Disclaimer: I wish I was as funny as Angel of Music Lover. D: Her revised story owns all my parodies put together.
:3
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(Uh…this one is like major spoilers. Plus none of you probably know this movie, so yeah.)
Meg, amazingly, was smarter than everyone else. When she had entered her door and ended up in Murder World (which is a lot more fun than Disney World), she sort of just looked around for a second and then went back inside. You see, she had been smart enough to keep her grip on the door handle, and since she did the door couldn't vanish and leave her in the amusement park from hell. So Meg ended up back in the stairwell.
Sadly, even though she was smarter than everyone else, she still wasn't very smart. After escaping from certain place where police cars water-ski, she still went back inside. And this time she was sort of just dropped onto a rooftop. On said rooftop was a masked man (the mask was smiling), a girl with blondish, curly hair (who was practically on the verge of fainting from shock), and a statue that looked oddly similar to the Statue of Liberty, being blow to Rush House-esque smithereens. Meg looked at the male, turned her head sideways, and then she squealed loudly.
"You're V!" she shrieked. Both the dude in the Guy Fawks mask, and the doomed girl turned around. If you could see the dude's face, it was probably confused and furrowed.
"Do I know you?"
"You're a terrorist!" she squealed gleefully. Evey (the blonde near the terrorist)'s eyes doubled in size.
"I knew it! she gasped, looking like she was about to run away. Poor V was torn.
"I'm not a terrorist!" the terrorist defended. "I'm a freedom-fighter!"
Meg pulled out a sheet of paper that clearly stated the reasons why he was a terrorist. It was illustrated with fabulous stick figures.
"Why V is a terrorist," Meggykins began.
"This is V." (There was a stick figure that was smiling. It also had a cape.) "He is a terrorist. He would rape little girls -- mostly this one (the paper shows a picture of a stick-figure version of Evey. The real one turns white and begins to edge away from the male) -- if he could, but he can't. His manhood was burned off." The picture showed a stick figure on fire. It appeared to be in pain.
"Also, he blew up a stature of some old lady in front of a prostitute (prostitute is scratched out, and the phrase 'BCN worker' is scribbled above it)." The caped stick figure was squealing with flamboyant joy, while the female one was wide-eyed and screaming. It looked eerily similar to what was happening now.
"Also, he killed…pretty much everyone." Now there were fabulous doodles of graves. They said 'RIP, killed by V' (no wayz I made a rhymey). Except for one in the corner that said 'Thanks whoever did this'. There was also one behind that one that said 'Hi mom.'
"Therefore, V is a terrorist," Meg brilliantly finished. Evey, who had been writhing in terror for the past few minutes, now let out a scream and fled from the rooftop. V appeared to be upset.
"YOU JERK!!!" he screeched, phailing his arms madly. "YOU MEANIEHEAD!! She was miiine! I was gonna make her eggs and EVERYTHING." He chucks a few things at Meg's head (a dagger, a soda bottle, and Chris Daughtry), and then calms down and glares at her (well you couldn't actually tell because of the mask, but he probably glared). "What's your name?"
"Meg."
"What's your last name?"
"Giry."
"What's your middle name?"
"McLovin."
"Ah. Sounds like a sexy hamburger."
"I know. Thanks for noticing."
The two talked about sexy hamburgers for a while, until V actually noticed that 'Mclovin' had a 'v' in it, so he decided that was close enough and he was going to keep Meg. Or something of the sort.
"Do you like eggs?" the terrorist asked. Meg lowered her eyelids to scowl at him.
"No."
"Please?"
"No."
"Pretty please?"
"No!"
This could go on a while, so let's go to our next person.
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"Staring is very rude, ma'am." The man who just said this clenched his fists a little harder and gave a strained smile to Madame Giry. Madame Giry was currently staring at the man very hard.
"I can't tell your gender," she told him. He looked very shocked.
"That's very rude, ma'am!"
"Take off your shirt," Madame Giry requested. The "male" twitched.
"W-w-w-whaat? Can't you go back to your child? I want to continue the tour of my chocolate factory!"
Mme. Giry scoffed. "My daughter is probably back in the stairwell, the poor dear. She's not the brightest candle on the chandelier." She tapped her temple for emphasis. Willy Wonka, (also known as Johnny Depp) for that was the gender-confused man's name, pointed behind the crazy woman.
"Then who is that?"
Mme. Giry turned around to see a face from her worst nightmare. It was a bright, happy face, and big sparkling ivy eyes. It was…THE AUTHORESS.
DUN DUN DUN.
Rose was wearing an outfit identical to the Madame (scary black dress, hair pulled back in bun), and this looked quite odd on the sparkly child. When the kid noticed that Taller Giry had finally seen her, her smile vanished. MG walked over quickly.
"What are you doing here?!" she hissed angrily.
"I don't know," the child said in a stressed voice that still managed to reflect peace, love, and gap. "After I wrote you going through the door, I appeared here! I've been writing this chapter on the boxes of your priceless Christmastime barbies to keep it going."
Rose pulled the '86 Barbie beneath her scary black cloak, which had chicken-scratch scribbled all over it. It was quite odd to see what was happening being written on a box.
"You're using my collection!? I will kill you child, I swear on it!"
"Uhm, ma'am, are you having troubles with your offspring?" Willy called happily. Madame Giry turned towards Wacky Wonka for a minute to reassure him that everything was fine. She flashed him a Kodak smile before turning back to the writer with pointy little daggers in her eyes.
"Write us out of this. Now," she snarled, her tongue suddenly becoming forked. She hissed again, slowly becoming a serpent. You could tell.
"I caaan't!" the poor kid wailed quietly. "I can't just end your segment that quickly! This might be the last chapter, and I already told people that this wasn't a cameo story so me being in here is hypocritical and I just need a little longeeeerrr."
"Well what do you have planned?" Not-as-short-as-Shorter-Giry growled. Rose consulted her wild train of thoughts.
"Well, I was planning on having you eat some crazy candy fruit that made you homicidal, and then you would call forth all the Oompa Loompas and turn them into seagulls because you are Master of Seagulls and-"
Before the poor little Authoress could finish her odd sentence, Willykins made an odd, strangled noise in the back of his throat. Mme. Giry and Rose (the other parents and children mysteriously vanished) looked over to watch Mr. Wonka finish off that homicidal fruit mentioned earlier. He then magically turned into Sweeny Todd.
"WHAT DID YOU DO!?" Mme. Giry screamed. Rose looked terrified. She searched her cloak frantically.
"I can't find my pencil!"
The unthinkable had happened. The Authoress's magic pencil had a mind of its own. You see, when it was snapped at the end of FQ, Roro had to use a duplicate that she got from that machine in Santa Clause 2. It was beginning to write the story itself, and its first order of business was to kill the girl that kept gnawing on its eraser.
"RUN, TALL, SCARY, SLIGHTLY HUNGOVER WOMAN!" the writer screamed as Sweeny Todd located his barber knife. "RUN OR YOU SHALL BECOME A PIE BY THE HANDS OF BELLATRIX! RUN BEFORE SNAPE BEGINS TO SIIING!"
The two fled in a comical way as Johnny Depp chased them with a barber knife. He began to change personalities, going from Sweeny Todd to Edward Scissorhands to Captain Jack and then he became that dude in that old movie or show where he took care of his fat mother. Mrs. Grapefairy? No idea. But he became that, too.
Who do we have left? Ah yes. Raoul and Howie. Let's go to them.
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"Raoul, please stop crying."
"B-b-b-but I wanted to be on to-o-o-p," Raoul sobbed. Howie gave out a tired sigh.
"I wasn't going to let you stay with the cast of America's Next Top Model, Raoul."
Now, consider everything that was said in the last few sentences. What do you think Raoul meant?
Ewww, gross! Get your mind out of the gutter and think about it again. Raoul is a fop. What is ANTM's logo? There we go. Thank you. You can continue reading now.
Poor Howie was having to deal with a sobbing, non-model male who couldn't get over his rejection by the hands of Nigel and Ms. Jay. He thought he had the fierce beauty and fabulous strut that he needed to be the next. Top. Model!
You see, the two of them had gone through their door, and ended up in Modelland. Howie had reacted calmly, because he is around models all the time. Raoul, however, began shrieking happily and was somehow allowed onto the cast. Twiggy, in her old age, had mistaken him for a girl.
Everything had been going smoothly. The girls gave him a large, large berth (except Melrose from Cycle 7. She magically returned and flirted with him. Whore), and Howie became one of the judges. Everything was okay until…
THE PART WHERE THEY GIVE THE GIRLS MAKEOVERS.
Poor Raoul had his makeover done last. They cut his luscious hair really, really short. Then they dyed it pink, because they said it accented his cheeks. Then Mrs. Jay and Nigel realized he was a man, so they sent him home.
Well, Mrs. Jay sent him home because he was a man. Nigel was fine with it, but he thought Raoul looked really, really ugly. So that's why he voted him off.
At this point, a blue door appeared, and Howie used a forklift to drag away a weeping Raoul. (The forklift was used because Howie is just that germaphobic).
So here we are. Howie and Raoul in the stairwell. Fandre at a Maroon 5/Soulja Boy/Justin Timberlake concert. Erik in the Twilight book series. Christine somewhere in pokemon. Carlotta in the Harry Potter world. Meg in the film V for Vendetta. Mme. Giry in the Chocolate Factory.
Howie had somehow figured out he was at the mercy of a hyperactive, attention-deficient child armed with nothing more than an old iPod nano, a cup of yogurt, and a pencil with a halfway chewed-off eraser. We suspect the drink stagehands did something.
The germaphob considered his options. If we waited it out long enough, the child would get impatient and end the story (when he thought about this he hopped up and down, hugging himself in glee). But if he waited too long she could get aggravated and toss him to some lions.
He obviously didn't know the Authoress currently had no say what-so-ever on what was happening, because she was currently trying to avoid turning into a pie and being fed to the people of London.
So in the end he decided to wait a little bit (he burned time by jamming to Ain't No Other Man by Christina Aguilera), and then called upon the spirit of Ashton Kutcher. The spirit of Ashton Kutcher opened the door on the 3rd level.
AND INSIDE THE DOOR WAS THE WORLD OF HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL.
They were dancing with basketballs and singing about taking shots. Suddenly, something that looked very close to Cousin It from the Addams Family (budududum, snapsnap) appeared with a basketball. Troy stepped up.
"What is your name, hairy creature!"
"Og. I'm here to join your squad."
"Do you have what it takes to be part of the eas-west side bulldo-wildcats?" He did the chicken dance. Then they all started doing the chicken dance, with the aid of basketballs. People where in the background doing cheerleading. Sadly, it was members of the basketball team.
"I love you Troy!" the one with the afro said. Except now he was Caucasian.
The gay one that keeps wearing pink hats in the 2nd movie also appeared. He had apparently impregnated Ashley Tisdale.
YAY INSEST.
Gabriella came too. She wasn't wearing any clothes.
They all did the chicken dance with the aid of basketballs.
Troy started speaking again.
"All this brainwashing is making me hungry! I declare that everyone in this opera house shall receive a free meal from Taco Bell! I definitely recommend the Spicy Chicken Taco!"
"VIVA LA TACO BELL!" everyone else screamed. Og found the Chihuahua. They had a wild dance party at Taco Bell. They all got Howie was scarred for life.
The spirit of Ashton Kutcher wept.
All the doors flew open and every single captive came flying out. Everyone turned back to human, and all their wounds and stuff vanished. Fandre was crying. SexyBack had just started. Timbaland was coming!
Mme. Giry was twitching on the floor, and when she got up, everyone stared at her.
"Mama, why are you holding a giant Pottery Barn bag? Did you break something?"
"No stupid," Andre interrupted. "If you break something in Pottery Barn, you have to buy it. Then you have to glue it back together. Then you have to stay in the store forever, even if the thing you glued back together explodes."
The giant Pottery Barn bag began to move.
"AHHHHHHHHH," Carlotta screamed, pulling a giant mallet out of her hair and hitting it against the bag.
The bag also began to scream.
Mme. Giry did nothing to stop the violence.
Eventually, a very beaten Authoress tried to poke her way out of the bag.
"I-" slam "PLEASE-" slam "PAIN-" slam "STOOOOOOOOOP!"
Carlotta hit her one more time for good measure.
The child tumbled out of the bag, somehow still alive with only bruises and an inflated head.
"What was that for!?"
"I thoughtez youz wereze Hinderzzo."
Everyone looked at her.
"Vat? Hinderzeo veedz tu diez."
Someone slapped her with a fish.
Then everyone looked down at the Authoress. She was someone okay now. She was playing with a Wii.
"FLY, BEE MARIO. YOU CAN MAKE IT!!!1!!!"
"You need to leave, child. You lost. We're all free, Howie found a new banker in the four seconds none of us where paying attention, and your evil pencil got its 'hair cut'. The end. Game over."
"No! This story can't end! LostBluePhantom told me not to end the story, pluuuuus I'm such a procrastinator that I'll never start a new story!"
"Not our problem," Erik said. He got whacked with a nunchuck.
"HIT THE GOOMBA, LITTLE WRITER GIRL. USE YOUR LUMA!" Firmin cried, picking up another wiimote and helping Rose play Super Mario Galaxy.
Andre began to get jealous.
"If you want the story ended so badly," Authoress began, swooping her arms as she played the games, "then come up with some great way to end it! Make it go out with a bang!"
The jealous Andre threw dynamite on the Wii.
It, and the authoress, went out with a bang.
Meg curled into a little ball in the corner, because it reminded her of V.
The new banker is Dane Cook.
Carlotta's poodle is still the only one who truly gets a happy ending.
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A/N: It's done. D: Sorry guys. I'm not sure if I'll be writing again. I REALLY want to, but I'm not sure if I can think up anything else! Dx. Super and I might continue PoC…but if not, then I love you all.
Don't smother small children!
Much love,
BTR.