Not surprisingly, Neeshka and Khelgar were packed for traveling before I even had a chance to explain. After our dreaming, Gann slipped down to the Phoenix and had Sal make a room for him. Despite huge differences in personality, he'd quickly found comradery with my old companions and he'd told them everything. At least everything they needed to know.
I was always amazed by their loyalty to me, and to Casavir. We were all so different, but the horrors we had shared had made an unshakable bond between us. I was going to need all their strength in the days to come.
Casavir packed without questioning. I think he could see by the look in my eyes that what was coming had to be done. Just as the hunger of Akachi drove me in Rashemen, his emptiness was becoming more than he could bear. He'd tried to drown it in ale, and mete it out in fighting, but there was no escaping it.
While my companions waited for me at the gates, I went to the Temple of Tyr.
Hlam had stayed on, and when I walked in, he was knelt in prayer at the altar. He didn't look up, but I could feel that he sensed my presence as I walked towards him. I knelt down beside him, saying a silent prayer before looking up to find him staring at me.
"I have heard what you intend to do," he said quietly. "And it is a great sacrifice. But a just one."
"I don't feel like I have any other choice, " I replied, equally as soft.
"I have been thinking much on this," Hlam continued. "And I feel I should tell you what thoughts have come to me."
"I may not follow Tyr's path, but I always welcome your council," I said.
"When I explained that the grace of Tyr had left Casavir, I was only partially correct. It seems, that the man with us now is who he would have become if he had never had Tyr's guidance."
I looked up at the massive statue of Tyr over the altar and stared at it as Hlam continued.
"I knew Casavir well. He was always a passionate and troubled soul, longing to right the injustices he saw around him. It pained him much to see the defenseless suffer. His passion, and his conflicts were not a product of Tyr. Tyr's path simply gave him a place to funnel his passion. Tyr gave him purpose in what otherwise may have been a short life, full of the behaviors you have seen from him of late. Even with your guidance, you can see that his troubles only grow. Without restoring him to Tyr, you will lose him anyway, in time."
"I know," I said, still staring at Tyr's benevolent, yet fierce face carved into the grey marble. "But that doesn't make this any easier."
"What is just is rarely easy," Hlam replied. "But I know that despite his flaws, and his desire to redeem those beyond redemption, he was a grand judge of character. He did not give his heart away lightly."
"Thank you," I said, finally turning to look at him. He smiled at me sadly.
"May Tyr guide your steps," he said as he stood and offered me his hand.
I let him help me to me feet and replied, "And yours."
#
The path to Ahrvan was long. I was used to traveling, and so were the others, and in time, we seemed to forget what lay ahead. Khelgar and Neeshka set to bickering, and to my amazement, Casavir and Gann walked side by side, talking and laughing, usually just too softly for me to hear. I trailed behind often, watching them all walk ahead of me. I smiled at the strange comfort of travel. Especially now, since no one was trying to kill me.
They all had the good sense to leave me with my thoughts.
Comparing notes, I thought, watching as Casavir laughed heartily. Gann talked with his hands, and some of his gestures were certainly distinctive enough that I could tell the gist of their conversation, even without hearing it.
Of all the things in the world that I have seen, this ranks among the strangest. My once paladin lover, and my once lover hagspawn shaman laughing and joking together like old friends. Perhaps I wasn't mad, loving two men so different on the outside. I didn't ever put much stock in looks anyway. It is what was beneath the skin that mattered. Eh, perhaps they weren't so different after all.
Each of the six nights between Crossroad Keep and Ahrvan, once we made camp and the fire was the only light besides the stars, Gann would disappear into the trees. Neeshka and Khelgar would make a show about fighting over who got to keep watch before they would wander to the edge of the light and fall silent.
Casavir and I would lay just outside the circle of firelight, clasped together. It became more than sex between us, more than making love. Sometimes, he would just lay there, unmoving, looking into my eyes, drinking me in. I hadn't told him what was to come, but it seemed that somehow, he knew this was our last journey together.
I hardly slept, but spent the night watching him and watching the trees, knowing that Gann was just beyond, and hurting. My whole life felt like the burning ache of a broken heart, like that hot swollen feeling in your eyes when you try not to cry.
On the seventh day, the bridge to Ahrvan passed beneath our feet and we climbed the hill to stand at the base of the first Statue of Purification. It looked much different than the last time I'd stood here. Time had finally caught up with the limestone face, and much of its features were washed away. Now that it's magic was spent, it was just a stone. Soft, feathery moss grew up the stone folds of the statue's gown and vines peeked through expanding cracks. We all stopped and stared for a while, knowing that the Temple was only moments away.
"This statue," Casavir said, "It looks . . . familiar. I don't know how that's possible, but I've been here before."
Khelgar and Neeshka looked at each other, but said nothing. I caught Neeshka's eyes for a moment. Despite her normal flippant regard for feelings, I could see my pain reflected there.
"You have," I said, turning back and looking at Casavir. I tried to catch his eyes, but he was staring intently at the statue. His face was so still, he might have been a statue as well. "And I think as we walk further, more and more will look that way."
"How do I remember this?" he asked.
"Because we're right where we need to be," I replied. "We're almost there."
Despite the earlier, joyous tone of our journey, no one spoke as we walked down the trail towards the Temple. It was deadly silent; it seemed the orcs and bugbears had moved on since we were last here. Grass and weeds grew up through the packed dirt of the trail. No one had been here in a time.
Over the crest of another small hill, the Temple of the Seasons came into view. The door was closed tightly, and unlike the statue at the entrance to the ruins, the Temple stone was still as clean and polished as the first time I saw it.
With much effort, Gann and Khelgar pushed the heavy stone door open. I could see through the entrance that the door to the Trial of Winter was still open, as well the door to the Trial of Spring beyond. There would be no need to fight our way through the trials again, although I would have welcomed it now.
"We will wait here," Gann said, setting his pack on the floor next to the bard statue in the center of the room. Neeshka plopped herself to the floor without speaking and suddenly became interested in cleaning under her fingernails with the tip of her dagger. Khelgar grunted, and dropped his pack, staring at Casavir and I. He didn't speak, but nodded his head once in our direction before crouching down and fumbling through his pack.
"Come with me," I said, offering Casavir my hand. He took it and we slowly walked through the door into the Trial of Winter. I should have been surprised by the ice still on the floor, or the flowers still blooming in darkness in the room that held the Trial of Spring. But it was all I could do to keep walking.
We passed through the Trial of Autumn and into the dusty silence of the tomb.
"Oh gods," Casavir gasped. "I know this place." His hands clutched at me and he spun me towards him. "I asked you . . . I asked you to . . . ," he stammered, his face pale and tight with fear.
"You did," I whispered. My mouth was dry, but I managed to continue. "But I couldn't. We couldn't find your body in the rubble. So they told me I had to be content in knowing that you'd died saving others, as you would have wanted."
Casavir's grip on my shoulders tightened and he took a deep shuddering breath.
"I just couldn't let you go," I admitted. "I never knew you'd vowed never to leave me, not unless I wished it. If only I could have accepted your sacrifice you could have stayed in peace in the House of the Triad. But I was too selfish in my pain. I missed you so much." A tear slipped down my cheek. "I won't hurt you any more Casavir. I love you. I won't keep you from the glory you earned in life with my pain." My voice caught in my throat and I put my hand over my mouth. My face was hot, but my fingers were ice cold.
Casavir loosened his grip on my shoulders. His eyes clouded, and he pulled my hand from my face, taking both my frozen hands.
"Please . . . ," he whispered.
"I wish . . . I wish you peace my love," I said. "You can go on without me."
Once the words were said, Casavir wobbled and sunk to his knees. I followed, just barely managing to cradle him against me as he slumped to the floor. His eyes closed briefly and then flickered open.
Those perfectly pale blue eyes.
His scent rose up around me; copper, sweat and finally, sweet incense.
"My love," he said, his voice only a rasp. "I knew you would do what was just. I am only sorry we were not meant for this life together. But I will take your love with me, and in Tyr's halls, it will be eternal. Thank you my lady. I thank you for everything."
"May Tyr guide your steps," I murmured, leaning over to kiss him.
"And yours, my love. And yours," he said. "I . . . oh . . . ."
He fell silent. His eyes opened wide for a moment, and a sweet, peaceful washed over him. He took a half breath. And another.
And then he was still.
I stared, my head swimming, gasping for air. I struggled for a breath and screamed, the sound echoing through the stone halls, breaking the eerie silence until my throat was raw and I collapsed over him, my tears falling on to his cold, unmoving chest.