A/n: I'm so sorry. I almost cried writing this.

Gracie's Journal 6/14/29

Yeah. Okay.

Didn't quite make it to Aunt Nell's last night.

She knocks on my door at like 12:30. I'm halfway asleep, and she's banging on my door. I was pretty upset, so I scoffed and got up and obnoxiously took my time grabbing my stuff and running a brush through my hair.

She was still banging on the door, and so I opened it like "Seriously, Aunt Nell?"
Usually she lets herself in and wakes me up gently.

That was the first sign of disaster.

I saw the look on her face and I knew.

I hurried behind Aunt Nell to the car.

She put it in drive and off we went, and I just took a few moments to let it all in. I glanced around the city, bright LA lights at night. Stinging my tearing eyes, I glanced around again and again.

"How bad are they hurt?"

Aunt Nell's voice cracked. She said "It's not they."

It was Mom.

I tried, I tried really hard to find out what happened. But my head was spinning and I was scared and I was trying not to be but when we got to the hospital and I saw Dad all dressed up for their op with tears in his eyes I just couldn't do it anymore.

I ran over to Dad and I hugged the tar out of him and he squeezed me tightly and he sniffled in my ear.

She was stabbed. Right in the stomach. And she was not okay. She'd gotten in close quarter combat with some Russian terrorist in a bar. She went to reach for her knife. It wasn't there. Dad crouched down and grabbed my hands and talked to me like I was a little kid. "We're going to be okay," he said, but we both knew that we would indeed not be okay.

I held on to my Daddy like a whining little kid.

I was too young to lose my Mom. I still need her. She was too young to die. I thought about how Grandma was losing her daughter and she never got to call her. I thought about how she never got to wear a wedding dress and marry the man she was so desperately in love with. I thought about her struggles to become who she was and how I loved her and how I wish we all lived in different circumstances.

And I just held on to Dad.

And the doctor came out and I didn't want to listen to him because I knew, I just knew that he was going to say something along the lines of "I'm sorry for your loss, mam" and then something to Dad about his loss and I just couldn't hear it because that meant she was gone...
But instead, the words he said I will never forget.

"I have no idea how she survived."

And Dad and I both did this double take thing and I wiped the hell out of my eyes but I was still crying somehow and the doctor kept talking to Dad and I was so lost in my head that I can't even remember know what all played out.

And look at me, I can't even use propper grammar right now.

They had Mom in recovery. She lost a whole lot of blood. She didn't look like herself laying in that hospital bed. She was in a hospital gown now and an IV in her arm and padding around her stomach.

The harsh artifical lights and the anxiety was worsening my headache. Dad was curled up in a chair by Mom's side just staring at her.
He looked over at me. "I told you we'd be okay."

His voice sounded so weak.

It was a bad time, but I totally said it anyway.
"Maybe you should look at this like a wake up call, Dad." And he pretended to have no idea what I was talking about, but lets be honest. The look in his eyes told me everything. He knew exactly what I was talking about.

The nurses kept coming in and checking on her, and they said they wouldn't mind if I hopped in bed and layed next to her and closed my eyes to sleep a little, as long as I was careful not to touch her wound. I didn't want to hurt her, so I was hesitant. Dad got back in the room from calling Grandma Julia, and he heard the nurses tell me I could do it, and said, "Go ahead, why don't you? You'll be the first face she wants to see when she wakes up."

She slept it off for a while. I don't want to think about this anymore. Starting to get teary again thinking about it. Maybe tomorrow.

-Gracie

If you're still alive I'd love your input. I'll update probably in the wee hours of the morning so I don't have to dwell on this any longer.