done with her strings being pulled, done with regret, and done with being something less than human. She was not going to be a tool to be used and put away anymore.
-8-8-8-8-
Next time: the conclusion.