A/N: This chapter was purposefully done for Halloween, so Happy Halloween everyone! Be safe tonight when trick or treating later and for the adults, make sure you have you DD or a friendly place to stay tonight. I wanna see all my fan fic homies after the holiday!

House Rules

Happy Halloween!

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #7. If any of you find ancient talismans, amulets, statues, or scrolls only mentioned in ancient legends, involving some sort of "savior", the "protection of mankind" and "big, out-of-control flying lizards that breathe fire and destroy any buildings within a five mile radius of where they were summoned," don't buy them. Even if the creepy old man you bought it off tells you it's a good idea.

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #13. Demonic rituals are prohibited inside city limits. Besides that, what do you really think dancing around a bonfire naked is going to do? Don't answer that.

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #33. Live chickens are a don't. Under any circumstances.

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #56. The Necronomicon Ex Mortuus is not a toy and you will not treat it as such.

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #69. Plushies are not to be used as voodoo dolls, no matter how realistic the likeness.

Splinter's Rules for the Lair #74. None of you are qualified to perform exorcisms on ghosts and attempting to do so will merely offend them

Splinter had always known his sons were special. Not just because they were mutant ninja turtles, but because of their hearts and personalities. And until the day he would no longer walk within this life, he loved his sons and would never wish for anything other than their happiness.

Though sometimes he wished he knew where their brains were.

A little over two hours ago, the ninja master had finally come to the conclusion that his sons – his rambunctious, adult sons – and apparently their friends, needed structured rules on what was and was not allowed within the lair, around the lair, within a friends' apartment, and how to treat those that were their enemy. So he had sat down and began a list of certain rules that they should aspire to.

In that time, Splinter had been shaking his head in memory of why some of these things were on the list. Some of course were easily attributed to having four male adults within the confines of a single place; they were of course bound to be a bit…rough around the edges. Others were easily explained by brotherly retribution for some cause and yet others were…well, he couldn't really explain those.

Case in point were the things he looked at now. Michelangelo's early morning declaration that zombies were coming not withstanding, his sons seemed to be constantly involved in practices that someone outside of their home could account as occult activity. A few months ago, Leonardo had stumbled upon an ancient scroll that prophesied that a being would come forth and slay an unwanted demon, to which he would then be the savior of all mankind. This of course lead the four to some distant planet where, of course, Leonardo saved the people of that planet and was proclaimed the savior of mankind.

The downside to that was the fact that the inhabitants also wanted to eat the elder turtle and his brothers – Michelangelo, he had been told, was enjoying his steam bath so much, he didn't want to leave, despite that his bath was in a pot filled with vegetables.

Then of course, there was the time immediately after that when Michelangelo had to talk his way out of being arrested by the local police for "performing a demonic ritual inside city limits". Why the city of Manhattan had just a law, that one could not perform a demonic ritual inside city limits, Splinter didn't know nor did he want to know why his youngest son, sans bandana and pads, had been prancing around a large bon fire.

Nor did Splinter want to know why his older brothers and Casey Jones had also partaken in this ritual.

And he definitely didn't want to hear Michelangelo's reasons for bringing a live chicken into the lair – though later Leonardo had confessed that his brother was going to sacrifice it in order to keep the bad spirits from following them, as they had been efficiently cursed by the people of the planet that they had escaped.

The best, in Splinter's opinion, was when Raphael had found some strange leather bound book that had washed its way down near the runoff tunnels of the sewer. Despite the fact that the book seemed to be made out of human flesh, his brilliant son decided he would none the less bring it home and of course, open it and start chanting the spells within it. This of course all happened when Splinter wasn't in the lair for two weeks, so he had only 'heard' about what had happened and even the version he got from Leonardo lacked information, he knew.

Michelangelo's was, by the far, the most colorful as he paraded his brother Donatello as a real live Ghostbuster, even going so far as to admit that Donatello had received his exorcism license online, but that it made him legit. It was at this point that, Raphael had had enough and thought summoning the ghost of a tormented soul would show his younger brother and…

Splinter closed his eyes and began to massage his temples. He wanted to forget that incident.

That naturally lead him to his recent discussion, when Donatello had said Raphael was using voodoo to make him fix his bike faster. Splinter of course didn't believe this until Michelangelo came in, saying Leonardo had just 'voodoo'd' him when he refused to hand over the remote. This had lead to Splinter confiscating four cuddly turtle plushies that held a remarkable resemblance to his sons. The possible reason was that someone had so thoughtfully made small little bandanas in blue, red, purple, and orange and had placed them around the eyes of a different plush. They each had little straps of brown around their elbows and knees and a large strap around their waists.

They would have been adorable – and Splinter was sure they had been beforehand – with the exception of the various pins that were stuck in them. He found it interesting that only Donatello had the least amount of pins, but he figured that made sense, as the doll had been in Leonardo's possession when he found it.

Standing and arching his back, Splinter could feel the headache coming on and he decided some tea would be nice. After all, he knew the majority of his list had a name.

And that name was Raphael.