A/N: Phew. Longer chapter. Apologies. Also, Puck's voices. Apologies. Please don't be offended by anything in this chapter. I don't think Puck means it offensively, it's just the way he thinks.
The way Puck saw it, everything made sense. Quinn had always been pretty hot – okay, super hot – and now she was even hotter. He'd always been a badass, and now he was invincible. Finn had always been dense, and now he had a concussion (okay, that one was kind of a stretch). Blaine was. . .okay, Puck didn't really know anything about the kid from Dalton.
It all made buckets of sense. Except for Mike. Because really, there was no f'ing reason that the kid should glow. Like one of those stupid rave sticks that his little sister liked so much. And sure, he'd bought her one at the circus, 'cuz she'd been begging so much, but then it had exploded all over his shirt, which now glowed in the dark. Which sucked. Because only girls liked things that glowed in the dark.
Which meant that it was going to be really hard to keep being friends with Mike if he seriously glowed.
That was what Puck thought. What Puck said was "huh."
"Well the good thing is we don't have to gather any more wood for the fire," Finn said. Everyone turned to look at him, confused. "I mean. . .we can just make Quinn sleep in the middle. Her body feels like a fire. And we can put Mike next to her, because if he glows in daylight, he's going to be really bright at night."
"Wow. . .Finn. . ." Quinn shook her head. "Just. . .wow."
"I thought it was a good idea." Finn sulked a little bit.
"Here's a better idea," Puck said, rubbing his hands together. "Let's eat. I'm starving. Where's the grub?"
Blaine chuckled at that, and pointed to a small pile of processed food. Puck's face fell. "You have got to be kidding me," he moaned. "I can't survive on all that processed shit. I need man food."
"Well, there's the fish you got," Finn said, glancing doubtfully at Blaine. And Puck did not miss that glance, oh no he did not. And he got that Finn was pissed at him, what with the whole kissing Rachel thing. He was pretty sure he got that. And sure, maybe they'd never fully repaired their friendship after the whole getting Quinn knocked up thing. But that look that Finn just gave Blaine. . .that was the best buddy look. That was the QB to the RB look. That look belonged to him.
"Sure," Blaine said. "We'll boil them for the broth, and then eat them up." He turned to smile at Quinn. And Puck knew that smile, oh yes he did. The was a full shit-eating grin. That was the smile he used when he wanted to get laid. And he could get that Sam was with Quinn (as long as he wasn't getting any) but this Dalton kid was sure not going to just walk in, smile, and get Puck's bromance and Puck's girl. "Thanks for catching them, Quinn."
"You're welcome," she said with a slight blush.
"Whatever," Puck said. "I did all the work, anyway."
"Then thank you. . .um. . ." Dalton gave him a sheepish grin. "Sorry. You practically saved my life yesterday, and I don't even know your name."
Well. Puck felt a little mollified. Because he had totally saved the kids life. So he reached out his hand. "Puck."
"I'm Blaine. I'd shake your hand, but. . ." he gestured toward his arm, still in a sling. Puck sniggered a little. Total pussy. As if a broken arm were any reason not to shake hands. Puck had broken his hand once, and he'd still scored a touchdown.
Just then, there was a strange, thundering noise coming from the forest. Puck frowned.
"What the hell is that?"
"It sounds like a stampede," Finn said helpfully.
"We're in the woods, moron," Puck pointed out. "Have you ever seen a bear stampede?"
Puck, because he was an awesome guy, and observant, and totally cared about his friends, noticed that Quinn had turned even paler. He reached out a put a hand gently on her shoulder. He could tell that her skin was radiating heat, but he still didn't get why the other two guys seemed so afraid of her.
Then again, he was seriously weirded out by Day-Glo Chang, and Blaine had been casually giving the guy a drink. So whatever.
"Blaine, if the animals sensed the radiation, would they. . ." Quinn's words broke off at the end. Blaine just shrugged.
"I don't know. But maybe. . .maybe we should try and get everyone on the bus."
Wait a minute. . .radiation. . .Puck didn't think he liked the sound of it. Radiation, he was pretty sure, was a bad thing. Except for in the cases of Spiderman, or some of the X-Men, or half a dozen other superheroes. . .actually, then again, maybe radiation wasn't such a bad thing after all.
He sure hoped he got super strength.
Or could fly.
He would call himself. . .the Invincible Jew. Or maybe The Ambadassador. Or the Hebrew Hero. Maybe he'd go simple and just be Puckzilla.
"Puck, come on and help!" Finn complained.
Oh, right. The stampede.
Quinn was dragging Brittney, both arms looped awkwardly under the taller girls arms. Finn had slung Rachel over his shoulder. And Blaine, the pansy from Dalton, was just grabbing water bottles.
"Why doesn't he help?" Puck asked, as he picked up Santana (because if he was only going to save one person, he was going to save the most smoking hot girl there. Except for Quinn. Right. Quinn.)
"He only has one brain, moron," Quinn scoffed, as she struggled to pull Brittany up the steps and into the bus.
"Hey, why didn't you guys put us on the bus before?" Puck asked. "We could have gone to the hospital." He thought that was a pretty good idea, so he really didn't get why everyone was rolling their eyes.
"Just. . .help us get everyone on the bus," Finn pleaded.
Puck noticed that Blaine stopped helping pretty soon, and just went around to the front of the bus, fiddling with something under the hood. He didn't mention anything, though, since it was clear that Quinn and Finn had joined sides with the prettyboy. For the first time, he wished Rachel were awake inside of mercifully quiet. She would have set them straight about the spy.
Things got a little awkward when he was trying to carry Mercedes. Because that girl had a rack, and could Puck help it if maybe his hands slipped a little bit? And was it his fault that she woke up and glared at him and hissed something about chocolate thunder? And then tried ineffectually to kick him in the groin? And then he dropped her?
"Sorry," he muttered, and maybe. . .by accident. . .grabbed her boobs again.
Sweet. Best day ever.
He tried to get to Tina before Quinn did, but she glared at him with that "get back" and "I know what you're thinking" and "why did I ever sleep with you" look. Bummer. So he helped out Artie, because bros before hos, plus there was no way he was dragging freaky-glowing Mike Chang anywhere. Also, he was pretty sure that Sam was dead, though you wouldn't know it from the way Quinn kept fussing over him.
They were all lucky that Puck had woken up, because they had only just loaded everyone into the bus when the first deer broke out of the cover of the forest. Blaine bounded back onto the bus. "Quinn!" he shouted. Does it work now?"
Quinn left her position by Sam's side and ran to the front of the bus. She slid into the seat and turned the ignition. The engine turned over, but quickly died.
"I thought you were going to fix this thing!" Puck roared. Okay, he'd thought no such thing. But Blaine didn't know that.
The other boy just looked flustered. "I tried. . .I don't know. . .I don't really know anything about cars. Do you?"
Finn shook his head. Quinn let out a low moan of despair. There were now a dozen deer dashing through their little clearing, and the roar – the stampede if Finn was right for once – was getting louder. Closer.
"Where' Kurt?' Puck asked. "Get the fairy to fix it, his dad owns a garage!"
Blaine's lips pursed, but he didn't say anything. Quinn did. "God, Puck, show a little sensitivity! Kurt's sick! Don't call him a fairy!"
Puck was about ready to respond to that when he looked out the window. And holy fuck was that a bear?
"Screw this," Puck hissed. "I'm not going to die in this bus with a bunch of losers. Oh, and Quinn." He reached down, and hauled the gasping little homo into his arms. Huh. They looked like a nice little bridal picture. A gay bridal pic. Whatevs.
"Out of my way!" Puck said, shouldering past Finn and running down the stairs. Kurt was shaking in his arms. And gross, he was totally sweating. Puck set him down, standing, one hand grasping the back of his collar. With his free hand, he threw the hood open.
"Okay, Kurt, let's do this thing. How do we fix the bus?"
Kurt's teeth were chattering, and his skin was a totally weird mix of pink, red and white. Plus his hair was all over the place. Puck was pretty sure that Kurt hated when his hair got messed up – actually, scratch that, he was sure that Puck hated it, because whenever he'd given the kid a slushie facial that had been the first thing he'd tried to fix.
"C-c-can't," Kurt chattered. Puck looked over his shoulder. Not that he was nervous, but, uh, bear. The deer had increased in numbers now, and the sound was almost deafening. And yeah, there was definitely a family of bears loping toward them.
"Yes you can, dammit!" Puck hissed. "I know you work in your dad's garage. Now Fix. The. Fucking. Bus." He slammed Kurt into the side of the bus, because Puck might not know a lot of things, but he knew that fear was a great motivator. Look at their football team. Beiste came into replace Tanaka, and she was fucking terrifying. Also, ugly.
Kurt didn't seem motivated, though. He just closed his eyes and breathed in more of those freaky, gaspy breaths. Puck frowned. Now he really wasn't sure what to do.
Until his was shoved aside by an angry little hobbit. Puck raised one eyebrow, because it was the freakin' Dalton pansy who had bowled into him, one shoulder down. It would have made for a pretty good tackle, actually, except that there was no wrap-up and the guy only weighed about twenty pounds. Give or take.
"Get back in the bus," the kid said through clenched teeth, as he forced one shoulder under Kurt's arm, keeping the sicker student standing.
"No way," Puck refused.
The kid turned to stare at him, and Puck could have sworn that his eyes were black. Except for the red, blood-shot rims. He remembered what Finn had told him about zombies.
"Get in the fucking bus!" Blaine was out of control. Even Puck could see that. He worried that the kid was going to turn and just chomp Kurt's head off. It probably wouldn't make a good snack, even for a zombie. Too much hair product.
"I'm not leaving him out here with you!" Puck retorted. He crossed his arms, flexed them threateningly. That's right, hobbit. Take a look at those guns.
Blaine ignored him, though, just whispered something in Kurt's ear. Then, a little louder, "You can do this. I believe in you. We'll do this together." Something low pitched again, and Kurt was breathing a little slower now.
"Puck, grab the fuel line. . .no, the thicker cable. . .over there."
It took maybe five minutes before Kurt was satisfied, sagging back into Blaine. The kid bit back a yelp, and Puck was 99% certain that both boys would have fallen to the ground if he hadn't swooped in to rescue Kurt. Because yeah, he'd just fixed the bus and he was awesome like that.
That was when he saw the wolves. Because the bears had been scary enough, but they'd mostly just ignored him. The wolves though. . .they were coming straight at them.
Puck was pretty sure that his radiation super power must be super speed, because he was back on the bus, Kurt still tightly clenched in his arms, within 2.5 seconds, tops. Blaine followed close behind
"Step on, Quinn!" Puck yelled, practically throwing his favorite 'mo into the first seat, and leaning forward.
The girl turned the key, and the engine sprang to life.
"Wait!" Finn gasped. "What about the puppies!"
Puck didn't have to smack him upside the head. Blaine did that for him, before collapsing back into a seat. Huh. Puck had to admit, maybe the gay little hobbit wasn't so bad. When he was satisfied that Quinn had taken them out of stampede zone and back onto the road he relaxed. Quinn had decided, for whatever reason, to take them back toward Ohio, and when nobody had protested, she'd just kept driving. Finn was sitting up with her, playing the role of hero and leader again, so Puck sat down across from Blaine, who had Kurt's head in his lap and was idly playing with his hair.
"Hey, um. . .good job out there," Puck said.
"Don't talk to me."
"Dude, I'm just trying to be friendly, chill out."
"You called Kurt a fairy," the boy said, turning around with angry eyes. "You dragged him out of the bus knowing how sick he is. You. . .you slammed him into the engine. . ."
"Yeah, well," Puck shrugged uncomfortably. "That's the best way to motivate me. I was just trying to. . ."
"You were scared," The boy said, still angry. "You were scared, so you took it out in a violent, aggressive way. That's all you bullies are. A bunch of scared little boys."
"Hey!" Puck put his hands up placatingly. "I'm not a bully."
Blaine raised on triangular eyebrow.
"I'm not!"
"Puck, don't lie," Quinn said sharply.
"Okay, maybe, sometimes," Puck said. "But just dumpster dives and slushie facials. And not to anyone on this bus. Not anymore."
Finn glanced back at them, concern on his face. "Don't fight," he said. "That's all in the past. Things are way different now. We need to get along."
Blaine sighed. "Finn's right," he said, but he wouldn't turn to look at Puck "Truce?"
"Truce," Puck agreed. He glanced over at Mike, who was emitting a soft, green low now that they were in the lower light of the bus. Seriously freaky. He reached out a hand to poke the kid when he noticed it.
His right hand was bright red, and blistered. As if he'd burnt it. Finn, who had apparently abandoned Quinn's side (probably after she'd continually told him to leave) noticed it, too.
"Dude," he said, "what happened to your hand?"
They both glanced over at Quinn, who was focused on the road. Because they both knew where the burns had come from.
A/N: Well, Blaine and Finn hit it off, but doesn't seem like that will be the case with him and Puck. Thinking it will be another Finn chapter. Or maybe Artie. . .it's about time for him to recover. Yes. . .an Artie chapter should do quite nicely. . .