Any stranger viewing the scene in Emma and Killian's apartment the next morning would see two roommates exchanging pleasantries.
"You look like you had a lovely evening," Killian remarked through tight lips. He poured Emma a cup of freshly brewed coffee, not missing her messy hair tied haphazardly in a knot on her head.
"Why yes I did. Me and Graham have decided to be exclusive," Emma said. Which was true. Over another round of scrambled eggs this morning, Graham had asked her to be his girlfriend, and why should she say no? Because she had a trip down memory lane which resurfaced explainable pain? No, she needed to move forward.
"That's funny you should mention that, Annabelle and I likewise decided to give monogamy a shot," Killian added.
"That's great." Emma said, snatching the newspaper off the table.
What a stranger would not understand was the silence that followed, or the small looks each person secretly gave the other, trying desperately not to be caught.
As Emma put her dishes in the sink, Killian asked, "Annabelle wanted to go out tonight, get to know you better and what not. Of course, Graham and Ruby are more than welcome. If you're free?"
He waited for Emma's back to be turned, because he winced putting out the invitation. Killian knew it would be awkward, he still hadn't come clean about his past with Emma to Annabelle, but she had been quite insistent. "We always hang out with my friends, how about we go out with Emma?"
Emma walked toward the counter, trying to think in what realm Killian thought this was possibly a good idea. He wanted to combine two exes and two new partners, one of which had no idea about the couple's history? Was he mad? Or as the Brits liked to say, taking the piss?
"I don't know—" Emma said, turning back to face him, crossing her arms.
"I know, it might be a bit awkward, lass. But we have to just deal with these things up front, yeah? You've got Graham, I'm with Annabelle, and perhaps a night out together will make it a bit more natural."
Emma sighed. "Let me call Graham."
Much to her chagrin, Graham was more than willing to cancel their quiet evening at his place to go out with Killian and Annabelle. "Be good to finally meet the man who was stupid enough to let you go." Emma rolled her eyes.
Emma called Ruby for reinforcement to make the evening feel less like a double date with her ex. Ruby had a vivacious shimmer about her that was strengthened among a group of people. She made such good money bartending because she could light up a room and make anyone feel special. She was like cold lemonade on a hot day when it came to resolving tension amongst people.
Every foster kid developed a skill to protect themselves—Ruby adapted to be outgoing and personable, she attracted people to her so she had her choice of friends, but revealed little. Emma was the opposite; she was quieter, forming few deep bonds.
"A night out drinking? Count me in, babe. I'll be over in a splash for wardrobe consultation." Emma hung up smiling. Maybe this could be fun.
Emma talked Ruby down from a short sequin number to dark jeans, heels and a flowing teal tank top. Ruby, of course, was not content unless she was bearing her mid-drift, cool March night be damned.
Once ready, the girls met Killian in the living room. "Looking lovely as always, ladies," he remarked. Emma swore his eyes lingered as they raked over her form, but she quickly shook the thought. It didn't matter, they were going to meet his girlfriend and her boyfriend for gods sake.
Killian had forgotten how amazing Emma's legs looked in dark jeans and heels. They seemed to go on for ages, and he couldn't help but have flashbacks of them wrapped around his waist countless times, as he pushed into her against the wall. He itched the back of his head to bring focus to his imagination. "Shall we be going?"
"Yes," Ruby said. She linked arms with Emma and the two followed Killian into the taxi waiting for them outside the building. The trio was meeting Annabelle and Graham at the bar, which was much closer to their homes than Emma and Killian's apartment.
The cool leather of the seat against Emma's bare back made goose bumps erupt over her flesh and a light shiver take hold.
"Cold, love?" Killian asked. Emma nodded in a non-committal fashion and Killian chuckled under his breath. "Stubborn as always." He shrugged off his black leather coat and handed it to Emma.
Emma looked into his eyes, thinking of maybe refusing his offer just for the point of being independent, but the genuine sincerity in his gaze made her reconsider. "Thanks," Emma said as she slid the coat on. (still warm from his body heat…)
"Always a gentlemen." He said in response, nodding to her. Emma rolled her eyes. Ruby carried the conversation, for which Emma was grateful. Emma was squished in the middle with the left half of Killian's body pressed neatly against hers; an annoying reminder of how easily they fit together.
Once at the bar, Killian paid for the taxi ("So sweet!" Ruby cried). Emma saw that Annabelle and Graham were waiting outside for them, involved in what looked like a passingly polite conversation. Annabelle's arms wrapped around her body, keeping her warm.
"Hello, love," Killian said, greeting Annabelle with a kiss on the head.
Reaching her mouth would require him on his knees, Emma thought snidely. As a price for her rudeness, she was assaulted by images of Killian during their relationship and different times he was on his knees…Like in the shower… Focus.
Graham kissed Emma on the cheek, "You look beautiful."
Emma smiled and remembered her duty. "You remember Ruby, and it seems you met Annabelle. Graham, this is Killian."
"Ah yes, nice to meet you!" Graham said, reaching out to shake Killian's hand.
"Likewise, mate." Killian said with a clenched jaw.
"Can we go in? It's freezing," Annabelle said, eyeing Emma in Killian's black jacket with traces of distain.
"Oh! Of course, sorry, I forgot I was even wearing this," Emma shrugged off the jacket and thrust it into Killian's good hand without making eye contact.
The group made their way inside and Ruby whispered, "She does not like you."
"Tell me about it," Emma said with a sigh. It's not that Emma disliked Annabelle, she barely knew her. Emma just thought she was too young for Killian and spent too much time in a tanning bed.
The bar was nice—modern and trendy. There was a clear sitting area as well as a dance floor, something Emma was actually looking forward to, once she had the right amount of liquid courage to be pressed against Graham in front of her ex.
For the first hour or so, the group chatted amiably amongst themselves, covering most of the "getting to know each other" topics. Annabelle had moved to the United States from Australia when she was twelve with her family, and she worked in an upscale jewelry store.
After a while, they had exhausted the basics and had moved onto the topic of different "favorites."
"House of Cards," Graham said, answering the favorite TV show question.
"Sherlock," Killian answered smoothly, taking a sip of his neat scotch.
"Wrong!" Emma cried out, laughing. The alcohol pressed back her inhibitions. "Killian loves The Bachelor." Annabelle's mouth dropped open and she swatted his shoulder. Killian glared at Emma so hard she swore there was a new bellybutton on her forehead.
"You always refuse to watch it with me!" Annabelle's high soprano tinkled. Whoops, Emma thought.
"I was just kidding," Emma hurried to say.
"That show is bloody awful," Killian added. Annabelle looked put out.
Emma and Killian exchanged a knowing glance, and he seemed to be thankful for Emma's recovery. Apparently, there were more things about himself he hid from Annabelle than just his relationship history. But why?
"Dancing, anyone?" Ruby called, ever so punctual with her mood rescuing. Emma jumped at the opportunity to put some distance between her and the other blonde and started to pull Graham to the floor. Killian and Annabelle followed suit, and Ruby walked up to the most attractive man in the bar and asked him point blank to dance with her. He agreed, and Emma chuckled at her friend's boldness.
Emma and Graham fell into an easy rhythm against the upbeat music, his hands on her hips and her arms wrapped around his neck.
After a few minutes, she caught a glimpse of Killian and Annabelle together over Graham's shoulder. Annabelle's back was pressed against his front, grinding Killian like a pepper shaker. Emma had never really cared for that dance craze, thinking its participants looked like unimpressive, sexual Slinkys.
Annabelle's head only reached Killian's chest, making the dynamics of the partnership strange. Annabelle reached up her arm so she could grasp at the back of Killian's neck, and he let his good hand trace from her fingertips to her hip, lingering on the side of her chest.
Something violent burned in Emma, wanting desperately to kick Annabelle to the ground. Emma could almost feel Killian's touch; the path he traced on the other girl burned on Emma from her memories. She wanted to scream at Killian, WHAT ARE YOU DOING WITH HER?
Emma lost herself in the beat, stepping closer to Graham and pushing one of her legs in between his. His grip responded, tightening its hold on her hips and letting one hand drift to the top of her ass. Emma dug her fingernails in lightly at the back of Graham's neck, pulling him down for a searing kiss.
Killian saw it. Killian watched the couple as if everything around him was gone and they moved in slow motion. He saw the flex of Graham's fingers on Emma's back, he saw Emma lift herself onto her toes to press herself into Graham's lips, and he saw the place where the two of them met and he hated it—more than he ever thought was possible. Killian hated it more than seeing Emma's mussed sex hair, or her in Graham's shirt because that was all out of sight, out of mind. Their embrace now was the inscrutable fact that Emma had moved on and that another man was touching her, pleasing her, loving her.
"I need another drink," he muttered, pushing Annabelle off him lightly. He stormed over to the bar and barely noticed Ruby as she sat next to him. He gripped the scotch tumbler tightly, and downed the beverage in one gulp.
"You're a scotch man now, huh?" Ruby asked.
Killian nodded.
"Well I guess it works quicker than those rum and Cokes from the old days."
Killian was silent.
"Listen, it's not my business, but I know you're upset. And it's probably about Emma."
Killian got the bartender's attention and was poured a new glass. He easily swallowed this one as well; he needed to flush out the memory of her pressed against Graham so he could regain his composure and stop bloody caring.
"She's just following your lead, Killian."
At this, Killian finally looked at Ruby. "What do you mean?"
Ruby smiled. "I mean that you had someone when you moved in, so Emma found someone. You can't be angry at her for doing what you've done."
"I know," Killian said. "I'm a hypocrite."
Ruby patted his arm.
"But," Killian started.
"Yes?" Ruby asked, intrigued.
Maybe it was the alcohol loosening his tongue, or maybe it was relieving to finally have someone who knew the full situation to talk to, but Killian opened up. "She left me, yeah? She made a choice, and she gave up; I never did. D'you know that when she broke up with me, I had an engagement ring in my pocket?" His words were starting to slur.
There was silence for a moment. Emma never knew that. Ruby closed her eyes and her voice was laced with pity. "Oh, Killian…"
"I wanted to be with her, forever. And I was ready to prove it, but that wasn't enough, was it? So I had to figure out a way to get through it, and figure out how to move on. Can she blame me for that? But now, seeing her make good on that choice, to see her pick someone else, it's enough to drive me mad." Killian drained his third (and fourth) scotch.
"I understand," Ruby said in a small voice. As Emma's best friend, she understood Emma's reasons for leaving the relationship, but her heart ached for Killian. And with this new information, she knew Emma would be destroyed if she knew exactly what she had given up.
"Stay here," Ruby said and she made her way into the crowd of dancing strangers until she found the familiar face. Emma's eyebrows furrowed together as she saw Ruby walking toward her determinedly; she immediately disentangled from Graham.
"What's wrong?"
"Your ex is pounding scotches like water and starting to slur." Emma's eyes widened, Killian must be severely intoxicated, he rarely showed signs of his drinking.
"Where's Annabelle?" Ruby asked.
"She found some work friends," Graham answered. Emma rolled her eyes so he couldn't see, but Ruby laughed.
"Let's go see the drunkie," Emma said.
"Should I get Annabelle?" Graham asked, hand still placed on Emma's lower back.
"Thanks, that would be great," Emma said, kissing his cheek.
Ruby and Emma reached Killian quickly, the crowd was starting to dissipate as stumbling couples poured out of the bar.
"Speak of the devilll," Killian said as he saw Emma.
"Hey there. How's the scotch?" Emma said, crossing her arms.
"So good! I had a few more…"
Emma noticed the empty glasses clustered around him. "Time to get you out of here, I think."
Annabelle and Graham appeared as Emma was hoisting Killian to his feet, her head in between his body and left arm.
"Just like ol' times, love, eh?" His accent got thicker as he got drunker, that Emma remembered.
"What's he talking about?" Annabelle questioned. Emma wanted to clamp her hand on Killian's mouth to keep it shut, but he was drunk and honest.
"Ah, right. Me and Miss Swan used to date. Dated a long time, actually. Almost three years. But haven't seen each other since, no no no. Split our ways, you see. Funny that we found each other back in Boston, almost like fate." Killian said, and Emma felt her heart sink and lurch at the same time.
Annabelle looked outraged. "Is this true?"
How was it Killian was plastered and Emma was now having to deal with the ramifications of his lie? "Er, yes." Killian staggered and Emma bent under his weight. Graham (a gentleman) appeared on Killian's other side and bore most of the load.
"Fuck you," Annabelle spat at Killian before turning away and disappearing among the crowd.
"Smooth," Graham remarked to Killian, and Emma could tell he was enjoying Killian's suffering a bit.
"Ah well, yes, I expected that reaction. No worries, a bit of flowers and I'll smooth things over with the Lady Tinker yet."
"Tinker?" Emma snorted.
"That's her surname, lass."
"So her name is Annabelle Tinker? Belle- Tinker? Like Tinker-belle?" Killian looked confused trying to keep up.
"Never mind" She heard Graham chuckling on Killian's other side. Thank god Graham was so understanding and kind, this situation could be radically awkward if he wasn't.
"I called a cab, five minutes," Ruby said, iPhone still in hand.
It was quite the effort to get Killian to walk on his own and follow them outside, but eventually as a group they coaxed him out. Graham sat in the front, and Emma sat next to Killian in the back, baring the cold from the rolled down window.
The taxi stopped at Ruby's first, and she wished Emma luck with the night. In a few minutes the brick of Emma and Killian's apartment was exposed.
"Cummon, time to get you to bed," Emma said, opening Killian's door and helping him to his feet. Graham made to exit the taxi as well. "Oh, you don't have to do that."
Graham looked at her, and she could not decipher his features, but she knew his easy-going grin was gone.
"Go home, get a good night's sleep, you don't need to deal with a drunken idiot," Emma said, smiling, hoping her dig on Killian would resolve the newfound tension between the two of them.
"All right, if you say so." He shut the door of the cab.
"I'll call you in the morning," Emma said. She bent over and kissed Graham through the window. Killian was leaning against the cab, and cleared his throat loudly.
"Good night," Graham said.
"Good night," Emma returned. Once the cab left, she turned to Killian. "Let's go."
He walked obediently in front of her, and made directly for his bed once inside their apartment. Emma went to fill up a glass of water and rummage through the cabinets to find a pain reliever. He would thank her when he woke up.
Emma walked into his room without knocking, and saw him wrestle his black shirt over his head. Only his necklace remained on his bare chest.
Did he get better looking since we broke up? Emma wondered. Because it seemed like he did. His muscles were more defined than before, and he had several new tattoos that hadn't existed back in their time. Emma wanted to lick her way up his abs, but shook her head. She was the (more) sober one, and therefore had to act responsibly.
"Drink this," she commanded. Killian gulped down the water and jumped onto his bed. His one hand tried to undo his belt, but its intricacy was too much for his drunken fumbling.
"I've got it," Emma said, her voice much breathier than she expected. She sat down next to his reclined form and gently put her hands on the buckle. After a few seconds, she pulled the leather from its holds. "There," she whispered.
Killian sat up, and put his good hand on her face. "I've missed you."
Emma closed her eyes, letting the words she desperately wanted to hear wash over her. I've missed you more than you could ever know, she wanted to say. But Killian was drunk, and she had Graham, who was smart, and funny, and kind— But how she felt about him now was nowhere near to how taken she was with Killian from the start.
"Go to sleep," she said, pushing his hand off her, feeling dizzy herself.
"Yes, love." he said. Killian instantly hit the pillows and closed his eyes.
Emma suddenly felt overwhelmed and sober. Sleep was out of the question for the moment. She went to her room and stripped off the binding party clothes, trading them for sweatpants and a tank top. Afterwards, she padded to the kitchen and made herself a hot chocolate with cinnamon.
As she reflected on the evening, she felt the worst for Annabelle. Although she didn't seem to be the brightest, she was all around kind, and deserved better than finding out about Killian's past in a drunken confession. And yet, she couldn't get part of that confession out of her head… We found each other back in Boston, almost like fate.
Was it fate? That thought stilled Emma's heart for a moment.
She clicked on the TV and she scrolled until she found some reality cooking show that would keep her distracted. Emma let episode after episode play, enjoying the mind numbing.
After a few hours, she heard movement from behind Killian's door. He emerged, wiping his eyes and shirtless.
Killian felt like death warmed up. His head was pulsing with each breath, and his stomach was swirling dangerously. The light from the television was near blinding, and when he was finally able to focus, he saw Emma's figure illuminated on the couch. He thought she was asleep, seeing how the clock showed a little past four in the morning. Killian was shocked to see her turn toward him.
"Hey there," she said quietly.
"'Lo," he responded, rubbing behind his ear.
"Quite the night," Emma remarked.
"Too right. God, I haven't been that knackered since…" he let it his sentence hang in the air, since you left me. "In a long time."
"I imagine so. Annabelle was pissed," Emma said, keeping her voice neutral.
Killian remembered fragments of leaving the club, and none of the ride home. "Cat's out of the bag, isn't it?"
"Yup," Emma said. Silence echoed among the bright TV commercials.
"You're quite quiet on the topic. Usually you wouldn't miss such an opportunity to take the mickey out of me for my drunken antics."
"She deserves better than that Killian."
"What? Who?" Killian was confused.
"Annabelle! Your girlfriend! She was pissed, and she had every right to be. You should have told her about our history, and you should have told her you like The Bachelor!"
Killian snorted, "That's a stupid teley program, I just didn't want to be forced to watch it every Monday with a glass of red wine."
"But that's it—the Killian I knew, the Killian I… loved, he wouldn't have kept anything from me. Not his past, not a stupid TV show, not anything. You've changed. And not for the better." Emma's face was a mixture of anger and pain.
Despite the wretched hangover, Killian found room to be irritated. Where did she get off lecturing him? Why does Emma get to come back years later and make judgments for how he dealt with the loss of her? "I'm so sorry that you don't approve of my behavior," Killian said snidely. "But did you ever stop for a second before judging me and think about why I keep the truth to myself?"
Emma looked down at the floor.
"No? Did you ever think that maybe I keep my past to myself because it's too painful to talk about? Or that if I talked about you, it would be so stupidly obvious how much I loved you, and no other women wants to hear that? And that I don't share every part of myself, stupid TV programs included, because offering up bits and pieces of myself is still hard? Huh?"
When Emma met his gaze there were tears in her eyes and Killian's anger instantly deflated.
"No, I didn't think that." She stood up.
"Emma," he called her back, and she turned around, expecting something from him, but what, he had no idea. He didn't even know why he called her name in the first place.
"Good night, Killian," she said after a moment of silence, closing her door sharply behind her, ending the conversation.
Killian ran his fingers through his hair, wishing he could have said the right thing, or anything at all. He wished he had someone to talk to about this whole confusing mess, and he wished more than anything that Liam was alive, just a telephone call away.
A/N: Ahhh, poor Killy. I just wanted to thank everyone for reading and leaving reviews, I love getting feedback! Also, I don't own any of the pop culture references in this chapter, just writing about my two favorite idiots falling in love.