Title: Outside Humanity

Author: Drake Roberts (aka: Shelley)

Rating: R, just in case I get the urge to write some bloody carnage.

A/N: My laptop and I are a writing powerhouse! Now don't get me wrong, I LOVE all the Xander and Spike cuteness, and the happenings in the Summers' household, but I just had to bring in Angel and Cordy. Sorry about the long update gap again. I've been doing a production of Our Town, so between that, and my day job, and the ever-growing amount of plot bunnies demanding equal attention, my already short attention span was stretched to its limit. But, the play's over which means, more free time for me! One other quick note: This chapter had one of my friends laughing out loud. Of course, that doesn't necessarily mean you will. Enjoy!

* * * * *

Angel was awoken from a very nice dream involving Marilyn Monroe, a moon lit beach and strawberries by the sound of a slamming door and some very imaginative swearing. The souled vampire rushed into the room, pulling a T-shirt on as he went and got Cordelia's attention as she ending her litany of profanity.

"Cordy? What is it? What happened?" he asked, still trying to wake up the rest of the way.

"Can I get through one stinking audition without something all whacko happening? No! The stupid Powers That Be -" Cordelia paused in her tirade to flip off the heavens. "- have to send me a friggin' vision in the middle of the cold reading."

Angel's brain started to work at the word 'vision'. "Cordy -" he began only to be cut off by the still fuming Cordelia.

"I do their grunt work and endure EXTREME pain so that you can 'help the hopeless' and get yourself all Shanshu-ed. Doesn't that give me the right to a little personal time?"

"But what about -"

"I mean it's not like I'm asking for insurance or a 401k or anything. Though that would be really nice."

"CORDY!"

"What?! Can't you see I'm venting here?"

"The vision, Cordelia. What did you see?"

"That's the whole point!" Cordelia snarled. "Those PTB pains in the asses sent me a vision for no reason."

Angel blinked. His brain still refused to analyze anything other than the fact that Cordy was spewing nonsense and that the plain white tank top she wore accentuated her. . .tan quite nicely.

"Angel are you even listening to me?" Cordy asked. "You're giving me Confused Face. If you were anyone else I'd say you were shamelessly ogling my cleavage. Can we get back to my fake vision, please?"

Angel shook himself from his. . .tan induced stupor. "What do you mean fake vision? What did you see?"

"Well it started out simple enough; you know, little kid in trouble, big monsters trying to eat im. They chased him into some kind of crypt in the graveyard. But then Spike swoops in, kills the demons, and saves the day. If they already had someone to take care of it, then why'd they even bother with the killer migraine?"

Angel shrugged. "I don't know, Cordy, maybe they - wait a second did you say Spike?"

"Uh, yeah. Are you going to deaf in your old age?"

"Spike saved a kid?"

Cordelia scowled. "Yeah. Again with the Beltone."

"We need to go to Sunnydale." Angel's face was the picture of doom and gloom.

"W-why?" Cordelia sputtered. "I told you, the vision took care of itself."

"We have to find Spike and figure out what he's planning," Angel answered, already grabbing his coat.

"Whoa, time out! What's the rush. It's not like I saw him going on a rampage. He was killing demons. I have yet to see a downside."

"Exactly. This is Spike we're talking about. There has to be an ulterior motive."

Cordelia mouth turned downward in a confused frown. "For saving a little boy?"

"The Spike I know wouldn't save anything unless there was something in it for him." Angel shoved a few random articles of clothing into an overnight bag. "There's no telling what he could be doing with the kid right now."

* * * * *

"I'll get you my pretty, and your little dog, too!"

Xander huddled further under the blanket he'd wrapped himself in. "She doesn't hurt Toto, does she, Spike?" he asked the vampire he sat beside in a tiny voice.

"Course not," Spike answered confidently. "That little dog's a lot tougher than he looks."

Xander frowned. The Wicked Witch of the West continued to cackle as she flew away. "I hope Toto bites her."

Spike gave Xander's shoulder a quick squeeze while Tara started to giggle from her place on the other side of the boy. "I always wished that Glinda would turn her into a toad."

"That would be so cool!" Xander answered with a smile. "If she was here, you'd kick her butt, wouldn't you?"

"I don't kick people's butts," Tara told him with a grin.

"Not ever?" Xander asked disbelievingly. Tara was a good witch; she fought the monsters just like Spike, right? "Not even if she tried to hurt someone?"

Tara's grin grew. "If she tried to hurt anyone, I'd let Spike kick her butt and then turn her into a slug."

"Eeew!" Dawn exclaimed from where she lay on a pile of pillows on the floor. "Slugs are so nasty! Couldn't you turn her into something a little cuddlier? Like a bunny?"

"I like the slug idea, ducks," Spike replied.

"Ugh!" Dawn shuddered, scraping imaginary slugs from her arms. Xander giggled from underneath his blanket. "Yeah, a big gooey slimy slug. It would crawl over things like across your neck, sticky and slimy and -"

"Stop it!" Dawn shrieked, jumping from the floor and swiping across the back of her neck. She glared at the laughing boy. "You're evil." Xander just smiled at her sweetly.

"He's a right proper fledge," Spike told her proudly. "A devious little imp, through and through."

Dawn scowled. "Just for that, you're not getting any Moose Tracks, fledge."

"I'm sorry, Shiny Girl," Xander apologized, complete with trembling lip and big doe-eyes. He would have been the picture of contrition if not for the wicked gleam in his eye. "I won't say anything else about big slugs crawling all over you. Getting in your bed. Sliming your hair."

"Ahhh! Enough! I surrender. You're the master."

Xander crowed triumphantly while Tara tried not to fall off the couch in a laughing fit. Dawn stuck her tongue out at the aforementioned imp then flopped onto the couch next to Tara, pouting.

Xander's smile faded at the upset look on Dawn's face. He hadn't meant to make her mad; he was just teasing. He did the same thing to Willow all the time and she always forgave him. Well, except for when he stole her Barbie. Angry Willow scared him. He crept out from underneath his blanket and looked over at the younger Summers.

"Shiny Girl?"

No answer. She refused to acknowledge that he'd even spoken. Xander bit his lower lip as it began to tremble for real this time. Spike started to intervene, but Tara's hand on his shoulder stopped him.

"Dawn?"

Still not a word from the teenager. Xander crawled over Tara's lap. "Dawn, I'm sorry. I didn't mean it. Don't be mad at me, please?"

Dawn finally turned to face Xander and he saw not a frown of anger, but a tiny smirk of triumph. Xander got the sudden feeling that he'd been duped. Then Dawn attacked.

* * * * *

"Okay, why are we skulking around in Buffy's shrubbery again?"

"We're locating Spike," Angel answered quietly, his eyes focused straight ahead.

"In Buffy's shrubbery? I'm not even making the obvious remark to that one."

"Cordelia. Be serious for once."

"I am serious! And right now, I'm seriously pissed off. You've ruined a perfectly good pair of my sneakers just because you're too much of a fraidy cat to go knock on her door.

"I am not," Angel replied indignantly.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Yeah, sure, Angel. Just keep telling yourself that and maybe one day we'll get out of the bushes and start looking for your Billy Idol wannabe childe."

Their argument was abruptly cut off by a frightened shriek from inside the house. "Aah! Stoppit! Help!"

Angel was already bolting for the door before a follow up feminine cry sounded. "Spike!"

That incentive brought his demon face forward. Spike was due a good torture session. He owed him one, after all.

"Aah! Stoppit!" Xander shrieked. "Help!" he gasped, trying to get air through his uncontrollable laughter.

Dawn cackled evilly and continued her tickle attack without mercy. "Who's the master, little boy? Come on, who is it?"

Xander just shook his head stubbornly and laughed with helpless abandon. This time it was Tara who moved to intercept and was stopped by Spike.

"Now, now, Goodwitch, no fair interfering. Let the kids duke it out. He's got to learn somehow."

She watched Dawn as she straddled Xander, pinning his flailing legs to the floor, and batted his hands aside with one hand while running up and down his sensitive sides with the other. Xander was screaming for help, Dawn was cackling like a hyena, and both of them were giggling and smiling like fools. It was the picture of children at play.

"They're gonna break something," Tara argued, though she couldn't keep the smile off her face. The lighthearted mood was contagious, evidently. She looked at Spike and her smile morphed into a smirk. "Besides, what could you do to stop me?"

Tara started to grow concerned at the gleefully evil smile that came to Spike's lips at her challenge. She was right to worry.

"Spike!" she cried as she futilely tried to dodge the skillful fingers that went for her sides.

Within seconds she was on the floor beside Xander, Spike pinning her hands above her head with one hand and tickling expertly with the other. He looked over at the younger Summers and the two shared an evil grin before he shifted his focus back to the wiccan. "Who's helpless now, eh?" he crowed.

Tara was too busy trying to breath to notice at first when Spike's weight was lifted off of her, but the sound of him being slammed against the living room wall snapped her back to reality. Tara immediately tried to grab the large man and explain the misunderstanding. However, when said man pulled out a stake her focus shifted to stopping the wood from penetrating Spike's chest.

"I knew you couldn't be trusted!" Angel shouted.

"What the bloody hell are you talking about?" Spike was still trying to figure out why his grandsire was even in Sunnydale, much less attacking him in the Slayer's house. However, he did recognize the wooden stake that was pulled from Angel's coat pocket and his eyes widened at the implications. He was about to die, staked by his grandsire and for quite possibly the first time in his existence he hadn't done anything to deserve it.

Just inches from its destination, Angel's arm was stopped by two feminine hands. Normally the fact that someone was actually trying to prevent the bleach blonde's final death would have caused the souled vampire to pause and reevaluate the situation. Unfortunately, his demonic side was maniacally chanting, "Kill, kill, KILL!" and for one of the first times in over one hundred years, his guilt-ridden, curse-imposed conscience was agreeing.

Angel held onto Spike with one hand and sent a swift elbow behind him. The figure cried out in pain, her hold on him disappeared, and he heard her topple to the ground behind him. Now to take care of his meddling hellspawn of a relative.

His mind barely registered Spike's inhuman growl before a fist connected solidly with his chin. Any normal human would have gotten a broken jaw from the force behind the blow. As it was, his head snapped back and when his vision refocused he was faced with Spike in game face looking ready to rip his throat out.

"Pick on somebody your own size, pillock!" he shouted.

Angel paused at the vampire's strange outburst. Spike took the opportunity to try to get a jump on the larger and more experienced vampire. The vampire's renewed attack snapped Angel's mind back onto autopilot. He grabbed Spike by the lapels of his jacket and launched him across the room. The now airborne vampire collided abruptly with the far wall and slid to the floor, dazed.

Dawn ran to Tara's side and helped her to her feet. "We've got to get Angel away from Spike before one of them dusts the other!"

"Good luck with that one," Cordelia snorted as she came up beside the two. "He's gone all "grr" on us. Nothing short of an explosion will stop him right now."

"STOP IT!"

Dawn, Tara and Cordelia turned at the shout. Tara and Dawn paled alarmingly. Xander was standing in front of Spike's slumped form glaring up at Angel defiantly.

"Oh Goddess," Tara whispered.

"It's the kid I saw," Cordelia realized. "Who is he?"

Angel returned the child's glare, his anger still very much in control. "Get out of the way, kid. You don't know what you're protecting."

"You can't hurt him. I won't let you," Xander answered just as angrily.

Angel couldn't help smirking at the young boy's audacity. This. . .child dared to stand up to him. The thought made something dark inside of him, normally relatively dormant, unfurl and fill him with insidious amusement.

"You think you can stop me, boy?"

A shiver of unbridled terror ran down Tara's spine at the souled vampire's words. She shifted her stance to put her in front of Dawn and frantically began searching her memory for any spell she could use against him.

Xander stood between Spike and the impossibly tall vampire who had threatened his newest friend. He knew the monster in front of him wanted nothing more than to kill Spike, could feel it somehow. No matter how much the vampire looming over him scared him, he was going to protect his friend. As soon as that thought crossed his mind, a peculiar feeling came over him. The strange man in front of him and his patronizing tone triggered something. He didn't know what made him say it, but the words came tumbling out before he realized he'd even spoken.

"You're gonna die, and I'm gonna be there."

Those words stopped Angel in his tracks. Behind him, Cordelia gasped in shock. For a second, Angel saw not a small boy in front of him, but a dark haired young man with enough loyalty toward his friends to look Angelus in the face and not flinch.

"Xander?" he asked. The boy's only response was to narrow his eyes in suspicion. There was no recognition there. What was going on? Why had Xander been turned into a child and why was he protecting Spike? With reflexes that defied all natural laws he grabbed Xander by his arm and dragged him away from his grandchilde. "Xander, is that you? What's happened?"

Xander squirmed in Angel's grip, the vampire's hands digging into his small arm. "Oww! Hey, lemme go! Let me go!"

"Angel, let him go," Dawn spoke with quiet urgency.

He turned and saw Dawn's pale face. He was slowly realizing he'd misjudged the entire situation. "What? Why?"

Dawn swallowed. "Cuz Tara can only hold Spike down for so long."

Angel turned back to his grandchilde and felt a chill run down his back. Spike was in game face snarling and clawing for more leverage against the floor, desperately trying to get off the ground. Across the room, a small trickle of sweat ran down Tara's temple as she focused on keeping up the spell that was holding him there.

"Get your hands off of him!" Spike's words were more growled than spoken.

Angel reflexively let go of the boy in shock. He reaction wasn't because Spike threatened him; Spike did that every time he saw him. What surprised Angel was the tone. Spike's instincts for self-preservation surpassed any creature's he'd ever met. Despite his bragging to the contrary, Spike knew he couldn't win against his grandsire in a fair fight. It was one of the reasons Spike was so dangerous. Despite the soul, the blonde vampire knew the demon inside was still Angelus. He knew this and never for a second underestimated the souled counterpart. Spike made sure that when he faced Angel he had an edge.

But this Spike who moved immediately for Xander as Tara's spell was broken, his threat was astonishingly clear. He wouldn't have hesitated to fight him over the boy, despite the fact he couldn't win. He'd fight, lose, and quite possibly die to protect what he considered his. Angel recognized this mindset and was wary of its possible implications. He knew how dangerous Spike could be when someone close to him was threatened. The last time he'd seen the vampire like this, he'd found himself on the wrong end of a tire iron on the night he thought he was gaining the ultimate victory. When had Spike developed this attitude toward Xander?

Angel continued to observe as Spike searched Xander from head to foot for cuts or bruising, paying special attention to where Angel had held him. The boy's fingers lightly traced a bruise that was already darkening across Spike's cheekbone.

"Are you okay?" he heard Xander whisper.

Spike smiled down at the boy even though the action probably caused him pain. "Course I am. No bloody poofter like Peaches can get the best of me."

As the souled vampire watched the two's interaction, he became progressively more and more confused. None of this made sense. Why was Xander a child? Why was Spike apparently his guardian? And why was no one seriously disturbed by any of this?! Finally, he couldn't take it anymore.

"All right. What the hell is going on?!" he shouted.

Spike's head snapped around and he snarled at Angel visciously. The cycle of violence would have most assuredly started all over again if the Voice of Reason hadn't decided to step in.

"Angel! Stop with the macho vampire pissing contest already. We're all on the same side here. Either act like the supposedly mature being you are, or we're going home!"

Well, actually it was the Voice of Cordelia scolding him like a three year old that got Angel's head out of his ass, but what else would you expect from the May Queen?

"She's r-right," Tara agreed, also standing between the two vampires. "W-we all need to just c-calm down."

Dawn grabbed the still growling and protesting Spike and led he and Xander back over to the couch. Cordelia dragged her boss across to the other side of the room.

"Ok," Cordelia started as she turned around and faced the now united front of Dawn, Tara, Spike, and Xander, "Spill it."

Dawn shifted nervously where she sat between Tara and Xander. "It?"

"Yes, it." Cordelia affirmed.

Dawn swallowed nervously. "Well, I don't know if you could call it and "It" exactly. I'd call it more of a thing really. Or maybe a whole group of things bound together, or. . .or twisted so that they looked all different and It-ish." The girl stopped talking with an audible clack of her jaw, looking away sheepishly.

After a moment's pause on everyone parts, Tara raised her hand tentatively. "Wh-what was the question, again?"

Cordelia sighed wearily. "Why me," she muttered. She took a deep cleansing breath and tried to tell herself that the whole situation had to be stressful and killing people would not help matters. "What happened?" she asked as if speaking to rather slow children. "Why is Xander a four year old?"

"I'm six!" Xander cried indignantly from where he sat between Spike and Dawn. With a small smile, Dawn quickly shushed him.

Cordelia rolled her eyes. "Whatever. So what happened?"

"We. . .we don't know," Dawn answered the brunette woman with a shrug.

"You don't know," Angel repeated, coming to stand beside Cordelia and staring at the four of them as if he could pull all the answers out of their heads with his eyes.

Spike had decades of experience in tuning out the older vampire's, "Answer me, or else" glare, but Dawn and Tara looked like they wanted to disappear into the couch cushions and he could feel Xander tense up from where he was half-hiding himself behind Spike's arm. He scowled. Who did that bloody poof think he was barging into his domain and frightening the kiddies?

"That's right, Peaches," he spat scathingly. "We don't know. You need me to talk slower?"

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw Tara bite her lip to hid a grin and the Dawn's face lost some of its uncertainty and nervousness. He smirked at the impotent anger on Angel's face. Now that he'd calmed down, he realized that Spike was innocent in this instance and his pathetic little soul would let him lay a hand on him. But Spike could tell by the look in his eyes that he wanted to throttle him so badly. His helpless fury was a bitter draught he could taste in the back of his throat. Spike was loving every second of this new and exciting way to torture the soul-having moron.

"I found him in the cemetery. Some demons had decided he'd make a good midnight snack. I didn't even know it was the whelp until I'd saved him and started off to get him patched up. Slayer's out of town, so're Red and the demon bint, so I brought him over here to Glinda and the bit. End of story."

"Yeah, so back off of Spike, Deadboy," Dawn continued with a glare that would make any vampire think twice about crossing her. Angel stared at Dawn in mute shock and Spike had to use every ounce of willpower he possessed to keep from bursting out laughing. He could see the realization come to Angel's face. Dawn may be Buffy's sister, but in regards to Angel, her attitude was pure Xander.

He smiled at the girl. "The whelp's been rubbing off on you, huh? Good for you."

Dawn blushed before turning her attention back to the souled vampire. "He's been helping. He saved Xander's life last night. He's like, a vampire superhero!"

Spike cringed at the words even as Angel gaped at Dawn, dumbstruck by the young girl's statement.

"A vampire superhero?" Angel repeated, still in shock.

Small hands tugged at Spike's arm and he looked to his left. Xander stared up at him with wide eyes, but there was something else there too: a slight twinkling, and the very beginnings of a nervous smile. He pointed toward the souled one, and asked him in a slightly quavering voice:

"Spike, does he sleep in a coffin?"

The blonde vampire blinked. He stared at Xander, who retuned the look that any adult would take as completely innocent curiosity. But Spike had one advantage that most others did not. He was a devious, manipulative git with a perchant for sarcasm and an evil streak a mile wide. Such people recognized their own.

Spike returned Xander's curious look with a serious one of his own. "Yes," he informed him solemnly. Xander's lips curled into a smirk that a six year old had no business wearing, and Spike felt laughter bubble up from his chest. "Yes he does."

He couldn't take it any longer. Spike erupted into a fit of very unvampire-like giggles with Xander only seconds behind him. Tara looked at the two in confusion. Cordelia stared at Spike like he had just declared he was becoming a Vegan monk. Angel took a step away from the couch in horror and began systematically scanning the remainder of the living room for pods. Dawn looked back and forth between the two gigglers and Angel for a few moments, then rolled her eyes.

"Ok, I give up," she declared. "What's so funny?"

"Peaches. . . . . .c-cof. . .fin!. . . . ." was all the younger Summers could make out between the gales of laughter. She guessed she'd have to force it out of him later.

After a few minutes, Spike was finally able to get enough air into his undead lungs to string more than two words together. He wiped the tears that had sprung from the hilarity and hugged Xander to him briefly.

"Good one, fledge." He smiled. He'd known all along that the boy was evil. How else could he survive on the Hellmouth with only chits for company? One look at Angel's face sent him off again. He snorted. "Coffin!"

The vampire doubled over, tears streaming down his face anew, Xander giggling beside him. The others probably thought he'd gone off his rocker, but he didn't care. Even as a six year old, Xander faced danger with a joke. As much as the habit had annoyed Spike in the past, it was good to know that some things never changed. No matter what, Xander would always make fun of Angel.

* * * * *

TBC. . . .

Hope you liked this chapter. Next chapter: Giles! Research! And snuggles, I promise. Thanks for reading.