Hey lovelies! Bit of a shorter chapter this time. I hope you all had a better Valentine's Day than poor Sarah. Thank you to those of you who left reviews - I'm honestly flattered by what you guys think of this fic.
Pan paced back and forth in front of our bedraggled gathering. From what I understood someone had been associating with the native tribe and now we were all huddled around hissing coals in the middle of a storm with Felix watching us from the side like a vulture. Rain whipped at our faces and we tried to hide under our cloaks to stay warm while Pan lectured us, his clothes completely dry. He kept monologuing about undermining authority and I suspected that my lying to him this morning had something to do with our current problem. Pan posed some question that most of us didn't hear over the shrieking wind and looked at us with a quiet expectant fury.
No one said anything. Pan slowly raised an eyebrow. I heard someone hiccup.
Lightning flashed across his face and all of us jumped, momentarily disoriented in the blind darkness. Thunder collided with the treetops and I desperately blinked my eyes to see at least something, anything. When my vision cleared Pan was holding a boy up by the collar so that his toes barely touched the ground. The poor kid whimpered as Pan asked evenly, "well?"
I edged closer to Ben in fear and he pulled our shared cloak tighter around us. Pan yanked the young boy to where he was pacing just moments previously and all I wanted to do was to sink into the ground and away from those crazed eyes that looked at our huddling forms with deranged pleasure.
"What do you have to say for yourself?" Pan admonished the boy as though he did nothing more than sneak an extra helping at dinner.
The kid stood in silent terror, tethered to the spot by Pan's grip on his arm. I winced. That looked like it hurt.
"Are you going to tell them what you did?"
The boy whimpered, not even bothering to put up a brave face anymore. I felt nauseous. Pan didn't like weakness.
Pan yanked him roughly by the arm and the boy yelped in fear. "Please don't hurt me!"
A collective gasp came from the crowd and Ben clapped a hand over his mouth. "Oh, no. Eddie…"
I stared at the scene with wide eyes. "What? Ben!"
He didn't answer.
Pan leaned over Eddie in a horrifyingly calm and fluid movement. "What was that?"
Eddie stood stock still and stared out above our heads. I didn't know what he was seeing. "Please don't."
"Say that one more time."
The wind vanished in an instant and the only sound we heard was the soft dripping of light rain on the trees.
"Please don't hurt me," Eddie whispered.
Ben yanked my head roughly under the cloak just as a resounding crack echoed through the camp followed by a high-pitched wail of agony. I stifled a scream.
Oh god. Oh my god.
I shakily lifted up my head, not sure if I really wanted to see what was in front of me. When I did, I nearly threw up. Eddie's forearm was sticking out at an unnatural angle and something white was on his skin, and it was bleeding… I fell forward and tried to cover my mouth.
It was bone.
Ben pulled me backward. "Don't draw attention to yourself," he hissed. I clapped both hands over my mouth and nodded jerkily at him.
Don't vomit don't vomit oh god his arm – I shuddered in horror.
"Felix!" Pan called. "You know where to take him."
"No!" Eddie screamed as Felix grabbed his good arm and dragged him into the foliage. "No don't take me! I'm sorry! No! Please!"
I couldn't move. I couldn't even shake.
"If there's one thing I won't tolerate, it's traitors." Pan addressed our entire group but his eyes remained trained on mine.
A voice like that shouldn't be saying such terrible things.
I needed to get out. I needed to be home. I needed to be anywhere but here. I needed to be above the ground just like I was now, moving sideways – I jerked in surprise. Ben was hauling me somewhere. I vacantly noticed that our group had disbanded and Pan was nowhere to be seen. That terrified me more than anything else.
"I always forget that one wrong move and that could be me next time," Ben said, his voice wavering slightly. "You should stay by the campfire tonight and dry off."
"Next time?" My voice sounded more confident than I felt.
"We get someone who joins the natives every once in a while." He wrung out my cloak and handed it back to me. At least the rain left me feeling cleaner.
"What's going to happen to him?"
"He loses his shadow."
Pan's voice echoed in my head. They always scream.
I lurched forward, emptying the contents of my stomach precariously close to Ben's shoes.
"Eugh." He patted my back awkwardly. "Don't worry, you stop reacting like this after a while."
My stomach lurched again. How many people had he killed this way?
So that's what happens when you disobey him. Oh god.
Ben handed me some water once I'd finally stopped heaving.
"How could Pan do that?" I exclaimed, my mind on the edge of hysteria. "He was just a kid!"
"He was as old as any of us," he said quietly. "D'you want to go back to your tent?"
I gave him a spasmodic nod and tried to stand up. Ben ended up hauling me the entire way. I collapsed to my knees and numbly crawled inside my safe haven.
One, two, three, four, five, breathe. One, two, three, four, five, breathe.
"Sarah?"
I turned around to stare at him.
Breathe.
"He isn't keeping you here to hurt you." Ben left and the tent flap fell closed behind him.
I didn't sleep.
I didn't know how long I lay there, unable to sleep or move, but when hauled myself out of my tent in restlessness it was still pitch black outside. I kept counting my breaths.
One, two, three, four, five, breathe. Cliff. Go to the cliff. Four, five, breathe.
I made my way slowly through the campsite, my unsteady footsteps squelching weakly on the wet ground. The pale moon glowed through the foliage and I collapsed against a large tree growing ten feet from the cliffside.
Breathe.
I wrapped my arms around myself in the cold air and shivered. The island was incredibly still as though it was exhausted from the violent storm hours earlier. Had it been only hours? It felt like days.
"Shouldn't you be sleeping?"
The blood in my veins crystallized and my thudding heart pumped the chill all the way to my toes.
No. Anyone but him. Please, god, no.
Breathe. Oh, god. Breathe.
He stepped out of the trees, the shatters of moonlight glistening like scars on his face.
I wanted to scream.
Pan smiled, his eyes surveying my trembling form like a predator's and calculating my weaknesses. I had many. He stepped towards me and I squeaked, my feet propelling me backwards in a motion I wasn't ready for. I almost fell but suddenly Pan was in front of me with his hand firmly wrapped around my bare forearm as though it was Eddie's.
No. Nononono not me too. Let go let go let go -!
"No need to look at me like that," he murmured. "I don't break things that can be of use to me." My body jerked as he stroked the inside of my forearm with his thumb.
My skin rose with goosebumps as I tried not to suffocate from the presence of the demon that used the hand binding me to him to break a young boy's arm.
"See?" he all but purred, stepping forward and closing the distance between us to a frail handful of inches. His accent softened his words into melted butter. "I'm not going to hurt you."
I tried to shrink away from him but the tree behind me trapped me next to Pan. "Yes you are."
He smiled again, his eyes crinkling at the edges with pure venom. "Why would you think that?"
"Because you – you-"
"Because I did what?"
"He's dead," I squeaked out. "Oh god, he's dead!"
Pan laughed. I thought I was going to pass out.
"Oh, but I didn't kill him. You see, I really don't like getting my hands dirty. Unless, of course," he murmured and dropped his gaze to my lips, "there's a woman involved."
What the hell was that supposed to mean?!
The night air hovered still as a dead man's breath. I felt like I was in a coffin. Pan had just made Eddie's grave, and now he was digging mine.
A shock of warm air swept over my forehead and I jumped. Pan was almost standing over me, his mouth level with the top of my head. Oh god, he was right there. I couldn't stop the rising panic as he drank in my terror. His hand burned with heat against my skin. I squeezed my eyes shut, wanting to be anywhere but here.
"Let me go," I pleaded in a whimper.
The moon sank low behind the graying clouds. Pan vanished with a crack and the cold night air washed over me like the last gasp of a drowning man.
The soft, warm light of the sunrise filtered through the cracks in my tent and lit the small space with veins of gold. I groaned into my pillow, not wanting to let go of sleep just yet. Birds chirped outside and the island seemed to be alive with laughter. Pan was in a good mood.
I, however, wasn't. My sleep last night had been nothing short of awful and coupled with the events of the evening, it was a wonder I had managed to pass out at all. I fumbled with my blankets until my hand closed around the cord Felix had given me yesterday. I tied one more knot around the end.
Seven godforsaken days I'd survived on this horrid island with Pan.
I lay in bed obstinately until the loud shouts of the boys interrupted my sour mood. Throwing up last night's dinner left me incredibly hungry and if I didn't get up now then I would miss breakfast. I wasn't sure I could keep the food down but at least I had to try. I owed myself that much.
I hauled myself into an upright position and tied Felix's cord around my neck before crawling to the tent entrance at my feet. Mountain experts said you were supposed to sleep with your head always facing the door in case of emergencies but I doubted that would be of much use if Pan decided to dispose of me.
I pulled the tent flap aside with a yawn and shuffled forwards until my knees hit something soft. I shot backwards into my tent in horror. Right there on my doorstep were Eddie's clothes, clean and neatly folded. No, the mountain experts were right. Having an exit on the opposite side of the tent was a very, very good idea. I wrestled with the coarse material until it finally spat me out into the daylight. Taking care to avoid the other side of my small abode I jogged over to the campfire.
I hope I can keep food down today.
Breakfast consisted of mixed grains as per usual. The chatter of the Lost Boys felt suffocating to my tired brain and I sought refuge in an empty part of camp. Ben shot me a pitying look as I passed him.
I'm not some poor mistreated animal, I thought sourly. And I can handle myself. You'll see.
Geesh, he could at least offer some sort of sympathy. But no, straight to pity it was.
I scanned the camp suspiciously but the source of all my troubles was nowhere to be seen. This was both worrying and comforting. On one hand that bastard was way too cheery for my liking this morning and I really didn't want to think about what caused such a shift in his mood. On the other hand, that meant that today might pass without any collateral damage or his quickfire mood swings.
I spotted Felix eating alone and picked my way through the camp over to him. Hopefully he would still take me seriously, unlike Ben. Then again, given the state I was in I wouldn't take me seriously either.
"Lovely morning," I said sarcastically and dropped down next to Mr. Sunshine.
He shot me an irritated look.
"Yeah, I feel that," I told him and patted his shoulder.
"Do you?" Felix asked so sharply that I jumped.
"I – um-"
"Are you the executioner?"
"But I thought that the shadow –"
"I still lead them to their deaths," he said, his voice suddenly flat.
'I'm sorry' suddenly seemed like a stupid and insensitive thing to say. 'It's not your fault' was true but probably wouldn't help either. I pulled my cord out from around my neck and handed it to him, hoping he understood my meaning. Pan was forcing me to do things I didn't want to, either. Felix stared at me calculatingly before handing the cord back and standing up without a word.
"Eddie knew what he was doing when he joined us," he said, his voice back to its usual drone. I wasn't sure whether he was speaking to himself or to me. He looked back at me. "Pan takes care of what he wants. You should put the clothes on."
I opened my mouth to respond but he was already gone.
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