Disclaimer: I do not own Pokémon

Description: During a critical comma in his life, Jezz Morgan-Kapule unfurls the journal in which he recorded his life experiences. He narrates the story of his life, including how he became friends and family with the daughter of Ash Ketchum, Amber Ketchum, and the son of the notorious antiheroes Jessie and James, Jay Morgan, and how they led him to his own self-discovery.

The Journal

Chapter #5: Ranting to Girls

"Nobody listens to me, don't hear a single thing I've said
Say anything to soothe me, anything to get you from my head."

M.C.

Despite the challenges her and I once faced, Maple and I are close.

I'm not sure if that's by coincidence, faith, or force, but that's how it is.

Instead of dwelling on why she didn't call me back after several pursuits, I opened my ancient book and skipped to a part near the middle, my teen years. I was tired of typing up my despondent memories of young Jess and was curious…I don't recall everything I wrote, especially during that era, so I've no idea how much a changed since that time a decade ago.

December 3, 2036

It seems everyone is warier—afraid—to be around me.

When I rose this morning, it was already ten minutes past seven. I stumbled from bed and kicked the clock that was supposed to wake me at six-thirty. I had half an hour less to prepare myself to blend in with society.

I always feel out of place.

I've been wearing layers every day since last week. A tight binder, Under Armor, and a fleece uniform top. I tell people I'm always cold because I have hypothyroidism and that's why I'm always cold. But I still see hundreds of people I see every day and they don't talk—I wonder what those people think when they see me.

Amber confronts me about my dressing habits frequently, but today when she did it, it infuriated me.

I trudged down the stairs, scowling and looking downwards. This little boy named Shintaro got this freaked-out look on his face after I wordlessly I made it obvious I was pissed. Shintaro, his mother, these two tenants named Shika and Kora, my Pokémon, Annie's Wobbufet and Espeon were at the table eating omelets.

"What is the matter?" Shintaro's mother, He-ran, asked me.

"I just…I just…em, nothing," I mumbled. I think I groaned a bit too, though I don't recall.

"Raw morning, I understand. Anna-sama also had a raw morning. She is upstairs but said she'd come back."

I was in a rush to eat, but I didn't want to get it all over myself either. Then I would have to change, and that would drive me up a wall.

Annie entered the kitchen with a piece of toast in her mouth and a mug of green tea in her hands. She struggling into a chair. Then, unexpectedly, Amber came in after her.

"Amb, you're here, and you're up early," I noted.

"I'm working on this project with Azumi," she said without looking me in the eyes. "We pulled an all-nighter yesterday and then fell asleep really early last night. Now I'm slowly moving back towards a normal schedule."

"Umph."

She smirked. "What the hell was that?"

"I wouldn't be able to tell you."

"Amber, I know you are taking this Pokémon research assignment seriously, and you really want that cash payment, but you and Azumi need to cool it before you burn out," said Annie.

"You are the one who is staying up late every night and eating nothing but toast and butter," Amb retorted she stole my onigiri. "This project is our mission."

"I'm on a mission too. No offense, but mine is more important than yours."

I noticed Annie glance towards her abdomen, then I noticed was protruding a bit more than usual. It's not like I look at it every day. I know it is rude to stare, I know it bothers her, but it's weird for me.

"I never said I was more important than anyone," Amber retorted.

"Are you still feeling ill?" I asked.

"Huh?" said Amb.

"I'm asking Annie."

"I was expecting discomfort," said Annie. "It's nothing I can't handle."

After He-ran, Shintaro, Shika, and Kora left, Amber took one of their seats. She inched it closer to me but stopped when she noticed me gawki—watching.

"Who the hell are those people?" Amber asked.

"Tenants," we replied together.

"So, they're paying rent?"

"They're on a plan."

'On a plan' is Annie's way of saying 'they can't afford rent so I'm letting them live here for free'.

He-ran poured Annie more tea.

"You're so kind," Annie said warmly.

"You deserve as much wonderful as you put out into this world," said He-ran.

Annie blushed then batted her hand.

"It's rude to just flick away someone's compliment," Amber complained.

"Not my intention," Annie retorted.

"I understand," He-ran smiled, flicking her hand.

Annie pulled herself out of the chair, using my shoulder to steady herself. I felt that warm soothing wave. It lifted my spirits, but those spirits fell the moment she let go.

"Good luck with school today," Annie said as she headed towards the hall.

She looked directly at me. I nodded. She could tell my morning was sucking so far.

"Why are you eating like a horse and ignoring us?" Amb said after Annie left.

"I'm late," I said as I continued to rush.

"Whatever." Amb turned to He-ran and lowered her voice to a whisper. "I can't believe A's doing this."

"Having the baby or teleporting to Cerulean City to help Lexi move into her new house?" He-ran responded.

"The baby thing. I mean, she hates stuff relating to pregnancy and afterward she doesn't even get to keep the baby! Isn't that usually the only reason people get pregnant?"

I don't think Amber understands the point of being a surrogate mother. I thought it was crazy too, but I'm over judging her. I grew pissed. I was trying to concentrate and hated gossip.

"Shut-up Amb. You are annoying and I'm sick of you talking about A behind her back," I quipped.

I was far louder and ruder than I intended. And provoking Amb—never a good idea.

"I AM NOT DOING ANYTHING WRONG!" she yelled.

There were a few more words that she yelled, but they were empty so I ignored them. It wasn't that hard to get Amber worked up over something small.

"Don't fight," He-ran squeaked.

"You think that you are so smart, so entitled to A," Amber sneered. "SHE'S MY FRIEND TOO!"

"This has nothing to do with you Amb!" I retorted. "Nothing, so stop."

Amber stomped away. I wanted so badly for her to turn around and smile, tell me she was joking and that I was stupid for falling for it.

But stuff like that didn't happen anymore.

I followed her to the guest room that is like a second home to her. She slammed the door. Annie was in the hall, watching me.

"What happened?" she asked.

"Amb's being a bitch!" I exclaimed, loud enough for Amb to hear.

"Shut-up!" Annie responded in a heated whisper. "People are sleeping. You are going to be late. You ought to leave for class within the next five minutes."

"I will," I groaned, turning away.

"Fine."

"Fine."

I was so worked up. I wanted to get my temper out of my system. I wanted to make a point to Amber. This is a new feeling that I have been having, and this morning, hitting the door, poised to argue, was a great demonstration of how much I have recently changed.

She swung open the door before I could walk away. She stood with an angry glare then plopped onto her bed.

"You need to shut up," she harshly remarked as I stepped in the room. "Shut the door behind you."

"I'm going to be late—"

"Stop," she interrupted. "Listen."

"Why should I?" I asked as I moved closer to her.

"You've been acting differently for a long time now. I hate it."

I knew she was right, but I wouldn't admit it. She hit my chest. It wasn't a punch or even a hard tap, but I knew she was about to get personal. Her fingers tangled with the front of my shirt.

"You're wearing ten shirts," she remarked, her voice half angry, half mocking.

I pulled her hand off my fleece. "I'm wearing three and it's cold outside."

"You'll be indoors almost the entire day."

"I might go outside for class."

"That's not the reason you're layered."

"You don't understand."

I turned away from her. Another bad idea.

"You don't understand!" she mocked. "I am poor, poor, Jezz, and no one understands me!"

"Why did you tell me to come in if you were only going to make fun of me?" I muttered.

"I didn't ask you to come in."

"You told me to shut the door behind me."

"Because I didn't want you screaming at me from the hall, again."

Something about the way she said that last word made me cringe. Again. We've done with before, several times.

"I get that you're trying to blend in. I know you go to school with layers under your uniform because you think someone might see your chest, WHICH ISN'T EVEN THERE!"

Our rooms were all near-soundproof. I am sure that someone could hear though, in fact, I am certain. Either that or it is more paranoia.

"How would you know?" I said.

"I know you. And I know Jay. And I know that you and Jay are still nearly identical. In the dark, I can't tell you apart."

"I don't think that's true."

"I'm a liar?"

"Are you?"

This time she punched my jaw. I didn't say anything for a while, even though she knocked out one of my cavities. She tossed me a tissue to soak up the blood while I cursed and looked for my gold cap.

"Stop thinking that everyone is conspiring against you," she ordered.

There was a long, terrible silence.

"You wanna be late?" she asked, opening her door, telling me to 'get out'.

"Yes," I said as I sat on her bed. "I won't get in trouble for being late one time. I don't want to go anyway."

She shut the door, and she gave me the look of 'I don't want to deal with this now'. But the face was a disguise because she shifted beside me.

"Let's rant together. You go first because your life is probably a million thousand times worse than mine is. Say everything that's bothering you. I won't bite. At least not any time soon," she said compassionately.

I hesitated. She urged me to speak.

"I'm upset," I groaned.

"Tell me something I don't know," she replied.

"I'm always upset, even when I'm supposed to be happy. I yell at Annie. Logan said that he 'misses the old me'. I'm physically ill. I have literal enemies. I'm almost certain people can see through me and think I'm a butch -lesbian."

"Stupid people. They ought to know that you're a girly-straight guy."

"That could be better."

"What else?"

"I hate being sick, socially awkward, and small."

"I'm not thrilled about that either."

"Maple said she doesn't want me to complain. She wants me to be happy all the time."

"That's unrealistic."

"I know you don't like her; you don't have to keep reminding me."

"You don't like her either."

"She's my girlfriend."

"You should break up."

"No. She's more than you think she is."

"You're only dating her because she is the first girl to ever fall in love with you."

"You think I am desperate? I thought you were going to let me rant."

"It's my turn."

"Fine.

I was done ranting anyway, not that this made a difference to Amber.

"I don't like how you've changed. I didn't expect you to move this fast. Not long ago you and I were lying in the grass, you were playing with my hair, and you were depressed but it wasn't so bad. You laughed, you were still awkward and using all those 'polite' words that were drilled into at that etiquette school."

"That was months ago."

"Months, not a lifetime."

"You changed too."

"It's my turn to rant."

"Fine."

"One day you were Jezz and now you're this completely different person I don't recognize."

"I—"

"Don't interrupt. I feel like I don't know you. I think about you all the time, and it bothers me. I think about you squeezing into the binder you don't need because you are already as flat as a board, I think about how you didn't go to the Cherryblossom Festival because you got bronchitis last year, I think about when they take all that blood from you and test it to make sure you aren't going to die, and worst of all, I think about you and Maple and all the things you do together…I'm done. Respond."

"Maple and I spending time together worries you more than the possibility of my disease progressing then killing me?"

"Yes."

"You had a boyfriend, sorta. What happened to him?"

"That was months ago!"

"You broke up?"

"Obviously."

"Why?"

"He called Jay a fag. I smacked him, and he wouldn't hit me back for sure if Pip wasn't prepared to Thunderbolt the shit out of him. I never liked him anyway."

I still don't know if that is true, but there was no way I was going to accuse Amber of being a liar, again.

"Why did you go out with him if you didn't like him?" I asked.

"He was attractive, nice, and we were both eating alone in the same pizzeria."

"Was that the day I stood you up because Annie had another seizure?"

"Yeah, it was. I didn't know that at the time though. You never texted me to tell me that one of my best friends was having a seizure. I thought you forgot about me, or you blew me off to go hang with someone else since you knew that eventually, I'd forgive you anyway."

"You felt rejected. By me."

She hit me again, kind of hard.

"Don't make this all about you," she grumbled. "This is supposed to be about you and Maple."

"I am not going to tell you about my private relationship," I replied.

"I don't like how private your relationship is."

"Maple is shy. She'd never do anything in front of other people, not even kiss, let alone…"

I didn't finish my sentence, because I felt that doing so would make her punch me again.

"I am confused as to why you are so jealous, that's all. I don't think it is unreasonable to request that information," I recovered.

"I already told you I think she is no good. She'll break your heart," said Amber.

"I disagree."

"You think you are going to get married and live happily ever after? You're a teenager!"

"We might do that…why don't you trust me to handle my own relationships?"

Amb slumped to the door and held it wide open. Pointing, she said:

"Go to school. You're already ten minutes late."

I thought about her face all day. She looked so hurt, so upset…because of me. For years she was my guardian. While she never fully understood me, she always cared for and respected me, and she only snapped when I purposely pushed her over the edge. I was poisoning what we once had—and for what?

Maple, I suppose.

After classes, I went straight to my internship. N sent me home after about twenty minutes. He could tell I wasn't feeling it today.

So here I am, resting, sulking, whatever.

XO

My cell phone went off. I slammed the journal.

"I saw you called," Maple started. "I've been working. Did you get dessert? I know Annie had people downstairs, but I stayed upstairs anyway."

"I did."

"I wished I came, then, of course, I would have gotten off track. It's healthy for you to have family time."

"You are part of the family too."

She giggled a little, in that sweet sort of way she does sometimes.

"You know what I mean," Maple replied.

Maple told me about her day. I stopped paying attention for a while. For someone so intelligent, she rarely engaged me in stimulating conversation.

"…and in the end, splicing the DNA was a good idea," she finished.

"Great," I said, speaking for the first time in ten minutes.

"What's wrong?"

"I was in a crappy mood so I opened my journal to a random page and started reading it. I started reminiscing all the arguments Amber and I have ever had."

"Why were you in a bad mood to begin with?"

"Overwhelmed. So much has just ended for me, that job a significant part of my world. I'm going to go to bed soon; I won't spend the whole night thinking about it."

"I know you don't like to rant about things, but if you ever need to, I'm here."

"I have a half-rant, half-reflection if you are interested."

"Try it."

Chimecho wrapped his tail around my neck, while Vileplume rubbed my shoulders.

" I should've known my dream job would be difficult, that I would only last three years, at most, as the Chief of Domestic Affairs. President Cynthia was on my side, but she couldn't control everything. I couldn't control myself. I had to do what I thought was right. Now I have this numbness, like another eye of the storm, another comma. There is so much to do at my age."

"There's so much to do at every age."

"People my age are finishing grad school—which I already did, three years ago. Several of my friends, some older, some younger, are getting married: first Rita and Ralph, then Lexi and Nolan, then June and Takeshi, Tomoko and Flare…they are getting ready to have kids too, or already do. I wrote books and published scholarly articles and obtained multiple degrees, but I still feel like I haven't grown up, even though everyone says I have."

"You're being unreasonable. You honestly don't think that you haven't grown up enough? Just because you aren't married? Most of your friends aren't married. Check that off the list."

"Sometimes anxiety is unreasonable."

"Is there more?"

"I don't think I'll be anxiety-free until the world ends. I'll talk to you later."

"Take care."

"Ditto."

XO

Author Notes:

+Inspiration and aesthetic for this chapter is Cris Beam's 2011 novel I am J. The opening quote is from the song 'I Thought I Lost You' recorded by Miley Cyrus and John Travolta—Pokemonfanthing's suggestion:)

+The reviews are awesome. Heads up that this whole fic will include summaries of all the important parts of Stand by You, Heroine, Alola Trials, and I will pull from the Cut Scenes and Drabbles as well. I'm aware the first few chapters are slow, but I think it gets better.

+ Next chapter is my first 'extra'. It will be told from three different perspectives, including Valentino's.

+ Please share your thoughts if you have any:)

For a list of characters, places, and other quick facts mentioned in this chapter, check below the cut.

OCs Introduced:

- Kora and Shika- tenants, insignificant characters.

- He-ran – a long-term tenant, she grows close to Jezz and the rest of the family.

- Shintaro – He-ran's son.

- Azumi's - Amb's friend from school.

Canonical Characters Introduced:

- N/A

Original Locations:

- N/A

Canonical Locations:

- N/A

Important Miscellaneous Other:

- Jezz was a grumpy teenager

- Jezz dated Maple when he was a teen, which really pissed Amb off, now they're something else.