Chapter Seven

Stitches

Suzuya awoke to gurgling noises from his bathroom. Lightning reverberated through his nerves and he flailed about under his warm sheets –

but wait –

he knew who was here. He could calm down.

SWith a shiver, Suzuya slipped his feet in slippers and padded to the bathroom, where he found Nami struggling to keep her hair back from his toilet.

"Ah – I'm sorry," she gasped, wiping her running eyes.

"What happened?"

"I tried – eating myself again." Nami held out her left arm, where flesh was creeping back upon her serrated forearm flesh.

As fascinated as he was, Suzuya noted she'd avoided disturbing the stitches on her right arm. He had to smile at that.

Nami tried not to panic. She was just – hormonal – and angry that she'd wasted her own flesh. Soon she'd be able to stomach it again. She had to. If she didn't – oh God –

"Let me help you up." Suzuya pulled her to her feet and flushed the toilet. He didn't even flinch at the chunks of flesh and blood swirling below.

"Thank you." Nami realized she was leaning against him.

"Were you hungry? I thought you ate yesterday."

"No, I just wanted to make sure I still could eat and heal at a useful rate," Nami admitted. Her hands shook.

Suzuya saw the panic in her eyes. "Um, can you?"

"Not now." Nami's lips trembled. "I'm sure it's just the morning sickness – I'm sure it'll be fine in a few weeks. I'm not a danger, I promise."

Suzuya's mouth parted slightly. "I didn't think you were."

Nami chuckled. "You're so weird, Juuzou!"

Suzuya felt as if he were in a falling elevator.

"I mean it good, I swear. You're different and perfect for it." Nami wiped her eyes and leant close to him, as if her sincerity could atone for her blunder.

"Everyone says I'm weird," he said softly.

"It's your greatest trait."

"I don't want to be disliked."

"You aren't by me," she said, scuffing her shoes against the tiled floor. "I'm fond of you, Juuzou Suzuya. And I'm sorry if I upset you."

Nami smirked. "If I had to be arrested by anyone, I would have chosen you."

Suzuya giggled. Their eyes met, each full of secrets and curiosity and fearful friendship.

Nami broke the silence. "Do you want to talk about last night?"

"I should get to work," Suzuya said uncertainly.

"Oh."

"I'll tell you tonight!" Suzuya shook her hand so fast her teeth rattled. He smiled again at her, and she realized he was weird, just weird. He hadn't intended to dodge her questions.

She liked this weirdness.

"Don't run away," he sang.

"Isn't that Keijin guarding me just beyond the door anyway?" Nami rolled her eyes and shoved him towards the door. "No, wait, you're still wearing slippers!"

Akira sat in her room, watching the afternoon sunlight filter through, though she wouldn't sit in its warmth.

Touka was almost…a friend. As if they could be friends, if she just let herself.

Dad, am I betraying you?

Akira lifted her face to the ceiling. But you betrayed me too, didn't you? You told me ghouls were evil.

But Hinami had hugged her. A child with bravery and forgiveness she didn't have.

And Touka had owned her sins.

Could she? Had she even sinned?

Akira buried her face in her hands. She'd never let anyone see her doubts, because she'd buried them long ago. And now they were back, eating at her worse than a ghoul.

Amon, what do you think?

She was awake after weeks unconscious. She ought to be enthusiastic, but all she felt was misery.

Akira drew a shaky gasp for air. Not a sob. Surely she was older than that.

Everything she'd had was lost.

She needed to talk to him.

Koori Ui had assumed the new bureau chief's party glasses and use of child ghouls was surely the nadir of his beloved organization.

"It's my pleasure to serve the Commission of Counter Ghoul." The doctor's skin stretched tight over his face – as if instead of wrinkling, his skin had simply shrunk with age. His smile was odious.

He'd been wrong. Tears of shame pricked Ui's eyes. This was a joke. A corrupt mad scientist was now a primary employee? And of all corrupt mad scientists, Kanou, the one who'd started these hideous Quinxes in the first place?

"Well? Do you think I made a good choice?" Furuta challenged as the doctor strode out of earshot. He tapped his fingers on Ui's shoulders and grinned maniacally.

"The Oggai. They're children, sir. We can't practice something so unethical," Ui said, fighting to control his temper.

"Oh, no?" Furuta wiggled his eyebrows.

"Sir, Kanou is a monster."

"We fight the monsters, Special Class Ui, and Kanou will help us." Furuta waved to the doctor as he passed the end of the hallway. He didn't seem to notice, and Furuta didn't seem to care.

"Enough of your shit!" cried Ui. He could only hope such language would capture Furuta's attention – it wasn't every day he swore, after all.

All Furuta saw was that Koori Ui might need a little more, hmm, motivation. Such a silly, boring fellow.

"First your crazy performance, then you bring Dr. Kanou – the Kanou who worked with Aogiri Tree – here?!"

"Kanou was kidnapped by Aogiri, so how could he refuse?" asked Furuta with a wave of his hand. He didn't seem to care whether Ui believed him, or even whether it true. "Stop complaining. You stand to gain?"

"Me?" Ui scoffed. He could never accept a bribe!

"Follow me." Furuta took Ui by the arm, his eyes glimmering.

And so Ui was guided him back to his chief's office, past employees mulling about everyday tasks, as if a madman hadn't taken over. Ui's fury boiled with each step.

Urie. He could trust a Quinx if he had to. At least Urie cared about CCG, even if he'd disgraced himself by becoming half the enemy.

No, Takeomi. Takeomi was noble and one-hundred-percent human. Takeomi would help him.

"Ghouls have an unusual life force, you know. Remember Noro? We have to learn about our enemies, and Kanou knows more than anyone," prattled Furuta.

"That has nothing to do with me – the Quinx Squad themselves are unethical," spat Ui. He could hardly see straight.

"Nonsense!" Furuta thrust open his office door and shoved Ui into the dark room. He dove forward and pressed beeping buttons while Ui flicked on the light switch like a proper human.

"Look what I took back for you!" Furuta swung open the safe and held a glass chamber aloft.

Vomit rose in Ui's throat.

Her head bobbed there, staring back with an eerie smile. Preserved. She hadn't rotted away.

But she couldn't see him. Feel him.

"Hairu?"

Ui felt sweat break upon his forehead. Why?

And then Furuta said everything he'd cursed his dreams for. "What if she were to come back to life, eh?"

"We have her body, too." Furuta smiled at Ui, who understood exactly what Furuta knew.

Furuta knew that Ui had broken his moral code for her. For Hairu. That he'd spent night after night entwined with all of her – body, mind, and soul.

"I love you." Hairu's sweet face hovered above him, nibbling the end of his nose.

"How about them ethics?" sneered Furuta, his face inches from Ui's. Light danced in the director's dark eyes, a lie from the universe.

Hairu – she wouldn't want this.

But he did.

But if he didn't, everyone would know and the dead didn't deserve a scandal.

Ui's gaze remained plastered over floor, but he found himself nodding.

"See you later, Mizorou." Nami waved at her new friend as Suzuya strolled in the door.

"Chess?" He frowned.

"It's so much fun," she said eagerly. "My friend Souta and I used to play when we were bored children. I rather think he just liked playing with me because he would always win."

Souta had never played with Rize; she'd cherished her spot as his chess partner. But now she had to acknowledge he'd never played Rize because Rize would have demolished him.

"It was Mr. Shinohara's favorite game. That's his set," said Suzuya. His wife had brought it to him as a housewarming gift. It was the only possession he cared about more than Jason.

Nami used the queen to knock the king back into the box. "How's the search for me?"

"Urie's given a few misdirections. But the Oggai are more distracting than one lost ghoul." Suzuya sighed.

Nami looked as sad as he felt. Not even all ghouls, then, believed in using children for war.

"If you tell me about your nightmare, I'll tell you the woman in Hisen's photograph," she said thickly, covering the chess box. Now that she wasn't exactly imprisoned, perhaps Juuzou could help her quest.

"I was going to anyways." Suzuya sank into the couch, across from her.

"I know, but I feel I should trade information." Nami took a deep breath. "Her name was Rize. She was his sister…the first Rize. Her daughter was also Rize, the same Rize whose kagune was translated into Kaneki Ken."

"Kaneki! Do you know where Kaneki is?" Suzuya sat up straight.

Nami shook her head. She had to lie. "I went to Hisen…because, because…I knew Rize. When we were children. We were raised together. It doesn't matter where anymore."

Suzuya furrowed his brow. "Why did you talk to Hisen, then?"

"I wanted to get in touch with my past," Nami said, avoiding his eyes. "To close that chapter, so to speak."

She was an obvious liar. Suzuya wished he knew why. She wanted to run from her past, whatever it was and whoever had hurt her, whomever her lover had been.

Was she working with GOAT? Suzuya wished he didn't have to entertain such suspicions. Perhaps truth would move her.

"Were you familiar with the ghoul restaurant?"

"I've heard of it. It sounds awful," Nami said, sincere again.

"When I was little, I served a ghoul named Big Madam. I don't remember life before her."

Nami remembered the name. The Garden had rejoiced when a liability like Big Madam had been slain.

"She raised me to hurt people," Suzuya said, rocking back and forth, and he wasn't sure why his voice cracked. "I was her scrapper pet, and the more creatively I slaughtered each dinner, the more she liked me. She liked hurting me especially."

Nami's mouth hung open, and she barely breathed. No, not Juuzou.

Suzuya stopped rocking to rub his arms up and down as he stared at his lap. "She even – she made sure I'd be a little girl forever. That's why I'm small and weird."

Nami choked. She knew what his nightmare was about now. He didn't need to explain.

"She hurt me. Mr. Shinohara rescued me." Suzuya doubled over.

"Juuzou," Nami whispered, sliding close to him. "I am so sorry."

"It's okay."

"No, it isn't. You didn't deserve that." Nami, oh, she knew what it was like to be someone else's toy. Her fingers balled into fists. Tears streamed down her cheeks. "I see why you believe in CCG."

Suzuya gaped at her. But he didn't.

"I don't blame you." Nami pulled him to her. Her arms were warm and comforting.

"Why are you crying?" He thought he knew, but he needed to ascertain.

"Because you're kind and good and lovely and you deserved so much better. I care about you." Nami sniffled. "I didn't mean to hurt you earlier, but I know I did, and I'm so sorry. How – how dare she! And how dare anyone hurt you!"

Suzuya wished, for a moment, that she were part of his squad. His family.

Nami drew back, heart pounding. "The truth is, I know what it's like to live as someone's pet."

Suzuya's lips parted, and though a thousand questions bloomed, he waited for her to speak. Just as Mr. Shinohara had demonstrated.

"Knew I'd find you out here." Ayato sauntered through the park as evening fell. The children were long gone, back with their foster father. Safe and probably eating the most exotic meat Mirumo Tsukiyama could scavenge.

Hinami sat motionless on the swings.

"What's wrong?"

"I did it," she whispered, turning her face to his. "I met Akira. And I hugged her, because it was the last thing I wanted to do."

Ayato sat on the adjacent swing. "What did you want to do?"
"Run away."

A normal ghoul would have said kill. Ayato smirked at his special, special friend. "Well, I'm glad you didn't."

"Me too." Hinami swallowed and brushed a strand of light brown hair out of her eyes. "Do you think Mom would be proud of me?"

"I didn't know her," he said.

Hinami frowned.

Had he sounded cold? What was he supposed to say? Ayato's palms were sweating. "Ah – I think – ahem – from what I know, your parents believed in peace. So yeah, they must be."

"Can they see me?" She smiled at him as the moon rose above the trees, a perfect orb of white gold.

Ayato grabbed the chain to her swing and pulled her close. "I like to think my dad can see me. And that my mom is beside me when I'm scared for my life. Which is, uh, more often than she'd approve, no doubt."

Hinami laughed at his sheepish face. Ayato was fire. He provided warmth and courage and a loyalty she couldn't quite believe in, because she knew what it meant. "Why just your mom?"

"Because I'm still angry with Dad for leaving. Even if – I did the same thing to Touka. Leaving for revenge."

"You didn't leave me." Hinami raised an eyebrow. "And you came back. Seems you're learning."

Ayato grasped her hands in his. "Even – even if Kaneki fails and we're never at peace or if we die tomorrow – I'm really glad to know you, Hinami Fueguchi."

"Then kiss me."

Ayato started. How could she – were all his hopes reality – they'd never been before –

He scrunched his eyes shut and leant in. Hinami kept her gaze on him and waited as his lips brushed hers.

She grabbed him and pulled him closer in an embrace. "You're so gentle."

"I – I don't know how to kiss," he stammered.

"Neither do I." Hinami beamed at him. "I loved it."

"I'm a bred ghoul," Nami repeated, shoving her fists into her lap.

"What does that mean?" Suzuya crossed his legs like a child.

"You were trained to kill for entertainment; I was trained to do one thing, too. Scientists concocted me in a vial," Nami swallowed, "to train me to breed pureblooded, strong children for the head ghouls."

For a moment, she was being wrestled onto a canopy bed and positioned just so.

Oh, show some enthusiasm. You have a beautiful body.

Nami faded out. Her hand touched her stomach, which was just slightly thicker than normal. Most people wouldn't notice, but Suzuya did, and it brought a smile to his face.

"This was my first mission. Then I would have gone to the head's son, probably. And then back to the – the head. I don't know. I don't care to picture it."

Suzuya knew he should ask who the head ghoul was. Nami was important, much more than he'd suspected.

But she wore the same dazed look he'd worn when Shinohara found him, sitting in an emptied arena. The look of someone too lost to run or cry. He sat frozen.

"I was nothing more than a beautiful machine to incubate their numbers." Nami's voice rose, and she wanted tears so much, but they wouldn't come. "Maybe I still am!"

"I don't think you're a machine. I think you're nice," said Suzuya. A nice person.

She was a person, just like Haise Sasaki and Kaneki Ken.

And she hadn't wanted any of it, no more than he had.

Just like Madam had chosen he'd be a girl, they'd chosen she'd be a woman.

Suzuya pushed back his awakening and refocused on her. Urie might kill him for this, but hey, he was the new Arima, right, and he could ask what he wanted. "Do you want it?"

Nami's eyes widened. Her baby.

He was giving her a choice. She didn't have to breed for anyone – CCG or the Washuus.

"You're not asking after the head ghouls?" She scrunched up her face. Tears finally arrive, weak but present. "They're dead, but, ah, you don't think I'm nothing?"

Dead? Interesting…

"No…"

Nami threw her arms around him, and to his surprise, he buried his face in her hair.

"I want this kid, Juuzou. For me. And my baby won't be a pawn." Perhaps it was selfish, but she had to hope that maybe, in raising a life, she could find her own.

At least she had a choice.

"I'm going for curry. You should come too. Even ghoul countermeasure violators deserve curry, right?"

Akira winced. Amon looked stunned, like he'd been hit over the head with a quinque.

Time to try again. "Okay, I guess that was pretty sarcastic of me. You like sweets, right?"

Blush spread across Amon's cheeks. "Yes."

Akira doubled over, giggling and giggling until she thought she would burst. Amon slowly approached her.

She straightened and whispered, "All the structures in this world I've believed in are becoming undone. And the longer I live, the more the world ties me down."

Damn, she was supposed to wait until they were eating. But why wait and waste hot food? She remained efficient as ever, and that hurt even more, because she had nothing to be efficient for.

But Amon just waited.

"I met ghouls today. And I didn't think of them as my enemies." Akira blinked back tears. "Amon, you always knew what you were doing. Do you still know what we were fighting for?"

Her voice shook. "There's no hatred left. I don't know where to go."

"Where do you want to go?" Amon asked softly, reaching a hand out but not quite touching her. "Akira, it's ended, but you can go anywhere from here. We're alive."

"Easy words," Akira countered. "Are we alive when we're empty?"

"Then feel that emptiness." Amon closed his eyes. "When Donato was done in and I entered the academy, I had nothing but hatred and rage. And then it left when – when I become a science experiment. And all I felt was hollow. But then I realized –"

He felt Scarecrow's fingers pulling him towards freedom, saw Seidou's rage tapering, gazed into the Eyepatch he finally understood.

"Not everything is gone." Amon mustered a half-smile. "Emptiness itself is a thing, right? If you want to look at it, it's terrifying and agonizing, but it'll answer you. You'll learn what you want in life. And I'll…I'll be there for you."

Did she remember, when she'd almost kissed him? Did she know how he'd sobbed remembering in his cell, because he didn't know if it was better to have not given her hope before disappearing, yet pitying himself for never tasting her.

"I can't. I'm scared." Akira bit her lip. Yes, she was scared, but she admitted so when she never had before. Did he notice?

Her heart raced. She rose to her tiptoes. "Don't dodge this time."

"I wouldn't dream of it." Amon wrapped his arms around her and lifted her lips to his.

He opened his mouth and tasted her tongue and salty tears. "Do you know how long I've needed this?"

"Don't leave me again."

"Never." Amon's breath tickled her ear. "Do you want curry now?"

"Is your sweet craving satisfied?"

"No." He kissed her again.

Around the corner, two figures slipped between a pile of precariously positioned trash cans.

Kurona shoved Seidou forward. "Look: I told you! Are you happy now?"

"I'm glad for them," the pallid ghoul said, blinking in surprise. He envied their passion. But even he found something warm and comforting about their embrace.

"Good." Kurona smiled nervously at him, and Seidou frowned. She seemed to care about him, and he wasn't sure he liked that.

"We should let them be." Seidou stepped directly into the trash cans, which clattered around them in a marvelous display that would have made Tsukiyama seem quiet.

"What was that?" Akira gasped.

"Time to go, Seidou." Kurona grabbed his hand and yanked him after her, knocking over another can in the process.

"Where are we going? They're going to be worried!"

"We're having fun watching them have fun and doing nothing for an afternoon, that's what," Kurona shot back.

"But we're making a mess!"

"We'll clean it up later, idiot!" Shiro had helped her after losing their parents; she could help him after losing his humanity. She knew she could.

"I got it!" Chie dashed towards Kaneki as soon as he entered Re's backdoor.

"Whoa, slow down, little mouse," Tsukiyama said with a laugh, grabbing her away from smacking into Kaneki's stomach.

"Is she okay?" Karren demanded from the counter she'd been sharing with Touka.

"Nami?" Kaneki frowned.

"Yes and yes, but the reports say she escaped yesterday," said Chie.

"Yesterday?" Kaneki frowned. On one hand, Nami was alive. On the other, why hadn't she returned? Had he failed to inspire her?

"She has her own demons to destroy," Karren said quietly as Tsukiyama gave him an unwanted-but-appreciated hug.

Touka. Touka had asked for him. Kaneki saw her smile nervously at him, holding out a coffee.

Exchanging smiles, Tsukiyama, Karren, and Chie filed out.

Ah. Here was the school address.

"What are you up to?" Saiko's voice interrupted his flow of thoughts. She tried to sound cheery around Mucchan, but he seemed so bleak and lost to her. Hsaio had said to leave him be, but she needed him to be okay. He was family.

"Nothing," he said, shoving the stack of schooling records away.

"Mucchan…"

"What?"

"Do you want to talk?" Saiko asked helplessly.

"Me? I mean, sure. About what?" Mutsuki clasped his hands in front of him.

"You seem so unhappy."

His eyes widened. He hadn't expected that one. Criticism for his aloofness, an accusation of cruelty, an announcement of his arrest, perhaps. "I'm fine."

"No, you're not. You haven't been since Rushima."

Mutsuki's eyes glazed over. He was limbless again, being fucked by Torso – and he hadn't fought back. "I was kidnapped, Saiko. I will be okay, but it was a mite upsetting, you know?"

Saiko felt tears prick her eyes. Open up, Mutsuki! "Okay…but let me know if you need to talk or a hug or ice cream , or anything at all."

"I will." Mutsuki forced a smile. He felt so hazy and empty as he brushed past her, as he traveled to the 20th Ward High School and retrieved a copy of Touka Kirishima's school ID photo.

And then he found himself staring at her – her! – and spinning around and spinning around, crouching in an alley after dark like a prostitute or an animal, feasting on dead flesh again.