Disclaimer: As much as I'd love to own these characters, they are the works of Stephenie Meyer, except Alexander, he's mine.
Chapter Seven: Secrets
The next three days were a blur. Maybe it was because I was getting over my guilt, rather quickly I might add. Sunday was pretty bad, and Monday, somewhat. Tuesday, I almost totally forgot about Alexander's death. That only made me feel guilty, forgetting about someone so important to me. But, I did say I had a plan to distract myself, right? Maybe not a plan, though, but a promise. I felt like I deserved to be guilty.
On Wednesday, Jessica re-invited me to Port Angeles to go dress shopping with her and Angela, considering she didn't hear me accept her invitation the day before. Of course, she was too busy ogling my new dance partner. Angela rolled her eyes as she did this. Hmm, she must've been thinking the same thing as me.
After school that day, I called the hotel to see what our playlist was and what time we were to come in. The information I acquired that day were very helpful. I found that we would be going there in the morning, around 8:00, and we were to go on at 10:00 AM. The owner of the hotel only gave us part of our playlist. She was not very nice, literally.
"I'm only going to give you four of the songs," she said in a nasally voice. It sounded squeaky and mousy. It was as if she was a thirteen year old with a bad attitude.
"And what are they?" I asked as kindly as I could, trying to stay on her good side.
"Hold on!" she screeched.
I was baffled.
What seemed like ten minutes later, she came back and told me the playlist, well, part of it. I wrote it down so I didn't forget. She continued on, telling me about that me and my partner better be there or she would make us pay in ways that I couldn't comprehend. I stifled a laugh.
When I finally hung up, I looked down at the partial playlist and read what she told me.
"Lollipop," by the Chordettes
"Be My Baby," by the Ronettes
"Do You Love Me," by the Contours
"Love Man," by Otis Redding
Three of the four songs were on one of my favorite movies, Dirty Dancing. Two of those three were ones that the dancers on the movie danced dirty to. Ha, there was no way I was dancing dirty with Edward. The idea was laughable.
The next day, Thursday, was basically the same monotonous day as the day as before, without Edward there. Jessica, Mike, Eric, Tyler, and Angela all invited me to go to La Push on Sunday, the day after Alexander's funeral. I reluctantly agreed, because, I needed distractions. I was making progress, even though it was so soon after his death.
Nothing happened after school on Thursday. I made Charlie dinner, went upstairs to perfect my already finished homework, took my human minute, put on my poor excuse for pajamas, and covered myself in blankets to fall asleep. Of course, we all know what I dreamed about that night.
On Friday, nothing out of the particular happened except the fact I was late to two of my classes, and I'm almost never late. I was getting more and more gloomy by the day. You didn't have to read my mind to know it was because of Edward Cullen's absence.
I made Charlie dinner that night, and went to bed.
On Saturday, the second saddest day of my existence, me and Charlie went to Alexander's funeral.
We walked to the cemetery in Forks. We were greeted by the Golds. Alexander's mom, his dad, his sister, Dakota, and some of Alexander's close friends from Phoenix. We hugged each and every one of them, tightly. Especially his mother, Sally. She needed it. She looked as if she was going to die right there at his grave.
We all gathered around his grave, all clad in black. The minister started to speak sweet things about Alexander and how great of a person he was. And he was. He was such a great person. Someone who didn't deserve to die. Someone who should've had a chance to live. Someone who shouldn't have died alone. I should've died with him that day.
"Alexander Gold was one of the best dancers our youth has seen today. He has been kind and courteous to everyone he has ever met. He has been loved by many and envied by little. He had great family and friends to stand by. He was a gentleman in every way, and he knew when it was okay to be silly. He never would hurt a fly and always put his friends and family first. He would help whoever was hurt and in need.." the minister went on about how great and wonderful Alexander was. It was then my turn to say something for Alexander.
"Alexander was my best friend in many ways. He was my dance partner, my first one, as well as my best friend. He was the best dancer I had ever seen in my entire life. He was so good to me since we were young. He never tried to be anything more than a friend to me and I am thankful for that." I was bawling by the time I was finished. It wasn't until right now that I was totally remorseful for his death. It hit me like a ton of bricks. Alexander cared for me in so many ways it almost hurt. Alexander would want me to live on my life instead of grieving over him, which I was doing now. He would be happy if I got over his death quickly. He loved to see me happy. It was as if my happiness spread through to him when I expressed it. He would always court me everywhere in public, and joke around with me when we were alone. That's what I loved about him so much, his warm-hearted nature. He respected everyone even when he got no respect in return. He would respect me too, since my recent thoughts have been about Edward Cullen. He would forgive me, and love me forever. He would watch over me and make sure no harm came my way. He would always be my best friend.
Sally was up next. What she said touched me, and made me feel guilty.
"Alexander was my first born child. He was lonely as a young child. He never had many friends, but his family loved him. When he got a little bit older, Alexander met his best friend, Bella Swan. She made him happier in so many ways. You could see the light in his eyes when he was finished hanging out with her. She made him such a happy kid all the way up to high school and beyond. She was always there for my boy and never left him for anybody.." she trailed on about how I was there for him at all times. That was true until recently. My mind has been filled with Edward Cullen. Another reason to feel guilty, her praising me.
The funeral ended later after that. They lowered his casket into the square hole in the ground. Mostly everyone left, mind me, to go home. Charlie was waiting in the car for me. He knew I wanted to talk to Alexander for one last time.
When no one was around, I lowered myself to the ground and sat beside the hole.
"Alex? Can you hear me?" I beseeched.
Nothing.
"It's me, Bella. I came here to talk to you one last time before you were buried," I went on.
Silence, still.
"I wanted to tell you something. Alex, I am so sorry. Sorry for all the things I have done to you, even though your gone. I am sorry I couldn't save you when you got crushed by the chandelier. I'm sorry for not acknowledging your death until now. Even though my thoughts have been of Edward Cullen, that doesn't mean I forgot about you. Forgot about your friendship to me. You're my best friend, Alex! I will miss even more now that I felt the impact. Don't you ever forget that!" I was crying so hard I thought my eyes were pouring buckets of tears down my face.
"A-a-and, don't e-ever forget about the times we spent together-r," I cried on.
"And, and don't y-you ever forget how much you mean to me! How much I love you!" I was totally spent by the time I finished that.
I have always loved you, Bella.
My head snapped up. I could've sworn I heard Alexander's voice.
"W-what?" I responded to either Alexander's ghost or nothing.
I have always loved you. Ever since we were kids. Not just the friend love, real love. I never told you because it seemed you were happy just being my friend. I was okay with that, as long as you were happy. That was the main thing, your happiness. I'm sorry I didn't get a chance to tell you that before my death. I decided to tell you now. I love you, Bella. I will always love you. Forever. And, I know about Edward. I forgive you for whatever you're sorry for. I want you to be happy with him, human or not.
He said nothing else after that, and neither did I.
I placed the single rose I had with my on his casket and muttered the words, "I love you too Alex. I'm sorry it wasn't enough."
That was all I said.
I ran back to Charlie's cruiser in silence, besides my tears. I never knew that Alexander loved me. It was all about my happiness that he kept that in the dark. I was in between touched and guilty. Touched because he proved himself greater a friend to me. Guilty because it made me look like an even crummier friend. I also felt guilty because I couldn't love him the way he loved me. A true, deep love versus a friend love.
I went to sleep that night in tears.
The next morning I awoke to the sound of my alarm clock. It read 7:00 AM. I needed to get up, I had to go to La Push today.
I didn't really want to go there. Alexander's confession had broken my heart into one million little pieces. It was out of love that he let me be happy instead of being selfish and letting himself be happy. Why should I let myself be happy? I should just torture myself some more.
Ah, but didn't Alexander say he wanted me to be happy?
What I felt I should do and what I wanted to do were two different things.
I forced myself out of bed and into the shower to get ready for La Push. I washed my hair and blow-dried it to be soft. I put on some kacki style capris and a navy blue scoop necked, off the shoulder blouse with a knot in the front. I pulled on some navy flip flops, since the day was going to be nice, and walked downstairs, sullenly.
My dad was already gone, so I made myself some breakfast in silence. I had an eerie feeling, once again, but beside it, I felt a warmth. It was as if I was free from being chained to a wall for years and years. It was like a symbol of my freedom. Like I didn't have to live in a world of guilt over Alexander. Had Alexander's confession freed me?
I put the thought aside for later examination. I ate my cereal and washed the bowl out and put it away. I checked the time and felt it was a good time to leave. I walked out to my beetle and started the engine.
I got to La Push in record time, and got out to see everyone there already. Mike waved me over and I forced a smile for his sake.
"Hey, Bella!" Mike sounded enthusiastic about something. Whether it be my arrival or surfing, I had no clue.
"Hey Mike." I mumbled.
"So, hey, some of us were going to take a hike up in the mountains. You wanna join our group?" he asked hopefully.
"Um, no thanks, Mike. I just woke up not too long ago and I am still kind of tired. So I might just rest for a little bit here. Maybe, later?" I asked him, so he would leave me alone.
"Okay!" he yelled in a happy voice. It was very easy to make Mike happy.
I sat down on a log near the fire pit in the middle of the beach. I went over yesterday's events a few times in my mind. I never knew anything about angels, but I read in stories that angels cannot leave the Earth unless they succeed in something they didn't do when they were alive. It seemed Alexander's "mission" was to prove to me that he loved me, or at least tell me so I knew. I did believe him. There was no one out there that could love me as much as him. He really hid his love for me well, if I didn't notice it. Or maybe I wasn't enough attention to him to see it.
The guilt crept up again. I fought it back.
I spent the rest of the day by the fire, just staring at it, like a statue. Frozen forever.
I was starting to get tired, so I stood up and was about to make my way back to my beetle before I heard someone talking in a nasally voice much like the person who owned the hotel.
"So, Bella? I heard you are partnered up with Edward Cullen to go to my mother's hotel next weekend." The nasally voice was of a girl with long, straight blonde hair. She was one of the people who glared at me on my first day of school.
"Yes." I answered simply.
"Well, how come he isn't here now? Shouldn't he be here with you, you know, if he's your dance partner?" she sneered. She was a very bitchy girl.
One of the darker colored people, a Quileute, I assumed, spoke up.
"The Cullens are forbidden from these lands," the tall dark boy with long black hair hissed.
"Why?" I asked, interested. That was the first time I thought of the Cullens all day long. It seems my guilt has consumed me in any way, shape, or form.
"That's none of your business!" he snapped.
I stood and started to walk away.
"Hey, Bella!" am unfamiliar, husky voice called out to me.
I turned to see a short, tan boy, maybe about the age of fourteen or fifteen. He has cute dimples on each side of his cheeks. He had long black hair, much like the rest of the Quileutes. He had beautiful brown, almost black, eyes. He wore a smile, flashing all his perfectly white teeth.
"Um, who are you?" I laughed.
"You don't remember me!?" he sounded surprised.
"No..?" I was confused.
"It's Jacob! Jacob Black!" he smiled at me.
Jacob Black? Oh! My dad told me about them. I played with him when I was little, and he rebuilt my beetle.
"Oh, you mean the one who rebuilt my beetle?" I probed.
"Yeah, that's me!" He sounded so ecstatic I thought he was going to pop like a balloon.
I chuckled.
"So, um, what's up?" I asked him, trying to start a conversation.
"Oh, nothing much, just coming to say hi to people that I don't know. And then I saw you here! I recognized you immediately!" he rambled on.
"Hmm, wow. I don't recognize you at all." I told him, laughing, letting him know I was joking, kind of.
He laughed too. "So, what do you say about taking a walk with me down the beach?" he asked hopefully.
"Um, sure!" I smiled. He seemed like an easy person to get along with.
We started to walk down the beach. He told me about himself. He told me about his friends, school, his dad, Billy, what he did for fun down here at the reservation, et cetera. I just listened, interested. He had a lot to say that sounded interesting.
"So, why do you look so sad?" he looked sad too, like my gloomy manner was rubbing off on him.
"Oh, um, my best friend's funeral was yesteray and I am a little bit still affected by it," I told him quietly.
"I'm so sorry." He sounded sorry.
"It's alright." I smiled, reassuring him.
"Hey, I have an idea! How about I tell you a ghost story!?" He sounded excited.
"What kind?" I inquired.
"One about Quileute legends." He smiled.
"Any have to do with the Cullens and why they aren't allowed here?" I blurted out. I tried to hide it with a cough, but it was too late. The words were out.
"The Cullens? Oh, Sam, the oldest looking one back at the fire pit, said something about them. So did my dad, but I think he's crazy." Jacob laughed.
"Well, will you tell the story anyway." I batted my eyelashes at him, my pathetic attempt at flirting.
"Um.. well, okay." He looked flustered.
"Well, here it goes. This is all what my dad told me. So, uh, where to start. Well, let's start at the beginning." He started his story.
"Did you know that the Quileutes descended from the children of the moon? Werewolves, you would call them. There was known to be enemies of the werewolves." He told me.
"Werewolves have enemies?" I asked, interested.
"Only one," said Jacob.
I was about to ask him another question as to why this had to do with the Cullens, but he continued.
"So, werewolves only have one enemy. That's where the cold ones come in. The cold ones are known to be the most deadliest creatures on the face of the planet. That's why we are enemies. We rival for the most deadly. My great grandfather, the chief, found them hunting on our lands on day back in the 1930's. They claimed to be something different, so, we made a treaty with them. If they promised to stay off Quileute lands, then we wouldn't expose what they were to the pale faces." He went on.
"So, the Cullens are like the cold ones your father met with?" I probed.
"No, they're the same ones." He told me with an edge to his voice.
"What exactly... are the cold ones?" I asked with a slight fear to my voice.
"Blood drinkers. Your kind would call them vampires." His tone was flat.
"So the Cullens are the ones that met with your great grandfather?" I asked.
"Yes. But they aren't supposed to be dangerous. They said they only drink the blood of animals." He smiled at me.
I stared at him. So, that explains why Edward licked my neck when I started bleeding! It really made sense. But, I couldn't go around pointing fingers. Obviously, this secret of theirs was big. And if they found out I knew, then I could be killed, or worse. I needed to know for sure if what Jacob was saying was actually true.
"So, they aren't dangerous?" I asked.
"Well, they aren't supposed to be dangerous," he said quietly.
We finished the conversation like that. Talking about the cold ones and about the treaty they set up with them. So my earlier conclusion was true. Edward was a vampire, at least I think he was.
He walked me back to my beetle shortly after that. We departed by saying goodbye and hugging eachother. Jacob was a really cool person to talk to. I would have to come down here and see him again.
That night, in my dream, Alexander was running towards me, pulling my hand.
"Come on, Bella! We have to go now!" He sounded hysterical.
"What? What's going on?" I asked him.
"We have to get away, before you get killed!" he screeched.
"Killed?" I looked in the other direction to see Edward Cullen, sitting in the shadows, beckoning me forward. I took a step in his direction. Edward smiled.
AN: Review darlings!!! Next update may be on Tuesday or Wednesday.