I'd like to give a quick warning for Harry involved in a m/m relationship OTHER than Snape! Enjoy. :) Thank you to everyone who has left reviews! It is much appreciated! ~Ashii

Chapter 7: Confessions

Harry nursed his Firewhiskey as he watched his classmates drunkenly stumbling around the room. The party had been moved to the Ravenclaw Common Room, which seemed like the largest and most interesting among the common rooms. Plus, it was dark blue, which gave a feeling of comfort and classy partying that the other dorms failed to do.

It wasn't as though they were acting very classy though, Harry thought. Pansy Parkinson had already thrown up twice, and Hannah Abbott broke into tears after dancing around the room for ten minutes straight.

Harry had done a couple of shots with Seamus and Ron but had been mostly unsocial. He was humiliated. He had kissed Snape with barely even a second thought. God knows what they would have done if Seamus hadn't walked in. Harry snorted. Drinking must have affected his emotions. Part of him didn't mind that he had willingly kissed Snape.

"Did you hear?" Ginny squealed, bounding up to him. "Snape asked Selhorn on a date in front of the entire fifth year class!"

Harry smirked to himself. Was this another power play? That git was really driving him crazy. "I wonder why he did that all of a sudden?" he mused.

"Well, remember, we heard she'd asked him out a few weeks ago. Maybe it just took some time for the words to make it through the grease in his hair and into his brain!"

"Haven't you noticed? He's bathing now," Harry said, trying to avoid slurring his words. "He wants to impress someone."

"Most anyone else would use flowers or chocolate. Snape takes a shower and expects everyone to worship him," Ginny tittered and took a shot.

"You have another one of those for me?" Harry asked, downing the remainder of his drink. "I'm all empty, you see."

Ginny led him to the table and poured them each a shot. After toasting each other, they threw it back.

Being so small and not drinking often, Harry was definitely a lightweight drinker. Despite knowing this, as well as the fact that he was already drunk, he took another shot anyway. Snape had clearly been affected by their exchange, so much so that he was trying to get Harry's attention. Why was obviously still a question. Even though it seemed as though Snape was still winning whatever he and Harry were playing at, Harry had won this battle.

Okay, so maybe he had some feelings for Snape. Purely physical, though.

"Why don't you just ask him to dance?" Ginny asked, nudging him. "It's not like anyone would care, and it would be on your own terms. In front of everyone, so the rumor mill wouldn't be as bad, either."

"What?" Harry asked. "I think the rumor mill would be pretty crazy if it got out I fancied him. How did you figure it out?" He looked at Ginny. He thought he had hidden how he felt about Snape from everyone pretty well.

"I see the way you look at him," Ginny said. "Go on, ask Terry to dance. Or at least talk to him."

Her words slipped into place. "Oh! Terry! Right then!"

That was too close. Ginny had been way too accepting of his crush. If she found out that he was obsessing about SNAPE—that he was the one who helped Harry realize he was gay through a good fuck and then a mind blowing kiss, well, then…

Terry was everything a gay man could dream of. It wasn't as if Harry wasn't interested either. The man was gorgeous, sweet, endearingly odd, and his friends already liked him. He would be a good boyfriend, and Harry was starting to get desperate for a little companionship. Maybe that was where his feelings for Snape had come from–that Snape was simply the only gay person he had experienced.

Drawing in a deep breath, he marched over to where Terry was standing, talking to a rather pissed Hermione.

"And then," Hermione giggled, "the rune was gone! I didn't know whether to put 'side-tracked' or 'sandpaper'. So I – I left it blank! I'm a bad, bad girl."

Terry laughed and raised an eyebrow at Harry. "What about you, Harry? When have you been bad?"

"Too many times to count." Harry grinned at Hermione, who burst out laughing and stumbled off to find more alcohol.

"Seamus and Blaise throw a pretty good party!" Terry said, stirring his half-full drink.

"Yeah, he does. You seem pretty sober though," Harry commented.

"Yeah, I'm not really one for drinking and losing control of my body and emotions. I'd rather watch. You, on the other hand, look positively pissed."

"Do you want to dance?" Seeing the surprised expression on Terry's face, Harry quickly said, "I like you. And I'm gay too."

"Well, as surprised as I'm not, I'm going to say no, just because you're drunk and I don't want you to make an arse of yourself on the dance floor. Also, I would hate people to think I'm taking advantage of you."

"Oh. You wouldn't be, I think about you when I'm sober too," Harry said with a blank stare. "You aren't surprised that I'm…gay?"

"Of course not. You are terrible with women. However," Terry pressed on, "I would not be opposed to you asking me to Hogsmeade after you sober up tomorrow."

Harry smiled. "What if I forget?"

Terry walked up close to him, leaned into his ear, pressed his lips softly against the cartilage, and whispered, "Trust me, I'll remind you."

Harry grinned, excited that Terry might have feelings for him. Snape wasn't the only one to give his body that reaction. Clearly, it worked for Terry too.

As Terry sauntered off, clearly allowing Harry ample time to watch his bum, Ron walked up to Harry, completely trashed. His mumbling was so incoherent that not even his mother could have deciphered it. Deciding to call it a night for him and Ron, he threw back one last shot – whatever it was, he couldn't taste the alcohol anymore – and called to Neville to help him out.

Harry and Neville stumbled with Ron, walking down the stairs of the Ravenclaw Tower and up the stairs to the Gryffindor Tower. They fell quite a bit, giggling and falling over again.

Finally, they reached the Fat Lady, who looked at them with disdain when she saw that they were clearly intoxicated.

"Crup fairy!" called out Harry and she opened up the portrait, allowing them to climb up and over the wall.

They fell to the floor with a crash. Everyone was already in bed; it was clearly later than he'd imagined, and Harry rolled his body to the foot of the stairs. Neville, just slightly more sober than he was, walked Ron up to their dorm as Harry crawled on all fours, no longer caring to stand.

They pushed Ron into bed, who immediately began snoring. Harry looked at Neville and giggled. "I snogged him," he whispered. "There's no going back now."

Neville smiled. "Did you really? I saw you were talking to him. Are you really gay?" he asked. "I suspected that was the reason you and Ginny broke up."

"Yeah, I realized it a month ago," Harry admitted. "It's why Ginny and I broke up. I haven't told anyone else yet, though."

"Oh. Oh!" Neville said. "Well, I'm glad you trust me. How was the kiss between you and Terry?"

"Terry? Pshh, he wants me and I want him, but he wouldn't do anything until I sobered up. He's so nice. Such a nice person. A good bloke. A real catch of the day. Like a fish." Harry laughed at his own joke.

"Really? Who did you kiss then?"

"You wouldn't believe me." Harry giggled. "He told me I couldn't be there, bothered me, and then I kissed him. Real good, real hard. Then Seamus walked in. He fucked me, that's how I knew I was gay."

Neville dropped the shoe he was holding. "You did what?" he asked.

"Fucked me. He blew me and then fucked me up the arse."

"Who was it? I didn't realize anyone else at Hogwarts was gay."

"I don't know what the bloody hell he is. He's just a bloody git. Greasy, arrogant little twat," Harry slurred. "You know what, Neville? I want him to fuck me on his desk, on our papers. I want to be with him so badly, it hurts. I know it's wrong, but I can't help it. I want him and I don't know why." Harry's eyes filled with tears. "I just – it's – I – " and then promptly threw up all over the floor.

"Oh Harry!" Neville exclaimed. With several attempts at cleansing spells, Neville managed to clean the vomit, but Harry continued to empty out the contents of his stomach. Finally, Neville Summoned a bucket for Harry to use.

When he finally stopped, he tearfully looked at Neville and said, "I just want to be in a normal relationship. Shagging Snape isn't normal, is it? I should find someone else to be with I think."

"Harry, do you really want to talk about this with me?" Neville asked. "You have been drinking, and I honestly don't want to hear about this right now. I'm drunk too, remember?"

"Nev, I have kept this in for far too long. I'm going mad not talking about this with someone."

"In that case, I'm going to need another drink," Neville commented and took out a bottle of Firewhiskey from his trunk, taking a sip from it.

"He fucked me, Neville. What am I supposed to do with that? He hates me. Was it punishment? Does he just want to make me more miserable?"

"Harry, I don't know – what I could even say to help fix this. Do you want to turn him in to Dumbledore?"

"Pfffhhh, of course not! It'd be worse that way! Could you imagine what it would be like if everyone knew what he did to me? No, it needs to stay between the two of us."

"And now me," Neville chimed in.

"Yeah, and now you. I just don't know what he wants."

"What do you want?"

"I want to move on with my life. I want to date Terry and I want to defeat Voldemort. Then graduate and become an Auror who plays intramural Quidditch on the side. I also want a new set of robes. I suppose that can wait until morning," Harry responded, leaning his head back onto his bed.

"Then do that. I know Snape can be intimidating, but make it clear you don't want him."

"But, see, I did, and then I kissed him this afternoon. He may have gotten the wrong idea. What does that say about me? Am I just Snape's slag? I didn't even want to sleep with Ginny!" he revealed.

"Well, she was kind of missing a penis, wasn't she?"

Harry cracked a smile and tried to take the Firewhiskey from Neville. After being denied rather easily, he said, "Why are you being so nice about this? You hate Snape more than I do."

Neville frowned. "I guess I can kind of understand why you'd be drawn to him. And frankly, I'm not surprised you're gay."

"What do you mean?"

"Well, you're terrible with girls. I've seen you noticing the bodies of other male students for years, you know? I guess it fits."

"No, why do you think it's acceptable for me to be drawn to Snape?"

Neville winced. "Forget it. Sorry, it drunkenly slipped out."

Harry frowned. "No, tell me. I know I was puking all over the floor, but it was clear you were hardly surprised."

Neville shook his head. "I swear, you don't want to hear this. I'm sorry, I didn't mean to say that."

"It's okay, I won't get mad," Harry insisted. "If you have some insight that I don't have about Snape, anything will help."

Neville sighed. "Well, its basic psychology, isn't it? You are drawn to what you know. The Dursleys physically and verbally abused you and made it clear they hated your parents. Doesn't Snape do the same thing? I saw those finger prints after your detention last month. I knew he had grabbed you, but not, you know, in a sexual way," he revealed.

Harry sat up straight. "No. That isn't true at all. He – they – no. It has nothing to do with the Dursleys. I don't have feelings for the Dursleys."

"You now have feelings for Snape?" Neville asked, raising an eyebrow at Harry.

"You're a real prick when you're drunk," Harry commented. "And you're a prick who is dead wrong. I'm not attracted to Snape, and if I was, it wouldn't be because he verbally abuses me like my aunt and uncle did. I don't ever want to have a relationship with anyone like I did with the Dursleys."

Neville shook his head. "You asked for my opinion, remember? You demanded that I tell you."

Harry threw his shoe at him, missing by at least a foot. "Yeah, well, maybe you should have kept it to yourself! Fuck this, I'm going to bed!"

Harry turned out the light before Neville could say anything else and climbed into the bed. He wasn't obsessed with Snape because he was looking for abuse in a relationship. That was nonsense. Despite the alcohol, it was a long while before he could fall asleep.

Neither Harry nor Neville acknowledged that a conversation between the two of them had taken place last night. Feeling the massive hangover though, he collected their Hangover Potion from a rather chipper Hermione. It tasted like death, but it was an improvement on the nausea – splitting headache – cranky – clammy skinned hangover he would experience that day if he didn't drink it.

One thing Neville had said he agreed with. He wanted to try to be in a real relationship. Deciding to avoid Neville and Ginny and any possible questions, Harry crept up behind Terry as he walked to breakfast and pulled him behind a suit of armor.

After a yelp and a look of surprise, Terry smiled. "With moves like those, you must have the boys lining up at your door."

Harry chucked. "Right. I have a bodyguard to help beat them away."

"So," Terry said, looking into Harry's eyes. "Will you be courting me with toast this morning?"

Harry held up a slice of toast and marmalade and grinned. "I thought we could take a walk around the Quidditch pitch."

"Sure," Terry said, taking the toast, and they set off.

"When did you know you were gay?" Terry asked after they were outside. "Like I said, I'm not surprised, but I honestly didn't know."

Harry thought for a bit. "I think I've always recognized it on some level, but I don't think I really admitted it to myself until about a month ago. I've been having all of these dreams where I watched myself with another man and he kept yelling, 'Don't you see?' at me. I came to terms with it, broke up with Ginny, and here I am. Moving on."

"Have you told anyone else yet?"

"Ginny knows. I may have also accidentally come out to Neville last night. I was kind of an arse about it," Harry admitted.

Terry laughed. "You do seem to be kind of an arsehole when you're drunk, if I say so myself."

They approached the Quidditch pitch and began walking around the stands. "What about you?" Harry asked.

"I've known for ages. I told my parents in my fourth year and came out publicly in December of that year. Everyone was pretty supportive about that," Terry said. "The only problem is the lack of eligible bachelors at Hogwarts."

"Oh really?" Harry asked, stopping and leaning against the wall.

"Well, until about twelve hours ago. Then the world's most eligible bachelor, the Boy Who Lived, came out to me at a party," Terry said in a low voice. "Now, I can't stop thinking about him."

"So it's all about the fame for you," Harry said jokingly, holding onto Terry's hands and pulling him closer.

"Oh yes," he responded. "Being the lapdog of a famous wizard is all I've ever wanted out of life."

"Well, then, I guess we'd make a pretty good couple," Harry said, pulling Terry closer to close the space between their lips.

This was a sweet, just slightly open-mouthed kiss. It reminded him more of romance, of love. It didn't last very long, maybe five seconds, but it was enough for Harry to decide that he wanted more.

"Well, that was brilliant," Terry said as they pulled away.

"Yeah, it was. So, would you like to go to Hogsmeade with me this weekend? I could buy us some hot chocolate."

Terry smiled. "I'd love to."