A/N: I friend-ship Laito and Kou since I played Laito's route and he SPOILER becomes friends with Kou in the good ending and Kou helps him with his relationship with Yui 3 It's really cute
Of Ash and Ketchup
Subaru Sakamaki woke up early at dusk to see the fading colors of the horizon... and enjoy some waking peace and quiet moments, all by himself.
It was a Saturday afternoon, and he knew Kou Mukami, the most annoying and talkative house member, had a concert to give tonight, and had invited Laito, the guy with the creepy eye's preferred, constantly snickering talking buddy, to see it.
Yuma had somehow dragged Shu to a martial arts convention; Subaru was pretty sure Azusa hid himself in the car after Yuma denied him an invitation to all those... likely pain inflicting activities. He tried not to picture Yuma and Shu trying to get Azusa off the various fighting rings and weaponry shops; they'd probably come back in a bad mood... but most importantly, late.
The rest of the house had nothing to do, but still, five fewer people was a luxury in this crammed house! He wondered when the hell they could return to the old house; at least there were sometimes people working there to ensure the chaos was normal-ish, and that Ayato's lego pieces weren't on the floor or near the stairs... was he ten?!
Either way, he wouldn't pick up a mess he hadn't made, it wasn't his problem, and trying to reason with people often brought more frustration than just being away from it all.
It looked like everyone had the same logic as the self-important guy who had nearly made him trip while being asleep in his iron maiden at the same time. That was a new level of annoying; the presumed future head of the Sakamaki House literally didn't need to be awake to remind people of his stupidity.
Subaru also suspected nobody knew whose mess was which pile anymore; though the fucking scooter was definetly Ayato's; nobody could be so obnoxious to put a scooter on the stove to avoid making room on the kitchen floor or entrance hall for it.
Subaru sighed as left the kitchen and passed by Reiji's door. He wished he was more like Reiji himself, if only because he wanted to be able to keep his stuff tidy a bit longer than two days... Reiji's room always looked perfect! He worked harder than any of them, the huge nerd.
Meanwhile, Reiji was drinking the finest organic black tea of the region with pure gluten free oatmeal raisin cookies in his room, and suddenly wondered why they hadn't gotten any post lately. Surely someone had managed to get himself indebted by now?
However, his question was answered soon, as the phone rang.
Reiji was startled mid-sip, and wet his pure white glove. Better throw it away.
The phone had no cable from that one time Laito had cut it off to refrain Yui Komori from communicating with the outside world during her stay in their mansion. Blimey, he could have just plugged it off! That was a really unnecessary waste.
But if the phone somehow worked, it meant it was a call from a supernatural being! A bit nervous, he picked up, and heard some strange, coarse breathing on the line.
-Hello?
-Reiji?
Reiji was afraid of ghosts, and this person from another world sounded like one, and it knew his name!
-W-who is this?
-I am your father... -a raspy, aphonic voice said-
-Noooo!
Reiji nearly dropped the phone, alarmed
-Reiji. Listen to me.
-You're not my father! Don't call here ever again.
-Wait, Reiji Sakamaki, the supernatural connection makes the voice sound like a science fiction character's, but it is I, Karl-Heinz, king of vampires, speaking to you!
Or should I mention the watch I gave you so long ago for you to believe me, son?
Reiji didn't like how the last sentence sounded, as he felt stinging venom flowed through his already stopped circulation system in his chest; was he intentionally toying with him?
-Long time no news. What do I owe this miracle to, father?
-I would like to say it is a miracle that I come into contact with any of you lately; why have you been ignoring all of my letters? -more heavy breathing.
Just what was the vampire overlord doing? And was that the sound of a circus? Where in tarnation was he?
-I have not recieved any letters. Are you sure you didn't send them to the old, more spacious house? -Reiji tried to sound stern, but he had begun to do the vampiric equivalent of hand-sweating; if there had been indeed letters but he'd failed to read them..!
-I am sure, as I am making some money by hosting events there...
Reiji began to turn green and feel cold; this was bad. He'd surely missed the letters somehow. And as if their father needed more money! What was he up to?
-Listen Reiji, there is an urgent request regarding my plan, which I will not let any of you into, unless you happen to complete it.
Let's say I will stop sponsoring the Sakamaki family, incluiding you, if you can't manage to keep the new house clean within a reasonable standard, and you all will need to get a human job...
Reiji's eyes widened; he had failed at keeping the house clean indeed, but managing 9 people was different than managing 5! And a human job... he would have prefered it if a ghost had called instead. He felt paralyzed.
The Ketchup Lord continued,
-I've heard about the broken water pipe from the neighbors, and also about the continuous noise of falling stones... which makes me think someone has broken the ceiling and walls several times.
Reiji's mouth was dry as the world began to turn upside down without him. It seemed like his legs had rooted themselves to the floor and his hand had fused with the phone.
-As you know, I am not bankrupt at all, since besides being the vampire overlord, I happen to have a small tomato sauce business which uses sustainable energy from free volcano ashes, and now I get to use the Sakamaki and Mukami manors as event locations as well.
-You doing that looks similar to humans taking desperate measures, Karl-Heinz. It's hard to respect. Care to tell me the name of the tomato sauce company? I feel like I've heard of it before...
-No matter, Reiji. Is Shu at home? He must have gotten the letters; they were addressed to him.
Reiji's forehead creased as he felt a knot in his throat. Wasn't he trustworthy enough? When had he ever done something that proved he'd fail at taking a responsability? And also, when had Shu ever demonstrated any interest in taking any? He needed to lay down.
-No, he'll be late. -Reiji replied, dryer than usual- Perhaps he's eating tomato sauce instead of blood at one of your parties right now. Where is the martial arts convention?
Silence in the line.
-Don't ask pointless questions, Reiji! What I want you to do is the following... regroup the Sakamaki house and clean the forsaken rented home.
-We are renting? Aren't you the billionaire vampire overlord?
-I shall say no more, your mission is given, I must retreat to my endeavors.
And he hung up. Reiji needed to sit back down and grabbed his already cold cup of tea. It was now ruined. What on Earth was he supposed to do?! First, he'd see if there was, by chance, a pile of mail in that good-for-nothing's room...
There was, and it was all bent into origami crane birds. How pointless. The anger heat he began to feel in his throat dissipated when he saw the martial arts convention pamphlet: Shu didn't know, but wasn't that the Mukami mansion's address? Yuma surely didn't even know his own address, the brute peasant... Either way,
-Subaru! Kanato! Ayato! Wake up this instant!
-What the hell, Foureyes!? -Ayato growled from his bedroom.
-Teddy... this rude person doesn't realize it's stupid if you ask for a favor early on weekends... right? We'll make sure he has a miserable time for waking us, we will... -Kanato muttered, as he got out of his room, dragging his fluffy unicorn pajamas
Subaru said nothing, since he was already snacking about on the couch.
-There are news from Karl-Heinz. If we don't keep the house clean, we'll have to get a human job to survive... and since we don't have a university degree, it's guaranteed to be the low class kind!
-Nice try, Foureyes. -Ayato yawned- Maybe that'll happen to you, but the great me is too good to get a human job... -he stretched and yawned again- besides, you're making that up!
Reiji held the letter to Ayato's nose.
Ayato read, increasing the width of his eyes with every sentence.
-No. I can't accept this. You made it up! Anyone can grab a computer these days!
Besides, what is this Heinz Tomato Sauce logo?!
-It looks like Reiji assumed we've never watched a detective movie. So conceited because he reads the novel instead of watching the movie. Isn't he, Teddy?
-But..!
Ayato and Kanato dissappeared. How couldn't they believe him?!
Subaru looked at him and offered popcorn.
I am willing to clean my stuff... if only I knew which pile it is, and under whose stuff it is!
Reiji massaged his temples as he chewed.
Ruki wouldn't try to convince the Sakamakis to pick up their stuff, but if the Mukami's stuff was on top of their's... Shu was the only one who could convince Ayato and Kanato to do anything; Laito and Subaru weren't so stubborn... but their mess wasn't as stupid and obnoxious. He'd hate it, but he needed some cooperation.
-I need to talk to Ruki, you go get Shu, he's at a brutes's convention our demented father organized at the Mukami mansion. He hid the letters, you need to make him to convince the others somehow! I'm not picking up their idiotic mess!
Subaru was at a loss; he liked Shu, but he'd never had to convince him to do anything, and only Yuma seemed to have the Shu-raising superpower!
Yuma must have a cell phone... now, if only he hadn't broken his own in a rage outburst... He'd never answer Reiji's call though... he'd practice Laito's stalking phone use! What had his incredibly awkward advice been..?
AN: Next chapter is the continuation of this one; on to the martial arts convention and strategies to solve this small huge problem lol