Disclaimer: Much to my dismay, Criminal Minds is not owned by me!
A/N:So yeah, I killed Fiona, but there is reason – or well to my muse there is! However, there is some contents in this chapter that might some people extremely happy... As for now, THANK YOU for the continual support and enjoy!
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
It was the next day that shit hit the fan. Penelope had been laying on the couch when Kevin had gotten home to find Derek in the kitchen cleaning up after a meal. At first he thought his girlfriend was alone, that was until Derek welcomed Kevin with a friendly hello.
"Oh, you're here," Kevin said in response, "Again."
Sensing the hostility, Penelope thought passed her pounding head and looked to her 'boyfriend', "What's a matter?" Penelope asked as she slowly and gingerly got off of the couch. She was feeling exceptionally weak today, and when Derek had come by that morning he had done nothing, but kept her rested and looked after her.
"I saw you," Kevin started as he stood by the end of the couch. He knew Derek was in earshot, after all the apartment wasn't big so he knew his voice would be heard.
"Saw me?" Penelope asked confused and huffed a slight laugh, "I should hope so." She couldn't stop the sarcasm from filling her tone.
Kevin shook his head at that witty retort as Derek chuckled behind him. "I came home and you were asleep with Derek in your bed. How long have you been cheating on me?"
Penelope gawped at him, "I've cheated on you? Are you for real?" She asked him, "He was worried about me that night you got caught up with your work two days ago and left me waiting outside. He came over to check on me. I needed some support and comfort-"
"All you ever need is support and comfort," Kevin retorted unimpressed. "It's the same thing."
"Well I'm sorry if I'm not keeping this as together as you think I am whilst I fight cancer, Kevin. I'm so sorry that I'm depending far too much on you and taking up your free time. I'm sorry for making this a part of your life because God forbid I expect my boyfriend to help out." Penelope ran her hands over her forehead, the headache intensifying, "You know what?" She said and stopped looking at Kevin, noticing Derek was now standing in the background, "I gave you a getaway. When I found out about the tumour, I told you I understood if you couldn't cope and you, you promised me you wouldn't let me down. So don't you dare tell me that all I want is support and a bit of comfort when you vowed to be here."
Kevin looked at her broken expression, she was right. He had promised her that and he had let her down.
"The thing is," Penelope started again, her tone softer, "I have not felt so alone in all my life than I do when I sit in that hospital each week." She went towards him, all her energy coming together in the anger shown in her facial expression. "I don't get the choice to sit in a car outside waiting. I don't get a choice to walk out of the door and go to work when it gets really bad and I sure as hell don't get the choice to cheat around to forget!" Penelope told him, her tone not loud, but it was heated with anger. "Derek has been the rock I needed to see me through those sessions and when he hasn't been there, he has always made sure I am top priority. Now you, Kevin, you can't even man the fuck up and come in there because you don't like hospitals. Well reality check, you asshat! No one likes hospitals!" Penelope bellowed all of a sudden, shocked that she was now shouting and swearing at him – she usually left that up to Derek!
"You put yourself in one just before we met," Kevin snapped at her maliciously. "You might as well have reserved a place that night." Kevin knew it was mean and vindictive, but the strain of everything toppled him and it was impacting him dangerously. He was volatile and ready to explode now after the last few weeks of dealing with Penelope's illness and watching her get the right doses of comfort from her best friend and not him.
"Get out!" Penelope said as she shook with rage and pent up emotions. "This, whatever we've become is over."
"This isn't over," Kevin responded to her, his eyes becoming somewhat darkened.
"Oh it is," Penelope responded and looked
"It's always been about you!" Kevin said and pointed angrily at Derek. "Derek Morgan saves the day and steals the girl! Fucking typical!" Kevin began to ramble as he went towards the door.
"By the way, Kevin," Penelope called out as he went for the door, "When you're going to cheat, hide the evidence."
"Excuse me?" Kevin asked back, albeit too defensively.
"The other day, when you were late picking me up there was a lipstick in your car that I don't use, and the foulest smelling perfume," Penelope began, "And I know full well there's no work project, unless you're finally trying to discover where a woman's g-spot is."
"You bitch," Kevin said and went towards Penelope, but was stopped by Derek's body.
Kevin looked up at him, "You're gonna stick around, Morgan?" Kevin asked Derek nastily, "Believe me, I'd cut loose while you were ahead. This isn't a life; this is just boring and mundane, and believe me, even you'll go astray in a couple of weeks."
"I think you better leave," Derek said as he pushed Kevin towards the door.
"You'll be a carer and we all know that you're a real ladies' man, and you won't find action looking after Penelope," Kevin told him as he grabbed his laptop bag. "You won't get anything, but the feeling of entrapment! You'll be a prisoner of whatever this is. You won't last. You'll just hurt her."
"You made yourself that prisoner. I intend to make every day of this worthwhile and you can look back and realise that you're missing the best few months of your life," Derek vowed as he opened the door. "Now leave so I can look after my girl."
Kevin laughed at that, "You're not a one woman man, Morgan. You've even got the more in your surname. You'll never be satisfied and when this gets worse, like it already is, then you'll be looking for the quickest exit out of hell."
"I think I'll deal with you later you little dweeb," Derek said as he pushed Kevin right into the hallway. "I'll let you know when to come by for your things so await my call," Derek told him with a one solid finger prod to the chest. Derek wasn't going to let this be it, he was going to shove Kevin's face into what he had lost and if push came to shove, his fist would meet Kevin's face like he was praying for already.
When Derek came back in, Penelope was barely keeping herself standing as she stood in the kitchen trying to stop herself from crying. Everything Kevin had said was hard hitting alone, but to be told that she was basically the reason he now hated life with her hurt all the more. To be told she was making him feel like a prisoner made her want to do this alone so that no one else felt that way.
This was like a life sentence to him, and she was now panicking that it was like that for everyone.
She didn't want prisoners.
"Pen," Derek said as he stepped out, trying to break the tension.
"Just go, Derek," she pushed him away, her walls building up. "This isn't your problem either."
Derek furrowed his brow at that piece of hostility, "You don't get to do this to me. He might have hurt you, but I do not choose to."
"How do you know that?" Penelope asked him, her expression completely lost. "How do I know that a couple of weeks down the line you won't decide this isn't the life style you want? Or when I'm told the chemo's not working and I need surgery or that I need to prolong chemo, how do I know you're going to be here? What about when this gets the better of me?"
"I am not Kevin Lynch, Baby. I'm Derek, the one that would never, ever let you go through anything alone. I love you too much to let you do this alone anymore. I should have never have left him to be the only person to look after you in the first place," Derek told her honestly as he hated on himself for ever letting Kevin have the option to hurt her.
"You're here now," Penelope told him meekly.
He took her and engulfed her with his arms, he hugged her tightly. "I always will be."
"I'm so scared," she admitted painfully into his chest. "I don't want you all to feel like this is some burden that I've placed on you. I don't want you to feel trapped in this life." She looked away, "By me," She finished meekly and emotional.
"Do you think I'd allow you to think that I was okay with this life if I felt like you were a burden on me?" Derek asked her as he brought her head up to look at him. "Do you honestly think I would make you believe that I am anything okay with this life if that wasn't the case?" He pressed and she shook her head, "Well then why can't you believe that I don't feel trapped in this life?"
"Because I'm trapped," Penelope admitted to him. "That makes you automatically trapped."
"Baby, this isn't forever," Derek told her honestly and heartfelt. "You're going to get better, and when you do, you can show Kevin what the hell he's missing out on," Derek told her with a calm tone and a bright smile.
"I can't believe that," Penelope told him honestly. "I can't say I will beat this because I don't have control over this. Everything else I can control. This-" She faltered as she said that. "I want to beat this so bad, Derek, you have to believe me, but it's not down to me."
"When it's down to us, we can beat anything," He told her and sealed the vow and the moment with a tender kiss.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-
Penelope woke up to nausea hitting her hard. She sat up slowly in the darkness of the night and tried to gain some composure and strength to combat her urge to be sick. Swinging her legs off of the side of the bed, she sat and ran her hand around to the back of her neck and looked back at Derek. She was just happy he was still sound asleep for this. She went to smile, but could just make out another clump of her hair as it lay on her pillow. Reaching over, she grabbed the mass of blonde hair and went into the bathroom. Sitting down on the toilet, she just looked at it as it sat in her palm.
She had kept a tight lid on her emotions over this part of her treatment, but now, with the frequency gaining momentum, Penelope couldn't cope with the thought of waking up to yet more hair on a pillow. She knew she couldn't deal with brushing her hair again in the morning to more being left behind in the bristles of the brush and she knew full well she didn't want a repeat of Derek running his hand in her hair as he kissed her only to come away with it wrapping around his tapered fingers.
It was then that Penelope knew what she needed to do, or well what she wanted to do.
"Baby," Derek's voice drifted from the doorway sleepily.
When Penelope looked up, she caught him midst a yawn and a stretch as he tried to squint away the brightness of the light in his bathroom. She had to smirk; she loved this man at any time of day, in any state.
"It's barely four," He yawned again, "What's got you up?"
Penelope didn't reply, she just held her hand out and gave him a desperate look. "I think it's time, Handsome."
Immediately, Derek seemed to be awake. "You sure you're up for this?"
"I can't keep waiting up with hair on the pillow, it's bringing me down," Penelope admitted and looked at the hair in her hands. "I wanna shave it all off," She declared in a finalised tone.
"How about you sleep on?" Derek asked her quickly.
Penelope laughed, "Irony right there, Handsome," She quipped quickly. "I don't wanna wake up with more hair on the pillow, it hurts." She told him and looked him dead in the eyes, "Can we do it now before I chicken out?"
"Now?" Derek gawped not expecting her to be so forthright.
"You'll still love me right?" Penelope asked him as her heart thudded with concern and her mind went into overdrive.
Stepping in, Derek knew exactly what this was about now. It wasn't about her, it was about him and if he would find her attractive once she lost all of her hair. He took her free hand and pulled up, whilst his other hand took the hair she had already lost and he dropped it to the floor. "I'll always love you, Baby Girl. It's not all about looks. You'll be stunning to me hair or no hair. It doesn't matter to me because at the end of it, I'll still have you."
Turning to face the mirror, Penelope inspected her reflection, "Let's do this, Handsome."
Reaching around her as she inspected her image in the mirror, Derek opened one of the drawers and pulled out his electric shaver. Unravelling its wire, he kept his eyes on her the entire time. He knew she could tell this was the moment that everything changed for them. He remained silent as he plugged it into the socket in the wall and pressed the on button.
Penelope closed her eyes as the electric shaver buzzed to life and as she took it in her hand she knew this was it. Opening her eyes, she saw Derek standing just behind her giving her a bright smile as if to tell her she was strong enough to do this.
"It's gonna be okay, Baby," Derek promised her truthfully. "Once you do the first bit, there's no going back." He coerced her with honesty, "You'll feel so much better once you've done this. You can sleep without worrying you're going to wake up with a bit more gone."
With that truth hitting her, she quickly brought the shaver to her hairline and pushed up through immediately feeling her hair falling apart as it detached from her scalp. She paused and looked at him quickly, "These better be clean!"
"Penelope! What do you take me for?" Derek asked her as he tried not to laugh.
Shrugging, she looked to the shaver then at him, "I don't wanna be using the shaver you use on your intimate areas."
"They work their magic on my head," He paused as she grinned at him. "This head!" He said and pointed to his head making her laugh, "And I use the adaptor to either shave the beard off, or shape it, nothing dirty."
"Oh look at you, Mr Talented," Penelope teased and looked at herself in the mirror, instead of Derek, "I look ridiculous."
"That's because you've managed to take off one bit of hair, Gorgeous, maybe if you tried shaving a bit mor-" He never got a chance to finish it as she quickly took off a second bit and grinned at him. He watched as more and more of her blonde locks fell and soon he stepped in, helping her tenderly through the rest of this moment. He gently shaved her hair off where she couldn't reach and when he was done, he kissed her head, only feeling the warm of her skin and the bare bristles left after the neat shave.
"Still just as beautiful to me," Derek whispered to her as he stepped back and put the shaver down on the side. He only smiled as she smiled, only when he was sure she wasn't going to breakdown right before his eyes.
Penelope never expected to laugh during this process – this moment of hair loss! – but she was finding it all the more liberating as she went. She wasn't taking it as a bid of weakness, nor was she was taking it as a sign she was caving to her illness.
This was making her the fighter.
The only thing that would have changed that would be if Derek was to completely fail on keeping a straight face. If he made her feel ugly or weak as a result of this then she knew her fighting spirit would slowly defuse. However, Derek was cheering her on and he wasn't looking at her with disgust, he was aiding this moment and he was making it seemingly better for her and when he stepped in and helped her, he empowered her to make the most of this fight.
Scrunching her nose up at her reflection, Derek laughed and she looked at him confused. Turning to him, she couldn't stop the seductive look she felt overcome her, "We match now, Handsome. Both knuckle heads together," She teased him lovingly.
"I think it's better looking on you than me," He said as he inspected her new look. He knew it would be a change, but he was planning on keeping Penelope as upbeat as possible. "You're still absolutely gorgeous," He said as he wrapped his arm around her waist.
Penelope shook her head, "I wouldn't say the Voldemort look was attractive."
"Remember," He said as he took her hands in his, "This isn't forever."
Nodding, Penelope looked to him a little sadly, "I'm kinder glad by that." She then turn to look at herself in the mirror again, "This is a bit of a culture shock."
Being able to read how in disbelief she was at her own appearance, Derek stepped up to the mark again. "I brought you something," Derek said as he took her hand and led her out of his bathroom. He allowed her to sit down before going and grabbing a box. Handing it over to her, he smiled, "This is just something because I knew you'd feel self conscious when this day came."
Penelope looked at him and then at the box. Quickly taking the lid off, she moved the tissue away and found her hand hitting the soft cotton of purple blossom. She pulled it out in awe and opened it up to observe the detailing.
"I thought I'd get your scarf ready just in case," Derek told her sincerely and a little nervously. "Do you like?"
"Like?" Penelope asked as she moved the box from her lap. "I love it, Handsome. It's beautiful," She said in astonishment and then looked at him with watering eyes. Standing she went over to him and reached up to give him a kiss. With her arms wrapped around his neck, Penelope just gazed into Derek's eyes, "I would've sunk weeks ago had it not been for you." She smiled at him, "I love you, Derek."
"I love you too," Derek replied sincerely, and he knew with his entire being that he meant it.
Smirking, Penelope replied, "If you loved me you'd help me cover my bald head."
"C'mon then, Silly Girl," He said as he reached down for the soft scarf and folded it ready to wrap around her head. "You going to sleep in it?"
"Admittedly, I'm going to live it in," She told him as he carefully secured it in place. "Now can we go back to bed?" She asked as tiredness swept her system and her stomach finally settled down.
"Of course, Princess," Derek said as he took her hand, and moved the box to the floor for now. Taking her to her side of his bed, he tucked her in before running to turn the light off in the bathroom and as he got into bed and turned the light off, Penelope pulled him back down on the mattress and curled up against.
With the softness of the scarf against him, and the feel of Penelope's breath as his chest, Derek closed his eyes and pulled her tighter to his side.
Derek could get use to this life.
Little did she know was that Penelope already had.
-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- The Compassion of Mortality -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-