A/N: I am going on the assumption that Cullen's listed age in the DA:O toolkit, 24, is his age at the beginning of DA:O, which would make him 27 at the time of the journal entry, and 35 at the beginning of DAI. Also, I'm aware that proper writing dictates that I spell out the age numbers in that journal entry below, but it's his journal. He's going to use the numbers to save time and ink.

From the personal journal of Cullen Rutherford

9:33 - 10 Haring - Kirkwall

The recruits get younger every year, I think. Saying that makes me feel old, but sometimes it amazes me that I am only 27. I feel much older. The eldest of the recruits is not yet 18, and decades from me in terms of experience. Training them is a challenge because of that, but very satisfying when they make measurable progress.

My sister sent me a letter. Apparently I never sent them a letter when I left for Kirkwall. Wonder how she tracked me down? I wouldn't put it past her to have stormed up to Kinloch Hold after swimming the lake. I suppose I could lie to her and tell her I most certainly did and it was lost, but she'd know better. I could almost feel the heat coming off the page as she scolded me. I will write, but I am not sure what to say. I am not the boy who left them, nor am I the naive new templar that I was the last time they saw me. I do not want them to know the details of...well, anything, really. But I will try. Actually, if I'm 27 it means that Mia is closer to 40 than 30 now. If I remind her of that, then she will forget to pry into my affairs.

9:41 - 15 Bloomingtide - Haven

Cullen,

We've found a horsemaster and he will provide mounts, and at a very reasonable price. But he won't let them go until the area around his farm is less of a war zone. I can't say as I blame him. But we need some help. His hands have asked for watchtowers to be built. Do you have any soldiers who have carpentry or masonry experience? If so, please dispatch them to the Redcliffe Farms camp. We can direct them from there. - CP

Cullen frowned and passed the message back to Leliana. "So he won't just sell us the horses, we have to pacify the region, too?"

"You shouldn't be surprised. This happened all the time during the Blight. We'd go somewhere asking for help, and to get it we'd have to perform a thousand tasks that they should have been able to do themselves," Leliana said.

"The good will of the people of the Hinterlands will go a long way towards winning us recruits," Josephine said.

"Fine. I will have my Lieutenants ask around the encampment for carpenters or masons. I'm sure there are men who have at least worked around their family holdings," Cullen said, eyeing the platter on the side table. One pastry left. Should he?

"Oh go ahead. Take the last one. I shouldn't have any more anyway," Leliana said.

"They are divine, aren't they, Leli?. But yes. I also should not have another. Please, Commander, take the last one before I am tempted," Josephine said.

9:41 - 17 Bloomingtide

Cullen,

Can we borrow some templars? At least two - more if you can spare them. There are rebel mages everywhere. My Seeker abilities help, but we need more than that. I'll have more to say about that to you once we're back at Haven. - CP

"Did she give you any hints about what she means by this?" Cullen asked Leliana.

"You mean that she has more to say to you? No, she did not. My agents report that she is more bad tempered than usual, though," Leliana said.

"That is saying something," Cullen observed, pouring himself another mug of tea. He'd always been indifferent to tea, but this wasn't bad. Josephine and put dried mint in the tea leaves, which was refreshing. Helped keep him alert too. Maker knew he needed it. He hadn't been sleeping much at all of late, which he knew was the first sign of lyrium withdrawal. He couldn't decide if that was worse than the nightmares or not. He was anxious, too, but he certainly had cause at present, so who knew if that was the lyrium or the situation. At least his appetite hadn't yet been affected, as the empty pastry platter could attest.

"The templars, Cullen?" Leliana prompted.

"Oh, yes, of course. My apologies - mind wandered. I'll ask the men. I'd like to have volunteers if I can, but I'll make it an order if I must. I can promise at least two," he answered. He took another drink of his tea. Apparently he needed it.

9:41 - 21 Bloomingtide

Dear Commander Cullen,

I was happy to hear you survived the Conclave. Commander of the Inquisition's military? Well, you have come a long way. I heard about your work in Kirkwall, though, so I'm not surprised the Inquisition recognized your value.. Many of us here at Kinloch missed the Conclave due to an ague that is going around the Circle. All of us who were sick are thanking the Maker for saving us. Far too many were lost.

I am sending you four templars and three mages, as soon as they are well enough to travel. They have heard what your people are doing around Redcliffe and want to help. That is unfortunately all I can spare. We are still a functional Circle,thanks to the autonomy granted by Queen Anora in the aftermath of the Blight, but we are much reduced. I might consider joining you myself, but I am needed here.

I have some contacts at the White Spire. I will write them and let them know of your needs. I cannot promise anything, as Lord Seeker Lucius is not pleased about the Inquisition, but we will see what my contacts have to say. I'll let you know if I hear anything more.

Knight Commander Hadley

9:41 - 24 Bloomingtide

He found out what Cassandra wanted to talk to him about when the group arrived back at Skyhold. It was apparently a fruitful excursion. They'd claimed quite a bit of territory for the Inquisition. Lady Trevelyan seemed to be able to make people like her, and, by extension, the Inquisition. They'd closed several rifts and had brought in some supplies and recruits. It was good to know that she was genuinely trying to help.

However, Cullen could tell that all was not well. Cassandra cornered him as soon as she'd had a chance to wash off the road dirt. Varric and Solas accompanied her, which was even more alarming.

"You have to do something, Commander," insisted Cassandra. She looked tired, Cullen thought. Actually, they all looked a bit ragged around the edges. The elven mage Solas even looked strained and Cullen had never seen him less than serene.

"You really do, Curly. She's being put on her ass every time we get up to one of those rifts. The Seeker here can't protect her all the time, and she's hopeless at protecting herself," Varric said, to which Solas nodded in agreement.

Cullen blinked in surprise. When Varric and the Cassandra agreed on something it was a miracle...to have the three of them agree - well, the world was ending, after all. But still, why him?

"Why can't you do it, Cassandra? You're better with a sword than I am," Cullen responded.

"I would debate that. In any case, I have no patience for teaching, especially not teaching novices. You do," Cassandra said.

"Novice? Surely she's not that bad?" Cullen asked.

"Oh, she is, Curly," Varric assured him.

The next day Cullen observed Lady Trevelyan practicing. She was indeed that bad. She'd had some training, but not much, and a long time ago, he thought. She also wasn't strong enough. She did well enough with the light practice sword, but her shield arm was drooping, and it hadn't even been a full hour. Her form was terrible, as well. She was definitely no warrior.

She racked the practice weapons - someone had taught her not to leave even practice blades improperly stored, at least - and turned to the water barrel. She saw him watching and met his gaze.

"Interesting fighting style," Cullen observed, and she had the grace to flush.

"It isn't like I was in the army," she said, a bit defensively.

"Good thing, too," Cullen responded.

"Look, I know I'm no fighter. I never said I was!" Lady Trevelyan said.

"Cassandra said you fought with a sword and shield on the way to the Breach," Cullen said.

"Because there was a demon coming for me and there was nowhere to run to! Wouldn't you pick up anything to use to protect yourself?"

Cullen inclined his head. "I see your point. Well, you need to keep protecting yourself, and this is a good way to do it - put you behind a shield. However, if you don't get better someone is going to get killed, maybe even you, and the Inquisition cannot afford to lose you," Cullen said.

"Only because of this thing," Lady Trevelyan said, gesturing with her marked hand. I'm sure Cassandra would cut off my hand and carry it around like some sort of Hand of Glory if she could," Lady Trevelyan said with a grimace.

"She doesn't hate you, you know. She's just frustrated," Cullen said.

"She's not the only one! Do you think I like feeling useless? Look, I'm just not good at this," Lady Trevelyan said.

"Well, you're going to get good at it, or at least better," Cullen responded.

"Who's going to teach me, you?" she mockingly asked, then sobered when Cullen smiled. It was his armsmaster smile. The recruits had learned to fear that smile, back when he was the Knight-Captain in charge of the trainees.

"Meet me in the north training ring tomorrow. I expect you to be equipped and ready by sunrise," he said. He had to admit some satisfaction at the apprehension on her face before she firmed her gaze and nodded.

"I'll be ready," she said before turning and walking towards the Chantry

"You'd better," he called out to her retreating back. She turned back and gave him a half annoyed, half worried look before continuing on her way.

"Maker's Breath, I do not have time for this," he muttered.

A/N: And now we have come to the inspiration for this story. I adored playing a warrior in DA:O. So of course the first character I rolled up in DAI was a sword and board warrior. I'm really, really bad at playing a warrior in DAI. Really. You do not want to know how many times I had to reload after I died. I did get the hang of it eventually, but the first time through the Hinterlands was not pretty. So I decided I wanted to write about an Inquisitor who is hopeless at this fighting thing. I had not originally intended to use Cullen's point of view, but he insisted, so here we are.