Disclaimer: The characters and the opportunity to write this story belong to the goddess currently known as Janet Evanovich. Trust me, if I owned Ranger, I could think of plenty of other things to do other than write this fic. The song lyrics are Nelly Furtado's "Say it Right". You forget how hard this is to do when you take a long break from it. I know it's a little short, but I got stuck…STUCK with a capital S. Writer's block is a B-I-T-C-you know what.

I added a little refresher for all of those still interested…

Chapter 5

I was supposed to be mad at him, but when he is this close I can't think straight. I was more coherent than normal, though, and I made a move to push him back. I put both hands on his chest and pushed, but my shove had about as much effect as trying to tame my hair in the rain. Not a whole damn lot. Ranger captured my hands and pressed them against the wall, and he pinned my body with his own. When I felt the hardness of his body against me and I knew I was a goner. He looked me in the eye for a second, as if for permission, before claiming my mouth with his own.

The kiss was hard and sexy as hell. My whole body seemed to be on fire. It seemed to be filled with all the emotions that Ranger never showed and all of the promises he never made…but how could I be sure of that? Ranger always qualified his feelings for me, and he almost never showed a shred of feeling. Without warning, I felt tears burning in my eyes. He must have sensed the forthcoming flood, because he pulled away slightly. Our eyes met and held, and I couldn't hold back the torrent. I tried to look away, tried to gain some semblance of control over my stupid, traitorous emotions, but Ranger gripped my chin in one hand.

"Don't," I croaked, hardly able to believe it. I could almost hear Ranger's blank face slam into place. I started to pull away, "I just…" I stuttered. I blew out a harried breath and took a step to the side. I needed to be out of the Ranger-bubble if I was going to be able to make any sense.

He turned his head to track my movement with his eyes. I took a breath and tried to convince myself that he didn't really have ESP. Ranger seemed to watch me with X-Ray vision, and I knew that I had to suck it up and be honest. He was my best friend and I couldn't lose him…but being honest might be the one thing that would push him away.

"You know you can tell me anything, right, Babe? Trust me with anything?"

Trust. That did it. I wanted so badly to believe that I could trust him with anything, that I could trust him with my heart.

I held his gaze, "I can't do this when I know that it won't mean the same to you as it does to me."

He gave me an intense look that I couldn't quite read. It was dark and stormy and at first I thought he was angry. But then he cocked his head a little as if pondering a puzzle, and his gaze softened slightly.

"What does it mean to you?"

Yikes! That's the million dollar question. I squirmed slightly and bit my lip. How much should I tell him? Get it over with like pulling off a band-aid, or should I just give a little teaser, play it coy? It's now or never, a little nagging voice in my head piped up. Just jump right in.

So I started from the beginning, "The night of the Scrog thing, when the paramedics were wheeling you out of my apartment, I told Joe that I loved him for the first time."

He looked like he was going to interrupt me, but I put up a hand, "Just let me get this out."

Ranger nodded is barely-there nod, a fraction of an inch, but I could tell.

"When that door opened," I pointed toward my foyer, "I thought I was going to lose it. I knew that it was either you or Joe, knew that one of you was walking into a bullet. I couldn't have screamed even if had been able to…I was frozen with fear. Fear at the thought that I could have chosen which one of you I would have rather seen shot, maybe killed."

My eyes filled with tears, and tried to keep them back.

"I realized that night that I love Joe. I will probably always love Joe. He is a good man and a good friend…he has been there for me when I need him. But I also realized that I'm not in love with Joe. I'm in love with you."

The silence in my apartment was so profound that I had the urge to break something just se there would be a sound. All I could hear was my own heartbeat.

Ranger's gaze was inscrutable. He seemed to be struggling with himself.

Might as well throw in the whole shootin' matchmy brain shouted, so I continued, "I love you in a way that I have never loved another human being in my entire life. And that scares the crap out of me."

I began to pace. I stopped, took a cleansing breath, and looked him in the eye.

"You want casual….nothing long-term, no commitments, but I could never be causal with you." By now his focus on me had become so complete that I thought I might melt into a puddle on the floor. "Being with you and having you walk away again would be the death of me. I couldn't bear it. So I'm putting a stop to this right now, before I can't turn back."

Ranger's face had an odd look on it. He looked almost at peace. He opened his mouth to speak, closed it, and opened it again.

"I guess the real question is, how do you know what it means to me?" he said in an even voice, barely louder than a whisper.

That sent me reeling. What did that even mean? What could I say to that? Repeat what he told you. "You've made it quite clear that I am your friend, but I am your entertainment and that anything you feel for me comes with qualifications."

"Babe." He was shaking his head. SHAKING HIS HEAD! Batman never shook his head. He sighed, "I think it's time that we talk."

DUN, DUN, DUN…

Author's Note: I know I know…don't shoot me for taking so long! Now that it's been so long since I've written on this, I am having trouble with where it's going to go. Let me know if you like it…or if you don't, but be nice please! And, as always, let me know if you have any suggestions…Angela