Disclaimer: I own none of the recognizable characters of Twilight.

Hello, everyone! Hope you've had a good week so far! And thanks for the reviews; they were very uplifting. Over 1600 hits! Yippee! JAZZY HAD A SPAZZY!!!!! Here's the latest installment of The CullenAry Arts: Chapter 7: Odds and Ends. It's the conclusion to the Newton and Black: Termination Attack chronicles, but NOT the end of the story!

Oh, yes. The poll on my profile is complete: Alice's Yellow Porche 911 Turbo is officially the favorite Cullen car! Edward's Silver Volvo is close second.

Chapter 7: Odds and Ends

BellaPOV

Edward had just left the room, and I didn't know why. When I asked Alice, she just giggled and said ominously, "You'll see. It's got something to do with Jacob, though."

I rose my eyebrow, but said nothing.

And, the moment I was done cooking my spaghetti noddles, I heard a scream.

"AAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!" It was high pitched and very loud, quite literally echoing off the kitchen walls. Everyone turned and looked curiously towards the source of the noise.

"OH GOD HELP ME!!!" It was Jacob. My eyes widened in shock as I watched my friend collapse on the floor and scream. Whoa.

Edward was there as well. Unfortunately, he was laughing like a maniac, and didn't watch what he was doing as he hunched over in laughter. He knocked into a nearby produce shelf and sent it toppling over, causing a chain-reaction. The whole line of shelves tumbled over like giant dominoes. The crashes echoed along with Jacob's shrieks.

He was clutching his stomach and wiping his tongue on his arm, apparently trying to get rid of some sort of bad taste. Is he really that bad of a cook? I thought helplessly as he thrashed on the floor.

Edward wasn't doing much better. He tripped on a fallen food processor and was sent sprawling onto the ground, laughing like there was no tomorrow. It was probably going to be the first, and last, time I was ever going to see a vampire trip.

"What in God's name is going on here?!" Ms. Yapp tramped into the room with an angry expression and clenched fists.

Jasper leaped up and saluted, like the good little soldier he once was, and informed her, "Edward spiked Jacob's spaghetti sauce, sir, and Jacob isn't reacting very well after the taste-test." He nodded once in a solemn manner, and went to stand by Alice, who was silently giggling. I gasped. My Edward just spiked someone's food! I never thought I'd see the day!

Ms. Yapp quite literally snarled, and spun on her heels to face the laughing Edward.

"You! You think this is funny, private? Do ya? A comrade in pain?"

Edward managed to stifle his laughs with some difficulty, and forcefully composed his face. Unfortunately, you could still see the hilarity and triumph tugging at his face. "No, miss. However, I disagree with you on one thing." He paused, his eyes twinkling despite himself. "I do not consider myself 'comrades' with Jacob Black, and never will." And with that, my usually loving and extremely aloof and solemn fiancé fell to the ground in hysterics. Jacob was still cringing against the linoleum floor, his face starting to take on a greenish hue that clashed horribly with his russet skin.

Ms. Yapp practically burst into flame, she was so mad. I guess she really is army-oriented.

"You! Cullen! If you think it's so funny, private, then why don't YOU take a taste!" She growled.

Edward froze, and his laughter stopped short. His eyes widened and he jumped up from the floor, terrified. "Please, miss! I apologize! Have mercy!" He was probably reminiscing about the other experience he had from eating human food. I grimaced.

Ms. Yapp shook her head. "No, private. If I don't give you some form of punishment, the school-board will be after me." She paused, thinking. "And, according to you and your family's admission forms, the reason you came here was to relieve yourselves of eating disorders. EAT UP!" She grabbed a ladle and scooped up some of Jacob's Axeified spaghetti sauce, shoving it under Edward's nose.

"Argh!" He cringed away, probably cutting off his breathing. The rest of his family snickered.

Ms. Yapp turned towards us. "You think it's funny too? Well then, why don't you taste summa it too?"

The Cullens gaped, and I blushed, of course. Jacob, despite his condition, could be heard laughing breathlessly.

Jasper saluted, unfortunately, and said in a sad voice, "Sir, yes, sir!" And with that he jumped forward and scooped up a handful of the sauce in is pale hand and started lapping it up, saying things like, "Urgh!" and "Bleh!"

Alice watched her husband in horror. "Jazz! Why in the world are you doing that?!"

Jasper grimaced and spit out, "Because my corporal told me to!"

Alice frowned, but sighed, and turned to us. "Sorry guys, we'll be doing this no matter what we do, so better to get it over with." And she leaped next to Jasper and started licking splotches of spaghetti sauce off the ground with her tongue and making faces.

I shrugged. "Well, let's find out what Axe and spaghetti sauce together tastes like!" I slowly stepped over a thrashing Jacob and around a feasting Jasper and Alice, and took a spoon covered in the stuff and licked it experimentally.

With a shudder, the last thing I was aware of was Emmett and Rosalie leaning over me and talking in panicked voices.

And then everything went black.

EmmettPOV (Tee Hee)

The reports were not good.

My sister and her husband were reduced to animals, licking the kitchen floor and making the funniest of faces.

My brother was laughing like a crazed lunatic, while backing away from a very angry Ms. Yapp who was brandishing a sauce-covered spoon at his face.

One of the mutts was collapsed on the floor, rapidly turning a puce-green color.

My wife and I were leaning over my brother's fiancé, who had just fainted from tasting the Axe-tainted sauce.

"What should we do?" Rose asked in a panicked voice, wringing her hands so fast they resembled humming birds' wings.

I shrugged my muscled shoulders. "I dunno, Rose."

And so, here we stood, a couple of vampires, among the masses of staring students, crazed siblings, an unconscious Bella, an angry camp counselor, and a bunch of freaked out werewolves.

How wonderful. If only I'd had a camera. OH, wait! Alice does! I grinned happily and ran over to Alice's dropped Prada purse.

"What are you doing?" Rose appeared behind me and leaned over my shoulder as I dug through the tiny pink purse that was about the size of my entire hand.

At last, I found the camera. "Stand back, Rose. This is gonna be good." She quickly obliged, snickering.

Click. FLASH!!! Went the camera.

"OH MY GOD!" Went everyone else, except Bella, who was still out cold.

Edward, who I knew already suffered enough humiliation by camera, snarled and leaped past Ms. Yapp towards me, hands outstretched towards the camera. The scene seemed to go in slow motion; me backing away from him and dodging his attack, as he flew past me in shock and (go back to fast-motion) crashed into a pile of rotten tomatoes. "EMMETT!!!" He screamed while I snickered.

Thinking fast, I shouted, "Here Rose! Catch!" And threw the little silver camera at Rose, who caught it expertly and ran out the door giggling.

"EMMETT!" Jasper and Alice shrieked, completely oblivious to their red-stained mouths, staring wildly after Rosalie as if contemplating whether or not to go chase after her.

"What?" I asked innocently. I attracted all sorts of strange looks.

"Thanks a lot, good-for-nothing bloodsucker. The most embarrassing moment in my life has just been captured on camera!" Jacob snarled from the floor queasily, rolling over to face me as best he could. His eyes were cold and dark. Well, I think that's how they are all the time, but...

Edward, covered in rotten tomato juice, just kept laughing, and laughing, and laughing... until it became too much and he collapsed again. Ms. Yapp finally managed to stuff the sauce-filled spoon into his laughing, open mouth. He choked, but swallowed.

Big mistake. Since his stomach was still tender from... last time, he groaned and took on a similar position to that of Jacob Black's. Nice. Alice and Jasper jumped away just in time, before he coughed up a glob of venom.

I chortled, shaking my head. And I thought I was the silly one in the family!

Suddenly, a small, warm finger could be felt tapping my shoulder. I spun around, startled. "Huh?"

"E–excuse me, s–sir..." Ah, it was the scrawny little boy who was afraid of Tabasco Hot Sauce. Henry, I think his name was.

"Yeah, Henry?" I asked, genuinely curious.

"I– it's Harold, s–sir..." He stuttered, seeming to shrink down from my intimidating stance.

"Sure, yeah, Harold. What?" I was getting impatient.

"Y–you're standing in the way of the e–exit, s–sir..." Oh. I stood aside, and a horde of students hurriedly shuffled out, eager to escape the ensuing chaos inside. The Quileute werewolves grinned sheepishly before also escaping into the night. I suppose I couldn't blame them.

BPOV

I groaned, rolling over.

Where was I?

Why was I here?

Why... is my fiancé covered in rotten tomato juice? And choking up venom, again?

"Alice?" I hissed. She looked over at me, curious. She didn't notice the spaghetti noodle caught in her spikey hair. She silently slid over to me, and I gestured to her hair. She shrieked, and her hands flew all over her hair in movements so fast, they looked invisible. The noodle came free, and smacked onto my face, hanging off the tip of my nose.

"Thanks, Alice." I scowled, picking the noodle off my nose. "Mind telling me what happened before I ingested that Axeified sauce?"

"You might want to take it easy there, Bella. Your stomach should still be sore." She grinned. "And anyways, while you were out like a light, Emmett took a picture of everyone, Rose ran out of the building with the camera, Edward got mad, Jacob got mad, Jazz and I got mad, and Ms. Yapp got really mad, and shoved some of the stuff down Edward's throat." She said it in all of one breath.

"Wow." Was all I could say. This whole ordeal was just like that morning when Jake just had to challenge Edward to a competition; CHAOS.

I hadn't noticed Jasper, but he was suddenly there. "You guys want to see what happens when things get turned up?" He grinned, "Or have you had enough for one night?"

In the background, I saw Jacob manage to haul himself up onto his feet with the help of the counter. He was grimacing and clutching his stomach, but a grim smile overtook his features.

Edward spit out a pool of venom and rolled over with a moan. He struggled in the slippery tomato mess for a second, before managing to stand up shakily. He glared at Jacob.

Ms. Yapp had started hitting Emmett with a spatula. He was whining like a baby and attempting to get to the door and escape. Ms. Yapp was making that a bit difficult. She somehow managed to trip him with a turkey baster and he landed in a mass of potatoes with a thud.

I turned my attention back to Jasper with tired eyes. "I've definitely had enough for one night."

Alice nodded, a faint bell-like laugh escaping her lips. "Yeah. Not that I don't enjoy watching all this stuff, but..." She shrugged.

"Good choice, guys. Jacob and Newton have gotten their fair shares of humiliation, for one summer, at least." Jasper smirked.

And with that, he closed his eyes, concentrating very hard on his power.

A wave of lethargy hit everyone. Even vampires, who can't sleep were sagging over. Alice sat down and mumbled, "Damn, it's not fair that I can get this tired, but can never sleep!"

My eyes were already closed, but I heard the faint yawnings of Jacob and Ms. Yapp, and the thuds signifying the vampires falling over in exhaustion. I felt sorry for them, who would get to do nothing but feel tired while they watched us humans get to really sleep.

For the second time today, I blacked out, darkness enveloping my mind.

Hey everyone! Another chapter dead and gone... Sorry it was shorter than the rest of them. I needed to conclude Newton and Black: Termination Attack, somewhere!

Check out the beginning of another (gosh, I know!) new story, called Clairvoyance. It, naturally, is about Alice. Again, I probably won't update it until this particular story is done.

Review! Jazz had a happy-spasm last time, let him have a HAPPY-SEIZURE this time!

This isn't exactly a preview, but the title of the next chapter will be called:

Creme Brulee, French for Burnt Cream

Ooh, I know! So many possibilities! Burnt cream? Tune in next time!

VV