A/N another unedited nanowrimo chapter. Haven't found the time to write yesterday.

Let me know what you think if you like.

Her mother squeezed her hands, then brushed away a single brown strand of hair from Elizabeth's forehead. "You are a very smart girl, you know that."

She still held her breath, waited in anticipation. "I don't want you to take over the farm when you are old enough", her mother whispered as if afraid someone else might hear. "Don't tell your father I've said that." It was the first time her mother had spoken about Elizabeth's future. She had never thought about staying here forever let alone owning the farm one day. So there was still a chance to escape all of this, change her life.

But then her mother continued. "Elizabeth, as much as I would like to give you the opportunity to become a teacher, we do not have the money to pay for the education."

She let out the breath she had held all the time and withdrew her hand immediately. "No!" Her voice was not loud but her mother winced at the sound of it. "But I don't want to stay here!"

Margaret Hughes sighed, so deeply Elizabeth was afraid she might start to cry. There was one thing that always broke her: seeing other people, especially her family, cry. She moved a bit closer again, tentatively reaching out to touch her mother's hand again but only with the tips of her fingers. "You do not have to." The voice was calm but Elizabeth could hear the hurt in it. "When you are old enough to take care of your life on your own you can leave Els."

For a while they both were silent, absorbed in thought. When Elizabeth spoke again she tried with all her might not to cry or sound upset. Why hurt her mother even more? "But what else can I do?"

The sadness on her mother's face was replaced by seriousness which made Elizabeth feel a bit uneasy and she was afraid to hear the answer. She would not stay on the farm, this was for certain. What else was there for a girl like her then? Getting married and have children, no education, no occupation? She was only twelve but she knew that this was not the life she wanted.

"You know how to organise things, and you take care of others." All of this was true, still she did not understand what this meant for her future. "The Harrison girl is now working over at the Graham estate as a housemaid. It is a good position."

=o=

Her father came back late at night. She could hear how he opened the front door, too loud to be ignored. The loud footfall carried upstairs to her room even though the door was closed. Elizabeth still had not found any sleep after the talk with her mother. She lay awake, thinking about what her mother had suggested. A life in service was an option though it meant to be subordinate again, the same situation like now. But her father would not be there and the work would be hard but not cruel. And there was always the possibility to get promoted to a higher position. She was sure that something like this existed. Maybe her mother's idea was not that bad.

Her line of thought was abruptly interrupted when the stairs creaked under her father's feet. He was drunk, his steps too unsteady for a sober man. Elizabeth hid under her coverlet and tried to avoid any sound. He would not hurt her, he never did when he was drunk, but she was afraid, still. She knew the stories of some of her classmates who sometimes did not attend school for days. Not because they also had to work on the fields, some of them weren't even farmer's daughters, but because they had been beaten. Severely beaten. Even after a few days absence one could still see a limp or a black eye, scratches on arms and legs in summer.

Their door opened and a glimmer of light fell through the gap. She could see it on the wooden floor until his shadow covered it. He was standing there, breathing heavily and Elizabeth held her breath. She did not want him to come into their room. She could not stand the smell of alcohol, the slurred speech, or anything related to drunkenness. As much as it frightened her, it also disgusted her. The floorboards creaked, one step, two steps. She tried to breath normally, not give any indication that she was still awake. When the door closed again and she heard him outside on the corridor, walking towards the bedroom, she began to sob silently. The day had been too much.

=o=

1878

"No you can't", she answered with a smirk. "It's not proper." He took his hand away from her knee reluctantly. Elsie, as she was known now to her friends, brought a respectable distance between her and Joe. "This is better." She still could not wipe that smile from her face. Over the summer they had become more and more familiar with each other. Joe had always been some kind of friend since she was twelve. Now with sixteen, when she felt more mature and knew that for some of the young boys and men she looked attractive, she had granted him some things she would not allow the other boys to do. Like holding her hand or whispering something in her ear.

Joe had always been very patient, nice and most of all, he did not push her, did not want her do to anything she was not comfortable with. She would not call it courting what they did. He had asked her before their summer break if he could call her "Elsie" instead of the formal "Elizabeth". She had liked the name. Within her family she had always been known as "Els". Elsie sounded so much better. Her sister had picked up the name fast whereas her mother still preferred Els. Her father did not care for such things at all.

"Elsie, it won't hurt you." He held out his hand, palm open, ready for her to take it.

"I know that." Her mother had given her the talk some time ago when she had found out that Joe Burns was interested in her daughter. "But still." She reached out and took his hand, let him hold hers. They sat next to each other at the village fair, observing the older couples on the dance floor. It looked so easy. How the men led the women across the floor, turning them around in perfect circles. Although the old circle dances where out of fashion, everyone was still enjoying them. Elsie had heard of the waltz and other dances at school when they had learned about Europe. But none of the couples were actually able to teach her. Her parents never danced, her cousins laughed at her and her little sister thought she was too smug for wanting to learn these things when the old dances where much more fun. Anne was somewhere on the dance floor herself, running around with her friends. Elsie was here too watch her sister, not only to enjoy herself.

"Where is Anne?" Joe asked, while trying to find her among the dancers.

"I don't know. We better find her. Father doesn't like it when I leave her alone for too long." This sounded harmless to Joe's ears. And she had wanted it to sound like this. Years ago she had been afraid that her father might hit her, hurt her when she did not obey. He sometimes slapped her face. But that had been all. Until recently earlier this summer. She never found out why he had suddenly changed but one evening she had come home from an afternoon with two friends, not late, perfectly on time, and she was greeted at home with such a blow on her face that she fell to the floor. It resulted in a black eye and a swollen cheek. A later, she was busy taking care of their cows, he suddenly dragged her out of the stables and screamed at her. What do you think you are doing? WHY ELIZABETH? She had no idea what he was talking about. His fist landed in her face a second time.

From that moment on, she tried to not give him any reason to hit her. And this included taking care of her sister. In front of Joe, she never mentioned all of this. He would only do something foolish to protect her. She was perfectly capable of doing this on her own.

Anne's dark-haired head appeared between the dancers and Elsie jumped up, letting go of Joe's hand, to maneuver around the dancers to catch her sister. "Anne. It's late. We better be going now!"

Her sister tried to break free from her sister's firm grip. "No. Please Elsie. It's not even dark yet."

"I promised to take care of you." She hissed. Anne knew what this meant and reluctantly she obeyed, but dragged on behind her sister. "You haven't even danced with Joe."

One angry glare into Anne's eyes told her sister to shut up. Elsie wanted to dance with Joe. More than anything else. But she was also a bit afraid of what might happen. He would certainly touch her, he had to. She did not feel ready for this kind of activity yet. Maybe next year or at the Christmas dance.

=0=

Quickly she said goodbye, allowed Joe to touch her hand again, nothing more. Not in front of Anne. Then the two girls hurried to get back home. The sun already began to set and she wanted to be home before sunset when there was still light outside. Anne tried her best to keep pace with her sister.

"Why are running!"

Elsie was indeed a bit out of breath. "I want to be home before father is there", she hissed. He would not find a reason to attack her then. Not in front of her sister or her mother. He had only done so when no one else had been around. "So come on please." The anger slowly dissipated the further they walked along. Fear, the one you cannot fully grasp and understand but which is constantly there like an invisible threat, replaced it. Another reason why she wanted to be home earlier was the possibility it gave her to talk to her mother. It was time to make a decision now.

thank you for still reading this :)