Kyoya's mind

'I never thought my life would end up like this. With me lying every chance I get, even when it's painfully obvious that everything is not fine. It really is a sad life that I claim as mine.

Sometimes I lie awake at night, clinging to my pillow, and wanting to be a better person, but another side of me, a much shallower and pitiful side of me doesn't let that happen. That side of me refuses to let me tarnish my own name, even if I do desperately need some kind of help.

I'm sure my father would be proud of this side of me, he would let that person become the head of his company. But I am more than just a shallow, publicity obsessed lying buffoon.

I am Kyoya Ootori, and I am not as obsessed with the public as I am with myself. I truly don't care what anyone thinks of me, well, except for one person… Tamaki Suoh…'

Kyoya's bathroom

Warm water splashed over my face as I turned on the shower faucet, I let the water drench my body before I quickly turn the temperature to a colder setting, just like those people online said, being cold helps you to burn more calories.

I inwardly sigh, today was a total mess.

Tamaki discovered way more then he should know, and it was only a miracle that my quick thinking got me out of those sticky situations.

'Liar'

The worst part of it is that now I actually do have to plan Tamaki's stupid tropical themed paradise… and I have to be half naked in front of the club, the girls, and Tamaki.. again.

'Fat loser'

I look down at my stomach, normal humans shouldn't look like I do. 'How dare you claim to be one of the schools idols!' I angrily think.

'You are disgusting. You are a pig that no one will ever love, not even your own father loves you, not even your own best friend cares about you.'

"I KNOW!" I scream. I cover my mouth. I must really be going crazy if I'm arguing with my own thoughts now… since when did I even do that?

I turn off the faucet and grab a towel, I dry myself and slowly walk to the mirror, I flinch at my repulsive reflection.

'Why would anyone love you? What's so great? You're not as smart as him, you're not as toned as him, you're not as likeable as him, and you are certainly not as beautiful as him. Look at the way your stomach pokes out, no matter how high you wear your jeans, you'll never be able to hide that extra 5 pounds like he can.'

I scoff, Tamaki doesn't have an extra 5 pounds. I dress myself before a mentally throw up at my body again.

I turn the knob and enter my bedroom/ living area. I scan the room before I spot a blonde fur ball playing some kind of video game. I smile at him, he's so god damn loveable.

"What are you playing?" I ask, I honestly didn't even know, the only reason I had that game console was because Hikaru and Karou thought I needed to have more fun before I became a grumpy old business man. I sat next to him on the couch.

"I don't even know" Tamaki sighed as a 'Game Over' screen flashed on the screen. He threw down his controller in defeat, and turned his angelic face to me.

"You were in there for a while, are you okay?" he always cares about others,

'unlike you, you're an ugly monster.'

"Oh yeah, I'm fine. I was just trying to think if we should add sand for the tropical paradise." I wanted to strangle myself, sand would get caught in the tiles and… oh god!

"That sounds delightful!" Tamaki seemed happy that I was discussing the tropical paradise with him.

"We'll see if it fits the budget." I murmur and walk towards the kitchen. I can't believe I did it but I fasted all day without Tamaki even noticing, what an airhead! I grab a bottle of water from the fridge and turn back to Tamaki.

"You see, that's why you're the mother of the host club, you always know how to efficiently spend the money" I give him a small smile

"Yes, and you know how to efficiently manipulate girls so we can make that money." I turn and put my drink back in the fridge. When I turn around Tamaki is… closer.

"Kyoya you know I don't 'manipulate' the clients, I mean everything I say to them." Tamaki swings across the room and sits on a kitchen counter. He gives me a romantic host glare and smiles.

"Would you like me to prove you wrong?" I feel chills creep up my spine, I don't know what brought this on, but I kind of liked it. I smirked at him and grabbed his held out hand.

"I'll humor you" and just like that, I was dragged across my living area and was plopped onto the couch with Tamaki close behind.

He cupped my face in one of his hands, the other one was gently stroking my cheek. I breathed in, Tamaki smelled lovely, like rose petals. I turned my gaze to him, he was giving me a soft smile, it was warm and genuine, and it truly made my heart flutter. I felt a warmth creep up onto my cheeks as he continued to stroke my face. He gently gripped my chin and this forced me to be closer to him. He looked into my eyes and the warmth of his smile increased.

"Oh mother, why do you try and hide your adorable blush? The crimson against your smooth pale skin is truly elegant. Without it, I feel like I am missing something in my life." I felt some kind of inner satisfaction with being complimented like this, but I had to remind myself that he was only saying this to prove a point. I pushed against his chest, this caused him to lean in closer, satisfaction seemed ever so present on his beautiful face this evening. A blushed crept onto my face as he continued leaning.

Our faces were a mere few centimeters apart, I felt his breath on my lips, only a little more and I could taste those sweet lips on mine.

I then remembered who I was and I got my voice back.

"Get off, Tamaki" I pushed him back and he smirked as I leaned upwards.

"See? You can't say that I manipulated you, we had a real connection there" Tamaki did have a point, but as he said this a question popped into my mind and I couldn't help but ask him it, now was a better time than ever, I guess. I swallowed and turned to him.

"Tamaki… are you bi-sexual?" he gasped and reacted as expected.

"WHAT!? What makes you say that!?" he laughed nervously, I shrugged

"I don't know, you seem to have feelings for Haruhi but to be fair, no truly straight man would get that intimately close to another man." I felt bold, Tamaki seemed flabbergasted. He rose and coughed into his hand.

"Ahem, I think we should just go to bed now, Kyoya"

I felt the inside of myself break, I offended him and there's no chance we'll ever get together, because he isn't attracted to men.

'No he's just not attracted to you'

'HA! That was expected, no one will ever love you! He was so disgusted when he grabbed your fat jaw! He probably stopped because you were practically throwing your fat body at him'

A tear trickled down my face as I walked to a closet to get Tamaki his pillow and blanket, I placed them on a chair and hurried off to my bed so he wouldn't see the river of tears that began flowing from my eyes. (A/N: Tamaki's sleeping on a futon)

The lights were soon all turned off and I allowed myself to drift into a heartbroken slumber. A final word buzzed into my head before I drifted to sleep.

'Pathetic.'

TO BE CONTINUED~

*CRIES* Aye I updated in a pretty decent amount of time! I deserve a cookie!

Anyways, sorry for making Tamaki seem like a homophobe but do you guys remember how he reacted to the lobelia girls? He said "love should be kept between a man and a woman" (or something like that), and then he slipped on a banana peel, so I want to try and ease Tamaki's character into the idea of being in a romantic relationship with another man. (that and I want to make sure this story can actually be angsty without smut getting in the way)

OH, do you guys like the whole Kyoya arguing with his thoughts thing!? Or do you think I should tone it down a little (or like A LOT)? Tell me in your reviews!