READ THIS NOTE FIRST BEFORE MOVING ON.
Here is the deal, I decided to move this story to Wattpad because it was easier to right whenever I wanted to when it came to the app. However, after recently reading my favorite fanfictions from a long time ago, I decided to update this story.
I have also changed a lot of the story. As I was editing what I had already written, I wasn't satisfied. The story has a few changes at the beginning, but around the homecoming arc it starts to diverge. So, for those of you who have already read the story, please try to go back to the beginning to get the new details and story line.
I don't know how often I'll be updating this fanfic, but you can find the same story on Wattpad as I'm more likely to update on there more frequently. Thank you.
"You guys are going to homecoming this year." I pointedly say to Lucas and Riley.
"We can't go without you." Riley simply stated. She's been saying this ever since sophomore year.
"It's your senior, you guys are going. All of you." I turn the the rest of the gang.
It wasn't only my fear that was stopping me from going to dances. They just weren't my thing. After that dance in middle school, it just started to seem ridiculous.
"Please?" It was like Lucas was tempting me to make fun of him for begging.
"No." Thankfully they couldn't argue back because of the bell. This wasn't going to be the end of this conversation though.
There was an assembly today during fifth period. It was, of course, to announce the theme for homecoming.
Homecoming at our school was as fancy as other dances. Girls bought dresses, guys wore suits, and couples were all romantic. There was talking, dancing, eating, and anything else people do at dances.
After seeing a couple of girls dancing to some song, a poster with the theme, date and location was lifted. City of Lights.
We were in New York. It was a fitting theme. I could imagine how they'd decorate and what props they'd use. It was really going to be a nice dance. I really hope they cenjoy it.
"That's amazing!" Josh exclaimed from the other side of our call. We were facetiming this time. It was another small step that he had insisted we try. It was working though.
Our student council had asked me to paint a mural for our dance. They wanted something that they could use as a backdrop for when students took pictures at he dance. I was beyond excited.
I smiled at the fact that he had a matching excitement as I did. "I'm really looking forward to this"
"Do you have an idea of what you want to do?"
"I have a vague image, but I have to sketch it out first." In reality, I was already sketching it. I was sketching while we spoke.
"Is that what you're drawing right now?" I nodded my head.
"Can I..help?" He cautiously asked. I took my attention off the sketch and looked up to Josh looking kind of shy.
"What?"
"I was hoping I could help." He looked unsure if this was a good idea, which was rare. "And we haven't really seen each other in a while, I was hoping maybe.." He drifted off before finishing the sentence.
"We're looking at each other right now."
He rolled his eyes. "You know what I mean."
"No offense, but can you draw?" I asked. Josh was talented in many things, but art was something I didn't know he could do.
"You'd be surprised Ms. Hart. I am actually a much better artist than Riley." He chuckled. I sure hope he is. Riley's purple cats have not improved since freshman year.
"Alright how does this look?" I lifted the paper to show him. Hopefully he could see through this bad lighting.
"I can't really see anything?" Hope is for suckers after all.
"I'll just send you a picture." I paused our facetime to take a picture.
"Hey this looks pretty cool!" He exclaimed through the audio.
"You think?"
"Yea. I'm glad that your school knows how talented you are." I could just hear the smile in his voice.
"So are you busy saturday?" I switched back on the call to see him still gazing at the picture.
"You're really going to let me help?" I wasn't sure if his eyes lit up because he noticed I was back to the webcam or because I'm actually letting him help. I guess it could be both. I nodded my head.
"I'll see you then." He winked. Sometimes I can't believe how crazy this is. Just 4 years ago I was still crazy for him. Well I still am, but I was desperate back then. I wanted him to notice me, to see me. Not as some girl who's friends with his niece but as someone he could be with. Now I have it. It's surreal.
"I rolled my eyes at him. "Goodnight Josh."
"Goodnight Maya." He did that click thing with his tongue when guys are trying to be cool. I rolled my eyes once again before switching off.
I walked over to wear Josh was crouched over the side of our mural. He was so focused on what he was drawing. I peered over to see the intricate details he was drawing for the sky scraper.
He finally sensed my presence and looked up at me to see me staring at him drawing. "It is no good?" He frantically looked over it to see if there was a problem with it. It was as if he was a scared squirrel.
I laughed, "No boing. It's really good. You could be an artist"
"I'm glad to hear that coming from an artist." He turned his head back to drawing.
Soon we were painting. The bridge was once color, the sky another, the background building was a splurge. There was faint blue, green, yellow, pink, and just about any other color that blended well.
I looked at the whole image. From what I painted to what Josh painted. From the bright colors to the different images. The mural was perfect.
Yet, it wasn't. Suddenly this wasn't what I wanted. It was nothing like what I wanted. It was supposed to be the city and everything great about it. It was supposed to make the city shine.
The fake colors were burning my eyes. The bright lights were fake. It didn't shine at all. The colors didn't work. The city wasn't bright. It wasn't amazing. Nothing about the city was good. It was all black. It was dark. It was nothing like this fake mural that was portraying the city. It was the exact opposite.
"Maya!" Something stopped my hand to continue. Josh had grabbed the top of the paintbrush I was holding. It was dipped in a pitch black.
Everything was black. I couldn't see anything. I was pushed against the wall. I kicked and kicked but I was still against it. I couldn't get free. He was holding my hands above my head with one hand. The other hand.. I was scared. I couldn't even say it. I'm so scared. Why am I so week.
It..it was trailing down my cheek. Then my neck. Slobbery lips replaced his fingers soon after they left. They were trailing down to my shirt. I felt my shirt being ripped off me. I'm scared. Please, anyone. PLEASE.
Everything was black.
"Maya!" Josh called out to me again. I could barely wrap my mind around that I wasn't there. It was as if it was that night. A living nightmare.
"Maya please, I'm right here. What's wrong?" Josh continued.
"I-Nothing." I barely managed to say. I could barely snap out of my own thoughts. He didn't believe me. I didn't even blieve me.
"What's wrong?" His eyes were worried. They were filled with fear. 'What was going on?' I could see it running through his mind.
I looked up towards the mural. It was ruined with black. It was all ruined with streaks of black, blotches of black. Just black. Josh himself had a streak of black across his face.
"I ruined our hard work. I'm sorry."
He sighed and sat down. He patted the spot next to him. I slowly sat myself down.
"You have more than a fear of men don't you?"
I looked to the college boy sitting next to me and sighed. Nobody noticed before, yet he came back for a short while and has already figured me out. I was scared to reveal everything, but I was also tired of hiding everything. Riley's going to be upset for not telling her first, or at all, but I know she'll understand.
"I have PTSD." There was a silence so I continued on.
"Sometimes at night I get triggered, sometimes it's just looking out looking out to the city, sometimes its small little things that suddenly remind me of that night, and sometimes it's...NYU." His eyes widened, but he let me keep talking anyways.
"Obviously this happened after you went to go study abroad. When you left I was invited to this frat party. At the time I thought it'd be so cool to go. Of course Riley and them told me it was a bad idea, but I didn't listen. I wanted to experience the thrill of going to a college party, and even better a frat party. I went with another friend of mine from back then. When I went it was exactly what I imagined. Excitement and fun. It was also the opposite of what I imagined. There were way more drunk people than I thought there would be. Nevertheless, I still went in. I regret it now, but it's too late. It started off really great. I met a few people and talked to them. There was this one guy in particular that I hit it off with. We both loved art and adventure. We talked throughout the party. He kept drinking more and more as time passed on. I had stopped after my second cup. Eventually, he tried to kiss me, but I stopped him. I wasn't that reckless. After that he got angry and stormed off. I didn't see him again for the rest of the party. I eventually got bored and decided to go home. My friend had gone missing and she was my ride. I couldn't ask anyone else for a ride since they were all drunk and I didn't know them. I didn't have my car yet either so my only option was to walk home." Josh's fists visibly tightened to the point they were almost white.
"I have a high tolerance for alcohol. Two cups is nothing to me. I was able to walk home safely, or so I thought." The flashbacks were coming to me. I could see the scenes pass. I was just walking on the street. I could feel myself being grabbed and blindfolded.
"You don't have to continue if you don't want to." Josh offered me.
I shook my head. "No, I have to do this." I've been holding it in for so long. I needed someone to know my story. The full story.
"It was all so sudden. I could barely register what was happening in my mind. I was suddenly pulled by the arm into a dark alleyway. To make things worse, someone covered my eyes. I..I could remember every detail clearly." My voice started to crack. "He whispered in my ear, 'Just stay quiet.' It was the guy from earlier. He was much more drunk than he was before I left him. I didn't know what to do. I called for everyone, but I knew nobody was there. He held down. He was kissing me with his gross lips." There were tears coming out now. The memories of that night were pouring in. It felt as if I was reliving that moment. "He..ripped off my shirt. The kisses kept trailing down. He.."
"Please.." It was Josh. His eyebrows were scrunched. He was angry. He was mad at himself. There was no color to his fists.
I kept going, it was too late. "It was my pants, then my bra. I was crying the whole time. Eventually..he just left me there. There I was laying naked on the alley floor. I could barely move, but somehow I got myself home." He moved to comfort me, but knew he couldn't. I was upset. I wanted that comfort. I needed it. I needed to be in his arms for him to hug me, protect me, and give me those sweet words. I just couldn't push myself to though.
"I found out the next morning how scared I was of men. at first it was hard to be around Cory, Auggie, Lucas, Farkle, and Zay. I could barely be in a room with them. They were all shocked when I screamed out in horror. Riley and Topanga questioned me for hours, but eventually they gave up. I couldn't give them an answer about what happened. I didn't want to remember anything from that night. All I wanted to do was forget. I didn't want them to blame themselves either. They would surely think it was their fault for now keeping a closer eye on me. Then that night, I realized I couldn't stand the dark. Being in the dark reminded me of how dark it was for me. They eventually took me to the psychologist. The others don't know about my PTSD. I kept it a secret from them all this time. I only told them about my androphobia. Occasionally I blank out and remember that night. It happens mostly at lunch, that's why I barely eat. The others don't know this, but I occasionally still go to the psychologist. and now here I am."
His fists were much too tight. I almost wanted to loosen his hands. Instead I tried to take my paintbrush and loosen his grip. It didn't do much good, but it reminded him to let go.
"Why didn't you tell me?" His voice was empty. He was blaming himself, just like how the others would have done.
"I couldn't. You were across the world living a dream. I didn't want to ruin something so amazing for you."
"Maya, something like that needs to be told. I care about you so much and yes I didn't know anything that was happening to you." His face scrunched up and his eyes were glazed. "If..if I was here, I could've stopped you. You wouldn't have gone to that stupid party and this would have never happened."
"Don't blame yourself. It was my fault." I was trying to lighten the guilt in his heart. My heart felt lighter now.
"I wish I was here for you." He looked at me with his sparkling blue eyes. They weren't smiling like before. There was regret and sadness in them.
"I hate everything that happened back then. I wish I could go back to stop myself from going to that party. I think about it every night. Every thought I have is laced with regret from that night. Josh, when you came back you gave me hope. I don't think about it as much. We made a promise and we're going to keep it. I'm trying to look to the future now. You may have not been there back then to stop it, but you're here now. You gave me that push and you're helping me get over it.
"Someday?" His angry face loosened up.
"Someday." I confirmed with a small smile.
We looked up towards the ruined mural. I looked over to him. How was I so lucky to have this boy? He met my eyes.
"What?" He raised a brow.
"You've got a lot of paint on your face." I laughed.
"You thought I was a canvas remember?" He admitted. "You've got paint too."
My hand flew to my face feeling for any dry paint. "Where?" I couldn't feel any.
"Here!" He lunged at me with a paintbrush in his hand. It was covered in purple paint, and soon my face was too.
"Bring it on!" I grabbed my brush and some paint. Our mural wasn't going to be fixed anytime soon.
"That's not fair!" I yell at Josh as he stood at a distance from me. His arms were much longer than mine.
"It's very fair!" He called out.
"Alright truce!" I call out. "We should clean this place up. It looks like a tornado filled with paint hit it.
"Fine." He put his weapon down.
I quickly grabbed the paint bucket, seemingly putting it aside. In reality I just needed it in my hand. "Just kidding!" I hope you don't like your clothes." I laughed as I dumped all the blue on him. Now this place really was a mess.
"Luckily, I don't. You might need to buy new ones though." He dumped the red bucket over my head.
"You suck!" I laughed loudly.
"So do you!" I couldn't stop laughing. The heavy atmosphere from earlier was killed.
We lay in the mess of paint. We didn't care if our clothes were going to be soaked with paint or ruined. It was already too late.
"You know Josh?" I turned to look at him.
"What?"
"I'm really glad you're my boing." I looked into his eyes, a smile playing on my face.
"And I'm glad you're my ferret." His eyes softened with his smile bigger than mine.
Here is an extra long chapter! I hope you enjoy!