Duro lima (last revision) : 4.20.08

Honey, I'm Gay

Chapter 7

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Forget reality because everything that was taking place seemed too surreal. As if it were a dream.

I pinched myself.

Nothing happened.

Bankotsu was still dying and I had yet to tell out daughter that this could possibly be the last day she would ever see her father again. I didn't want to be the bearer of bad news. Hell, I could barely handle it myself. I was clueless—helpless.

I made my way down the hall after assuring Sesshomaru I was able to handle myself.

My mind was swarming with questions.

Would I let Rin see her father? Did I want his sickly, pale face the last image of him that was burned into her mind? Although, in my eyes, I had no right to deny her.

I had been so buried in my thoughts that I did not notice my hand pushing against the handle of door. The hall had a mixture of death and faintly of feces. I scrunched my nose up and quickly thrust myself into the room.

My heart ached when I saw him.

His face was pale, his eyes sorrowful, his fists clenched in intolerable pain. I almost thought I had gotten the wrong room. He looked so much older, weary from fighting death.

"Bank...?" I whispered, uncertainly.

His head turned towards the sound. He licked his chapped, swollen lips and a smile appeared upon them. "Hey bubble butt," he joked in a raspy voice.

I wanted to cry.

"How...are you?" I asked, taking a few more steps towards him.

He mustered up the strength to give me a sarcastic look.

My eyes widened. How thoughtless of me! "I'm sorry...I—" my voice cracked and he frowned.

"Kagome, stop. I know you. You're out there worrying your ass off,"—he coughed and continued—"feeling guilty on my account. Don't. I love you like I could never love anyone. You have always been the most important, constant person in my life, even before Rin."

I smiled and moved to the seat beside him. He grabbed for my hand. I intertwined my fingers with his, each moment tearing my heart further apart, for I knew, within a few days or less, he would be gone. Forever.

And that, by far, was the worst part.

"Now, I have something I need to talk about you with," he said, clearing his throat, best he could. His breath became shallow and my heart jumped.

Not now, my mind pleaded.

He chuckled when he glanced at me. "I'm fine for the moment, Kagsy."

"I just..."

"Hush," he cooed. "I knew this day would come sooner or later. Stupid Suikotsu and his gang," he joked lightly, frowning when I gave him a forced smile. He continued, despite his desperate and failed attempt to lighten the dreary mood.

"Last night, I had been coming over to celebrate. I knew Sesshomaru was there but I didn't think he would mind much unless, of course, you two were getting a little cozy after Rin was put to bed..." he paused for dramatic effect and his gaze fixed on me.

I tried not to blush but did not succeed. I felt the heat rise from the back of my neck to my cheeks. Bankotsu made his best attempted grin.

"So, I was right," he said triumphantly.

"Shut up," I mumbled.

"Oh my god! I was so right. What happened? Spill, girly!" he said, trying to resist moving his hands as he spoke.

I couldn't help but let out a giggle. "You are so gay."

"And proud of it, honey!" he said, playfully. "Do tell me and then I will continue," he urged me on.

"We kissed," I said, giddy, despite the current situation. I had set aside his appearance, his fate, and our current residence, feeling as if I was once again just chatting with my best friend. As if nothing had happened in the first place.

"Ohhh," he said, smirking. "I see."

"Oh shut up, pita bread," I said, swatting his hand as his fingers crawled up my arm.

"Don't be afraid of change, Kagsy. Give the hottie a chance. He seems like a decent fella'. For all you know, he could be the one."

My eyes widened and my mouth stood agape. "The one, my ass!"

He laughed but instantly winced at pain it caused him.

I grew worried. "What? What is it? Do you need to me to get the doctor?" I jumped out of seat.

He shook his head. "No. Stop. Sit," he commanded, clenching his fist until his knuckles were white. My eyes grew fearful and my heart pounded relentlessly against my chest.

"Are you—"

"Shut up, Kagome. Stop worrying about me. Just stop," he barked in a harsh tone; one that I had never heard him use. It scared me and I bit my bottom lip to stop from crying. He sighed, instantly known he had hurt me. I had always been too sensitive; too fragile.

"I'm sorry," he murmured. His voice was growing tired. "I just don't want you stressing over something that we both have no control over."

I nodded, hurt and peeved. I wanted to be there for him but I didn't know how. How do you help someone who is already dying? I wanted to help, somehow. And yet, the conclusion I kept coming to was just to listen. I had to listen to him.

"Back to what I was saying..." he grunted. "I had a meeting with Kaguya, which is why I was coming to celebrate."

My eyes widened. "The model you were telling me about...?"

His eyes smiled at me. "Yes. She is loaning me money to start my own line. She's going to model my clothing, free of charge, hoping I get noticed. She is a very kind woman. I believe you and her would get along."

I nodded, once more.

"My proposal to you and also, my last wish to you, is to quit your job at the restaurant and start my would-be business, if I weren't...you know, kicking the bucket. I have sketchbook upon sketchbook at my apartment. All you have to do is hire a few people and they'll know what to do. Talk to Kaguya if you have any questions. Her mother was a designer for as long as I could remember.

I have set up a trust fund for Rin. I trust you will spend it wisely. College, clothes, her future, whatever you deem fit. I left everything to you, Kagome. My apartment and every item in it. The only thing I wish for you to give away is an old family album of me and Suikotsu. He would want that. Otherwise, my things belong to you Kagome. My money, my car, everything. For you and Rin."

I was speechless. I hadn't even thought about a will, much less what I would do after he died. I knew I had most likely lost my job at the restaurant, due to selfish reasons. I hadn't even realized what would happen after.

"I...Bank, are you sure?"

He nodded. "My lawyer will take care of everything. I've done what I can to set up a steady future for you and Rin. I want both my girls happy and healthy. With or without me there. Promise me you'll do what I asked of you."

I thought about it. There was no harm, I suppose. And it was all I could do. "I promise."

I leaned to kiss him on the forehead.

"I love you, Bankotsu Sichi, I always will."

Those were the last words I ever spoke to him.

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"Kagome, wake up," Sesshomaru said softly, shaking my shoulder. "The doctor has just announced something."

My eyes fluttered open, the pain in my back making itself noticeable as I quickly sat up. I winced, gritting my teeth—it was so unbearable. Note to self: never sleep on plastic chairs again if can be avoided.

"Mommy, Mommy, Mommy!" Rin called, bounding over to my chair, worry in her innocent eyes.

"What is it, sweetie?" I asked, tossing a smile of thanks at Sesshomaru for waking me up.

"Why are Auntie Sango and Uncle Sui crying?"

My heart stopped. "Sesshomaru?" I whispered, my eyes shooting towards Renkotsu, who was currently conversing with Doctor Haku. I saw Renkostu point over at me and nod. My brows furrowed in confusion.

Doctor Haku began walking towards me.

"What's going on?" I asked Sesshomaru.

Sesshomaru opened his mouth to speak but was interrupted by the doctor. "Mrs. Sichi?" he asked me but was suddenly distracted by Rin, who was currently tugging at my shirt.

"Mommy?"

"One second, sweetie," I said, turning my attention to the doctor. Sesshomaru took the moment to lead Rin away from our conversation and I saw a great amount of sympathy in the doctor's eyes. "He's gone...isn't he...?" I asked, willing myself not to shed anymore tears.

Doctor Haku nodded. "I am so, very sorry." He paused for a moment and resituated the items in his arms. "These are the belongings he had with him when he came in."

I accepted them with a heavy heart; a pile of clothes, a wallet, keys, some loose money, and the bracelet he always wore around his wrist. Rin had made it for him as a school project. It was string covered loosely in colorful beads, the letters MDR4ever on eight of the white beads. It stood for "Mommy and Daddy and Rin, forever."

I slumped into the seat, tears pouring from my eyes as I fingered the bracelet.

I realized something at that moment...

Our forever would never come.