Chapter 7

The limits of tyrants are prescribed by the endurance of those whom they oppose.

-Frederick Douglass

Peeta sat on the edge of the bed in his stateroom and gritted his teeth. Pain pulsed through his hand. He lifted the ice pack which he held to his swollen knuckles. They had already turned a mottled eggplant purple. Katniss's voice called from the lavatory.

"Can you make a fist?"

He tried.

"Barely."

"Since the attempt didn't make you scream you probably didn't break anything."

Peeta closed his eyes, replaced the ice pack and tried to calm his nerves.

"I may have broken that Peacekeeper's face."

"Alright, you probably didn't break anything of worth. Ah!"

Peeta heard the gasp of pain followed shortly by the clink of metal on porcelain.

"Got it." She said, then immediately followed it up with a string of expletives the like of which Peeta had never heard.

"The disinfectant?" He asked.

"Yep," Katniss croaked trying to stifle a cry of pain.

"Stings like hell don't it?"

"I know you are mad at me, but you could enjoy the sound of my agony a little less."

"I was merely appreciating that you have taken the habit of swearing and elevated it to a form of high art."

She answered in another explosion of profanity, though whether it was in response to his statement or to a second splash of disinfectant Peeta did not care to ask. He remained silent until Katniss emerged from the lavatory. She crossed the gently swaying room, cracked open the window and dropped the tracker that had been embedded in her arm onto the rocks below.

Most of District 11 was behind them, the rich fertile fields were giving way to flat plains as they neared the center of District 10.

"Are you able to help me with the bandage?"

"Between us we have two functioning hands; we should be able to manage."

What followed was an incredibly awkward series of mistakes which eventually culminated in Katniss's arm being properly bandaged.

"So are we going to talk about yesterday, or pretend we are okay?" Katniss asked making the final adjustment to her bandage.

Peeta sighed, "I want to just forget about it, so we should probably talk."

"Agreed."

Peeta propped himself against the headboard of the bed and Katniss slid up beside him and rested her head on his shoulder.

"How about you go first," Katniss suggested.

There was a sudden sharp wrap at the door.

"Miss Everdeen?"

The voice was not one that either of them recognized.

Peeta and Katniss looked quizzically at each other, then realization dawned and Katniss rolled her eyes.

"Yes," she called.

"Is everything alright?"

"No, I am having a fight with my husband and would like some time to resolve the issue, unless you feel like you are qualified to mediate."

"I was just asked to check miss."

"I know, and now you have, so leave."

They listened as the sound of his footsteps faded from hearing.

"I didn't smash the tracker, I just dropped it out the window," she said, "you were saying."

"Alright," Peeta coughed awkwardly to buy time and collect his thoughts, "I think that for the first time in our relationship we want fundamentally different things."

"What is it that you want?"

"You."

Katniss smiled, feelings of affection and exasperation vying within her.

"Peeta, you have me."

"Not if 12 falls the same way 13 did."

"Peeta that is why we have to get out of the District, we can make a living in the Wilds."

"And be hunted for the rest of our lives?"

"Peeta, the life that you want in 12 can't exist, not for us. Have you managed to forget the conversation we had with Haymitch?"

"I was hoping to use this Tour to persuade the Capitol that we don't have to die."

Katniss groaned in frustration.

"Peeta, they have been listening to everything that we have said since the Games. Given what all of us have said over the past few months there is nothing that we can do now to convince them we are safe."

"Certainly not after yesterday."

Several moments passed in silence before Peeta turned to look at Katniss. Her face was set in in a stony mask of grief and shame.

"Katniss?"

She looked up at him.

"Those people died because of me. They gave money that they didn't have to provide for me in the Games, and I didn't know enough or think enough to say the right thing. Hell I could have stood silent, and those people would be alive today, and I have not figured out yet how I am going to live knowing that they are dead."

"Katniss-"

Roughly she wiped tears from her eyes.

"Yesterday I was more scared than I have ever been. I can't fathom what I have done, I can't breathe with the pain of knowing that in, what was probably the most important moment of my life, I was so wrong that it might literally destroy the world as I know it. My words killed people and I don't know how to live with that."

"Katniss, when I told you that I thought you had started a war I was as scared as you and I wasn't thinking. Your words did not kill those people; the Peacekeeper's bullets killed those people."

"You said what you were thinking, and you weren't wrong."

"Please don't judge my thoughts on what I say in moments of extreme distress. These are not moments of honest lucidity, when emotion takes over thought it is not more honest it's more reckless."

"Haven't you realized that there can be no peace between us and the Capitol? Not because I wouldn't have it, but because they can't."

It was Peeta's turn to remain quiet. Katniss looked up at his face, his jaw was set in a hard line, his brow was deeply furrowed, and his mouth was set in a thin line. She could see the intensity of his thoughts in his eyes. She hated to see him troubled but was pleased that he was giving their situation serious thought.

As Katniss waited she closed her eyes, her arm still throbbed under the bandage, the car around her rocked gently, and behind her closed lids a hail of gunfire and desperate screams invaded her mind. She wanted to open her eyes and see the images banished, but she knew that she had to process these images, to burn them into her mind, so that she never forgot, in the years to come the price of rebellion. She could not move forward believing that she risked only herself, or only her family.

Sleep had not come to her the previous night, but resolution had returned. Over the past couple of days her mind had been all over the place. Sometimes she had wanted to run from the District, sometimes she had wanted to wage war on the Capitol. So many times she had wanted to ask someone else what she ought to do, to make it their responsibility, to say what they wanted her to say and do what they wanted her to do so that the consequences would be their fault and not hers. Fortunately she had recognized the cowardice and futility of such abdication. Even if she handed over her decision making to someone else that responsibility would still be hers.

The Capitol had to be made to pay for what it had done in District 11. This was an absolute and she feared that Peeta would not understand why she had to be involved in making them pay. Gale would understand and agree, but Peeta was not Gale. Peeta was not a warrior; he was a baker, and a painter. She tried to picture Peeta with a bayonet in his hand rather than a paintbrush. The image would not form. She didn't want to see him that way. She loved his gentleness, and his kindness. Times like those she was sure were coming were not kind to men like Peeta.

"I can't accept that fight or flight are our only options, not yet, not until I have tried everything in my power to find another way."

"I can respect that," Katniss said.

"But you disagree, and I feel this difference as a separation between us."

Katniss sat up and spun so that she faced Peeta directly. She fixed her gaze on his, staring deeply into those haunting blue eyes. Her hand reached out and caressed the side of his face.

"Where is this distance?"

She moved closer and kissed him.

"Wherever it is," she said her hands sliding to the back of his neck moving so that she had one leg on either side of him, "I would have it closed."

More arguments occurred to Peeta's mind, but they became fuzzy and indistinct as Katniss's hands went to work. Soon there actually was no distance between them and for a time they put aside their worries, their fears, and their future in favor of a celebration of the lives that, however tenuous the grasp they still had.

It was another day before they reached the center of 10. They smelled it before they saw it, stockyards and slaughter houses having a very distinct odor. Katniss, Peeta, Haymitch, Cinna, and The Preps were in one of the main cars. Katniss and Cinna were pouring over some sketches Katniss had asked Peeta to do of a new bow design she had come up with. Peeta and Haymitch were playing chess, Katniss suspected Haymitch was cheating, she didn't know how as she did not know the rules to the game, but the drunkard seemed to be doing very well against her very sober husband. The Preps were clucking about something. Effie was still absent, she had consented to rejoining them for dinner, but had otherwise remained quite distant, and she still would not so much as ask Katniss to pass the salt.

When the pungent smell hit them everyone accept Haymitch jumped up to slam the windows shut. Katniss saw movement out of the corner of her eye. In one smooth motion Haymitch took a long swig of something that had burned Katniss's nose when she smelled it and pocketed a piece that was shaped like a horse from the board. Katniss smiled and shook her head.

She had never understood the affection that Peeta held for that man. By all rights Peeta should hate him. After all, everything that Haymitch had done in the Games had been to drive her to victory even at the cost of Peeta's life. His actions were as much a mystery to her as Peeta's care for the man. Haymitch only tolerated her, while with Peeta he was attentive, engaged and occasionally sober. Watching as Peeta took his seat again and surveyed the slightly less populated board Katniss smiled thinking that it was good that Haymitch had someone to care about. It also had to help Peeta who had become quite estranged from his family upon their return to the district. He never could quite forgive his mother for her treatment of him.

"Oy Kat."

Katniss turned her gaze from Peeta and Haymitch.

"Huh?" She asked Cinna.

"You went away and you were explaining this design."

"Oh sorry, yeah, I modeled it off of a bow that I saw in the Capitol."

This launched them into a discussion about the merits of recurve versus straight bows, the best materials for bearing the pressures of drawing a bow, and also of some new arrow designs that Cinna had been researching. They continued as the miles rushed by, until the conductor announced that they were less than an hour outside of the District center. Only then did they break off their conversation and adjourn to the washroom. Cinna selected a long sleeved blouse to cover the bandage on Katniss's arm, and a knee length skirt.

"The people of District 10 are big fans of dancing; you will need something that you can move in tonight."

This time when asked to speak Katniss merely looked at the families of last year's Tributes said a quick, I am sorry for your loss, and then stepped back. She presented the Mayor of the District with a particularly gaudy example of Peeta's embellishment of her work, and shook hands with the surviving Victors of the District.

That night at dinner Peeta stayed at the table while a kindly and elderly Victor named Angus taught her line dancing. He was a full head shorter than Katniss, and his deeply lined sun reddened face smiled more often than not. This District had its own accent, and when Angus spoke the accent was so thick that Katniss sometimes had to strain to understand him. Katniss was astonished to see Haymitch sitting off in a corner with the other Victors. Every time she tried to break away from Angus to join him the kindly old man would pull her back onto the dance floor.

Then they were back on the train. Two days later found them in District 9, very like 10 in that it mostly consisted of vast plains, though where 10 was very lightly populated there were far more people, and the altitude was higher. Instead of animals grazing the fields were covered in tall stalks of yellow grass that swayed in the wind. Again they were dragged in front of the gathered masses of the District, Peeta made a lovely speech and Katniss offered her sympathy for the loss suffered by the Tribute's families, she shook hands with past Victors, and ate with the Mayor. Oddly whenever Peeta approached Haymitch, deep in talks with the other Victors, Haymitch would gently send him off asking for a little time with the friends with whom he so rarely got to spend time. This firmly established a pattern that would carry over throughout the rest of the Tour.

Then they were back on the train. This schedule was exhausting and by the time they reached 8 Katniss was well and truly tired of the whole experience. District 8 was small, even by comparison with 12. Large buildings rose high above the ground and belched smoke and steam into the air. Despite her tiredness Katniss was fascinated by the sight. It was so unlike anything that she had ever seen before. The crowd that gathered to hear Peeta's speech and her apology were dressed in uniforms like miners from District 12. The pattern was dually observed and before they knew it they were back on the train.

District 7 brought more new sights. Trees so tall that Katniss felt her neck go sore in trying to see the tops of them, the air was wet and heavy and, if it was possible, smelled green. The District center was located by the sea, a thing that Katniss had only ever seen as a backdrop in some arenas. It was vast and beautiful.

Katniss shook hands with all of the previous Victors, noting that Johanna Mason seemed to be trying to hurt her hand with the pressure of her grip, while she seemed to linger over long in her greeting of Peeta. Katniss reflected that Johanna, like Madge was a person whose appearance and personality did not match. Katniss remembered Johanna's Games; she had played it meek, garnering a score of 4 and ensuring that she got no sponsor assistance. It also meant that she was dismissed by the other competitors. That was until she had gotten her hands on a hatchet and buried the other Tributes dismissal of her along with steel in their heads.

Johanna Mason was short, with a pixie face large expressive green eyes and flaming red hair. Her proportions were astonishing and Katniss could see that Peeta had noticed, and with an artist's appraisal appreciated what he saw. Johanna used her appearance to full effect as her hips swayed suggestively with every step. Peeta looked wide eyed at Katniss.

"I think I was just propositioned."

"I think you might be right, but I am not sure, she was being so subtle about it."

The rest of the night was spent with Katniss covering her mouth trying not to laugh as Johanna threw herself at Peeta, and Peeta tried in his usual gentle way to dissuade her. Later when they were back on the train with Katniss snuggled against him Peeta said.

"Did you notice that Johanna was the only Victor with red hair?"

"Is that a thing I ought to have noticed?" Katniss asked.

"I don't know, it was just so out of place, everyone else had both light or dark brown hair and eyes to match."

"There is a difference between people from the Seam and Townies," she said.

"True, I don't know why I noticed the difference."

"Because you are an artist and she made it completely impossible for you not to notice her."

"That she did, do you think you will be able to sleep tonight?"

"Who knows?"

Katniss shrugged, she had not slept more than five hours total since District 11 and the lack was really starting to tell on her. Cinna had commented that he was burning his way through make up at a ridiculous rate trying to make her look healthy. It was just those damn dreams. At first her mind had constructed pictures of what had happened outside that warehouse in 11 and those were horrible but the dreams she had now were somehow worse. They consisted of her sitting alone in darkness unable to move as the sounds of gun fire and screams echoed loudly while the smell of smoke threatened to choke her.

District 6 was much like 8, a factory town and having seen one Katniss was content to bypass any others. She ought to have been excited to meet the other Victors, but none of them stuck in her mind. Almost as soon as they had stopped they were moving again. In 5 she barely made it through dinner for dozing, but as soon as she laid down in her cabin on the train sleep continued to elude her. One night they tried having Peeta sleep in his assigned cabin. She did sleep, but had woken half the train when she woke screaming. Thereafter she resumed her sleepless nights with Peeta's arm tucked firmly around her.

In 4 she saw the sea again and was introduced to Finnick Odair. Finnick was probably the most famous Victor in Panem. His spectacular beauty, astonishing performance in the arena, and his well-publicized affairs with every person of importance in the Capitol all contributed to his fame. Katniss found him arrogant, though stunning to look at. His skin was golden while his hair was sun bleached. His eyes were a clear sea green flecked with gold and every inch of his body might have been chiseled by some sculptor who sought to produce a treatise on human perfection. The artist would have very nearly succeeded if Finnick's eyes did not look so sad, and if he had sculpted a personality to match Finnick's looks. Fortunately Haymitch's monopoly over the Victor's time meant that she had to endure his company only briefly.

That night as the train sped toward District 3 Katniss gave up on sleep and got up, carefully trying not to wake Peeta and went for a walk along the train. She wandered aimlessly until she arrived at the dining car. She saw a light coming from the galley and moved to the door to see who else was up at this hour. Silhouetted against the light streaming from an open fridge was Effie. Katniss was about to move on when she saw three red lines along the back of Effie's ivory colored robe. Katniss stood looking at the lines. These stripes were not artfully arranged; they had a ragged, random look. Katniss heard a sharp intake of breath as Effie rose a glass of milk in her hand. Something clicked in Katniss's mind.

"What happened to your back Effie?"

Startled Effie dropped the glass which fell to the ground and shattered.

"Oh Katniss look at what you made me do."

Katniss moved to help her clean up the mess.

"Effie-"

"Miss Everdeen why don't you ever do what you are supposed to? Why do you make everything so difficult? Can't I even get a glass of milk in peace?"

"Effie, what happened to your back?"

Katniss tried to make her voice as gentle as possible.

"Nothing, look I just want to get a glass of milk and go back to bed, is that too much to ask?"

"Yes, tell me what happened to your back, the bandages need to be changed."

Effie looked horror stricken, and then she began to cry.

"It's all your fault, they told us that if anything went wrong on the tour that we would be severely punished and you have made it difficult at every turn."

Despite her accusations Effie fell into Katniss's arms as she held them out to the weeping woman.

"I am sorry Effie, I didn't know."

She let the woman cry herself out then she helped Effie to her feet and allowed the woman to lean on her until they got back to Effie's cabin. Katniss had Effie sit on the edge of the bed and remove her robe while Katniss went into the medicine cabinet and retrieved needed supplies. Katniss grimaced as she peeled the blood soaked bandages from Effie's back.

"This will sting a little," Katniss said gently and handed Effie a pillow to cry into as she applied disinfectant. The plush pillow barely served to stifle Effie's cries. When Katniss was done she applied a new layer of bandages.

Katniss was shaken by the sight of Effie out of control. In all of her dealings with the woman Effie had maintained an unbroken dignity.

"I am a citizen of the Capitol, am I not?"

"Yes Effie."

"How then do they presume to flog us as though we were District dwellers?"

"We?"

"Katniss I told them, I begged President Snow not to make me come on this Tour. I told him that I could not govern your actions and you, what do you do first day? You delay our departure. How am I supposed to stop you? Brute force?"

Katniss realized that this was the first time in Effie Trinket's life that the woman had ever been in danger; she had no mechanism developed by which to cope with fear. Sympathy was strained by Effie's obvious opinion that physical punishment should be reserved for the common District rabble.

"I am a citizen," Effie pleaded, "How can they do this to me Katniss? What else will they do to me?"

"Nothing Effie, Peeta and I will give them no more reasons to hurt you."

Effie looked at Katniss with a hopeful pleading expression. Tears still ran down Effie's painted cheeks. It wasn't Effie's fault that she had been assigned to the District 12 Tributes the previous year, and it was not her fault that Snow would not allow her to abandon them now. Effie was caught in a trap and Katniss could pity her, even if she found herself in the same trap.

"Try to sleep Effie."

Effie nodded laid back on her side and closed her eyes. Rage swelled in Katniss as she sat and patted Effie's hand until the woman had cried herself to sleep. As soon as her breathing steadied, apart from the occasional whimper Katniss was up and running down the corridor.

She said we.

As soon as she found the door she was looking for she pounded on it with her fist.

"Yes?"

Cinna asked blearily as he opened the door. Katniss pushed into his room, her fury barely contained.

"Turn around," she commanded.

"Katniss it's- " he turned to look at the clock. Katniss did not wait for him to decipher the numbers in his sleep addled state. She advanced on him, took hold of the collar of his robe and ripped downward. The white of a freshly changed bandage stood in stark contrast to his dark skin. Katniss released him and moved over to a plush armchair by the car's window and collapsed heavily into it.

"Why didn't you tell me?"

Cinna shrugged the robe back over his shoulders and took a seat on the edge of his bed.

"What good would it have done?"

"I would have known."

"It would not have made you abandon the rescue effort, nor should it have. I knew the price when I decided to pay it."

"But-"

"In District 11, what you said, it was ill advised, but it wasn't wrong. I'll take a few stripes for someone to finally ask what should have been asked by every citizen of Panem for the last seventy four years. Katniss I am a Citizen of the Capitol, born and raised and I have never understood why the people of the districts surrender their children. Every year, without so much as a fight they send their children off to slaughter. How could they? I don't come close to understanding, that it why I worked so hard to help you make the best impression possible. It is important that people see others like you who will fight for what is right, even if they don't completely understand that is what they are doing."

"Is that why you have helped me ever since? Is that why you are willing to commit treason to arm me against the Capitol?"

"Partly, and also partly because I have grown to care about you, and also because," he trailed off, "Katniss, you don't know what it is like to be a parasite."

Katniss looked confused.

"Katniss, the Capitol wields power, but makes nothing. It claims ownership of everything, but it produces nothing. Everything that I have has been provided to me by the sweat of someone else's back. Not everyone in the Capitol believes that this is right, I am one who doesn't."

"Cinna, I don't know what to say."

"Nothing need be said, I would offer you a hug, but," he indicated his back, "don't think of it anymore, I am not without strength. You have enough to worry about."

"Cinna, I-"

She didn't even know what she was going to say.

"If you want to help me, get some seceding sleep, the bags under your eyes are getting harder to hide by the day."

Katniss nodded, suddenly more tired than she had ever believed possible, she pushed herself to her feet, and managed to stumble down the hall. She fell heavily into bed and was asleep even before Peeta could ask if she was alright.

District 3 would have been fascinating if she had gotten to see any of it, but this visit fell neatly into the pattern of all the others. Katniss barely noticed as she was introduced to the other Victors, it didn't matter she would not be permitted to speak to them anyway. She stayed close to Peeta, rarely releasing his hand. When she woke she had told him about Effie and Cinna. Once again she saw Peeta's eyes flash with anger, but he made little comment other than to express a new found admiration for Cinna. Katniss noticed that he was particularly kind to Effie on the train the next day, offering to bring her anything she might want so that she need not stand to get it herself. The air between Katniss and Effie seemed to have thawed slightly as well, making their time on the train somewhat more pleasant.

Then they were back on the train. District 2 was fascinating, not because Katniss got to see any more of it than she had any other Districts, but because of the people. In most Districts the crowds that gathered to meet her and Peeta were loud, unorganized and often unruly. The people of District 2 stood, in uniform rows, silent and attentive.

They applauded politely when she repeated her, "I am sorry for your loss," litany, but unlike in the other Districts the crowd standing at rigid attention did not seem to respond emotionally to her apology.

"That was weird," Katniss said when they were back on board the train.

"Yeah, did you notice?"

"Notice what?"

"Most of the people in district 2 had flaming red hair."

Katniss did not know what to make of this observation so she remained silent.

District 1 was so similar to the Capitol that it gave her goose bumps to be there. It was just after Peeta's speech that they hit a snag. Katniss would not step forward to offer her now traditional apology to the families of the previous year's fallen Tributes.

"Katniss what are you doing?"

Peeta asked.

"I am not doing it."

She said her expression hard and implacable.

"Why not?"

Katniss looked at Peeta, "their son slaughtered a child."

It was Marvel of District 1 that had killed Rue. Katniss could still see the look on little Rue's face as the spear slid through her little body. She had looked surprised, confused, and at last scared. Katniss would submit to a public lashing before she apologized for wiping the monster that had killed Rue from the world.

"Katniss," Peeta's voice, was harsh and this more than anything pulled her from her memories, "their son was a child that was slaughtered."

His words hit her like a hammer. She glared at him for a moment before stepping forward, leaning into the microphone and saying, as sincerely as she could manage, "I am sorry for your loss."

"You did the right thing," Peeta reassured her when they were back aboard the train.

"It didn't feel like the right thing."

"Fine, you did the necessary thing, and that is almost as good."

Katniss didn't think that Peeta was correct in that assumption, but she let it pass as the train sped off into the night with every mile of track the wheels ate they drew closer to their final stop on the tour.