"How long do you think we have before he wakes up?" whispered Rocco.
"I dunno – I can't see the sky so I don't have any idea what time it is," retorted Joker. "Or how much time has passed. Or how long he likes to nap. Or if this is even gonna work. We just have to be ready, and remain vigilant."
Rocco nodded. "Boss…" he began, slowly. "You think…if we survive this and manage to get off this island…that you might consider…apologizing to Aquaman?"
"Look, even if I did, what we're about to do is really gonna tip him over the edge," snapped Joker. "This thing is his son, after all. If somebody did this to my son, I'd make them die slowly after a long and lingering torture. I mean, I guess Aquaman could always be a terrible father, just like he's a terrible everything else – that would seem to follow. But do you really think he's gonna forgive this just because I say I'm sorry for insulting him? I don't think even he's that irrational. He's gonna be even more pissed. We just have to hope the next island he strands us on doesn't have a man-eating crocodile on it."
"So we're just gonna…wander the sea in a futile effort to get home?" asked Rocco.
"Unless you'd just like to give up and die, and sacrifice yourself to feed the giant crocodile man, then yes," snapped Joker. "But I ain't giving up and dying, no matter what. I'm getting home eventually – I made a promise," he said, gently touching the medallion around his neck. "And I won't break it. The Joker is a man of his word. Except when he's joking – then he's not," he added. "But I wasn't joking when I promised Harley and the kids I'd come home. They're waiting for me, and they're not gonna wait in vain."
"Might have to be waiting a long time, though," said Rocco, gently.
"Even if they do, they won't give up on me," said Joker, firmly. "And I won't give up on getting back to them, no matter what happens."
At that moment, the crocodile monster stirred. "Ok, get ready, guys," whispered Joker. "Wait until he opens his eyes. The instant he does, it's gouging time."
There were men standing on either side of the crocodile monster with giant, sharpened stakes held between them, next to the creature's eyes. The moment its large, yellow eyes flicked open, Joker shouted, "Now! Gouge, gouge, gouge!"
The monster roared in pain as it was suddenly stabbed in both eyes. Blinded, it started up, thrashing in agony and hitting out with its claws and tail at anything within reach. Fortunately, Joker had ordered his men to instantly drop the stakes after gouging and to press themselves flat against the cave wall, and so avoided being hit by the monster. Roaring in pain and frustration, the monster seized the boulder blocking the cave entrance and threw it aside, racing out into the fresh air and diving into the swamp, hoping the water would soothe his wounds.
"All right, all of you, grab the rest of these planks and take them to the ship!" shouted Joker. "Begin repairs immediately – I'll distract the crocodile!"
"Boss, are you sure?" shouted back Rocco.
"It's an order, Roc!" shouted back Joker.
The monster emerged from the water again, still writhing and screaming in pain. "Hey, Crocky, over here!" called Joker. "Catch me if you can!"
The monster roared and chased the sound of his voice, as Joker led him away from the men racing toward the beach.
"You, what have you done?!" roared the monster. "What have you done?!"
"Croc, is that you?" shouted another voice. "Are you ok?"
"Crap, there are more of them!" gasped Joker, ducking behind a tree to hide. "How many times did you do a crocodile, Aquaman, you sick freak?!"
"No, I've been blinded!" cried Croc.
"Blinded? By whom?" asked the other crocodile monster.
"Nobody!" exclaimed Croc. "Nobody at all!"
There was silence. "What?" asked the other crocodile monster.
"Nobody has blinded me!" cried Croc.
And then Joker remembered that he had told the monster that he was nobody, and wondered if he could actually be that stupid that he had taken it literally. Apparently so.
"Well, if nobody has blinded you, I guess you're ok," retorted the other crocodile monster. "So stop screaming, would you? It's distracting me from my lamb breakfast."
"You don't understand! Nobody has blinded me!" repeated Croc.
"Geez, this is like an early 'Who's on First?' sketch," commented Joker. "Who knew the Greeks invented that routine?"
"If nobody has blinded you, what are you complaining about?" repeated the other crocodile monster.
"I'm complaining because nobody has blinded me!" cried Croc.
"Yeah, it kinda gets old fast. What a maroon," muttered Joker, carefully heading away from the interior of the island and back towards the beach. He saw his men hastily making repairs to the ship, and the instant it looked seaworthy, they all piled inside.
Suddenly, Croc emerged from the jungle with a roar. "Row faster!" shouted Joker, as Croc picked up a huge rock and flung it toward them. It missed, but Croc kept throwing rocks at them, roaring in pain and fury.
"I will have my revenge on you, Nobody!" he shouted. "My father will not let this insult go unavenged!"
"Yeah, he's gonna avenge you against nobody, huh?" shouted back Joker. "You stupid reptile! Of course that wasn't my real name!"
"Then what is it?" demanded Croc.
"Like I'd be stupid enough to tell you!" retorted Joker. "You think I'm as dumb as you, is that it? Nobody's as dumb as you, except for these rocks!"
"If you're saying nobody's as dumb as me, you're just insulting yourself, Nobody!" shouted back Croc, throwing another rock.
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but I'll still never be as dumb as you!" retorted Joker.
"And they might sink your ship, boss – please stop taunting the crocodile monster," begged Rocco.
"Father!" cried Croc. "Father, make them suffer!"
"Oh, you're an idiot and a crybaby, huh?" shouted back Joker. "Typical crybaby, calling for Daddy because you can't fight your own battles! Well, since your Daddy's Aquaman, he ain't gonna be able to fight any battles for you, because he's lame! I'd be ashamed at having as pathetic a father as you do!"
"Only one man dares to insult me," said a voice. They all turned away from the island to see Aquaman floating in the water, glaring at them. "And now he has added injury to insult, Joker of Arkham."
"Look, your son tried to eat us!" snapped Joker. "You should have raised him better, and taught him it was impolite to eat company, as a good father should! Blinding him was self-defense!"
"It has sealed your fate, and killed any mercy I might have had toward you," murmured Aquaman. "You will travel many more lengths of my seas before I finally allow you to die, Joker of Arkham. Have a nice trip," he added, raising his trident and bringing it down into the water, and sending a tidal wave crashing over the ship as it was buffeted out into the open ocean again.
"Where are we headed now?" asked Rocco.
"I have no idea," replied Joker. "But wherever we end up, it can't be any worse than the man-eating crocodile island."
Once again, Joker's optimism was about to be disappointed.