Here's another lovely chapter! This is basically so that JD can understand what's happening with Dr Cox and get to grips with the situation, plus some ever so slight father-son love. However, I didn't mean for this to go on for so long, it was meant to be a three-chapter spectacular, so the ending will be coming soon. Probably within the next couple of updates. Anyhoo, here it is and I hope you like ;) Enjoy! xxxNTxxx

John Dorian

I feel like I should call him.

Idiot, don't do that, he'll just reject you!

But what if he needs to talk to me? Carla thinks he does.

No he does not. He hates you for telling Jordan on him. Amongst other things.

Shut up Brain, I'm trying to listen to Heart, here!

Calling him won't work though.

You're right. I'll go to his apartment instead.

And before Brain could argue any longer, Heart had won out and JD decided to close down his inner monologue for as long as it took for his work day to be over. After that, he couldn't help but begin to narrate his crappy day, and how guilty, upset (and somehow squidgy) he felt. He assumed that the guilt and sadness came from the whole Jordan thing and how heartbreaking the past few days had been. The squidgy part probably came in after the Janitor had pushed him over using a shield made of sponges but covered in dirty mop water, and then proceeded to clean his face with it. This over-thinking brought him back to his fierce feelings towards Perry and what he should do about it, and so began yet another Brain/Heart car crash argument that led him to almost-tears.

In the end, he did find himself pressing the doorbell of his mentor's apartment. His Brain asked him if he was crazy and his Heart simply skipped a beat, not helping at all in this situation. There was the sound of a sigh from within, and then heavy footsteps. Finally, the door swung open to reveal and clean-shaven, alcohol-free Perry Cox staring back at him with a blank expression. Although, there were bags under his eyes so he was clearly tired. JD had forgotten to see what time it was; by now there was no point in checking, as the answer was thrown into his face angrily.

"It. Is. Four. In. The. Morning." The older man emphasized each word perfectly in time to the younger man's over-excited heartbeat.

"I-I'm sorry, I didn't think... my shift ended and I came s-straight here..." He tried a mumbled explanation.

"And ya didn't think to remember that you were on the night shift?" Perry brought his hand to his face and pulled it down so that the skin beneath his eyes stretched horrifically. He shrugged and shook his head. "Wasn't sleeping anyway. I couldn't."

He indicated for JD to enter his domain, to which the young man accepted, and glanced over at the long seater where a blanket was casually strewn across. He cringed. "You on the couch?"

"No, no." Perry half smiled breathed a laugh. "The Wicked Witch has me on suicide-watch. I was just... escaping the barbed wired claws whilst she sleeps."

"Huh," JD nodded dumbly and took a seat, avoiding the blanket narrowly. "Um, aren't you wondering why I'm here?"

"Guessed it was something to do with... you know," Perry took a seat now too and sighed for another umpteenth time. "So what is it, Pumpkin?"

"A few questions," The younger man licked his lips nervously and swallowed hard. "I over-heard you and Jordan talking before, and there was something mentioned about... err, this being a... reoccurrence? I just needed to know... why? How? And, you know, what?"

"Newbie, calm down, would ya?" Perry snapped and leaned back. "It's none of your damn business and... oh my dear Lord, I've lost the will to rant. When will the horror ever cease? I mean, sure, I can throw a few daggers here and there but it just ain't the same. Someone needs to be there to tell you that your hair is ridiculous and smells like girly perfume mixed with beets – probably from the high class meals they sell in that joke of a cafeteria . I mean, honestly, do they actually expect us to eat that crap?"

"That was kind of a rant," JD shrugged. "I still think you're in there somewhere, we just gotta wait for things to settle."

"Do you idiots not get it yet?" Perry dropped his head into his hands and took a deep breath. "This... will... never end. Not for me. Not until... not until I can feel sure about myself. It's been a year or so now, and I still can't shake it outta my thick skull."

"Over a year? You've had these thoughts for that long?"

"Don't know why I'm talking to you about this, get out." He pointed to the door with one hand, his head still embraced by the other.

"No, I want to know what's been going on." JD frowned. "I'm not stupid – I get that you've tried doing stuff like this before. I just don't get why. Do you not remember that whole speech I said about you being like a super hero to me? Remember? After those patients died?"

"Yes!" Perry hissed. "Of course I remember it! My God, Julia, you just take and you take from me! What do I get in return?"

JD stuck out his bottom lip as he thought hard about this one. "...a warm fuzzy feeling...?"

"Jesus!" Perry shouted now, a low bark that made JD shiver and jump from his seat. He stayed very still as Perry stood up and wandered over to the bar area where the alcohol was stored. But he did not open a single bottle, no; he finger the neck of a particular liquor and his eyebrows furrowed as if he was in pain. He then used both of his hands to lean his entire bodyweight against the wooden surface of the bar and began to speak again in a calmer tone. "I never asked to be a super hero."

JD didn't know whether he should move or not so he kept up his statue-like stance and gulped. "I know, I'm sorry. I just... I just gravitated to you. I don't know why."

There was a slight silence before JD spoke again. "So... was it really to get away from me?"

Perry winced at this. "It was a generalisation. I didn't mean you personally. I meant you lot. Can't you understand that?"

"I guess so..."

"It's... it's pressure." Perry croaked. He still did not turn around. "It's too much pressure – to please everyone... I-I can't do that. I'm just one man."

"I don't think you really please that many people," JD scrutinized. "In fact, you're really mean. You yell at the interns, and Dr Kelso, and definitely at me. It's not like you're trying to please people at all!"

"I didn't say I did it successfully," He turned his head momentarily so that his eyebrows could emphasize his point. "I just need a break from all of... this! Being me. A doctor, a father, a partner, a mentor, everything you can freakin' name, I'm it."

"I don't think you need to stress yourself out about some of those things..." JD felt the guilt pounding against his side, and he suddenly realized why he may have been to fault after all. "If you hate me shadowing you so much, I could... lay off, for a while."

Perry laughed, or was it a cough? He then moved towards the front door and opened it slowly. He swung an arm forward into the frame and the corridor beyond. "This is when you leave, Newbie."

JD nodded once, just grateful for the opportunity and scurried through the hole in the wall only to turn around and grasp Perry close, pushing him into the bear-hug without any permission. He didn't care of the consequences; he just needed the closeness. He crushed his mentor close to his chest, not wanting to let go but resisting the urge to tell him what he thought he smelt like – now wasn't the time! He had to savour this until...

"Shelly, get off of me!" Came the angry reply to the spontaneous hug. JD immediately let go and took a step back, sheepishly. Perry was glaring at him. "What the hell? Ruined a perfectly good moment, now get the hell out of my face!"

The door was slammed shut, shaking the walls like an old TV set and shattering JD's chances of diving back in to apologise for his inappropriateness. But he was glad that he eventually did go to Dr Cox's place. He got a better view of what was going off in his abnormally aggressive mind. And at least now he knew what kinds of things he could do to help prevent further suicidal thoughts. The only problem now was how to rescue Perry from himself?

Perry Cox

When the door was shut, he rested his forehead against it and clenched his fists. Why did the feel of human contact distress him so? Especially in a situation like this where all Newbie had wanted to do was help. The conversation might have even stretched to a couple of hours if that dumb idiot hadn't mentioned the whole mentoring thing. That was what cut the event short. The thought of JD not being there to shadow him anymore scared him slightly. It was the only normal thing that still felt real right now.

There was a noise from elsewhere in the apartment and he tensed up further. Two hands sneaked around his waist and squeezed his stomach so that a slight moan escaped his lips. He turned to find Jordan cradling him like she had all not time ago, a glint in her eye.

"You were speaking to someone." She stated blandly.

"Yeah, uh... Mindy came over," He explained. "He had a few questions."

"What, DJ? It's four in the morning. Ish."

"Yeah, I said that."

"Come back to bed," Jordan coaxed. "You're not well."

"I'm perfectly fine." Perry growled. "For God's sakes Jordan, get a grip. Now, I'm going back to work tomorrow and you can't stop me."

"Fine, that's up to you," She narrowed her eyes. "But I've seen this twice before, and both times it ended in disaster. What's so different this time round?"

Perry sighed and looked down. Newbie.