CHAPTER SEVEN
As Rose watched the crew of Serenity head up to the kitchen for dinner, she felt a light pressure on her hand and looked down to see the Doctor lacing her fingers through hers. Her Doctor was here, safe and sound and holding her hand. She smiled at him.
"I'm so glad you're all right," she said.
He gave her hand a quick squeeze.
"Come on," he said, and he tugged her toward the door.
When he entered the med bay, he released her hand and snatched his coat from the floor. He dug both hands into the bottomless pockets, searching, but frowned when he came up empty.
"Rose, have you seen my—"
"Sonic and psychic," she filled in, holding both items out to him.
"Brilliant!" he exclaimed, snatching them out of her grasp. He stuffed the psychic paper in his pocket and held the sonic out.
"Could you help me? I need to reattach the buttons."
It was then that Rose fully realized the Doctor was as undressed as she'd ever seen him (Well, save for one brief and frenzied moment when she had to dress him in a pair of borrowed men's pajamas after he regenerated. But she was hardly looking then. Not really). His suit coat and tie lay discarded on the floor, leaving him in only his pinstriped trousers and a dress shirt. The shirt had been torn open and the undershirt beneath jaggedly cut in half by surgical scissors.
"But first, we need to find them," he said.
Rose blinked.
"Hmm?"
"The buttons. The sonic can reattach them; it can't recreate them," the Doctor explained, already stooping to search the floor.
"Oh, right. Yeah," Rose replied, following suit.
It took them a few moments to locate the tiny white buttons, but they did it. The Doctor poured his into Rose's cupped hands and set the sonic down on the examination chair.
"Might as well just remove this," he murmured. Before Rose could ask what he was referring to, the Doctor slipped his shirt from his shoulders and removed the tattered rag that was his undershirt.
He snatched the sonic back up and used it to clean the wide red stains on his dress shirt. Rose stared at him, unable to stop herself from examining the pale lines of his torso as he worked. He wasn't quite as skinny as she'd expected. All of that running they did must have built up his muscles.
She realized, with a blush, that she was ogling. What she was experiencing was pure curiosity, she assured herself. It was like seeing Santa Claus out of his red suit.
"Are you all right?" the Doctor asked.
Her eyes shot up to meet his. His eyebrows were drawn together in concern, and she cleared her throat, embarrassed.
"Fine! Yeah, fine," she stuttered.
He nodded, appeased, and slipped his arms back through the now-clean sleeves. He held his hands out for the buttons, which she carefully transferred. He fiddled with his shirt for a minute, then held the first button up to its proper place.
Rose reached for the sonic screwdriver.
"So just, you hold the buttons and I…"
"Setting 3,982b," he supplied.
Rose arched an eyebrow.
"Setting 3,982b is the button reattachment setting?"
He nodded matter-of-factly.
"And 3,982a does what?" she asked.
"Finds the perfect popcorn setting on any microwave," he said proudly, as if this was the ultimate proof of his genius.
She smiled and shook her head at him.
"You're mad."
"Mad, and a fan of unburned popcorn," he grinned.
"'Kay, hold still," she said, adjusting the sonic.
A quip zap later, the button was perfectly reattached. They kept this up through several repetitions until Rose's eye caught the edge of a jagged wound. Rather then aiming the sonic at the next button, she reached out unsteadily and brushed her fingertips against the stitches.
He inhaled sharply.
"Sorry, did that hurt?" she asked, pulling away rapidly.
"No," he said. They looked at each other silently for a moment before the Doctor inhaled again. "Just took me by surprise, is all."
Rose apologized anyway, and they returned to their task. In mere seconds, the Doctor was completely refastened and had all his layers reapplied. He slung his long overcoat on his arm and they made their way back to the cargo bay.
Inside the large, cavernous room, the scorched crate still smoldered and gave off a horrible burnt smell.
"What do you think's in the crates?" Rose asked, covering her nose with her sleeve.
"Let's find out."
He jumped on top of one crate and hopped along until he was crouching beside the one that was hit by the smoke bomb. Carefully peeling back the splintered plastic of one edge, he reached inside and fished around. He pulled out a closed fist.
"What is it?" Rose called up.
The Doctor reached into his coat and put on his glasses. He gingerly opened his hand and peered closely at what looked like a handful of black dust.
"I think they were bugs," he called back.
Rose pulled a face.
"Bugs?"
"Yup. Oh! Yes, bugs. Here's a leg," he said, holding it up, though it was too tiny for her to properly make out.
"Why would anyone want to burn a bunch of bugs?" she asked.
Doctor aimed his screwdriver at the dust and scanned it. He examined the results and shrugged.
"I don't know. There's nothing odd about them that the sonic can detect. Maybe slightly higher-than-normal silicon content, but that's probably residue from the plastic crates. Oh!"
"Doctor?" Rose called, alarmed.
"I think there's a live one here," he said, reaching back into the crate. "Here she is! Stubborn little thing," he said, holding the squirming insect up.
"Anything odd about it?" Rose asked.
The Doctor scanned it quickly with the sonic.
"Nope. Just lucky," he put the beetle down and it crawled away. "They're called assassin beetles. You have them on Earth in your time."
Rose frowned.
"Assassin beetles?"
The Doctor waved off her concern.
"They sound worse than they are. They're actually quite a helpful species, great for eating garden pests. They have an abridged metamorphosis: Egg, nymph, adult. These little things are nearly out of their nymph stage."
Rose squinted up at him.
"So nothing unusual, then?"
"Not that I can see. Maybe the Captain will be able to tell us more," he replied.
"To dinner, then?" Rose asked.
The Doctor folded his glasses and replaced them carefully in his suit pocket. Then he hopped back down the staggered crates and landed with a loud thud in front of her.
"To dinner!" he announced.
She rolled her eyes at him, but couldn't help smiling at his exuberance. When they made it up the stairs, they followed the sounds of mingling voices and found the kitchen. Shepherd Book stood next to a long wooden table, spooning out servings of what looked like roasted vegetables. The rest of the crew sat in mismatched chairs along the sides of the table, all talking over each other.
As Rose took her first tentative step through the doorway, the voices abruptly stopped. Then a single chair scraped back and a young girl stood. Rose didn't recognize her. In fact, she was the only unfamiliar face in the room. Tall and slender with dark hair in limp waves down her shoulders, she looked younger than Rose.
"The Oncoming Storm and the Bad Wolf have arrived," she announced.
Rose gasped. She recognized that voice. It was the one in her head, the one that fed her the story to go along with the psychic paper. The Doctor gave her hand a furtive squeeze, and Rose realized that he meant for her to stay quiet.
"Right. River, this is Rose and the Doctor," Simon said after a brief pause. He shot Rose an apologetic look, as if to say, 'she doesn't know what she's doing.'
"Hello," Rose said, giving a little wave.
"Sit next to me," the young girl ordered.
Rose paused in the doorway until the Doctor gave her hand another tug. He grinned as he plopped down next to River, and Rose slipped into the seat on his other side. This put her across from Kaylee, who looked a bit sweatier than the last time they'd spoken, but no less cheerful.
"Hi Doctor! We've met, but you were all bleeding and unconscious at the time, so I guess I should introduce myself properly. I'm Kaylee," she said.
The Doctor stood and reached across the table to take her hand.
"Doctor, Kaylee is the ship's mechanic," Rose supplied.
"Lovely to meet you Kaylee, and you're a mechanic! Oh, that's brilliant! I'd love to see the engine room on a ship like this. She's beautiful," the Doctor gushed.
Kaylee blushed crimson.
"Oh! I'd love to—I mean, if the Cap'n doesn't mind—can't see why he would seein' as you're so—She is beautiful, ain't she?" the girl babbled giddily.
"Kaylee, honey, breath," Zoe said with a smirk.
Book came around the table to serve the two late arrivals their vegetables.
"Doctor, it's good to see you getting around," the Shepherd said.
He replaced the pan on the stove before taking a seat beside Jayne.
"Well, I had excellent medical care," the Doctor replied, giving Simon a nod.
River took a basket of warm rolls from Inara. Refusing any for herself, she passed it along to the Doctor, who distractedly took one.
"Let's get back to business," Mal said gruffly.
"Well, all we know is that these two men weren't police and that they wanted to destroy the cargo. We don't know who they are or why they did it," Book summarized.
"Has anybody explored the theory that they're undercover pest control specialists?" Wash suggested. "Ooh! Or really big spiders in human suits!"
River reached over and plucked the roll from the Doctor's plate.
"Little spies," she said, before biting off a huge piece of the roll.
The Doctor stared at her, bemused, and Rose gave a little giggle beside him.
"Well, they referred to each other by codenames," Zoe said.
"Alpha and Beta," Mal added.
Book frowned, considering this.
"Sounds military. Or at least, it betrays some level of organization," he commented.
"And we know why they wanted to destroy the cargo. They said Serenity wasn't fit to ship it. Pro-Alliance nuts," Mal said.
"Maybe," the Doctor said around a mouthful of squash.
Mal frowned.
"Sorry, Doctor. You know somethin' worth sharin'?" he asked.
The Doctor held up his hands.
"No, not at all," he replied. "Just don't want to make any hasty assumptions."
"The one that you had pinned down, what did he shout when you asked for his name?" Zoe asked Mal.
"He was goin' on about the great Alliance seal," Mal replied.
"And they mentioned the Doctor?" Jayne asked.
Rose straightened up in her chair.
"They mentioned a doctor. Could've been Simon," she reminded them.
"And as far as you know, the cargo's legitimate," Simon said.
"Just Alliance bugs," Zoe confirmed.
"I don't rightly know what we got on board, but we're hard up for the coin, and we can't back outta this deal," Mal said. "There's still a half-dozen crates full of healthy beetles, and they're makin' it to Paquin."
"And then on to Persephone," Inara said softly.
Rose saw Mal's jaw tense.
"That's the plan," he replied. Whatever was set to happen on Persephone seemed to put him in an even fouler mood, because when he turned to the Doctor, his eyes burned with contempt.
"So, we've heard Rose's version of events. All three of them," he added pointedly. "How about yours, Doctor?"
The Doctor put down his fork and cleared his throat.
"Not much to tell, really. I think you already know this tale better than you'd like. Shadowy government program, experiments to create a super soldier, grand rescue plot."
The Doctor let his words hang in the room, not offering any more detail.
"How long were you in captivity?" Simon asked.
"Oh, years. But I always knew that Rose would come for me," he replied.
He turned to her when he said his last sentence, and Rose felt her heart stop for a moment. Although their story was a lie, she knew that he believed those last words unwaveringly. After all, she came back when he sent her away in the TARDIS on Satellite Five, didn't she? She told him that she would never leave him, and she meant it.
"You seem normal," Simon continued.
Rose smirked.
"Does he? Just give him time," she said.
The Doctor's mouth dropped open in mock outrage.
"Oi! The cheek of you!" he admonished.
She stuck her tongue out at him, and was delighted when his fake scowl broke into a wide grin.
"I'm fine," the Doctor said, turning back to Simon. "Welllll, I say fine, I should say recovered. Welllll, as recovered as one can be after…"
Simon broke in again.
"I just mean, River is…"
His voice trailed off and he looked at his sister with such concern, such pain, that Rose felt an urge to walk around the table and give him a hug.
"I'm broken," River said simply.
Simon winced.
"Broken? Doctor?" Rose said questioningly.
But the Doctor wouldn't look at her. He too was staring at River now, the same haunted, pained expression on his face.
"For a child to have to go through that… I'm sorry. I'm so sorry."
And then it hit Rose; the images that she saw, the visions that the young girl put into her head to help her in the med bay, they weren't fictional, they were altered memories. It wasn't the Doctor strapped to a chair with needles in his brain; it was River. A teenaged girl, poked and prodded and tortured by a government lab. Rose's eyes flooded with tears, and she found herself staring at River now, too, wondering how someone so young and innocent could survive such cruelty.
River spoke, her voice sounding far too small and fragile. It was a voice full of pain and certainty.
"My brain works too much and not enough. I see everything, but I miss the things a girl should see. I'm not a girl at all anymore. I'm a gun."
Rose clutched at the Doctor's arm, willing him to fix this, to make this poor girl better.
"You're not a gun. Do you hear me, River?" he said fiercely. Rose thought she might have even seen tears in his eyes, but she couldn't be sure. Rose knew that he must be a mess of rage and sorrow at this moment. As much as the Doctor hated violence and cruelty, his hate was multiplied by a thousand when it involved children.
"You are not a gun, because guns don't have this, do they?" He pointed to his head. "Or this." He pointed to his left heart.
River considered the Doctor for a moment. Then she made a face that communicated deep annoyance and rolled her eyes.
"The girl is not an idiot. She constructed a metaphor," she said impatiently.
Rose pulled back a little in surprise, but the Doctor shook his head.
"Right. Of course. Shame on me for speaking to you as I would a child," the Doctor conceded. "Can we start again?"
After a moment, River nodded.
"You believe that you are, essentially, a weapon," the Doctor said.
She nodded again.
"The girl is a gun."
"Do you believe that your humanity was stripped away?" the Doctor asked.
River paused, considering his question
"My mind works differently than a human mind," she said carefully.
The Doctor smiled.
"Does your heart work differently than a human heart?"
River opened her mouth, but no sound came out. She shut it and peered curiously at the Doctor.
"Do you still love your brother?" he clarified.
"Yes," she answered without hesitation.
"In the same way that you did before you were taken?" he pressed.
River looked over at Simon. Her brother seemed wary but intrigued by the dialogue unfolding before him. River appeared to be lost in reminiscences, though of what, Rose couldn't know. All she could see was the softening of the girl's features.
"Even more now," River said finally.
"Then did not your captivity in some ways enhance your humanity?" the Doctor asked.
River's attention snapped back to the Doctor. She seemed surprised and annoyed.
"It also enhanced my inhumanity," she countered.
"How so?" he prompted.
"I am programmed to kill," River replied.
An eerie silence descended over the table. Several crewmembers shifted uncomfortably in their seats. Rose's mind was spinning, but the Doctor voiced the question at the forefront of her mind.
"And have you? Killed?" the Doctor asked.
River nodded remorselessly.
"Yes."
"Who did you kill?" the Doctor pushed.
River's eyes snapped to Kaylee.
"Men. They would hurt Kaylee. They were hurting her. I saw it about to happen. In my head."
River closed her eyes. She brought her arm up as if she was aiming a weapon. Then she jerked her hand to three different spots in quick succession.
"No power in the 'Verse can stop me," she whispered.
The Doctor's voice brought her back to the present.
"So, you killed to save your friend?"
"Yes," she answered.
"And did they program you to do that?" the Doctor asked.
River blinked.
"No."
The Doctor was smiling again.
"Then I postulate that if you are a weapon, you're not their weapon. And no weapon on any planet kills only to protect, so I further postulate that you aren't a weapon at all."
River's eyes grew wide.
"The girl is not a gun," she murmured, awed.
"The girl is a girl," the Doctor replied.
River's eyes suddenly focused on the Doctor with extreme intensity.
"And what about you?" she asked sharply.
Rose leaned forward.
"He's not a girl," the blond joked.
"He's not a man," River snapped.
"River!" Simon admonished, but River paid him no attention. Her eyes were still trained on the Doctor.
But the Doctor didn't look offended. He ignored Simon and calmly replied.
"No, I'm not a man."
"Are you a gun?" she asked him.
The Doctor's expression grew serious. Rose knew that he was thinking of his home planet and the Time War. He was reflecting back on all of the destruction he'd been forced to bring about: the Slitheen and the Daleks, the Gelth and the Krillitanes. She could feel the sadness and loss rippling off of him, and she took his hand under the table.
"I hope not," he said softly.
"And I hope you all saved room for dessert," Book interrupted.
He looked anxious to relieve the tension in the room, and sure enough, smiles broke out across the table.
"Shepherd got us a special treat on the surface," Kaylee beamed.
"As if fresh vegetables weren't enough, Shepherd. What did you manage to get your hands on?" Zoe asked.
"Baked pears in sweet sauce," he revealed, brandishing a dark pan with steam rising off it.
The Doctor paled, and Rose gave him a playful shove.
"Don't look so terrified. You don't have to eat them," she said.
"You don't like pears?" Inara asked.
"Hate. Hate is the word," the Doctor corrected. "I hate pears. Rubbishy things. Why is there even a need for pears when there are apples? Pears are playing at being apples and failing. Foul, disgusting—"
He broke off when he realized that everyone was staring at him.
"Was I being rude again?" he asked Rose.
"You were," she confirmed.
"Sorry, Shepherd Book. They look lovely."
"I'll have your portion," Jayne said happily.
As they ate, the crew began to talk about less somber things. Mal and Zoe shared the tale of their platoon's battle against a litter of particularly fierce stray kittens, Kaylee revealed that she stole her father's Aurora 80-10 for a joyride on her sixteenth birthday, and Jayne told a story about a mishap in a backwoods whorehouse that made Simon's ears turn pink. Rose, in turn, told the crew about the time that she, the Doctor, and Jack visited the planet called Women Wept and walked under the frozen waves that soared a hundred feet into the air.
"Women Wept? Never heard of it. Is it a border world?" Wash asked.
Rose's eyes widened when she realized her mistake.
"Oh, folks know it by different names. Terraforming failed there, obviously. People don't really visit anymore—too cold," the Doctor covered smoothly. "Say, I'm knackered. Is anyone else absolutely exhausted?"
"It is pretty late," Simon noted.
"Simon, why don't you show these two to their room while the rest of us clean up in here," Mal said.
"Room? Singular?" Rose asked.
"You're not old fashioned are you? Because we've only got the one spare guest room," Mal said, looking suspiciously at Rose.
"It's fine. Rose likes to put on a show of modesty. Very British. But of course we share, darling. Been together for years now," the Doctor said, giving her a chiding look.
Rose forced a wide smile.
"Of course."
End Notes: And so it begins. Just in case you were wondering if this was, in fact, a Ten/Rose fic, there ya go! Much more to come.
Please leave me your comments! I really appreciate everyone's feedback. Rest assured that, even though I have this story mostly completed, I do a final revision of each chapter before I post it, and your input (positive and negative) has helped me improve some things.