Disclaimer: Blue Exorcist does not belong to me.

Beta: Landrartheconqueror

Sorry I've taken forever to update! This chapter sorta jumps to when they all find out that Rin is Satan's son, hope its not too confusing.

"Why do you like getting up this early to run?" Rin asked the teen running beside him.

Ryuji grinned, his eyes lighting up with warmth. "Because it's so peaceful- And the air smells great too!"

Rin nodded in agreement. Even though he would never get up this early normally, it was nice. And he didn't mind it was early because Ryuji was there.

They ran, hands bumping against each other every once in a while, arms brushing together. Rin couldn't help the flush that crept up his neck, face feeling warm. The smile never left his face that day.

That memory hurt, burned. Rin couldn't believe how different his reality was now. How painful it was to recall that happy time.

That wonderful lie.

His eye's never left that face, the face that was constantly in his mind, no matter how hard he tried to keep it out of his thoughts. It was just impossible. Every trick, every way to distract himself to keep the dreams- the wishes- away from that direction failed. Every possible way to forget... the pills... the alcohol... the physical pain...

It all failed.

Everything...

It was just too much.

Why?

Why was it that he fell so hard?

Head over heels.

And straight to the floor.

Bang!

Even the ground didn't make him forget.

The pain only intensified.

Grew...

More and more...

If he could take this much pain...

How far could he go?

How much would his mind, his body, be able to take before it crashed and burned?

How much blood would fall before enough was enough?

Or would he bleed to death?

Maybe it was time to find out.

Funny...

It really was funny how he'd started to fall hard for the guy- Really hard. And he'd kept falling right into his arms.

And he'd even thought that the guy was falling right back.

He'd seen the heat in his eyes whenever their gaze met. It hadn't been a spark. It had been a lightning storm; a blazing forest fire. The fire only intensified with every touch, every kiss.

Ryuji's eyes sent him a 'I want to fuck the living daylights out of you' look. No, not even a look. It was like he'd already been undressing him, already seeing him naked, imagining the things that they would be doing together.

He'd even replied with his own 'Oh yes please' eyes, feeling turned on by the strong signals that passed between them.

"I love you." Were the soft words whispered into Rin's ear.

Heart beating fast, his whole body had warmed up and exploded with happiness at those beautiful words. Word's that he'd always craved, always wanted, but never actually had until then.

"I... I love you too." His own words had expressed so much, he'd left his soul bare, exposed his throat, showing just how much he loved and trusted Ryuji. Never once had he thought that this beautiful moment would ever come for him.

Then that happened.

That day...

He'd just... he'd just wanted to protect everyone.

To protect him.

They were people Rin cared about... and Rin didn't want them to get hurt...

Didn't want him to get hurt.

So he'd let his powers lose.

And he lost control.

And they found out.

He found out.

Now that burning blaze, that incredible heat... it was a frozen wasteland where nothing grew and he was all alone.

A single soul; forever meant to be isolated from the rest. Forever staying in pain.

In darkness.

In despair.

A thought hit him suddenly.

If everyone already believed him to be bad, why not give them what they wanted?

Why not be exactly how they saw him as?

It wouldn't matter how he acted now. Even being as nice as he had been, after being rejected flat out by everyone like that...

It hurt. Why stay like he was, if all he ever got was pain?

If he acted tough, acted cold, he would forget his pain. They would be pushed far from his mind, hidden behind lies.

Eventually, if a lie is told enough, it would become the truth.

At least until he exploded again. Mephisto would be incredibly happy when that happened.

And if he was honest with himself, he'd say that he didn't care.

Didn't care that he would be executed.

Put to death.

Murdered.

He just didn't care.

Rin's eyes flickered over to his direction. Even though they didn't talk anymore, Rin couldn't help but seek him out... at least one more time.

See? The lies were already starting.

Ryuji noticed his gaze. For a second, Rin thought that blaze was back, his eyes widening a little with hope...

Maybe, just maybe?

But then, Ryuji turned away, and didn't glance in his direction again.

Rin felt the sting, and he dropped his eyes to look down at his bento box that he'd made earlier.

He didn't touch any of it after that, and his eyes hardened a little. The spark dimmed, but didn't flicker out.

At least not yet.

It was a haze, and Rin couldn't quite wake his mind up. It had been a few days since he'd last looked anyone in the eyes. Had a conversation- Even smiled. Not that anyone noticed or cared.

Well...

Maybe there was one person that actually noticed and semi-cared.

"Rin, are you alright?" Yukio's voice sounded like it was so far away even though he was just standing right in front of Rin. Mere inches apart, yet the distance seemed unfathomable to Rin. Yukio only talked to him when he wanted to rub it in that Rin had messed up.

Why was it that Yukio was accepted? Their father was the same.

Why was it only him that got left out?

Rejected?

Feared?

Hated?

Left in the shadows.

All by himself.

Out in the cold.

While they all still talked to Yukio, still liked Yukio, still respected Yukio.

"Yes, I'm fine Yukio, don't worry about me." Rin replied, pushing past his brother and waved a little before he stuffed his hands back into his jacket pockets and trudged on, every step feeling heavier then the last.

He didn't stop. It wasn't that he was mad at his brother. It wasn't that at all. He just couldn't pretend anymore. He didn't feel like speaking either. Beside's it wasn't like anyone would really listen to what he had to say.

From then on, he would never open up his heart again. He just couldn't risk it; Didn't dare. Not even Yukio would be allowed in, even if he had a change of heart. Rin was done with life and letting people in. All that would ever accomplish was pain and betrayal. He didn't need more of that; he had enough of it at the moment.

Rin walked into the class room. This was the first time he'd actually been there since that first day after everyone had found out. His training with Shura had been going well, and she'd wanted him to start in the classes with the others for the week. She acted like it was a special treat and he would be happy about it.

Oh, how far was the reality from that assumption.

With quick and quiet steps, he headed for the seat farthest away from everyone possible. He didn't want his old seat- He'd never want to sit there again. Rin didn't glance up at all, just threw his bag on top of the desk and sat down, keeping his eyes on it as he looked for a few Tylenol pills.

As soon as Shura had told him what would be happening, the headache had begun. Luckily, he'd taken to keeping a bottle of those pills in his bag. With practiced ease, Rin popped open the cap and took out 4 pills, two more then the recommended dosage, but if he took less, nothing would happen. It probably had to do with the fact that he really wasn't completely human, so the medicine didn't work the way it was supposed to. Rin threw them into his mouth and swallowed, then closed the bottle again before tossing it back into his bag. He'd probably need to buy another bottle soon- that one was almost empty; One-hundred pills, gone in less than a week. He was pretty sure that if he'd been anyone else, it would have landed him in the hospital at some point. Not that it really mattered to him. The one thing the pills did was help him; that was all he needed. Every time his head throbbed in pain, he took some more. It didn't matter if he had already taken four an hour before. If his head hurt again, it meant that the meds had worn off, so he would take another four. Rin didn't care if he ended up taking twenty pills in a day.

They helped.

They were the only thing that would.

Since it was almost empty, after cram school was done he'd stop by the store and get a few more just so that he wouldn't run out so fast next time. He couldn't live without them now; they helped too much for Rin to just stop using them.

After a few seconds, Rin placed his head on the table, and wrapped his arms around his head. He was just so tired. Sometimes he wished that he would go to sleep and never wake up again.

He heard the door open, heard footsteps walking to the desk. "Good afternoon, everyone. Today we will be..." It was Yukio.

Rin didn't even lift his head from the desk. Yukio just droned on, asking questions, explaining area's that people needed help with and writing on the board.

Why Rin was there, he didn't know. Why couldn't Shura just given him more candle burning exercises? Or even the batting cage exercises? That would have been a better treat than... this hell hole.

Being around people that didn't care for you, that were scared of you... it was torture. People that used to be your friends, that used to actually talk to you... they were now complete and utter strangers.

Even...

Rin's heart squeezed in pain, and he had to dig his fingernails into his arm as the thought of Ryuji hit his mind. Blood welled up from the gashes, but Rin didn't notice, or care. He dug a little deeper, wanting his mind to focus on the physical pain, rather than the emotional one storming through his head.

He wanted to forget. Forget everything that happened between them. He could deal with this, could live with being alone if he'd never began to love Ryuji... Ryuji's betrayal was the worst. It had ripped Rin's heart out and trampled it into the dirty floor.

If Rin had never felt that emotion... he wouldn't have been so broken.

So lost.

Rin took out the bottle again, grabbing four more pills and swallowing those as well. The bottle was now empty, and he hoped that he didn't need any until he could buy some more.

The rest of that time, Rin just sat, staring at his desk, never once looking up or answering when Yukio called his name.

"Rin... are you alright?"

The half demon ignored it. No, it was more like he couldn't really hear it. The words never reached his brain. He knew something was said, he just didn't register what or to whom.

The sun was still visible in the sky when he finally made it outside and away from the stifling confines of the classroom. Rin sighed with relief as he left the building, his shoulders immediately dropped. Since he wasn't around any of them, he could finally relax from his constant tension. After rolling his shoulders a bit, Rin headed off towards the convenience store. He could technically use his key to get there in just a few steps but he felt like walking. Sure he was probably being watched by Shura or Yukio but he didn't care. Walking was always calming and since he wouldn't really see anyone, he could stay relatively content with it.

As the seconds turned to minutes, and Rin observed the world through half-lidded eyes, the peace he'd thought he'd finally found turned into something else.

"Demon."

The half forgotten memory stung, and the lidded eyes scrunched in pain as the scenes rolled through his mind. The same words... but different faces.

Faces that used to laugh with him...

Now those same faces scorned him.

Rin's breath hitched as he tried to control the sudden onslaught of emotions coursing through his mind, his heart squeezed painfully, making Rin reach up to his chest, fingers clenching into the shirt and skin. His nails left five marks where they pushed into his skin and shirt.

As soon as the pain started, it ended. Leaving Rin blinking at the sudden absence of anything. It had been so sudden. Had it even happened? Or had it been his imagination? Not even a faint throb echoed though his chest.

A sudden chuckle escaped through his lips.

Rin never thought that he'd ever go mad. That probability was closer then he'd ever thought possible.

His eyes dimmed again, leaving nothing but darkness where the warmth had once been.

Nothing would bring that warmth back. Rin wouldn't let it.

"Rin... We need to talk." Yukio's voice cut through the fog swirling through Rin's mind.

"Hmm?" He asked nonchalantly, discreetly blinking his eyes. He hadn't been present, his mind completely in another world.

"The rest of the exwires have something to tell you..." Yukio said, as he shot a glance back behind him.

Once again, Rin blinked, trying to refocus his eyes over Yukio's shoulder. What he saw immediately had him lock up his emotions, and putting his cold mask on. His eyes flickered from one face to another.

He saw sorrow and regret.

Lies.

It was all lies.

His eyes landed on Konekomeru. The fear and disgust in his face was obvious.

At least someone wasn't lying.

Rin's gaze once again flickered and it landed on the rooster.

He, too, looked sad.

Why?

He'd already showed his true self, why lie?

Why did they even try? Were they stupid enough to believe that he would fall for it? Become their friend until they decided to hate him again?

Hate him for being who he was?

For having a father that he didn't even ask for?

The disgust spread through his body, but Rin stopped it before it reached his face.

He had come home, letting his guard down, not expecting to be ambushed by people he wished he never had to see again.

Why? The only place left he had as this sanctuary...

This isolation from the rest of them.

And now...

It was destroyed by their presence.

By their lies.

"Rin... We just wanted to say that..." Shiemi said. Her voice had Rin looking over at her, his eyes cold, emotionless.

Maybe he could let the hate show through, but why show them that they had damaged him that badly?

Why give them the satisfaction of knowing what they'd done to him?

"Thanks, but no thanks." Rin cut her off as she opened her mouth to talk again. The hurt immediately showed on her face but Rin didn't care.

It was all lies anyway.

Rin turned away and started walking, leaving a shocked silence behind.

"'The hell, Rin?! We just wanted to apologize!" Ryuji shouted.

His voice made Rin stop and slowly turn his head around.

Rin raised his eyebrow, eyes going from face to face until they finally landed on the rooster. "What makes you think I want to hear it? You've already showed me what you think. No need to lie."

Again, shocked silence. Rin began to walk away again, up the stairs and towards his room.

Since this wasn't the sanctuary any more, he'd have to find another one. Since he was being watched at all times, that didn't give him many options.

:Rin! You're back!:

Kuro's voice made the blank mask turn into a smile. Kuro… Kuro was the only one that didn't change at all- The only one that didn't care about his origin.

The ice around his heart melted a little; Only enough for the Cat Sidhe.

Nothing more.

"Kuro, where have you been? I haven't seen you recently." Rin reached down and gently scratched the top of Kuro's head.

:Sake!:

Rin chuckled. "Got yourself drunk, didn't you?"

:Cat Sidhe's can't get drunk, Rin!:

"But you aren't a normal Cat Sidhe, Kuro." Rin chuckled before giving Kuro's head one last scratch and then turning to his closet. He needed to get a sweater or jacket. He wasn't going to come back to the dorm for the rest of the night.

:Where are you going, Rin?: Kuro meowed, following Rin's actions with a tilt of his small head.

"I'm going to stay up on the roof tonight, and I have no intention of freezing to death." Rin replied as he found a red jacket and slipped in on.

:Can I come with you?!: Kuro began jumping around, excitedly.

"Of course, do you feel like training? We haven't done that in while." Rin took off his school shoes and put on some sneakers, and then he headed towards the window.

:Oh yes! Pleeease!: Kuro cried, jumping out the window before Rin could put his legs through.

"Watch it! You're probably still drunk!" Rin mock-scolded before following the Cat Sidhe's footsteps out and up the wall, his hands fining easy purchases.

:Cat Sidhe's can't get drunk! Hurry up, Rin! You're too slow!:

Rin snorted and pulled himself the last of the way up. "Someone's gotten conceited, haven't they?"

:It's not conceited if it's the truth!:

A/N: Was it too confusing, or you didn't think it works well? If it was confusing, or you think it doesn't go well to jump like it did, I'll re-due it. I was planning on flashbacks. let me know. If I keep this chapter, next will be Ryuji's POV!

Thank you to everyone that read/favorite/followed/reviewed the last chapter!