Chapter 7: We never say what we actually mean.

A/N: Quick language advisory (Naughty words are said) (Naughtier than what we've had so far, anyways) (Hey, this is why it's rated T)

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"What're you staring at?" Rose stammered.

Scor finally realized what he was doing and immediately averted his eyes. "I'm not staring," he mumbled. He felt as though his face was on fire and he hoped to Merlin she couldn't see it.

"Yes, you were! What were you staring at?"

"Nothing! Drop it."

"Why?"

"Why?" he repeated, incredulously. Had she really no idea why?

"Yes, why!"

"Rose, it doesn't matter. Just let it be, alright?" He rose from his seat, suddenly very depressed and angsty, like the protagonist of a coming-of-age muggle film during a moment of unwanted realization. Did she really not get it? Could she really not see? "Come on then. Let's go rescue the damsel in distress."

Rose gathered her books slowly. "What damsel?" she asked absentmindedly.

"That would be your cousin."

"Ah."

Scor waited for her to buckle the flap on her schoolbag before leading the way out of the library. He glanced back at his, er, friend as she trotted along behind him. There she was, just looking at all those bloody books around them, completely unaware of the pathetic movie plot she was creating for him. Hadn't she had enough of books, for once in her life? He knew that was a stupid thought. Rose would never have enough, not even if she had the biggest library in the world all to herself. He couldn't help but wonder, though, if she would ever look up from her precious pages long enough to see what she was doing to him.

Merlin, he felt pathetic.

Upon reaching the room he shared with Al and the others, they discovered only Cameron and a badly written note from Al saying that he was going out to meet someone. Don't wait up. Rose laughed. "I suppose that means the damsel in distress wasn't in too much distress after all."

Scor nodded without really hearing. Cameron was waggling his eyebrows behind Rose in a blaringly obvious and immature fashion. "Shall we wait in the common room then?"

"Alright."

Scorpius sent a piercing backwards shot at Cameron. Tosser. The common room was, unfortunately, pretty full up with other Gryffindor students. Scor and Rose, mere third-years, were forced to sit on the floor in a corner as the more comfortable sofas and chairs were taken by the older students. Around them, people were studying, laughing, talking, and in the case of two, who Scor recognized as sixth-years, snogging. He was a little disgusted, really. James did it all the time, any time, of course, but this was just awkward. He knew Rose could see them as well and that she was trying to ignore their gratuitous display as much as he was.

"Studying?" she suggested feebly.

"Right…" he answered. Neither of them took out their books. Instead, they just sat there. Unable to say anything, but unwilling to actually give up.

"Who was that girl the other day?"

Scorpius, surprised that she'd been the one to break the relative silence, looked up from the ornately patterned rug he'd been fixated upon for the last two minutes. "Which girl?"

Rose gave him a funny look. "The one you and Al were talking to when you finally told me about the… uh, car incident."

It took a Scor a moment to actually remember that he'd talked to a girl at the aforementioned time. "Right… I think her name was… Eliza? Lizzy? Something like that."

"Liza. It was Liza."

Scor stared at her. If she'd already known then why did she ask…? "Yeah. Her. What about her?"

"How did you know her?" Alright, now there was definitely something odd going on here. Rose wasn't looking directly at him anymore. Instead, she fidgeted with the frayed strap of her schoolbag. Fidgety behavior was normal for Rose, especially when she was hyper, but she also had a thing for uncomfortably direct eye contact. Something about honesty of the eyes, or soul windows.

Scor chose his words carefully. "Al and I met her in Divination. She sat at the table next to ours in class. Why?"

She ignored his question and asked one of her own. "Why was she sitting with you at lunch?" Her voice was small and unsure, not confrontational- that worried him.

"I guess she saw us in the Great Hall? I'm not sure, Rose. What does it matter?"

She shook her head, her gaze still downward. "Oh, it doesn't matter. I was just curious, is all." After a pause, she added. "She seemed nice."

Scor scratched his head, utterly confused by such cryptic behavior from a girl who was normally so straightforward. "I dunno. I didn't really get a chance to talk to her all that much."

"Because of me?"

"What?" He was taken aback.

She was looking at him now, oh boy, was she looking. From under those gorgeous lashes of hers (dammit brain, now was not the time) she was looking up at him with eyes that seemed much older than those of a thirteen year old. Something resigned, something sad, and something a little bit challenging was concealed in those beautiful, deep eyes. Merlin, he should be a bloody poet.

"It's nothing." she smiled. Why was she smiling? "On to studying?"

His brain yelled, What the bloody, sodding hell is going on? but his mouth replied, "Sure. Charms?"

ooOoo

Rose considered herself a fairly level-headed person. She liked to think things through before reacting or making serious decisions. The areas of feelings and emotions, however, especially those concerning Scorpius, held a certain unfamiliar volatility that frightened Rose out of her unmistakably substantial wits. Nothing about sweaty palms or a stomach full of butterflies made sense to her. Why did she feel this way? Why did she feel this way about him? Why was he different from any other male that she interacted with or observed? What did it all mean? Her immediate reaction was to remedy it. Find the correct solution to the problem as if it were just another question on an exam and then move on. But again, as usual in this field of experience, she found herself second-guessing such a route. That was another thing. The constant analyzing and obsessing over everything he did or said. The slightest of gestures suddenly had an infinite number of meanings. Rose was scaring herself. She was convinced it was not, and could not be normal.

The days following the library incident were silent. Rose managed only small sentences and noncommittal head gestures to communicate with her cousins and Scor. They all noticed it- even her older cousin Roxanne (who normally didn't associate with the "little cousins" due to her admittedly much higher social standing) slipped Rose an almost concerned note in the girls lavatory while she pretended not to notice her. Albus and Scorpius, of course, were the most aware and most concerned of all of them, but all of their attempts to discover what was bothering her failed miserably. Yes, the days were very silent indeed… But only on the outside.

Within the confines of her mind, things were very not silent for Rose. Endless thoughts and countless threads of emotion wove and tangled themselves up like a giant ball of yarn swelling up in her head. Her train of thought never stopped in the station- the wheels were constantly turning up there. It was madness to her. For once in her life, Rose Weasley felt as though she were thinking too much. And she couldn't help but also feel that it was all because of Scorpius. Or, rather, the effect that Scorpius had on her. She thought about sending an owl to her mum, but quickly put that idea away when she recalled that both of her parents read her posts and that her father was significantly less tolerant of the Malfoys than her mum was.

Rose felt very alone, even whilst surrounded by so many people.

Yes, Rose Weasley liked to think of herself as a firmly grounded person, and she knew that most others thought of her that way. So it came as a shock, even to herself, when she found herself alone in her room one night, with her wand pointed at the nape of her neck. She had no idea how long it had been there by the time she realized it was. She'd thought about it for days now, but it seemed that her mind had made itself up without her even knowing. Okay, so she was going to do it. This was it. Here goes. Okay, wait, no, calm down. She just needed to think a moment- to settle her nerves.

Ready? Ready.

She shut her eyes and spoke the words.

And that's how Lily found her, half an hour later: eyes still closed and wand still pointed.

ooOoo

The boys were walking down the third-floor stairs.

"I can't wait for Quidditch trials next week, can you?" Al said excitedly. He didn't pause to allow for Scorpius to reply- Scor almost never expressed equal enthusiasm to anything. "I know James will be there, even though he made it the last two years. Honestly, I almost wish he wasn't going to be. He'll probably try to mess with our heads or something."

"Why wouldn't he want his little brother on the team?" Scor said with sarcasm.

"Well, I can't imagine him taking anyone under his wing, especially not me, can you?"

"No, he's not really the nurturing type, is he?

"I doubt he'd want to help anyone to get near as good as he is—." He was cut off quite suddenly by a shriek from above.

"Al! Al!"

Both boys lifted their heads to see who was calling his name.

It was Lily. "Stop! Come back! You've got to come quick!" She stood on the staircase directly above them, leaning so far out over the rail that Scorpius feared she would topple onto them.

"What? What is it?" Al called back. Scor saw his eyes widen. "Is it an owl? Did you get a letter?"

"No!" Her voice grew even more high-pitched. "It's Rose! You've got to come quick!"

At the mention of Rose's name, the two boys immediately ran back the way they'd come, barely making it to Lily's staircase before it began to move. "Where is she?" "What's happened?" they shouted over each other when they reached her. Instead of answering properly, Lily turned and quickly led the way back to Gryffindor tower. "She's in her room!"

The entered the common room, leaping through the portal with a speed that alarmed the Fat Lady and the few students that occupied the room within. Scor skidded to a halt just before they reached the stairs that led to the girls' dormitory, pointing out, "Hang on, we can't go up there, Lily. What are we going to do?"

Lily dithered at the steps for an agonizing moment. Finally, she dashed up the stairs, ginger pigtails flying out behind her. "I'll bring her down!" she shouted backwards.

All that Scorpius and Albus could do was wait anxiously at the stairwell. They paced back and forth, thoroughly confusing and interesting the other occupants of the common room. Their ears perked up at the clatter of steps on the stairs. The reappearance of Lily, leading Rose just behind her caused them to stop short.

Other than an unhealthy pallor in her normally rosy cheeks, the most notable feature on their friend and cousin was the absence of about a foot of long, curly red hair. It was gone- just gone. Rose's hair now ended in wisps just below her ears and stuck out in all directions above that.

"Holy shit, Rose…" Albus breathed.

Scor couldn't say anything. His throat was clogged, his brain blocked by the all-consuming image of the girl in front of him.

"Did someone-?" Al began.

Lily answered his question. "I was going to ask to borrow her brush and I found her in her room, just sitting on the bed like this, with her wand aimed at her head. I'm pretty sure she did it herself."

"Rose?" Scor choked out.

"Bloody hell…" Al ran a hand through his dark hair. "Blood hell… What are you going to tell Aunt Hermione and Uncle Ron? Are you going to tell them?"

Lily shot him a 'no, duh' look. "Well, of course, she is, Al. Don't be stupid! What's she going to do- come home at Christmas with a completely different hairdo and hope they don't notice?"

"Rose…?" Scorpius repeated. She was looking at him. Not responding, not reacting, just staring straight into him.

Al huffed angrily. "Well, of course not! I just mean, when is she going to write to them? And what's she going to say?"

"I'm not going to write to them," Rose finally replied, in a small voice.

The three of them stared at her. "B-but…" Al stammered. His sister's mouth was agape, and Scorpius had gone silent again.

"Lily," Rose turned to her cousin, quite calmly, in fact. "I give you permission to write to your mother, as well as mine. You may tell them everything."

The young girl gasped. "Really? I can? Can I go right now?"

Rose nodded, and Lily immediately ran up the stairs once again. A door could be heard slamming shut not ten seconds later.

"Rose, why in Merlin's name are you letting Lily tattle on you? Your mum and dad are going to be furious." Al shook his head at her.

Rose looked away from Scor for a moment. Her eyes were wistfully melancholy. "Because I don't know how to tell them, Al. I don't know how to…" she trailed off. Scor thought that "break their hearts" might have been on the tip of her tongue.

Albus ran his hand through his hair again, a sure sign that he was shaken. "Sodding hell…" He paused. "Perhaps I'd better write to them as well…" He started towards the boys' staircase. "Sort of lighten the blow, y'know." And then he was gone.

Scorpius couldn't tell if Albus was more perceptive than he seemed and had read the look Scor had given him, or if he just really wanted to make sure Rose didn't get wailed on too badly.

"Well," Rose said shakily. "That's one howler assured, unless Dad decides to send a whole separate one. Three, if Gran also decides to get in on it." She was trying to distract herself- Scor could tell.

Unable to help himself, he took a step closer. She almost seemed to shrink back from him, but not quite. "Why?" he managed to say at last. He searched her face for… something.

Now, she couldn't meet his gaze. Not two minutes ago, she hadn't been able to take her eyes from his and now she couldn't even look at anything but his shoes. "I… I needed a change. Needed to change." She smiled tightly. "I don't know. It seems like so many things are changing for us, for all of us, and, I needed something so that I wouldn't be left behind."

"What's changing, Rose?" He tried to capture her attention from the floor.

She hesitated. "Everything. Just lots of things... This was my decision, though. I thought about it, I really did, and I thought about- well, I thought about it." She took a breath. "And this is what I decided."

Scor reached out and fingered the freshly cut curls that brushed her neck, slowly, gently, as if stroking the fur of a frightened animal. "Where's the rest of it?" he asked quietly.

Rose finally raised her eyes to meet his. "On the floor… in my room…" she whispered. "Does… does it look bad?"

"No," he said with a smile. "No, it still looks nice."

This was only half of the truth. The truth, and what he longed to say, was that it was still beautiful.

She was still beautiful.

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A/N: hi everyone! how'd you like this chapter? i'm sorry it was kind of angsty, but we're about to jump ahead a couple years, so it actually explains why nothing notably romantic happens in between.

also, funny story, i actually did the same thing that Rose did, earlier this year, for similar reasons. maybe i've read too much manga, but chopping off hair just signifies an emotional turning point for me. what are your thoughts?

oh, and i may or may not have been SLIGHTLY influenced by Scorose art created by the talented Viria on tumblr ( ) (Art here: post/80266774490/rose-is-sleeping-and-scorpius-gets-distracted and here: post/77171477202/thaitla-art-by-viria-taken-from-virias). so adorbs.

~Nelly.