Thanks for reviews, and thanks for reading. I'm thinking maybe ten more chapters. Sorry it takes so long for me to write, expect a chapter a week from now on.

This is a more dark chapter, but it needed to come.

Struggling

The morning light forced me out of bed, and, for once, I was the first one awake. I made my way to the bathroom, quickly showered, got dressed, and headed to breakfast.

Draco was barely touching his food and having a very in-depth chat with Goyle, if that was even possible.

"Well, if the Snape had any sense he would have let us chose partners. Apparently, I'm going to have to spend with Neville. The guy can't even measure out the ingredients much less create a fucking thing."

"But, I got paired with this super hot Ravenclaw chick. And she's not even that smart. She cracked a 'That's what she said' joke. It was fucking hilarious. I wouldn't mind making anything with her. I just can't remember her name. Tracy....Taylor. Something of the sort."

Rolling my eyes, I sat down and began my morning apple. Draco and Goyle continued their oh-so compelling discussion. They had decided her name was either, Tanya or Stacy. If they had just bothered to notice me, I would have told them that her name was actually Remy.

"Oh, hey baby. How did you sleep?" Draco asked me, in a I-know-what-you-did-last-night-you-little-whore voice.

"Didn't get to sleep til late, so much homework for one friggin' night," I replied, not making eye contact. I was the worst liar that ever crossed into Slytherin. With one look, everyone could tell if I was lying. I might be able to keep secrets, but with yes or no questions it was obvious.

Draco turned back to Goyle after a few more questions, but I could tell he still seemed riled up from the night before.

I sat there alone, surrounded by people, but alone.

Then someone nudged my knee and I looked over to see that Corrina had sat down next to me, with Marliana, Janie and a few other girls.

They were that group of girls that didn't hang out with guys. Some of them dated, but they were happy enough just being together. Behind their back, they were ridiculed as the lesbians, but defiantly weren't. Marliana had had three boyfriends in the last four months alone.

I remembered my first year, when I went to one of their parties. They just did stupid things, messed around, and were actually quite entertaining. I never did join them, just watched. I wanted to be friends with them, but could never quite get out of my safety zone.

Marliana gave Corrina a glare, but sat down across from me. I noticed Goyle and Draco look up surprised for a moment, but immediately went back to each other.

"So, Pansy," Corrina said. "What are you doing for Hogsmeade this weekend?"

Janie jumped in and started to get really excited as she explained their plan. "We have totally been thinking about how we should go to that creepy bar down that one street. You know, the one completely full of old dudes. Me and Mariana went in this summer, and they actually aren't that bad looking. Plus, we can totally get away with drinking without the teachers being there. And, if we get bored, there is supposedly that haunted house. Not the shrieking shack, there is this other one deep in the woods. I heard it takes like thirty minutes to get there. It would be totally cool. You can bring Draco too."

I looked over at Draco. He wouldn't want to go. He probably would go, but not with these girls. He would make fun of me, saying I was just another dyke.

"I'd love to come. Um, I may not make it to the bar. But, I can go to the house."

Marliana made a sound, she had never liked me at all. Another one of my problems.

They talked for a while, I tried to join in a few times, but they talked so fast. When Draco took my hand and stood up, I knew he was going to talk to me.

"I'm sorry about last night. I guess I freaked out on you a little. I just, so much stress with having to deal with my dad and The Dark Lord." He started to lean in, nuzzling me. His lips hitting my collarbone with kisses that made me shiver. He had taken me into another one of the many deserted classrooms in Hogwarrs.

He was going to get angry. I had seen the glare this morning, but he was acting a bit odd.

"I got a letter last night saying they need me this weekend. So, I'm not going to get to hang out with you at the trip. Jenni said that she wanted to go to shopping with you," Draco said quietly.

I was surprised, I hadn't expected him to be called while he was at school. I nodded, I could go with Corrina and that group. I smiled a little.

Draco caught the smile, and tensed up. "Thanks for being sympathetic, bitch." He pushed me away, and my shoulder hit the wall. God, that hurt.

"I...I'm just glad you get to finally do something with the war." I wrapped my arms around his neck, and gave him a kiss. It didn't seem to make much of a difference though.

He looked at me, and knew I was lying. But he didn't say anything. He didn't call me out, or threaten me. He didn't even push me.

"What were you doing outside last night with Potter?" he asked.

I froze, how the hell did he know I was outside. And I wasn't even out with Harry, I was with him in the greenhouse, and for a second at Hagrid's. How did he know.

"I went for a quick walk, because I couldn't sleep. I ran into Hagrid and Harry. I left after like two seconds. Why?"

He didn't believe me. I wasn't completely lying. I had only gone for a quick walk.

"Then why didn't you tell me. I want to kill that fucker already, and now he following you or something. You shouldn't have gone outside anyway. Next time, you come to my room. How the hell did you get outside anyway?"

I hesitated, and he hit me. Hard.

It felt like slow motion. I saw his knuckles swinging at my face. The second they collided with me, my head went back to bang against the wall. I don't know when the tears came, but I was on the ground and could feel my mouth bleeding

He watched me trying to keep from breaking down.

"You deserved it," he said weakly. He was never as strong after he hit me. He looked down at me like he regretted it. He always regretted it.

I tried to make no sounds. The blood tasted like iron, I wanted to vomit. I wanted to never get up. I wanted to die.

Time passed and I thought about how I hated life.

He bent down and sat next to me for awhile, holding me. Once the bell rang, he got up, left the empty classroom, and made his way to Potions. I took my mirror out and saw the bruise on my face. He had hit my face, he never hits my face.

I covered my new injury with a spell, and went to the bathroom to clean my mouth out. I got to class with seconds left and he didn't say anything to me.

When we got together with partners, it was hard to talk. My teeth kept knocking the open wound. Harry seemed to assume I was still a little mad. We finished the in-class assignment with as little noise as possible.

He told me that we should meet at the library at six, but that he would be there at five forty-five just to be safe. He had a joking tone, trying to lighten the mood. The bell rang before I replied. I grabbed my stuff, and was the first to leave the room. I went to my dorm room and Janie was there. She smiled brightly at me as she left to her class. Our schedules were completely opposite.

Once alone, I took the second shower of the day. I turned the water up as hot as it could go, turning my skin red with heat. I stood in the water, imagining being anywhere else. After a solid half hour, I got out and caught my reflection in the mirros. The spell was gradually wearing off and I could tell my face was swelling underneath. There was a black tennis ball sized bruise forming. Looking at the other bruises, I shuddered.

I lay on my bed waiting for Transfiguration to start. When the warning bell went off, I made sure I looked suitable, and headed up. I was late on purpose, so I wouldn't have to talk to anyone. The only desk left was next to Neville in the back corner. I took it eagerly and listened to the class.

I didn't end up going to lunch. I was told Draco needed to talk to me. But I was sick, I didn't want to see him.

Before I went to Flitwick's class, I went into his room to find him with Blaise.

He motioned for me to lay next to him and I did. Blaise left after a few minutes, and we just lay next to each other, knowing what the other was thinking about.

"I'm sorry," was all he said. I didn't reply, but fell asleep on his chest. He was the only one who ever loved me.

There will be more with the physical abuse. But, I just wanted to show you how Draco losses control and Pansy takes it.

Sorry, I haven't been responding to reviews as much as normal. I'm going to show more of Pansy's problems with Hermione and I hope I gave you an idea of why she isn't so close to Corrina, Mariana, and Janie. They get along fine, but aren't close enough to really call each other friends.

My longest chapter.