What Have I done

Chapter seven

"Get Out." The words bounced around his brain like gunfire smashing into everything in their path, decimating it. Jace jerked on his hair hard not caring that he felt some let go. He paced the darkened hallway growling as he past the door for the hundredth time. Clary had refused to see him for three weeks. Jace felt like he was the one who had been held in a hell zone, and he was still there. She had let others in, but not him, never him.

Jace kicked the wall and felt the plaster give. He crossed his arms hearing the slight creak of his black leather jacket and cringed. Isabelle would kill him for that. He'd tried everything possible to get her to let him in, but she was completely shutting him out. His heart twisted and he felt his stomach heave as his own words rang in his ears.

"I am an idiot" he said with a growl as he sank down into the chair across from the door. He felt every second ticking by as if it were his last. He wondered if he could actually die from his broken heart. He felt like he was coming apart, dying inside and he didn't know how to fix it. Clary was blocking him at every turn, keeping someone with her all the time, refusing to let him in. He felt as if he was suffocating out here and no one would help him. He closed his eyes and bowed his head feeling defeated.

The silence changed, took on a thick quality and Jace's head snapped up. Magnus smiled at him sadly and sank silently into the other chair. He steep led his fingers and waited tapping them silently against each other. Jace didn't say anything, just waited.

"You know this is your fault right?" Magnus asked it quietly, and Jace wanted to scream that of course he did, but it wasn't Magnus's fault, it was his.

"I know" Jace said sadly rubbing his hand roughly down his face. He wished he could rub away every stupid word he'd said, every wasted moment, but knew it couldn't happen. "I know. "

"You may thank me later." Magnus said softly as he stood in a swirl of soft material. Jace's eyes widened as he stood quickly

"you got her to see me?" The hope in his voice would have sickened him in any other situation but this was too important, this was his life they were talking about.

"But she agreed to see me." Magnus smiled wryly waiving his fingers slowly around them both. The air swirled around them and Jace felt his body begin to burn. He gasped but stood still. The air crackled and popped and the dim lights flickered. They came back on and Jace felt his throat grow dry as he met two pairs of Magnu's eyes in the mirror.

"It will get you past the silent brother, will get you time alone, but it will only last a few minutes, use it wisely."

"Thank you." He said quietly "really thank you."

Magnus smiled and slipped into the chair in the shadows and got comfortable. "Don't thank me yet" he said wryly "If you get caught it's on you."

Jace smiled and nodded slipping in the door.

Clary heard the door open and raked her bright red hair back with a sigh. The hardest thing about losing her sight was having to depend on her other senses. She smelled the shampoo that Magnus liked and smiled. At least he hadn't badgered her, or given her an opinion on her situation with Jace. Everyone else had weighed in until she felt like she was going to scream.

"Is Jace still outside?" The question slipped past her lips before she could stop it. His name seemed to slip past her lips unbidden more than she would like. He certainly obsessed her every thought almost as much as the pain of what had happened was slowly killing her.

Clary heard him murmur to the silent brother and she head the door open and close as they were left alone. He remained silent and Clary found her eyebrows spike at his silence. Magnus was a lot of things but silent was never one of them. She could hear his breathing and waited. Suddenly a fear unlike any she'd ever known swept through her, something had happened to Jace and he didn't know how to tell her. Clary gasped and clutched her chest as her heart ripped. She staggered and grabbed for the table she knew to be nearest to her bed. She felt the world spin, "by the angel, is he hurt, or dead?" The last thought ripped through her and she wondered if someone so young could have a heart attack.

"Did something happen to Jace?" "Is he okay? "Please what is it you're not telling me?" Clary knew her voice was a shrill half screaming sob now but couldn't help it. She knew Jace did not want her, had tried to burn him out of her for the last three weeks but she loved him and couldn't help it. She was scared that the most important person in her world was gone. She had been dying inside since the day he told her he didn't want her but now, after everything, if he was gone, she knew she would die.

"Is he okay?" The question came again harsher, more demanding, she had to know.

Clary heard him move and suddenly he was standing beside her. She reached for him but paused when she noticed that his smell was different. Her nostrils flared as she smelled it, his scent. She wasn't sure how but she smelled him. Magnus's scent was slowly fading and Jace's raw, animal scent was permeating the room.

She took a step back, confused, afraid but felt familiar arms clamp around her. She would know him anywhere, he smell, his touch and she knew who held her. The world swung dizzily as she grasped his arms and directed her sightless eyes to where his face should be. Her hands crept up his jacket, feeling the leather under her fingertips. She trailed her hands up his shoulders and traced his face. By the time she put her hand s in his hair she was crying.

"Jace, is it really you?" She sobbed the words as she pulled him to her "You're really okay?" She breathed him in, traced his face with her fingertips. She was desperate to prove with her talented artist fingers what her sight used to tell her. "I thought you were dead, I was so scared when Magnus didn't say anything."

Jace covered her hands with his and smiled, his heart beating so wildly against his chest he knew she heard it. "Magnus is outside, I convinced him to help me."

Clary smiled, forgetting everything else in her joy that he was okay "I'm going to kill him."

Jace smiled at her and pulled her against him. He wrapped his arms around her and ran his hands up and under the heavy fall of her hair, he breathed in the smell of her and closed his eyes, by the angel he had missed her.

"Were you worried about me?"

Clary sighed and shut him up the only way her poor wounded heart would allow, she kissed him. So many emotions were swirling around in her head, sadness, love, pain, lust that it was too much. The uncertainty of the future loomed large and she was scared, but she would have this moment. She pulled and they rolled together onto the bed locked in each other's arms. Jace may not want her, surely didn't want her now that she was sightless, but she loved him and the thought of him being gone had scared her so much that none of that mattered now. She just wanted to feel him again.