Chapter 7
La vie boheme
Ron headed down for breakfast the next morning to find everyone already there, faces red. He could tell they were trying to suppress songs, because as soon as he went in, he felt the pressure come on him.
Lunchtime came around, and they all headed down to Hogsmeade for a while. As they walked into the Two Little Witches, the waiter stopped him.
"[Waiter
No please no
Not tonight please no
Mister - can't you go -
Not tonight - can't have a scene
[Ron
What?
[Waiter
Go, please go;
You - Hello, sir -
I said, "No"
Important customer
[Seamus
What am I - just a blur?
[Waiter
You sit all day - you never buy!
[Seamus
That's a lie - that's a lie
just the other day i had a tea
[Waiter
You couldn't pay
[Seamus
Oh yeah
[Harry
Harry James Potter -- here?
[Waiter
Oh no!
[All
Butterbeer!
[Ginny
The enemy of Avenue A
We'll stay
[Waiter
Oiy vey!
[Harry
What brings the mogul in his own mind to the Life Cafe?
[Dean
I would like to propose a toast
To Ginny's noble try
It went well
[Ginny
Go to hell
[Dean
Was the yuppie scum stomped
Not counting the homeless
How many tickets weren't comped
[Ron
Why did Muffy --
[Dean
Alison
[Ron
Miss the trip?
[Dean
There was a death in the family
If you must know
[Parvati
Who died?
[Dean
Our Akita
[Dean, Seamus, Parvati, Harry
Evita
[Dean
Hermione - I'm surprised
A bright and charming girl like you
Hangs out with these slackers
(Who don't adhere to deals)
They make fun - yet I'm the one
Attempting to do some good
Or do you really want a neighborhood
Where people piss on your stoop every night?
Bohemia, Bohemia's
A fallacy in your head
This is Calcutta
Bohemia is dead
[Seamus
Dearly beloved we gather here to say our goodbyes
[Ron, Harry
Dies irae - dies illa
Kyrie eleison
Yitgadal v' yitkadash (etc)
[Seamus
Here she lies
No one knew her worth
The late great daughter of mother earth
On this night when we celebrate the birth
In that little town of Bethlehem
We raise our glass - you bet your ass to -
La vie Boheme
[All
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
[Seamus
To days of inspiration
Playing hookey, making something out of nothing
The need to express -
To communicate,
To going against the grain,
Going insane
Going mad
To loving tension, no pension
To more than one dimension,
To starving for attention,
Hating convention, hating pretension
Not to mention of course,
Hating dear old mom and dad
To riding your bike,
Midday past the three piece suits
To fruits - to no absolutes -
To Absolut - to choice -
To the Village Voice -
To any passing fad
To being an us for once- instead of a them
[All
La vie Boheme
La vie Boheme
[Ginny
hey mister, shes my sister
[Padma
It is, Ginny
[Ginny
The mixer doesn't have a case
Don't give me that face
[Neville
Ahhemm
[Ginny
Hey Mister - she's my sister
[Waiter
So that's five miso soup, four seaweed salad
Three soy burger dinner, two tofu dog platter
And one pasta with meatless balls
[Neville
Ugh
[Harry
It tastes the same
[Hermione
If you close your eyes
[Waiter
And thirteen orders of fries
Is that it here?
[All
Butterbeer!
[Hermione and Parvati
To hand-crafted beers made in local breweries
To yoga, to yogurt, to rice and beans and cheese
To leather, to dildos, to curry vindaloo
To huevos rancheros and Maya Angelou
[Ginny and Harry
Emotion, devotion, to causing a commotion
Creation, vacation
[Seamus
Mucho masturbation
[Ginny, Harry
Compassion, to fashion, to passion when it's new
[Harry
To Sontag
[Parvati
To Sondheim
[Four People
To anything taboo
[Ron and Harry
Ginsberg, Dylan, Cunningham and Cage
[Harry
Lenny Bruce
[Ron
Langston Hughes
[Ginny
To the stage
[Hufflepuff
To Utah!
[Ravenclaw
To Buddha
[Other Ravenclaw
Pablo Neruda, too
[Seamus and Hermione
Why Dorothy and Toto went over the rainbow
To blow off Auntie Em
[All
La vie Boheme
[Ginny
And wipe the speakers off before you pack
[Padma
Yes, Maureen
[Ginny
Well - hurry back
[Neville
Sisters?
[Ginny
We're close
[Parvati, Harry, Neville, Ginny
Brothers!
[Seamus, Hermione, Parvati & Three Others
Bisexuals, trisexuals, homo sapiens,
Carcinogens, hallucinogens, men, Pee Wee Herman
German wine, turpentine, Gertrude Stein
Antonioni, Bertolucci, Kurosawa
Carmina Burana
[All
To apathy, to entropy, to empathy, ecstasy
Vaclav Havel - The Sex Pistols, 8BC,
To no shame - never playing the Fame Game
[Harry
To Quidditch!
[All
To sodomy,
It's between God and me
To S & M
[Dean
Waiter...Waiter...Waiter
[All
La vie Boheme
[Harry
In honor of the death of Bohemia an impromptu salon will
commence immediately following dinner.
Ginny Weasley, just back from her spectacular one night
engagement at the 11th street lot, will perform native-American
tribal chants backwards through her vocoder ...
while accompaning herself on the electric chello,
which she ain't ever studied.
[Ron
And, Seamus Finnigan will preview his new documentary about his inability to hold an erection on high holy days.
[Seamus
And Hermione Granger, clad only in bubble wrap, will perform her famous lawn-chair handcuff dance to the sounds of iced tea being stirred.
[Dean
Your new boyfriend doesn't know about us?
[Hermione
There's nothing to know
[Dean
Don't you think that we should discuss --
[Hermione
It was three months ago
[Dean
He doesn't act like he's with you
[Hermione
We're taking it slow
[Dean
Where is he now?
[Hermione
He's right -- hmm
[Dean
Uh huh
[Hermione
Where'd he go?
[Seamus
Ron will attempt to write a bittersweet, evocative song.
(Roger picks up a guitar and plays)
That doesn't remind us of "Musetta's Waltz"
[Harry
Parvati Paris Patil will now model the latest fall fashions
from Paris while accompanying herself on the 10 gallon plastic
pickle tub.
[Parvati
And Harry will recount his exploits as an anarchist -
including the successful reprogramming of the M.I.T.
virtual reality equipment to self-destruct, as it broadcast
the words:
[All
"Actual reality - Act Up - Fight AIDS"
[Dean
Check!!
[Hermione
Excuse me - did I do something wrong?
I get invited - then ignored - all night long
[Ron
I've been trying - I'm not lying
No one's perfect. I've got baggage
[Hermione
Life's too short, babe, time is flying
I'm looking for baggage that goes with mine
[Ron
I should tell you --
[Hermione
I've got baggage too
[Ron
I should tell you --
[Hermione
I got baggage too
[Ron
I should tell you --
[Both
Baggage - wine --
[Others
Butterbeer!
[Hermione
AZT break
[Ron
You?
[Hermione
Me. You?
[Ron
Hermione"
He leaned in and kissed her as the song died out. Everyone flopped into a chair as their food arrived.
"Wow…what a rush!" cried Dean, "Now I get why you like it so much Ron."
Ron sniggered and nodded.