Author's Note: Hi~! It's been a while, since last December I believe. Yeah..., sorry about that... Between me pushing my RWBY story and Sari not updating Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors for months, my motivation for this story had waned. Not sure how it's going to go now, because for this day, my one-year anniversary of joining this site, I have updated A LOT OF STUFF! So yeah, I can't promise regular updates anymore, but at least this fic ain't dead!

Special thanks to koolken256 and Hylla for the reviews! Follow example and review as well!

Also, internal continuity! What's that?

Enjoy the new chapter!

Original Credit: for the original concept of "Official Fanfiction University" goes to misscam, aka Camilla Sandman. Please credit her if you wish to do your own OFU.

Inspiration Credit: for this fic's inspiration goes to Sariniste, who has ran her own OFUB under her hit story, Dear Bleach Fanfiction Authors. I'll always value her internet friendship! I've already said that countless, COUNTLESS times, but it's still true.

Rated T for: suggestive themes, plenty of language, PLENTY of language, disturbing words and imagery... So, nothing that already isn't in regular Bleach. Go figure. Also, beware casual spoilers for the recent arcs of Bleach.

Disclaimer: Bleach is the property of Tite Kubo. I do not claim ownership of anything pertaining to Bleach in any way. Any and all Original Characters (OCs) are fictional, and are not intended to portray any individual(s), living, dead, or fictional. Any other referenced works are also not owned by me.

Picture Credit: MSPaint Graduation Cap with Bleach emblem by yours truly.

Original Post Date: 5/14/14

At the end of the day, having endured many near-death experiences, experiencing heartbreak at the hands of their fantasy crushes, or actually learning something, the final bell has rung, and classes are over for the day. The students must leave.

Some students are good and punctual in doing so, providing little to no trouble for the staff.

Then there are the other students... Those who would wander the halls and be delinquents, those who would stalk the Bleach cast for any reason, those who slept after class...

They all had to go.

The University and its employees make quick work of corralling the students away from the building, through rather ingenious means.

"Why the hell am I tied up! Someone answer me!"

Toshiro Hitsugaya is yet again thrust into another situation against his will, this time wrapped and bound out into the open hall. The rope that binds him leads into an alleyway, currently obscured in shadow.

The young Captain writhes and struggles against his bindings, only to find his efforts for naught. He will soon learn he should have conserved his energy, for his outbursts were not without consequence.

"Is that Shiro-chan?"

"OMG, it's him!"

"I don't see what the big deal is, you bunch indulge in your creepy little boy fetish..."

Despite feeling a bit angry at being called a little boy, a small bit of hope for these poor deluded souls, Toshiro quickly steeled himself, for the cries of countless adoring fans rang loudly throughout the halls...

It wasn't long before throngs of crazed fans were now in sight, ready to reach out, touch, and altogether violate the young Captain's personal space.

"Crap, crap, crap, CRAP , CRAP...!" Toshiro tried to squirm his way to safety, wherever that may be, before they came. He refused to acknowledge them as anything human.

As the crowd got ever closer, a cocky, self-assured grin could be seen glinting in the alley...

"Heh! You ready for this, boys?" asked a gruff voice, the one who grinned in the darkness.

"Absolutely, Boss! Operation Afternoon Wrangle is a go!"

"All right!"

The lights dramatically turned on in the darkened alley, temporarily blinding Captain Hitsugaya as he tried to see just who it was that snatched him as he was about to enjoy the quiet that no classes ever got to provide him. When the brightness in his eyes dimmed, he couldn't believe just who it was that took him...

A group of five men were lined up side by side, all the delinquent type with leather jackets on and sunglasses on their head, as they rode on top of their... boars?

"C'mon, Bonnie! Let's ri— Waa-aagh!"

The boar riders all rode out of the alley and into the main hall, away from the incoming mass of squees and kissyfaces. Toshiro was stunned.

"What... the hell was tha—" He then noticed the rope he was tied to was quickly being pulled in the riders' direction. "Oh, you have got to be kiddi—!" Toshiro was then swept away, being dragged behind and bouncing wantonly on the ground. It took him a minute to right himself, as to not flail too widely and hit his head or something, and when he did he saw the adoring crowd gaining speed! He could almost taste the supermarket-bought Pocky and— Okay, sorry about the intentional, overgeneralized depiction of loopy otaku, but you've gotta admit that funding this kind of obsession is rather costly. I mean seriously, do you really think you're getting a deal when you spend over $30 USD for three episodes of—

"STOP TALKING ABOUT WEIRD THINGS AND FOCUS!"

Right..., sorry.

Anyway, Toshiro looked back to his kidnappers and shouted, "You know, I would think it a good idea if you GO FASTER!"

The stout guy who was roping him grinned. "They don't call me the Deep-Red Bullet of the West Rukon for nothing! Faster, Bonnie, FASTER!" Ganju Shiba commanded his boar to go faster, and she did..., very fast. "WAAAAA-HAHAHAAGH!"

"Oh crap! Boys, we gotta catch up to the Boss!" shouted the guy with the afro off to Ganju's near right. Yeah, those guys have names, but quite frankly, would you remember who they were otherwise? But they have nicknames; the guy who shouted now went by the name, ...Fever. What the...?

Ganju's Gang all picked up the pace, just as the rabid crowd would leap into overtaking them.

"No~, they're getting away!"

"Quick, arm the claw!"

In the middle of the crowd, a strange contraption was emerging, one with a thick rope around it and a bunch of branches jutting out from his body.

Huh?

"How the mighty have fallen... One who was blessed with the power of a god, to be used a glorified grappling hook..." Rudbornn Chelute grimly muttered. Yes, the tree guy. The bull-masked Arrancar who was in control of their equivalent to the Stealth Forces. Dear god, is he the most unmemorable memorable character ever!

"Uh oh! Boss! They're getting faster! They also got some sort of thing re— WHOA!" The spike-hair and sunglassed guy who was called Top narrowly avoided the crowd's poorly aimed grab for Toshiro. Top was at Ganju's far right!

The Shiba man took a short glance back and thought nothing of it, for good reason. "Everyone, you know the drill! Unleash Level 2!"

"Got it, Boss!" This time, it was a man with a slick comb-over by the name of Hawk who responded, off to Ganju's near left. He grabbed a rope by his side and readied it, it leading up to a crate hitched up to the backside of his hair. "Releasing Level 2!"

He pulled on the rope, opening up the crate as something fell out from behind. ...or rather, someone.

"K-Kuchiki...?"

Toshiro was shocked to find fellow captain Byakuya Kuchiki also tied up and being dragged by a rope, only he had the good and proper sense to remain calm and unaffected by all this.

"This is punishment for what I have done, Captain Hitsugaya, nothing more, nothing less."

"Kyaaaaah~! Look, everyone! It's the hot guy!" The swarm of fans were supplemented with a healthy dose of more people coming out of the classrooms who weren't into the cold, easily annoyed kid-type.

As the young captain looked on in awe, a branch almost clipped him below the eye.

"Shit!"

Rudbornn was retracted yet again, the mass of people somehow articulating their movements in synchronization as the Arrancar was steadily swung in an arc.

"¡Qué caro son estas piezas de joyería!" he yelled in Spanish, as he was once again tossed right at the gang.

This time, it would hit its mark... if Bonnie didn't juke out of the way while giving Rudbornn a well-placed kick in the face.

"¡Ooof, qué mala suerte!"

Ganju and Toshiro both were jerked wildly by Bonnie's dodge, with the Shiba man yelling in a high pitch while the Captain yelled, "Hey, watch it! I can feel my brain bruising!"

Byakuya continued to look unaffected as Toshiro unwittingly knocked him upside his head. "I have noticed that my appearance has actually increased the amount of people substantially, as well as increasing their fine handling of that bizarre weapon..." Even Byakuya had to comically sweat drop at the sight of Rudbornn as a glorified claw.

"It's a harsh life," started the Arrancar, in English, "but if this what I am resigned to do, then by Lord Aizen I shall—"

"Quiet, you!" Some nondescript hands rose up and punched him in the face. Seeing as he is completely masked, it would have been hard to tell if he was hurt had it not been for a small "Ow" escaping his mouth. "Get back to speaking that dreamy language and do a better job of nabbing the cute guys!"

...

"¡Estas idiotas me van a matar...! ¡Crécen, mís Calaveras!"

By his command, having released his zanpakuto since before this chapter began, the branches that protruded from Rudbornn then had sickly-looking skulls growing at the tips, quickly bloating with liquid until they were about half his size. This was his power: the creation of an essentially limitless army of loyal soldiers, known as the Calaveras. That means "pumpkins". Yeah, I know, someone is also doing the pumpkin thing... With a viscous "POP" and the bitter groaning and retchings of the fan crowd, ten figures wearing rounded skulls for heads emerged from their gestation and promptly linked up to their master's branches, making a much more grabby claw...

...

...

"Well crap..."

Ganju apparently wasn't impressed. "Hmph, so this guy thinks he can corner the farmer's market with that trick? Big deal! The pumpkins I got coming in will win first prize this harvest season, guaranteed!"

"ARE YOU EVEN LISTENING TO YOURSELF?!" Toshiro was livid; this guy was talking about gardening! "That thing just got bigger and grabbier, worry some more!"

The stout Shiba looked back towards his drag-ee and smiled. "Tough! There's no one out there more evasive than Ganju Shiba and his men!"

Toshiro's eyes widened at the mention of the name Shiba, horrid memories flooding back into his mind. "Wait, you're a Shiba? Oh no..., you are related to that man, Isshin, aren't y—"

His words were cut off as the three central boar riders jumped up to avoid a much larger mass of Exequias being thrown at them.

"Release Level 3!"

"R-Right, Boss!" The last of Ganju's cronies off to his far left, the bald Danberu spoke up as he released the latch on another crate. They all have these crates, what or who could've been in th—

"AIZEN!"

Yup. From the back of the far left boar was a certain traitorous, handsome-ish, roped up form that is Sosuke Aizen , who had coincidentally first landed on a piece of floor that jutted out, embedding itself in his head. Ouch. Wait, how long have they been going in a straight line? Seriously.

"At this point, I shouldn't be surprised...," he mused unamusedly, "This treatment is tantamount to some sort of punishment for my previous actions, but rest assured that I will be patient and win out in the e—" He was interrupted by a Calavera haplessly bouncing off his face. "I didn't deserve that."

"You deserve that and more, you monster!" Toshiro was flailing about, trying to influence his trajectory to at least do violence to Aizen.

Byakuya still kept perfectly calm, how the fu—

"AAAAaaaaahhHHH!" As expected, the crowd tripled in the presence of the great traitor, most likely influenced by Aizen's antagonistic charm, good looks, and all-around audacity to remain defiant to the death wishes of all Soul Reaper-kind. Also as expected, the Rudbornn-claw was now being swung around like a fleshy tendril, in starting to gain too much control and starting to lose it.

Rudbornn was equally excited, but only because the wild flailing was starting to disorient him. "¡Waaaaahh! ¡El delfin está en el jacuzzi!"

"God-DAMNIT! SOMEONE SHUT HIM UP!" yelled Toshiro. Nope, not gonna happen.

"Honestly, I never expected to be under fire from Rudbornn, of all people," Aizen mumbled to himself, though loudly enough for the frosty Captain to stop trying to do violence against him, which was also part of his plan to reach under everyone's skin again. He continued, "It's quite simple, the Arrancar before you is actually rather personable, recounts tales of my slow, but gradual subjugation of all Soul Reapers and Hollows to the undeveloped, child-like Gillians in his spare time. It was when I gave him this power that he now has, he kind of... inherited my penchant for becoming a god." He smiled. You know the kind of smile. "Nowadays, he and the Exequias are very much hall monitors, and he has definitely felt the pressure on his first day. So much so, that this group of powerless humans were able to overpower him with no casualties and bend him to their will. Fascinating."

The end of his speech was punctuated with another loose rock getting stuck into the back of Aizen's head. "Ow."

Using it as a cue for him to return to doing vio—

"Stop making me remember that horrible translation!"

Fine. Toshiro simply turned to Byakuya and calmly said, "How in blazes are you so calm, Kuchiki? I mean, I guess it has to do with how you were rai—"

"That's Captain Kuchiki, Captain Hitsugaya." interrupted Byakuya, still the picture of giving no fricks.

...

Toshiro's eye was now twitching. "What did you say?"

"You have this hypocritical stance on telling people to refer to you as 'Captain', yet with few exceptions, whenever you talk to anyone who is of rank, you do not address them by it, including those of equal rank as yours. That is disrespectful, Captain."

...

"Point taken."

After a while of more boar running, graceful boar evasions, and smelly boar scents, the gang finally made a hard left due to them reaching the back right corner of the school.

Wait, what?!

"Boys, time for Level 4...!" Ganju said through a gulp, dreading this next person who was to be unleashed.

Fever the afro man was indeed looking like he might be running a fever when his Boss gave the OK for Level 4 clearance. "H-Here we go then...! L-Level 4, go..."

With a shaky hand, Fever loosed the rope securing the crate and released another person to be crowd bait. An inversion to the male-heavy entourage, she had long, black hair trailing from underneath her commissar cap, the rope tethering her more bound by her midsection as to show a surprisingly robust... bust from her white Vandenreich coat...

"What the hell?! I can't believe I've been duped like this...!" Bambietta Basterbine was furious in finding out the current conditions of her confines, being plenty pissed as her wrists and neck were bound in sekki-seki rock and preventing her from abusing her power as the letter E of the Stern Ritter. "Shit, I was told there would be cute guys here, yet now I'm here with all of you!"

There was a collective gasp from the fans, some crying blasphemy as they now charged in anger, and others (mostly guys) joining in the rush when word of a hot and evil chick was around.

"It's... starting to feel a little crowded in here..." Toshiro was right, I got eleven named characters going on now! Oh boy...

Ganju's goons all shared a look of displeasure, but kept quiet in the face of who it was they would piss off further.

Ganju himself, however...

"Hey! You can't backsass my brothers and I like that! We're the handsomest devils this side of—"

"I was talking about everybody, guy, don't act so special...!"

Any angry reassurance Ganju had was undercut by yet another advance with the Rudbornn-arm, only aimlessly winding around as the crowd was starting to quarrel with themselves in not being able to choose which of the four they wanted to snatch first. Ironically enough, there was at least one person interested in Ganju, but was drowned out by everyone else...

"I'm tired of speaking in Spanish, can I please...?"

The crowd collectively shouted, "No!" The one thing they agree on...

"Mierda..."

Bambietta looked bored as she was bouncing along, choosing not to converse with the others at all. Sadly for her, somebody was curious...

"Curious. Outside of Yhwach and Ishida from afar, you are the first Quincy I have truly met up close," Aizen said with his creepy-ass smirk, "I wonder what Your Highness's rule has instilled in your training and ability? I must delve deeper into this field of study, hmhmhm..." He placed emphasis on Yhwach's preferred title, clearly showing his dismissal of the Vandenreich Emperor.

The explosive lass shot him a look of disgust as she gagged out, "Ew! You look like the worst out of all these hosers! All patched up and immortal and such crap...!"

For once, Aizen flinched, the corner of his mouth twitching. "I... never asked for your approval..."

"Even if you stopped looking so ugly, you're the kind of guy I'd be worried about catching something from!" Those words sent shivers down the spines of all the guys present, and sent some of the ladies into even more of a tizzy as they willed Rudbornn to flail even wilder in the direction of the female Stern Ritter.

Big mistake, as per the clause of anyone going mad with power, it backfired on the angry crowd by swinging too much and then losing the grip on the stick that held up the Arrancar, sending them all sprawling in the air, Exequias and all.

"¡Liiii-beeeer-táaaad!" There he goes, what a trooper.

As the gang rounded the last corner, Ganju raised an arm and pointed to the last man to release someone: Top.

"Do it! It's do or die, c'mon!"

"Yes, sir! Final clearance is go!"

With enthusiasm, the spiky-haired follower loosed his captive onto the rushing floor, who was kind of busy clothes-wise. It was a miracle that his nor Bambietta's hats never flew off, but this guy wouldn't have sweated it as much...

"Oof! Ugh..., ow. Nanao? Nanaaaaoo? Where are you, I want to marvel in your beauty some more, eh?"

...

"Oh no..." Toshiro's response to Shunsui Kyoraku being his drunk self was well put, as everyone suddenly stopped as he got up slowly and continued to call for his precious Nanao. He wasn't even tied up, he just started teetering around and was making passes at the female students... Ew.

"Nanaaaaoo? Nanaaaaao, where are you? I gotta scruffy beard you can rest on -hic!-..."

...

"...aaaaaptaaAAAAAIIINN!"

A shrill voice could be heard echoing in the halls..., bringing terror to everyone who had heard it.

"Oh... nooo—"

And then there was darkness...

Before anyone could think twice about it, the large bunch of students were all in a crude pile on the other side of the now-closed gate of the Official Fanfiction University of Bleach, its inhabitants safely inside.

Toshiro Hitsugaya just stood there, blank-faced as he stood with his feet on Aizen's face and windpipe.

"Well, I feel incredibly nonplussed right now..."

Ganju and his men sat proudly on their boars, nodding as the sun was almost set past the horizon.

Nanao Ise was holding up a beaten Shunsui, maintaining a frown at her Captain's usual antics.

"Captain, what have I said about drinking so much?'

The flamboyant Captain pursed his lip as he got to thinking... for all of two seconds. "Don't drink what the students give you?"

"Sound advice, but no, you drank yourself into this little adventure, and now you're going back to work!"

"But, Nanao, come on! You and me are meant to— HERK!"

Nanao then dragged her Captain along the ground as if he was a child, by his ear. Paying no mind to his sweet nothings, she walked well off into the distance.

Feeling incredibly unsympathetic, Toshiro turned to a still-bound Bambietta, who had taken to sitting on the ground. "Huh. So what are you here for then, girl?"

"Don't get so buddy-buddy with me, kid." she spat, earning a creased brow from the kid captain. "I got lost, and I don't know where the hell I am."

"If it's any consolation, I don't understand this place either."

The girl looked back at him, unsure of how to respond. Then she looked down. "Hey, you need to grind his face in, make him suffer a little more."

"I can do that." Toshiro had the hints of a malicious smile as he twisted his feet into his Aizen-cushion.

"Ow," Aizen somehow managed to say.

A small smile graced Bambietta's features. "You're all right, kid. Now buzz off before I'm seen with you. In fact, I'll do it for you."

The girl stood up harshly and began making tracks into the building to hide...

"Oof! Watch it, bub! Hmm?" Looking up, she was being blockaded by a silent Byakuya Kuchiki, who seemed to still be adopting the same stoic face he had throughout this ordeal.

"Hey, what's his deal?" asked Bambietta.

"Kuch— Captain Kuchiki!" Toshito corrected himself in the face of Byakuya, whom he had to admit took the boar episode like a champ. "I... I guess I have to give it to you. You showed me how to act like a true Captain in the face of adversity. I apologize. Will you accept?" The younger Captain held a hand out for Byakuya to shake it, Bambietta gagging in jest at the entire thing.

Byakuya... stayed there, not moving an inch.

"C-Captain Kuchiki? What's wrong?"

As soon as Toshiro gave the other Captain a concerned push of his shoulder, the reserved Captain suddenly bolted from his spot, stopping before a garbage can as he bent over and...

"HUuUu-rrrrRRRGH!" Emptying the contents of his stomach, Byakuya remained lurching over the can in apparent sanctuary.

...

"Wonderful..."

"What the hell...?"

From his now unstepped-on vantage point from the floor, Aizen resumed smirking as he said, "Well, Byakyua was always a little green."

"Shut up, Aizen."

A/N: For some reason, I enjoy messing with the frosty Captain. I don't hate him, so yeah. And no, I don't ship it. Also, don't mess with Nanao!

So..., yeah! I'm back! Don't have a schedule, but hey, I updated! A lot of stuff has happened in Bleach since the last time I checked it out! H-How am I going to be able to keep up now?

Rudbornn, Rudobon, whatever. Even with official spellings, people write out the names they prefer. In the future, there will actually be a chapter about this...

Also, hacked-up Spanish words because Hollows and the fact it's in my blood (I also hack up the language constantly, due to learning English well before having at least a tenuous grip on my home tongue). Honestly rather disappointed with the original just using it whenever; terms and simple phrases: OK, actual dialogue: not so much.

See you next school day!