Nothing Like a Male Bonding, part 2
The next day, Apple asked Zarbon to accompany him and his concubine girlfriend Alice to visit Icey in the hospital, after all Zarbon was so pissed off at Vegeta that he figured that staying away from him was the best idea…for now.
Icey was in bed with Constantine by her side and Cooler was there too, he cared about Icey, almost as much as Freezer. "When am I going to get out of this hospital, I'm afraid of hospitals Constantine!" Icey said in her now raspy voice, her throat and tongue, burnt so badly that she did not sound girly and squeaky like she always did.
"You have to stay in the hospital dear or else you're going to run into that psycho again." Constantine said.
"Don't worry he's nowhere to be seen, I think he's with Zarbon, he's being taken care of by him." Cooler said.
"You put that glamour-puss in charge of a psycho like Vegeta?" Constantine asked.
"Look he's the only other person other than Icey that can be trusted with someone like Vegeta." Cooler said.
"But why him, he's so naïve, he's so glamorous, and so intelligent to the point where we both argue about how to conquer a planet!" Constantine said. He was a general after all, like Zarbon he helped plan out conquering planets, except he studied them first before conquering them, whereas Zarbon usually sent scouts out to report the status and what areas look safe to conquer.
"Relax Constantine, I myself trust Zarbon a lot better than I would trust Freezer's other men…" Just then, before Cooler could finish what he was saying, Zarbon, Apple and Alice barged into the room to visit Icey. "Zarbon where the hell is Vegeta?" Cooler asked.
"I haven't a clue where he is, I haven't seen him all morning." Zarbon said.
"How did this happen?" Constantine asked.
"I actually kicked him out of my room because he tried to torture my cat." Zarbon said.
"Yes I knew it would be something silly like this, how did I know?" Constantine asked with his arms crossed.
"You would be pissed off too if your beloved pet were to succumb to Vegeta's wrath!" Zarbon said.
"It already happened; my wife was completely innocent and had done nothing to deserve this!" Constantine said.
"How are you doing Icey?" Alice asked.
"I still can't talk much, it hurts to talk." Icey said in her raspy sounding voice.
"Oh dear you sound different." Zarbon said.
"What do you mean I sound different?" Icey asked.
"In other words you sound like shit dear." Constantine said.
"Do we have to argue in front of Zarbon and everyone else dear?" Icey asked.
"Here I bought you some flowers," Zarbon said handing Icey the flowers.
"How sweet, its lavender I love lavender!" Icey said sniffing the flowers.
Little did Zarbon and friends know that Liya came back from her mission earlier, and that someone told her that Zarbon was visiting a friend in the hospital. The person told her what floor he was on and what room he was visiting, but did not say who he was visiting. She thought that maybe Apple or Kiwi got hurt or something, but she never knew what hit her until she peaked into the room where Icey, Zarbon and everyone else were in.
"Would you feel much better if I gave you a hug?" Zarbon asked Icey.
"Yes that would make my day!" Icey said, she grabbed Zarbon and hugged him tightly. Liya could not believe her eyes, she had some jealously issues.
Zarbon and Liya were the same age and knew each other from childhood. They even used to date and then broke up because he could not afford to get close to a female and accidently impregnate her, not that that was an issue, they were entirely different species and were in no way related.
Liya just looked at Icey with rage, "That little bitch has once again stolen him from me!" She thought to herself, she walked away angry and went back to the palace.
Meanwhile Vegeta was talking to Kiwi, or at least sitting on his bed trying to figure out what was going on, "So there is a way that I can get people to like me?" Vegeta asked.
"Yep, but first we must start with the ladies!" Kiwi said.
"The ladies?" Vegeta asked raising an eyebrow with excitement.
"That's right; you have to fuck as many girls as possible in order for them to spread good things about you." Kiwi said.
"One problem though, all the sex slaves I've done it with said I was bad in bed. That is so not true!" Vegeta said.
"Ok as soon as one of Freezer's concubines get here then we can show you or at least instruct you how to sleep with a woman." Kiwi said.
"I don't quite follow." Vegeta said.
"It's easy…" There was a knock on the door, "That must be her! I'm coming, my darling!" Kiwi said getting a box of chocolates, "Hello sweetheart kiss me!" Kiwi said puckering his lips.
"Ew you are such a pervert!" The woman slapped him in the face it was Liya! What was she doing here? Perhaps she was a concubine now. No, maybe she had a secret crush on Kiwi, wait that was never going to happen, after all the concubines all used to go to Freezer and complain that Kiwi was too much of a luster to be dealt with.
"Liya what are you doing here?" Kiwi asked blushing with embarrassment; he then threw the box of chocolates at Vegeta.
"Ouch you son of a bitch!" Vegeta then looked at the box, "Ooh dark chocolate my favorite!" Vegeta then ripped the plastic off the box and started eating those chocolates like there was no tomorrow.
"I need to talk to you!" Liya said taking Kiwi by the arm and leading him into the room.
"What's the problem, how did your mission go?" Kiwi asked.
"I brought back a really pretty conch shell because I know how Zarbon loves pretty things." Liya said taking a beautiful conch shell out of her bag.
"Wow that is pretty, can I have it?" Kiwi asked.
"No it's for Zarbon, but at the same time I'm having second thoughts, because I saw him hugging that slutty Icey in the hospital!" Liya said putting the conch shell back into her bag.
"Wow scandalous," Vegeta said and then belched.
"Liya how many times do I have to tell you, Icey has never made love to Zarbon, she never will, and she loves Constantine too much for that to happen!" Kiwi said.
"But he's not allowed to talk to her!" Liya said.
"Says who? You're not even his girlfriend anymore!" Kiwi said.
Liya was still possessive of Zarbon, even though they had not been together for a long time, or at least did not indicate a change of heart. She defiantly liked him still, but he focused on keeping to himself and not getting into trouble as they used to do together. "He shouldn't be talking to her anyways; she's so annoying and horrid!" Liya said.
"Quiet! I want to know how to fit in, how do I prove myself to be worthy of being in your inner circle Kiwi!" Vegeta asked.
Kiwi smiled and looked over at Liya, he was up to something, "Why are you looking at me like that?" Liya asked.
"How would you like to get back at Zarbon?" Kiwi asked.
"No, I'm not that vicious," Liya said.
"You're going to do it whether you like it or not!" Kiwi said pointing a finger at Liya.
Next thing you know Liya was in bed with some sexy lingerie on that Kiwi originally bought for a concubine of Freezer's. The problem was that the concubine was obese and the underwear looked big on Liya.
"I don't like this outfit, I don't have a problem with showing my cleavage, but it's a little big on me." Liya said.
"Do you have any pins to pin them back?" Kiwi asked.
"No!" Liya said annoyed at Kiwi's stupidity.
"Now Vegeta take a look at Liya, smile at her, say hello." Kiwi said.
"What is the point to this exercise anyways?" Vegeta asked.
"It's simple, to prove that you're a man and good enough to be in my inner circle." Kiwi said.
Vegeta then reluctantly looked at Liya and smiled, she was not so bad looking, although she was not that humanoid like Vegeta and Zarbon, her long snout made her look almost cuddly. "Hello," Vegeta said with a sincere smile.
Liya could not help but smile, although Vegeta was not a glamour-puss like Zarbon, there was a sexy energy about him that made him irresistible to women, "Hello," Liya said.
"Looks like we made a connection here!" Kiwi said.
"What the hell is that supposed to mean?" Vegeta asked.
"It means that you two were meant to be!" Kiwi said holding up a video camera.
"What are you doing with that video camera?" Liya asked.
"Relax, just start making out or something," Kiwi said.
"Ew no way, I'm not making love to "glamour-pusses'" ex!" Vegeta said crossing his arms.
"I don't know I feel really insecure right now, I need some love and attention!" Liya said.
"Nope, ain't going to happen!" Vegeta said.
"Ok this is taking too long! Let's bring out the alcohol!" Kiwi said getting the vodka and mixing it with cranberry juice.
Later on Vegeta and Liya were drunk and horny, "I'm so sorry that I denied my feelings for you! I respect strong women like you, you don't look anything like a Sayain woman, but you are bossy enough to be my sex slave!" Vegeta hiccupping.
"I thought a big strong man like you would go after sophisticated women like me." Liya said giggling.
They started making out and then one thing led to another, Kiwi was laughing at what was going on while they were being scandalous. He continued to film after they got even more scandalous, "That's right, come to papa!" Kiwi said laughing evilly.
Next day Vegeta and Liya woke up naked in each other's arms, "What the hell happened?" Liya asked.
"Ew this is horrible, I'm going to throw up!" Vegeta then threw up on the floor; he did not even bother to go to the bathroom.
"Where is Kiwi?" Liya asked.
"Kiwi what about him?" Vegeta asked.
"Look Zarbon will be pissed off if he finds out that we made love to one another!" Liya said.
"Right I'm not telling him, he'll get even more pissed off at me!" Vegeta said.
Little did they know that Kiwi was about to bust them, in front of Zarbon and friends. Kiwi called a meeting for Zarbon, Apple and Alice. "Hello friends and foes, I want to show you that Zarbon's ex is a slut and to stay the hell away from her!" Kiwi said.
"You've always hated Liya, how do we know what you are telling us about her is actually sincere or even remotely true?" Apple asked.
"Trust me, she is a slut, I have the tape to prove it!" Kiwi said.
"How did you even end up videotaping Liya in the first place?" Alice asked.
Kiwi then started to sweat, "Uh I decided to do a social experiment to see if Liya was truly Zarbon's lover like she said she was, and then I invited Vegeta into the same room with her!" Kiwi put the video tape in; it showed Vegeta and Liya on the same bed together not looking at one another and Vegeta turning to Liya.
"Hello" Vegeta said.
"Hello." Liya said.
Apparently Kiwi cut some parts out and next thing you know it showed Liya and Vegeta making out, Zarbon's eyes grew wide, "Ok I can't watch anymore of this!" he said.
"You have to; you have to make sure not to go back out with her!" Kiwi said.
"I've had enough of this film!" Zarbon then looked at it again, and saw Vegeta and Liya undressed and making love on top of the bed, "This has gone too far!" Zarbon was mad.
"Calm down Zarbon, I think Kiwi is right, Liya is actually a psycho just like he's been telling you." Apple said.
"Apple you're not helping!" Alice said.
Zarbon was now madder than ever, he took the tap out of the video player, threw it onto the floor and smashed it by jumping up and down onto it. "That traitor, having sex with one of the most ruthless henchmen of Freezer!" Zarbon said.
"Calm down Zarbon, there has got to be an explanation!" Apple said.
"Maybe Kiwi just made them act really well, you know to make a porno film!" Alice said.
"I'm going to murder him; nobody fucks my ex without my permission!" Zarbon then stormed out of the room.
"I thought they were broken up." Alice said.
"They were, officially it's either back on or Vegeta struck a sensitive cord with Zarbon." Apple said.
Next thing you know Zarbon got up and went straight to the cafeteria and grabbed Vegeta and threw him across the room, "How dare you have sex with my ex girlfriend, that has got to be the lowest thing one has ever done!" Zarbon yelled.
"She was bad in bed anyways!" Vegeta said.
Zarbon then smiled, "I feel better now, best frienamies?" Zarbon asked with his eyes twinkling in wonder.
"Best frienamies!" Vegeta said while Zarbon helped him up, they hugged one another, "I love you Zarbon!" Vegeta yelled.
"I love you too, Vegeta!" Zarbon said crying tears of joy.
Ok so that is not what really happened, that was just wishful thinking on the author's behalf, here is what really happened!
Next thing you know Zarbon got up and went straight to the cafeteria and grabbed Vegeta and threw him across the room, "How dare you have sex with my ex girlfriend, that has got to be the lowest thing one has ever done!" Zarbon yelled.
"Look the whole thing was a setup!" Vegeta said.
"What do you mean do you except me to believe that Liya got you drunk and fucked her?" Zarbon asked with his arms crossed.
"No that's not what happened at all! Kiwi got us both drunk so that he could tape us having sex!" Vegeta said.
"What were you doing around Kiwi in the first place?" Zarbon asked.
"I thought he was cooler than you, so I went to his room so that I could get advice from him about how to be cool!" Vegeta said.
"You lie!" Zarbon said.
"Ok the truth is I was trying to steal him away from you as a best friend!" Vegeta said truthfully for once.
"So you have sex with my ex?" Zarbon asked.
"I couldn't help myself, she was hot I mean I didn't want to do it, but that vodka made me!" Vegeta said.
Hours later, Vegeta was sitting on a table with Zarbon and they were talking as if they did not have a confrontation at all, "So let me get this straight, after I kicked you out of my courters, you went to Kiwi and asked him to be your friend?" Zarbon asked.
"Yes that's what the original plan was to begin with." Vegeta said.
"So then Liya shows up from a mission that she finished earlier and she goes to Kiwi to tell her that I was cheating on her with Icey?" Zarbon asked.
"Yep that's what I heard." Vegeta said.
"But that's crazy, I'm not the least bit interested in Icey, I was hugging her to make her feel better, you know because someone burned her throat when she was trying to be kind to him!" Zarbon said glaring at Vegeta.
"I miscalculated big deal!" Vegeta said crossing his arms.
"Why were you drinking vodka and having sex with Liya just to be Kiwi's new best friend?" Zarbon asked.
"Because I thought he was cooler than you were, you are boring and you pay too much attention to what you look like on the outside, it bothers me!" Vegeta said.
"I'm a prince, princes aren't supposed to be ugly, Freezer said so himself!" Zarbon said.
"Was that when he would bone you or when you would complain about so-called transforming?" Vegeta asked.
Zarbon frowned, "Look, the point is that you shouldn't have gone to Kiwi to try to be friends with him, you barely know him. The only reason why I am friends with him in the first place is because I got stuck with him babysitting me when I was a young boy. Same thing with Apple, I trust them more than anyone in the world." Zarbon said.
"What kind of a friend tries to sabotage your ex- girlfriend by making her sleep with your worst rival?" Vegeta said.
"I didn't say that Kiwi was perfect, he just doesn't like Liya because she's possessive of me. We broke up a long time ago, but she still gets this idea that we're still together." Zarbon said putting his head on his lap.
"Why don't you just kill the bitch then, hell if a woman told me what to do all the time I would murder her in a moment!" Vegeta said.
"It's more complicated than that, I still have feelings for her, but I'm not allowed to marry her, nor am I allowed to make love to her." Zarbon said looking sad.
"Why not?" Vegeta asked.
"Freezer said so, he said I could do much better than her and that when he dies I can choose a wife." Zarbon said.
"I hope I never get married, females are so stupid anyways!" Vegeta said with his legs crossed.
Zarbon then knew what he had to do, he took Vegeta by the hand and went to Liya's courters and knocked on the door. She answered it, "Zarbon I'm so happy to see you!" She said.
"I need to talk to you!" Zarbon then went into the room and shut the door behind him.
"I got you a present while I was on planet Mersa, it's a beautiful conch shell I thought you might like it." She said holding up the conch shell.
Zarbon grabbed the conch shell and set it down carefully, "Why did you manipulate this poor boy for?" Zarbon asked.
"Pardon?" Liya asked confused.
"I saw the tape Liya, Kiwi showed it to me!" Zarbon said.
"Kiwi made us get drunk and have sex!" Liya said.
"You could have said no! Why did you end up making love to one of my worst rivals ever?" Zarbon asked.
"You know this is a little too awkward for me, I think I better get going." Vegeta said about to leave.
"Stop right there you need to tell this woman what her rights are!" Zarbon said.
Vegeta had no idea what Zarbon was even talking about so he made something up, "Um let's see, you haven't the right to make love to me unless I say so, you haven't the right to use me to get back at your ex, and you haven't the right to…" Before Vegeta finished Liya interrupted.
"But Vegeta you were the one who grabbed me and kissed me!" Liya said.
"I did, ouch." Vegeta said.
"Vegeta I think I better handle this, I'm the adult around here. Liya you should know better than to leech off of someone like him, he's just a boy, he doesn't know what love is." Zarbon said.
"Oh please I wasn't trying to marry her dingbat I just wanted to bone her is all!" Vegeta said.
"Right, the point is that you betrayed my trust Liya, how could you?" Zarbon asked.
"If you wouldn't have had sex with Icey then maybe none of this would have happened!" Liya said.
"What? I didn't sleep with her how many times do I have to tell you! I've only slept with two people my entire life, you and Freezer!" Zarbon said.
"Ew!" Vegeta said running out of the room.
"Maybe I said too much." Zarbon said.
"All right maybe I should beat the crap out of you! Put them up!" Liya put her fists up into the air.
"Liya don't be silly, I would never hit a woman…" All the sudden Liya punched Zarbon in the stomach, "Damn it Liya what was that for?" Zarbon asked.
"Because you have wronged me!" She said.
"What do you mean I wronged you, you are the one who slept with Vegeta!" Zarbon then got slapped in the face. "Liya you are out of control, you need to settle down I'm going to just walk away quietly and…" All the sudden Liya kicked Zarbon in the balls and he fell down in pain, "Crud why didn't I see that coming?" Zarbon asked in pain.
"Perhaps next time you need to get your psychic intuition better brain power!" Liya said laughing.
Zarbon was now pissed; she had literally crossed the line, "No more mister nice guy! Let's fight bitch!" he yelled. He went over to her grabbed the 5'2 feet tall Liya, and threw her into the mirror breaking it.
"You won't have a chance hurting me!" She yelled getting up charging at him and head banging him in the stomach.
"Is that the best you got? Are you going to hit me again?" Zarbon asked laughing.
"I'll kill you for looking at Icey!" Liya then tried to punch Zarbon in the face when all the sudden he got onto the floor, did one of those karate moves where you swing your leg into the other person's leg and knock them down.
Liya was on the floor, "How's that for an ex-boyfriend!" Zarbon said laughing.
"When I get up I will hit you so hard that you'll wish you had never been born!" Liya said.
Zarbon tisked and shook his head, "That won't work; sometimes I actually do wish I was never born!" He said.
"What?" Liya asked.
All the sudden Zarbon jumped onto Liya's body crushing her; luckily, she did not have any broken limbs or anything like that. Zarbon then picked her up and threw her into the door; she went flying through the door, breaking it, and into the hallway where people were looking.
"What the hell is going on?" Apple asked.
"Liya are you all right?" Alice asked.
Zarbon then walked out of the room, "Try to hurt me now bitch!" He yelled.
All the sudden Liya got up injured, but she was not injured enough to throw some wind power knocking Zarbon over. "Damn that airbender!" Zarbon said.
"Guys please don't fight, Zarbon it's so unlike you to fight with a girl, that's just not right!" Apple said so frightened that he hid behind Alice.
"Kill her Zarbon; she deserves it after she cheated on you!" Kiwi yelled.
"She didn't cheat on him, they broke up a long time ago remember?" Alice said.
"Yah whatever Alice just said!" Kiwi yelled.
"Kiwi which reminds me I don't want to be your friend anymore!" Vegeta said turning to him.
"I never wanted you as a friend anyways!" Kiwi said.
"I want to kill you just as much!" Vegeta all the sudden grabbed Kiwi by one of his whiskers, swung him around, and threw him into the wall.
Kiwi then got pissed off, "Man Vegeta I'll kill you!" Kiwi then got up, ran over to Vegeta, grabbed his monkey tail and pulled on it.
"That hurts you asshole!" Vegeta yelled, then he grabbed Kiwi's whisker and pulled on it too.
"Damn you Vegeta!" He yelled.
Everyone all the sudden turned their attention on Vegeta and Kiwi; they all looked at them as if they were fighting like girls. Alice then said, "You know, why do I believe that all the sudden this is getting pathetic?"
"I have no idea, let's get out of here!" Apple said grabbing her by the arm, everyone else left too.
While Kiwi and Vegeta were pulling each other's sensitive parts, Zarbon and Liya looked at one another, "Liya I'm sorry I hurt you!" Zarbon said.
"I'm sorry I hurt you too!" she said. They ran into each other's arms and started making out, then Kiwi and Vegeta stopped fighting and looked over at Liya and Zarbon.
"Ew I can't watch this, I'm leaving!" Vegeta said running away.
"Me too, this is just too sick to watch!" Kiwi ran away too.
Then as they were getting more passionate, Zarbon was about to remove her armor but then had second thoughts, "Wait a moment I can't do it, not this time love." Zarbon said getting up and running away like a scared pussy.
"Wait why didn't you want to have sex with me?" Liya asked shrugging her shoulders.
End of Story