I am forever surprised by how many people like this and have asked me to keep going! I'm glad you guys liked the plot tie ups and I am sorry for killing Josh. I've always had a soft spot for him, even though I don't ship him and Cammie. I also want you guys to know that if it weren't for you then I'd have given up a long time ago! You're the best encouragement out there!
Also, I know this a concern with many people but Zach is obviously going through a rough time. I won't lie, it'll get worse before it gets better, just like a fever. And you all will probably rage at me for it. But don't worry. Our Zach and Cammie are too strong together to not rough another storm and come out victorious. I can't promise it'll get better right away but I can promise this won't last long! As for why he's going through a rough time..well..I guess you'll just have to see what plot twists I've got in mind for this story ;) I just hope you guys like them!
Thank you for your love and support, and happy reading! As always, don't hesitate to leave a review and let me know what you think!
- Brooke xx
P.S: The James Bond film I mention in this one is totally made up :P
Chapter Rating: T
Fool Me Once, Fool Me Twice
Chapter Seven
"Welcome, to the humble abode of the oh so lovely Lauren Daniels, and your next roomie," Craig's voice carried through the doorway. I groaned, looking up at Dayna. She was sitting cross legged on the empty canvas of a mattress, eating popcorn. Her eyebrows were raised in a bored expression but her eyes looked nervous. I could tell this wasn't what she had in mind when Townsend had told us we could stay together. I still had to move out of our room and into the free single room. It made sense, since the on-duty agent should be the one who rooms with Dayna. But she'd still been nerve wracked. I reached out and quickly squeezed her shoulder.
"Lauren.." she whispered.
"It's go time, Dayna."
I didn't wait for her to say anything further. While nobody was really surprised at how close Dayna and I were (that had been our cover), she'd been spending a lot more time hovering around me. I found that ironic since being on everyone's watch list was one of the things she said she hated about attending college. But ever since the events of Roseville, she'd found it a lot easier to relax whenever I was in the room. Or Zach, or Grant, for that matter. I brushed off the dust from my knees, making a mental note to vacuum before I went to bed. Coughing dramatically, I tucked back a lock of my freshly touched up chestnut hair. Then I walked out into the hall, eyeing the newcomer who would be taking my old spot.
"Aha, speak of the angel and the angel shall arrive," Craig said. "Lauren, meet Elaine. Elaine, meet -"
"Lauren Daniels. Yes, I got that," the girl laughed. It was hard to see another under cover agent acting so nonchalantly. Is that what we all looked like? Ghosts and empty shells, painted bright and new before being shipped off to a new location? Each of us blending into our new environments as if we'd been part of them our entire lives. "Elaine" looked at me, giving me a short smirk of a smile. Oh, so they'd given her that personality card. Her hair was cropped in a pixie cut, which was ranging from various shades of platinum blonde to pale pink. It contrasted beautifully with her dark skin, making her look like a fairy queen, I noted, as I took her outstretched hand.
"Does he always barge into people's suites like this? Should I be worried?" she joked. I laughed, acting along, before shrugging.
"Craig and personal space don't really mix. He spends more time here than in his own apartment. We should charge rent," I said, before subtly shaking my head. All clear, my mind screamed. Got it, Elaine's eyes replied.
"Don't be mean, Laurie," Craig scoffed, taking his usual place on the couch.
"Maybe you should be charging people for campus tours," Dayna walked in, waving at Elaine. Craig pouted and Dayna threw a piece of popcorn at him. It bounced off his forehead.
"I'm wounded. You think I do this for the money and fame? I do this from the goodness of my heart -"
"What heart?" Grant said, walking into the room. I'd spent so much time around him in London, that his Texan accent startled me once more. But I kept a straight face. Well, I didn't react to Grant. I still laughed at Craig's antics. He threw me a wink which had my insides clenching with discomfort. It's not like he was being creepy - no, Craig was one of the few guys in the whole of Henle Hall who wasn't a jerk about living in co-ed dorms. But his lovable, friendly behavior was a constant reminder that he didn't think of me just as a friend. Sure, he acted the same way with the rest of my roommates, but the knowledge of how he felt had changed everything.
"So..." Craig said, rubbing his palms together as if he was coming up with a malicious plan. Elaine raised her eyebrows at him and then proceeded to wheel her suitcase in the direction of Dayna's room. I followed her, suddenly feeling uncomfortable in the living room. It had been an uneasy feeling ever since London had happened. As a spy, my job was to always look over my shoulder. But when you were actually a target, it made things a lot worse. I was constantly feeling like I was being watched, and not just by my bodyguards. I felt like a devil was sitting on my shoulder, whispering threats in my ear whenever I managed to find some peace.
"Lauren, do you want to help me clear up some space for myself?" Elaine asked, eyeing some of my things which were still littered around the room. I could hear Craig making plans for a movie with Dayna and Grant. I closed the door and nodded. Suddenly, Elaine wasn't all cheeky smirks and bright attitude anymore. Her expression fell to one of somebody who meant business.
"I'm sorry," she whispered so quietly that even someone in the room wouldn't have heard it.
"I know this isn't easy for you. I know how frustrating it can be to be a sitting duck."
How would you know?, I wanted to snap. But she had that quality about her that made her infuriatingly likable. She unpacked her things, decorating the room like any college student would. I cleared up my things, occasionally passing her "music" discs and "old assignment folders". Of course, that's not what they were. I was passing on the reigns along with all the information and confidential papers. She took them and shuffled through them, pretending to look uninterested. But I could see her eyes rapidly scan everything and commit it to memory. When she was done, she moved to the paper shredder in the corner of the room (honestly, Dayna's nervous habit of organization and clearing could get a bit much, sometimes) and got rid of everything.
"Look after her," I mouthed. Elaine smiled, sadly. That's another thing I guess the movies don't show you. It's always the exciting bits like explosions and gunfire (which are not at all exciting, let me tell you). They never showed how the side characters or collateral damage were real people. Real people who died when we messed up our jobs. People we lost and deaths we had to live with because the next assignment was already on the way. It wasn't always adrenaline and rushes. It was always, always life and death.
"I will," she replied. "You look after yourself."
"Ladies!" Craig's voice boomed as he did a musical knock on the door. Like I said - he wasn't a jerk about being in a co-ed dorm. I opened it and raised my eyebrows, wiping off my sad expression with one of casual amusement.
"And what can we do for you?" I asked.
"Follow me, my minions, as we go watch the movie marathon of James Bond," he grinned. He was talking about the movie marathon which the nearby movie theatre had planned, screening James Bond films all month until the new one came out next month (the very same one Bex had used in her mail). Today's was supposed to be the one which came out last year. Craig then proceeded to fold his hands as if he was holding a gun and started humming a mysterious tune under his breath. I didn't point out that real agents didn't look like that, or that the tune he was humming was actually from Mission Impossible. Dayna looked a little put off. I didn't blame her. I'd seen the trailers of the movie. It was set in the Middle East and involved a fictional royal family. As if that didn't hit close enough to home. But she wanted to get out of the dorms more than she wanted to sit through the movie - and, well, she looked like she didn't mind it so much. It might be a bit comical to see what details they got different.
"Where's Ivan?" asked Dayna and I nodded. Yes, where was Zach? I was pretty sure that if I was going to the movies, then him and Grant weren't going to let me go on my own.
"Probably avoiding Alex drooling all over him," Craig snickered. My smile faltered, which he noticed, because he winced and mouthed 'sorry'. I guess Alex finding him cute was well known within our friend circle, as was the fact that "Ivan" and "Lauren" were "starting to like each other."
"He's in the library. I don't think he's going to go for the movie," Grant offered.
I looked at him, where he was standing behind Craig. He subtly shook his head at me and my heart dropped.
"Um..." I turned to Elaine, who was eyeing us. She got the hint, nodding and smiling widely at Craig.
"I'm all in." Of course, she was. She had to be if Dayna was going. Dayna looked between Grant and I.
"Won't you come, Lauren?" she asked, doing a decent job of sounding like she wasn't pleading. I shrugged.
"Nah, I watched it during winter break. I have tons of stuff to do. You guys go ahead," I lied, not trying to show Grant how disappointed I was. But I'd promised to be on my best behavior. I didn't exactly have a choice.
"Killjoy," Craig coughed dramatically. "You know this is our movie, Lauren Daniels. The guy's name is Daniel Craig, for pete's sake," he laughed before dragging Elaine and Dayna away. I walked up to Grant, waiting for the the other three to leave the apartment. The moment it was just the two of us, I turned to him.
"Why can't I go to a movie? I'm not going to be a prisoner!" I said.
But he was smiling comically.
"Oh no, Lauren. I'm not building you a fortress. I've been made in charge of giving you this," he said, waving a brochure in my direction. I snatched it, reading the print. A guide to the Smithsonian daily tours. I'd seen enough of these after living in D.C for over a year.
I flipped the brochure, opening it to the dog eared page. I felt my paranoia and irritation evaporate as soon as I saw the display of the ruby red slippers from The Wizard of Oz.
I grinned.
Despite the sunshine beating down on the streets of D.C, there was an undeniable chill in the air which made goosebumps rise up and down my arms. Now, you'd think : Why is she complaining? She's slept in a cave in freaking Alaska! And yeah, I have. But just because the cold isn't the worst chill I've felt...doesn't mean it isn't cold. The hair on my arms brushed uncomfortably against the lining of my jacket. Tourists milled around me despite the winter air. But I had eyes only for one person. I saw his hair before I saw him. Stark black, blending in with the low saturation tones of the season. He was leaning against a tree, his hands in his jacket pocket, looking far off into the distance. Of course, he heard me approaching long before I actually approached him. So, I wasn't surprised when he held out his hand before he even looked up to see me.
"Hello, Ivan," I said, still keeping us under cover. After all, the middle of the Smithsonian didn't mean we weren't being tailed. That was a lesson he'd taught me.
"Privet , lyubov' moya," he replied. I pulled a face of utter confusion and amusement, as any adoring, non-Russian speaking date would. Inside, I was feeling a little lighter. Okay, a lot lighter. It's not everyday that Zach said, Hello, my love. We rarely used such terms of affection (other than Gallagher Girl and Blackthorne Boy, I guess). Heck, we rarely even reminded each other that we loved each other. We didn't have to say it. We just knew. But, it was a pleasant surprise, one that I was rolling with.
He put his arm around me and started walking, but it was a lazy stroll. I put my arm around his waist, snuggling closer to his side. This was better than any James Bond movie could be. I'd rather rely on a romantic-comedy style lie for an escape, than one that hit too close to home. Zach pressed a kiss to the top of my head and I leaned closer. Two weeks it had been since Josh's funeral. Two weeks of guarded intimacy. I was sure that he was just trying to give me some space so I could pull myself together. And I had. I'd pulled myself together a lot faster than I'd expected to. Maybe it was because we were taught how to handle death our whole lives. Maybe because I could tell myself I'd been through worse and made it out okay. Maybe because I had worse to worry about: Catherine, Dayna, my own safety. And Zach.
The thing with being in a relationship with someone like him was that you got used to secrets after a while. I kept things from him because I wasn't allowed to disclose details. He kept things from me because he wasn't allowed either. It wasn't easy. Zach often said I was too curious for my own good. That was true. But I was one of those people who didn't just think 'curiosity killed the cat'. I was one of those people who thought 'but satisfaction brought it back'. Him keeping secrets from me wasn't the hard part. The hard part was watching those secrets tear apart someone you love, inside out, and being unable to do anything about it. There were many days when he would struggle to get inside my head while I sat lost in my own thoughts. Then there were days - well, weeks - like this when I struggled to get inside his.
"Ivan," I said, and he looked down at me.
"Do you remember what I said that day?" I asked, and he raised his eyebrows, looking genuinely confused.
"Which day?" he asked.
"When I said that we had no secrets - not the ones we don't have to keep."
Okay, so I wasn't the most subtle girlfriend.
Zach sighed, pulling me closer to him. He didn't say anything for a few seconds, but I didn't take my eyes off of him. The stubble was gone, and his green contacts were back, which just made it that much harder to read his expression. I stopped him in his tracks, turning to face him. He didn't remove his arms from around me, pulling me closer. I could tell this wasn't the place to have this conversation but if I could get under his skin now, then I wasn't going to pass up the opportunity. I put my arms around him and hugged him. He seemed to lose whatever strength he had keeping him on guard. His arms tightened around me and he buried his face in my hair. I sighed in content, just holding him close. I may have imagined it, but I felt him shiver as a cold gust of wind blew around us.
"What's wrong?" I whispered in his ear, my chin resting on his shoulder. He inhaled deeply, curling closer to me. I'd never seen him do this in public before. Dramatic dipping and kissing in a crowded hallway? Sure. Emotional vulnerability? Never. It set me on edge, but I couldn't pull away. Not when I suddenly felt like I was a pillar to him. He'd been my pillar for a long, long time. Of course, I wasn't going to pull away.
"Cammie, Cammie, Cammie..." he whispered in return, keeping his lips close to my ear, his words barely a breath. He wasn't talking to me. It was as if he was reassuring himself that I was here."I wish...I wish I could...I wish I could make it all go away. But I can't."
"What do you mean?" I demanded, still keeping my voice low. As two teenagers walked by, I giggled, pretending that Zach was just whispering sweet nothings to me.
"Everything," he said. "Everything that's going on. It's not right. It's like she's...immortal, or something."
"But she's not," I sighed. "And we'll find a way to beat her again."
"I feel like we're walking into a trap. Like she's..."
"Setting a stage? Yeah. I know."
He pulled back suddenly, his hands closing around my biceps, yanking me forward until we were barely millimeters apart. There was nothing harsh behind the action. His grip was firm but not painful. But I could feel the tension return in his hands; I could see the tendons go taut in his neck. If I was a ticking bomb...he felt like the wound up strung, waiting to snap. There was a desperation in his eyes which made me bring my palms to his cheeks, running my fingers over the dark circles under his eyes. The turmoil was visible and it worried me. If I could see him falling apart from the outside, then how much was he falling apart from the inside?
"You asked me that day, if I was going to leave you..." he started and I felt my heart stop for a second.
"You're not -"
"And I promised you I wouldn't," he continued, as if I hadn't spoken. "And I intend to keep that promise. But you have to promise me something in return. You have to promise, Lauren."
His words were shaking with how fast he was speaking, the Russian accent making it sound like a poetic blur.
"What?" I asked.
"Promise me that when all this is over, we'll make it out okay. You and I, we'll be okay at the end of it. Promise me that you'll make it out okay."
I felt my breath catch at the back of my throat. How could he ask me to make a promise which I had no confidence of keeping? Anything could happen in the world we lived. People died, agents didn't come home, spies lost their sense of self after everything they witnessed. I wanted to say the words. I tried to say the words. I told myself that even if I broke that promise, then I'd have no reason to worry because I wouldn't be around to face the repercussions of it. But he would. He would face the repercussions and I'd never be able to forgive myself for it.
"Say it," he said, and if you listened carefully, you could hear the pleading in his voice. It was a cruel reminder that while we were fully trained agents, for all intents and purposes, we were still kids. We were just college age kids. Our lives should've been worrying about the next big exam or which new place to go for a date. We were kids. We had always been kids. The only difference was that, our hearts and our innocence had died a long, long time ago.
I had to cling to whatever hope we had left before we lost that too.
"I promise," I whispered and then I closed the distance between us for the first time in two weeks. It wasn't deep. It wasn't fiery. It was in no way long. It was quick and soft and oh, it was everything. He sighed into the kiss, pulling me close for a second before pulling away again, his forehead resting against my temple. We stayed that way for nearly three minutes before he pulled back.
"Hey, Gallagher Girl?" he asked and for the first time in days, I thought I detected a hint of a smile at the corner of his lips.
"Yes?"
"So, I'm supposed to meet my teacher at the ruby slipper exhibit. I've only got twenty minutes, and if I'm late, he'll kill me."
I smiled, as he continued.
"But it's cold. It'll be dark soon. I'm by myself. And this is D.C. Do you think you could walk me there?"
"I'll think about it," I chuckled. "You better keep up. Don't forget I can walk fast."
Then I took his hand and started dragging him in the direction of the exhibit. This time, he chuckled too.
"Say it! I'm the man, just say it," Craig announced, bursting through the door. I tore my lips away from Zach's, squeaking and rolling off the couch, scrambling to re-button the shirt he'd just undone. Zach groaned, cursing in Russian as he sat up straight, patting down the hair I'd messed up. Craig's words died on his lips as he took in the scene in front of him. As I hastily did my buttons, I cringed at the flash of sadness which passed over his face. Then it was gone, in seconds, as he grinned at me.
"Oh, getting busy, I see," he teased, moving as the rest of the gang barreled past him and took over the living room. To be perfectly honest, despite the interruption, I wasn't complaining. I'd finally spent an entire evening with Zach without there being uncomfortable silence and sky high walls. I wasn't blind to the way he was behaving. He was still hiding something from me - something I wasn't allowed to know. He didn't say it but it was there. I just didn't bother asking because I knew the response would only make me feel worse. I'd rather be suspicious of him than watch him confirm that he couldn't tell me certain things which were making him spiral inside. This wasn't just about Josh or my grief anymore. This was something more. Something had happened to him between hearing DeeDee accuse Dillon and my attendance of Josh's funeral.
The only thing which kept bothering me was the way his eyes went vacant - especially now as he watched the room fill up. It was eerie enough with how dark his eyes naturally were, but the fake green made me want to curl up. He looked like a wind up toy which had run out of fuel. I'd probably have not seen this look if we'd spent the night together. I'd have been easily fooled into believing things were alright. This trigger was what I needed and I hated that there was one to begin with. I'd seen Zach fumble after missions before. Sometimes, we didn't always succeed in what we were told to do. Information got lost. Our allies were captured, or worse. Our assignments died. Assets vanished. Missions failed. I'd beaten myself up about it a lot and I'd seen him do it too. But this was something else. It was like...someone had let lose a piranha inside him and ordered it to eat at him. Slowly.
I found myself wondering about the promise he'd made. I wondered if the promise of never leaving me was purely physical. I wondered if I'd lose everything which made him Zach and be left with a broken shell in the end. But the answers to these questions would come to me only if I knew what the right questions were! If I knew where to search.
Zach scooted over to make space for Grant and Carrie, who were busily chatting about the movie. Dayna was sitting on the breakfast counter, swinging her legs as she watched everything in comfortable silence, occasionally nodding to Aaryan who'd tagged along for the movie, as well. I rarely saw the Indian boy. He wasn't entirely part of our friend circle but he was always invited to our outings. Mostly he was always locked up in his room or at the gym. Alex and Craig were the only ones who stood by the door, watching Zach and I with an uncomfortable expression on their faces. Then, Alex stalked to her room and slammed the door shut.
Elaine walked in, hanging up on the call she'd been making and shoved the phone back into her pocket. That seemed to distract Craig.
"That was a long phone call," he said, raising his eyebrows as he dropped on a beanbag chair beside me. I simply sat down on the floor next to him, eyeing Elaine. But she didn't seem fazed. She just shrugged, pushing back some of the pink hair falling over her eyes.
"Just my girlfriend."
"You're not single?" Craig asked, sounding incredulous.
I smacked him at the back of his head, hissing, "Real classy."
Aaryan scoffed, speaking up, something I'd rarely heard him do.
"Don't mind him, El. He's not homophobic. He's just astounded that not every single girl in the world is falling all over him."
"Hey," Craig said, rubbing the spot where I'd hit him. "I don't have a problem with her being gay. I'm still going to be her favorite guy friend at Henle. Right, gorgeous?" he grinned.
I think it was in Craig's favor that Elaine realized he was joking and laughed, sitting on the other side of the beanbag.
"Always."
They'd known each other only for a few hours. I guess this is when all those C&A classes paid off for us agents, and I guess we were just lucky that Craig was so outgoing in nature.
"How was the movie?" I asked. "Did you like it?"
"It was so cool, Laurie. I mean I know you saw it, but the ending was amazing. Right?" he asked, excited. I blinked and an old line from sophomore year came back to me, from when I'd been collecting pocket litter to go meet Josh for the first time. It hurt a little to remember it and say it, but I just shrugged.
"I liked it but I didn't buy the ending."
Craig's eyes widened and I hoped he wouldn't ask me why.
"What? Are you - I thought you would, with the black belt and all. Come on it was -"
"It was so fake, Craig," Grant interrupted, coming to my rescue.
"I'm telling you, Hugh, real spies can totally pull that off. You can't make that stuff up."
Everyone rolled their eyes, but I was sure that there were five people in the room whose hearts skipped a beat. I laughed and shook my head, which was a cue for everyone to return to their mini conversations. But my eyes were trained on Zach who was just watching everyone talking. He met my eyes and gave me a small smile, before standing up.
"I'm going to bed. Goodnight," he announced, moving to the door.
"Already?" Craig asked, glancing at the microwave clock. "It's only ten."
"Early class tomorrow, and I'm going to the library first thing in the morning. I'll see you guys later."
His eyes lingered on me for a second before he gave a short wave and walked out the apartment. Craig turned to look at me.
"What?" I asked, noticing his expectant expression.
"I think that little look was cue for you to go say goodnight, if you know what I mean," he chuckled. "Shoo. Go. Get your ass out of here."
I didn't need to be told twice. This was the only chance I had to confront him. I walked out of the apartment and went to Craig's. The entire suite was quiet, save for the light coming out from under Zach's door. I knocked once before opening it. He had his back to me and was typing something on his phone. He turned around and his eyes widened when he noticed me. He put down his phone on his desk, pulling me closer, his expression worried.
"What's wrong? Did something happen?" he asked, checking me for any damages even though it had been less than a minute since he'd left. I chuckled, shaking my head.
"Craig told me to come say goodnight. But he didn't need to tell me for me to do it," I whispered. Since I had abandoned my shoes after coming back from the museums, I had to stand on my toes to press a kiss to his lips. He didn't hesitate to respond, smiling a little as he put his arms around me.
"Craig told you to come say goodnight? He's taking this a lot better than I thought he would. After you told me -"
"Yeah, I guess he's not the jealous type. He seems happy that I'm happy."
"It's better than him trying to kiss you after seeing my reflection in a window," he chuckled, before he realized what he'd said. His expression of amusement dropped.
"Cam, I'm sorry, I didn't -"
"No," I shook my head, kissing him again. "Don't be. I can't...everyone has to move on from Josh's death in their own ways. I'd rather remember him the way he was. He deserves to be survived by the good times and not the bad times."
"I don't think those were good times for him," Zach whispered.
"It was the start of it with DeeDee. She was good for him. And I know they were happy, I know it -" my voice shook a little as I spoke, but my words were interrupted by the front door opening.
"Craig?" came someone's voice from the outside. Zach and I both remained quiet until we heard them leave again.
"You know," I said, changing the topic. "Alex likes you."
Zach laughed.
"I thought she was in love with Craig."
"Maybe she's trying to move on because she doesn't want to waste her time being sad anymore."
"You sound jealous."
"I didn't say I wasn't the jealous type," I said, scrunching my nose.
"Silly civilians," he whispered low. "Getting in the middle of two badass spies."
"Badass?"
"Well, I'm pretty badass. Madame Dabney said I was special, remember?"
"Like you could make me forget," I laughed, before looking around. "Are you really going to bed?"
He looked like he would've loved to take me up on a different offer, but he nodded. I frowned. It was a split second mistake on his part - something I'd never seen him make - but I saw his eyes shift to the phone he'd put down earlier. Doubt crept up deep inside my chest as he kissed my forehead.
"Sleep tight, Gallagher Girl. And stay safe in there. I'll see you in first period."
I smiled, reaching up to kiss him again, my hands roaming through his hair and down his neck. He groaned, pulling away.
"The things you do to me," he said.
"Not the kiddish kind?"
"Not in the least," he smiled, kissing me quickly again.
I left, closing the door behind him. My body felt like jelly as I shook my head. No. No, if he had to go somewhere for some covert operation, he'd tell me. Even if he couldn't give me details, he'd tell me. Besides, nobody would give him another covert mission if he was already actively in the middle of protecting me. He wouldn't lie to me about that. I walked back to my apartment, hating myself for what I was about to do. I closed my door, remembering up the distance to Craig's apartment which I'd memorized on the first day. My fingertips felt cold from where I'd confirmed the fact that he was wearing his tracker, when I'd kissed him.
Sitting down on my bed, I held up my wrist bracelet, clicking the tiny latch on the side to re-sync it. It vibrated subtly, signaling me to enter a value in terms of meters. I pressed the latch again, setting it to a hundred. Then I waited, and waited, hoping nothing would happen. Two minutes and twenty five seconds later, a not so subtle vibration happened on my wrist. The centers of the ornate roses flashed a dull red, blinking again and again. He was out of radius. He'd lied.
I pressed my hand to my face, as if trying to wake myself up. It had to mean nothing. Maybe he went for a jog. Maybe he's just doing a perimeter check of the building. After all, the tracker had only given me a warning. If he crossed more than fifty percent of the set radius, only then would it go haywire. But less than a minute later, another shock was sent up my arm. This time the dull red was flashing bright, blinking rapidly.
No, I couldn't follow him. I had to sit still. I was on suspension. I was already in trouble for attacking Dillon. I couldn't break this rule, too. Technically, I had the right to leave but...no. I couldn't do that to Zach. I couldn't do that to him. I couldn't do that to us. But he'd followed me so many times to check up on me. No. No. No. No, I couldn't. But then I remembered his demented expression. The way he'd been acting. The glances to the phone. The blatant lie of going to bed instead of just telling me he had some need-to-know mini mission to get to.
And then I did what I usually do. I broke the rules.
I grabbed my bathrobe from the closet and quickly opened my hair from the braid it was in, letting it fall over my shoulder. Wrapping the robe around me, I grabbed my toiletry bag and walked out of the door.
"Where's everybody?" I asked Dayna, who was still sitting on the counter and chatting with Aaryan.
She turned to me.
"Elaine's in our room. Craig and Grant left with Carrie to go grab a late night bite. I haven't seen Alex since she locked herself up in her room. She's probably sleeping."
"Okay, I'm going to go take a shower," I said, waving at them and walking to the girls' bathrooms. Locking myself up in a stall, I shed the bathrobe and opened my toiletry bag. Beneath the loofah and the soaps and shampoos, was a small box. It was still in its cellophane wrapping and in a hotel kit style, it said the words "Bathroom Kit." I opened it, ruffling through the contents. There was a comm unit which would double as a satellite phone. I put the earpiece in my head, clipping the mic to my bra strap. I needed it. I'd have a three to five minute head start, after getting off campus, before my tracker lit up my radius breach at Langley. They'd inform both Zach and Grant, right away, and I had to do this as quick as possible. Inside it was also an emergency gun which I hesitated to pick up. After a second's thought, I loaded it, checked the safety and strapped it to the built in holster on my pants.
It didn't take me too long to slide aside the glass panes on the bathroom vents. Hoisting myself out, I landed on the ledge of the building, dropping down as a camera swept over my head. Rolling and dropping onto the grass below, I snuck away from Henle. The Hall wasn't far from the car park and I quickly searched for the assigned spot which Grant and Zach had for their cars. Grant's was sitting in its place. Zach's was missing. This was when my timer started. I sent a silent thank you to Mother Nature for making it snow the previous day, which left snow chain tracks until the gates. Then I started sprinting. One minute down. Two minute down.
Forty seconds later, my phone buzzed in my back pocket, which I'd already synced with my comm unit.
"Where are you?" demanded Grant.
"Out for a run."
"And you couldn't tell me this before?"
"It's just a short run."
"Anything can happen on a short run."
I was counting on that, but I didn't tell him this.
"If I'm not back in twenty minutes, you can start panicking."
"I'm already panicking. Twenty minutes is too much. If you really were on a run, why did you take your...back up things with you?"
"How do you know I did?"
"Because Dayna told me you went to shower and I found an interesting sight at the bottom of the girls' bathroom trashcan."
I wanted to reply but I stopped in my tracks, quickly ducking and rolling to the side of the road. The ground was slippery from the dusting of snow, not to mention, I wasn't far from the banks of the Potomac river. The silt bed was shifty under my feet.
"Are you still there? You wait there because I'm coming to get you."
"No," I said stubbornly, keeping my voice low.
"Dammit, Chameleon. I'm on my way. Stay on your unit or I swear to God, I will call for back up."
But I wasn't listening to him. My eyes were on the parked car on the side of the road which I knew was Zach's. He must've been in a real need to get away from me if he didn't even notice me tailing him. Not that I'd been particularly sloppy and it hadn't been easy catching up with a car. I ducked behind the trees, using the foliage as my cover. I could see Zach leaning against the car door, his breathing visible in the cold air. His eyes remained trained in the direction which I'd come from. My sight shifted the moment his expression did. There was somebody in a black hoodie who was running to the car, stopping right in front of him. Zach was talking to them furiously - a woman, I realized, as she pulled her hoodie down. I couldn't see her face; nor tell her hair color in the night. I scooted a little closer, careful not to rustle any leaves or shift any dirt.
There was a sinking feeling settling inside my chest. Okay, so he was meeting up with a woman. It wasn't that big of a deal. But he'd lied about it. But that didn't really matter, right? It was probably for a mission. She was probably the agent he was supposed to be checking in with from time and again. But his expression didn't look like he was checking in. He was smiling. For the first time in two weeks, that devil-may-care Zachary Goode smile was on his face. And it didn't even look fake. I swallowed thickly, shivering. And it wasn't because of the cold. I stepped closer, trying to assess her appearance to see if I recognized her. She shifted a little, turning her back to me.
But that was enough. I saw the Juicy Couture track pants. And not just any old track pants. There was a huge splotch of chocolate syrup behind the knee. I knew this was chocolate because I was the one who'd dropped it there. I knew this because I'd had to listen to a hellish speech about personal space and respect for other people's property, after I'd done it. I knew this because I'd promised to get them dry cleaned after I'd done it, and had to have the same stain shoved in my face, every few days, until the owner gave up.
Zach hadn't snuck out and lied to me to meet another agent.
He was talking to Alex.
I staggered backwards, further down the sharp incline of the river bed. The river rushed furiously, bits of ice tossing around in the rapid waves. I felt my phone buzzing again and something sharp itched on my forearm. I pulled up my sleeves like a robot, staring at the freshly healed skin. Amidst the faded scars of my torture, there was one neat line of a slit. Underneath the layers of my skin, a dull red dot was blinking. Grant was already tracking me. I pressed the button on my comm unit, whispering in a daze, trying to collect my thoughts.
"Grant?"
"Where are you?"
"I'm coming back."
"But where are you?"
"I -"
"Are you on Canal road?"
I realized that if Zach saw Grant coming, he'd know I was here. And suddenly, I wasn't prepared for a confrontation anymore. It didn't matter to me that he'd lied. That if he wanted to talk to Alex, he could've done it anywhere on campus and not here in the middle of the night. I couldn't face him. Not yet.
"Yes, but stop. I'll come to you."
"No, I'm -"
"Grant, please," I whispered, already moving in the direction which lead me away from Zach and Alex. I had to get myself together, I scolded myself. Once I was sure I was out of their line of sight, I hopped out of the greenery and back onto the main road. Then I started to run back, pushing myself to go faster and faster with every step. I ran into Grant halfway, but I didn't say anything to him. He simply followed me back, even when I climbed back up the parapet and into the bathroom. I didn't want to push him off the building, so I let him in before sliding the glass back on the window.
"Where did you really go?" he asked as I stripped off my jacket and took the gun out of my holster. He froze for a second, reaching for it, but I was already unloading it, digging through the trash for the box.
"Does it matter?"
"Yes," he responded, kneeling beside me. He noticed my shaking hands and grabbed them, making me look up.
"What's going on? Where did you go?"
"Let me go."
"I'm on your side, here. I'm supposed to be protecting you! You're my friend. You're...my best friend's girlfriend. Your Bex's best friend!" he said. I didn't realize that Bex's best friends meant so much to him but I was in no mood to question it. If anything, I was happy they'd moved past the stage of him winking at her between classes and her flipping her hair at him.
"Grant..." I snapped, flipping our hands so I was squeezing his. I hoped he got the message. "I really just needed some fresh air, ok?"
He frowned, probably trying to decide if he should believe me or not.
"Listen, you can't just run around, okay? You can tell us if you want to leave -"
My bracelet vibrated again, subtly this time, the dull red going down to nothing. Grant's eyes fell to the flash of color and then his eyes widened. It took me a second to realize he knew exactly where I had been this whole time - where Zach was.
"You -"
"No, listen to me. You never should've followed him. Promise me, you will not do that again. It is dangerous!"
His voice sounded furious, his eyes wide. I pulled my hands back, irritated and angry. Everyone was asking me to make promises when nobody seemed to be keeping them in return. How was I supposed to know who I could trust?
"You know! You know he's lying to me -"
"He has to-"
"He doesn't have to give me the details! But lying blatantly -"
"Dammit, Cameron, listen to me," Grant snapped. I'd never heard him snap at me before and the shock of it had me shutting up.
His hands came down on my shoulders, his grip tight.
"Whatever he's doing, I know it looks bad. It looks really bad. But you have to trust him. Him telling you could hurt you more than you not knowing. And you sneaking around and finding out could hurt both of you! So, tell me, you won't. Just trust him. He loves you. He's trying to protect you."
My throat felt dry as I remembered the way Alex used to glare at me. The smile on his face as she'd run up to him. I slid free from Grant's grasp.
"He has a crap way of doing it. Now, get out. Before I inform the Hall advisors that you're sneaking into the girls' bathrooms."
Grant looked thoroughly offended but he gave me a warning look before leaving. I repacked the gun and comm units into the box, getting rid of my wet and muddy clothes. Without thinking about it, I stepped into the cold shower before even waiting for it to turn hot. The temperature went up quick, scalding my skin, but I didn't care. I'd been through worse burns. And my tracker was in too deep to get damaged by this. Zach's smile kept attacking my vision and I groaned. Furiously, I punched the slick tiles, letting the water run down my body. It created muddy trails around the drain and I found it ironic how everything was just sliding off of me and flushing away.
Trust him. Trust him. Trust him. He's lied before to protect you. Trust him.
But I just...couldn't. Instinct told me otherwise. Instinct told me this wasn't about protecting me at all. And I really hated my instinct.
When I walked back to the apartment, skin all splotchy and hair dripping wet, Dayna was sitting at the counter. She seemed to be working on an assignment, typing furiously on her laptop.
"That was a long shower," she said without looking up. I barely grumbled in response before an irritated shriek went through the apartment. To my surprise, Alex stormed out of her room. The girlfriend in me wanted to tackle her to the floor right then and there. But the spy in me noticed that she was still in the clothes she'd worn when she'd come back from the movie. I frowned at her.
"Where's my tracksuit?" she demanded and Dayna and exchanged a glance. I pretended to look confused.
"What suit?"
"The one you wrecked! The Juicy one! I haven't seen it since before winter break," she said, glaring at me as if everything was my fault.
"How should I know?"
"I gave it to you to dry clean before the holidays!"
"No, you didn't," I said, my brows furrowing deeper.
"Yes, I did! I kept it in Ivan's car when he told me he was driving you to Richmond. I put it in the backseat, on top of your luggage! Don't tell me you lost it!"
Ice replaced the heat from the shower, my skin prickling uncomfortably. I swallowed, shaking my head. Alex shrieked again, stomping away, mumbling about not being able to trust anyone anymore.
I quickly darted to Dayna and Elaine's room, seeing the pink haired girl reading a magazine. She looked at me and one glance at my expression had her shooting off the bed.
"What?" she mouthed.
"How long has Alex been here?" I asked.
"Since we came back from the movie."
"You're sure. You're absolutely positive?"
"Yes, I'm sure. Alex never left this apartment."
I staggered back, my mind running at a hundred miles an hour. Zach's car had the tracksuit I'd seen tonight. It was sent to me, but I'd never received it. And he'd been by my side the entire day we'd travelled to London. He hadn't even been the one to load the luggage in his car. I remembered because the dorm volunteers moved luggage before and after break. Someone - someone not on my side had stolen that jumpsuit. And right now there were only two sides - mine and the Circle's. That someone had met Zach tonight. That someone had put that smile on his face.
And then I really hated my instinct.
Because curiosity had killed the cat, and no amount of satisfaction was bringing it back.