Thanks for the reviews! I'm going away on vacation, so I'm leaving you with an extra long chapter. Also, some of the stuff in here was inspired by quotes or movies I've seen, so I've take scenarios, etc. from that. It helped me a lot in writing this…anyways hope you like it!

P.S. The song at the beginning is from one of my favorite movies – Casablanca. Its an oldie, and I never in a million years would have seen it if not for my film course – but its so good! Its just such a good love story…anyways, here we go!

Disclaimer: I own nothing

You must remember this
A kiss is still a kiss
A sigh is just a sigh
The fundamental things apply
As time goes by

0------0

So, for those of you wondering what that letter said that I left for Asa…OK. I'll share some of it with you. But not all…And let me explain a little. When I was younger I used to hate high school more than anything. Best years of my life, my ass! But Asa used to leave little sayings around the house for me to find, on the bathroom mirror, kitchen table, in my purse. I remembered some of them, and wrote them in my note to her…

"Wake up. Get out of bed and stop hiding under the duvet, no matter how warm it is. You will get nothing accomplished. Put some clothes on. Wear the red tights with the mustard yellow shoes. Arrange the 3-day-old curls in your hair. Do something nice for yourself today. Get pretty for absolutely no reason other than to prove to yourself that you're not worthless and slovenly. Go to your favorite record store and listen to the old man's playlist that usually consists of Howlin' Wolf and strange 60s Middle Eastern music. Buy yourself your favorite garlic and tomato burrito, and make sure you get extra guacamole. Spend the extra money on your favorite art magazine and plan a trip to Europe in your head. Sing your favorite songs in your car. Make a pit stop to the landing. Collect the last leaves from autumn. Watch the sun sink into the horizon. Don't stare at your phone and wait for it to vibrate. Don't mope. Don't think about the only men in your life that have belittled you this week. Don't sit. Don't wait. Don't look at the time that you've always set to three hours behind."

Short and choppy, but I needed for her to know that I remembered those, and that I actually listened.

0-0-0-0

I say it was a get out of jail free day, but…I'm really confused about that, as I lay in bed, trying to sleep. We went to dinner at an Applebee's and then back at the school. It did kind of seem like a date, what with the awkward chatter and him paying – I had no money though - and the drinking of cocktails and perhaps flirty banter. For such a hard day, he was really helping me feel better.

If I had gone to the funeral, I think my mood would be loads different, but I didn't have her grave to look into or the priest to speak those words of goodbye. Yes, I was really upset about not being able to be there, but Asa wouldn't have wanted me to make an issue about this. Anyways, where was I? Oh right. So…then we came back to the school. And this is where it gets strange…

"Logan, I know you and I…butt heads…but I really appreciate this…all of this…" I struggled for words, as I put the helmet back on a shelf, and walked towards the doorway to meet him. "You didn't have to do anything, and yet you thought of everything."

Smiling, he reached out and put a hand on my shoulder. I wasn't used to being touched by him, and I felt that tingling sensation I sometimes got when I was just about to use my powers, warm and fuzzy. "I do want you to join the team, that's all that the fighting was about. But I'm aware there are bigger matters at hand. I'm sorry for your loss." It was a typical thing to say at the end of a funeral, but after he said it, he followed it with a kiss on the cheek. Except, he didn't pull away, as he was close to my face.

Maybe I did it on purpose – who knows? The jury is still out on this one, but I turned my head ever so slightly that his lips were at mine, breathing onto mine. It smelled like cigars, beer, and maybe even a hint of those French fries we shared. The moment stood there, shouting at us, and I think because Logan has such good hearing, he heard it first, and moved in for the kill. Our lips crashed together, and then before I could really process it, they were apart once again. It was brief, but a kiss is still a kiss, right?

I took a deep breath and opened my mouth to speak. He lifted his arm off my shoulder and awkwardly rubbed his neck. "T-thanks…" I cleared my throat, "Thanks again. Good night Logan." I quickly left him there, opening the door; waiting for it to shut and then I ran up the stairs before I could do something embarrassing. What the hell just happened?

Storm knocked on my door and apologized, and we sat by the window for a little, talking, and after she left and I showered, I just laid, right where I am, thinking everything over. I didn't tell her about our goodnight, hoping I'd forget it – wishful thinking, psh.

And all night, I'd been turning all appliances in my room on and off with my powers…just cause it felt right.

But the truth was, the stupid 1-second or longer kiss was what I was using as a distraction. I kept thinking about this pain inside of me. This loneliness and hurt and all of the anger I was feeling. I was angry that I couldn't remember half my life, my parents.

I couldn't remember my father to hate him, or to know if I even should. When you look at it as black and white, yes he was a horrible person, but for all I knew, he was lovely and he just went crazy one night. I couldn't take this anymore…I wanted to run throughout the school screaming. I wanted to run down the crowded streets of Philadelphia crying. I was just so alone. I needed for it all to go away…

All I would like in my life, what I wish for so very much, is to someday have the strength and be free of the resentment and anger that I carry around with me like Linus' blanket for just long enough to become one of those people who is better than the worst thing that ever happens to her.

And that's the most frightening aspect of loneliness...You think you're being damaged while loneliness is happening to you, and the worry amplifies the pain.

I had all these images flying around inside my head, morbid and strange, but solutions. I imagined strange vines creeping up and wrapping themselves around me and taking me under to this suffocating land where I never have to feel any more pain or worry ever again.

I don't know if you've ever felt like that. That you wanted to sleep for a thousand years. Or just not exist. Or just not be aware that you do exist. Or something like that. I think wanting that is very morbid, but I want it when I get like this. That's why I'm trying not to think. I just want it all to stop spinning.

And so I had to distract myself. And Logan was the perfect distraction. Besides, it wasn't like he was the mind reader, so he'd never know that I comforted myself by obsession over the little things.

I know, it was just a kiss, and I had to stop thinking about it. It was silly really. I'd been kissed before, but I guess that wasn't really the point. The point was I was sure Logan was a jackass. And now I had proof. I mean, duh – who else would kiss a chick after a funeral? Point for Piper. And this is what I thought of as I finally fell asleep.

00-0-0

I skipped my run the next day, getting tired with the routine. I needed music of some sort to help me get going. At first I had so much to run from that it was easy, but I wasn't so sure anymore. Besides, music & thoughts were a good combo for running, and thoughts alone weren't enough at the moment.

But I actually had a very good reason – at least, to me – to skip out on this forest run. After I made myself some tea I joined Storm and Scott at the table.

"Good morning, Piper. How are you today?" Scott asked, being formal as ever.

"I'm ok, actually."

"That's great to hear. Jean and I are taking some students down to the lake today, if you'd care to come. Its just past the pool." He gathered the newspaper off the table and his empty plate as he started to get up.

"I'll think about it. Thanks though." He put his plates down and headed out.

"Ok, Scotts gone – how are you really feeling today?"

I chuckled, "I was actually being kind of honest. OK…" I looked around and made sure we were both alone in the kitchen, "Have you ever had…a dream that just had to be real…I…"

"Go on." She looked interested, so encouraged, I continued.

"I know this is going to sound weird, but I feel really strongly about it. And I think its kind of common." I had done dream research on the laptop in my room that I'd been "borrowing" from the school library, that morning.

"I had this dream about Asa. I was asleep, and all of the sudden there she is, that big smile. I recognize that smile. And I say, 'Hey, Asa - where have you been?' but she won't tell me. She just smiles and says, 'Remember, Piper: I'll always love you; I loved you as if you were my own, from day one; I love you now; and I love you forever. There's no goodbyes - there's only love, Piper; only love." Then she's gone. But she's happy when she goes so I know she's got to be okay - absolutely okay."

I bite my lip after saying this and wait.

"I love your dream." Storm says, smiling, reaching across the table and rubbing my hand comfortingly.

"Do you think…"

"It doesn't matter what I think – it matters what you think. You had the dream and you know how it made you feel."

I smiled at her, "You're right…it was so…perfect. I don't know how else to say it. Its what I needed to hear though. " I got up and started to make myself a pop tart.

"Are you going to go to the lake with everyone?" She asked, looking through the coupons Scott so kindly left behind. (He's a weirdo.)

"Maybe. I heard rumors of a rope swing, which could be fun, but I have to think about it. I'm still avoiding Logan – I know, I know, he took me yesterday so I should get over his attitude, but hell I'm a woman, we're allowed to be stubborn." Half-truths, I was avoiding him, but I was slightly over his attitude. I just wanted to avoid him in case I blushed around him.

Before you judge, I'll tell you ahead of time I'm an easy blusher. I blush at the thought of some things. So geez, calm down. Its gonna happen.

"Well, Logan left for the day. Not exactly sure where he went. Probably an errand or something for the Professor. Like I told you last night, we never did find out where that kid went off too."

Oh yeah, that. Storm and Jean had gone off to New Hampshire in the jet in search of this boy who was about to cause a lot of issues with his hometown that they were trying to beat. When they'd arrived there was no one in the house and it seemed to have been empty for some time.

"New Hampshire isn't exactly a day trip, minus the jet."

"Yeah, that's what I thought, but who knows? Maybe the professor got another lead, one that's nearby. That's just what Xavier told me this morning, that Logan would be out all day."

"Oh, huh." I pretended to be disinterested. I kind of was. So whatever, now my day would be more relaxing, Attitude-with-muscles wasn't going to be around and I wouldn't have to worry about avoiding him. So I win. "What are you doing?"

"Remember how I told you about Tony?" I nodded. "We're going on a picnic! He won't tell me much; just that he's got this whole date planned out for us. In fact, " She glanced at her watch, " I better start getting ready."

"Aw storm that is so exciting! You have to let me know what happens…"

"Of course I will!" As she got up and walked past me, she put a hand on my shoulder, "Have fun today, ok? I know how hard it can be, but give it a chance."

We both laughed a little as she left. I would so totally have fun today! Hopefully. I mean, my only ally, Storm, was leaving…whatever, I'd survive.

00—00-

I was kind of bored at first. In fact, I was having all sorts of doubts about everything. Like, how my only friend was really Storm and how maybe I wasn't going to be happy at this school. But when I closed my eyes and replayed my dream, things got a little better. And as the day went on, Rogue and Jean forced me to participate in activities.

Things were better when they helped. I mean, they definitely got me thinking happy thoughts and laughing, so that was good. I decided to try and stop hiding in my room all the time and spend more time with everyone else.

Logan did return around sunset and I had to avoid him – it didn't go unnoticed though, and trust me on that. And then, to top the night off, Scott and Jean got engaged. And in a real showy way too.

When the sky finally got dark, Bobby, Pyro and some other boys had the job of setting off fireworks over the lake so Scott could get down on bended knee and pop out a ring. Jean said yes and everyone clapped.

Throughout the congrats, I turned to search for Storm, I had assumed she would have been back by now, and I knew she wouldn't want to miss this. After not finding her, I gave the two my congrats, separated myself from the crowd, and found my phone to call her.

She answered after a couple of rings, "Hey Piper! I was just about to call you."

"Where are you?" There was loud music and she was clearly yelling over it. I hated talking to people in loud rooms when I wasn't in an equally loud room, because then I end up yelling so they can hear me but really its just absurd because its quiet on my end. Suddenly it got quieter and I delivered the news, "Jean & Scott just got engaged!"

"Really? Oh! That's so wonderful! Aw and I won't be there to congratulate her…"

"Wait, you're not coming back tonight?"

"Tony and I are out and…I don't think I'll be coming home, no. But listen, I'll be back early tomorrow. Tell Jean I'm going to take us three out to breakfast to celebrate, ok?"

"Yeah, sure…you're safe though, right?" Ok, overprotective, but whatever. Better safe than sorry! Right? Right.

"I'll be fine, don't worry. And if anyone asks, just tell them I'm staying with a friend in the city for the night."

I agreed and we said our goodbyes. As I turned to rejoin the crowd, guess who was standing within 10 feet of me smoking a cigar? No, sorry, if you guessed Winston Churchill, you are way wrong. (He was noted for smoking cigars. Don't ask why I know that.) It was of course, Logan, and he had definitely been listening in on our conversation.

"You should really keep your ears to yourself." I snapped putting my phone back into the pocket of the purple sundress I was wearing over my suit.

"What? Did I say anything about Storm having sex tonight?"

"Logan!" I gasped, kind of angry, kind of amused, "She said nothing of the sort and mind your own business!"

"Are you 4? Do we need to have this talk," He waved his cigar around as he spoke, "When a man and a woman feel something for each other – attraction, love, strong feelings – they-"

"Shut up! You're gross. Let me guess, you teach health, right? If that's the case I bet half the student population is going to be expecting by the end of the term."

He chuckled, "You're quite feisty, aren't you?"

"Do not tell anyone, either!" He smiled a 'duh smile, and I snapped at him. "Leave me alone." I pushed past him and rejoined the group. He came over to me later on, but I quickly walked away before he could even speak.

I was kind of concerened about my attitude towards him, but I couldn't help myself. Part of me worried that I'd yell and snap and avoid him so much he'd actually stop going near me. And so, would I miss him then?

Ok, so that dream she had? A good friend of mine lost one of her best friends this past year, and a week later she had a dream similar to it. I don't know why, or what its saying, or anything really. I just loved that she had that dream and that it happened for her. Just because, I know, with losing someone…I wouldn't mind having a dream like that.

Review, please! Noflames,thanks.