OUT OF GAS

Chapter 7: Talking It Out

"Well what do you plan to do about it?" Zoe asked Mal as they made their way on foot to the drop off point for two crates that Jayne was pulling on a hovercraft behind them just out of earshot.

"Nothing!" Mal exclaimed, she's ten years younger than me for one and for two she's…" he trailed off his mouth moving with no words coming out. Every reason he could have used before they spent their days together on Serenity were gone. She wasn't crazy, she wasn't insane… she was just River.

"I don't see a problem with it honestly Mal." Zoe pulled him out of his trance with her hand on his shoulder giving it a light squeeze. He knew that most people were curious about his relationship with Zoe prior to her marriage but he had always seen her as nothing more than a best friend. He knew she was a beautiful woman but when he tried to see himself in a relationship with her now he saw a different woman instead.

"That's not what the Shepard would say." Mal argued upset that she hadn't found issue with his feelings.

"The Shepard would say that if you love her not only do you deserve to express that love but she deserves to know it especially when you consider what's been happening to her lately." Zoe answered trying to explain her point of view. It was common knowledge that since the ship was abandoned and recovered Mal and River had grown uncommonly close and that River still had yet to speak to her brother who remained locked in the medical ward awaiting her decision on the matter.

"I don't know if she would even know what love is really." He confessed as they stepped closer to the drop off.

"I don't think that's your issue Mal, I think your problem is that you don't know if she feels the same and it's scaring the shit out of you." Zoe told him leaving no room for argument. Any reply Mal could have formulated was stopped as a gunshot echoed through the forest. For a moment there was silence as all three made sure they hadn't been hit before instinct took over and they dove for cover. Mal closed his eyes tight as he did before every battle praying this wouldn't be his last.

River was waiting as they brought Mal in having abandoned their cargo in favor of loading their injured captain onto the hovercraft and getting him to medical attention faster. Zoe watched as River perfectly calm met them at the door to the ship and with a hand on his shoulder joined them to the infirmary. When they reached the door Zoe caught the first reaction out of the young girl as her face paled and she stalled upon seeing her brother set up for surgery. The flash of sorrow in his eyes was only momentary as he turned his attention to the fallen captain and began attempting to save his life.

Zoe left the room ordering Wash and Kaylee to prepare the ship for takeoff her eyes never leaving River as they scurried to do her bidding. She stepped closer to the girl placing a gentle hand on her shoulder withholding a gasp at the trembling in her muscles. "He needs you." Was the only thing she said before she headed off to the bridge to take over the captain's duties as he lay in the infirmary.

River continued to watch the surgery her mind cycling through the books she had read when she was in the same situation before making sure that her brother was doing everything right according to her mental checklist. She had no knowledge of the passage of time, she really only knew it was night when Mal came to bring her to bed she imagined she was waiting poised in front of the door for a long time as her muscles were beginning to feel fatigue which was not a common occurrence after she left the academy.

Finally Simon slept, it was late she knew that much but her brother's sleep was restless as though he knew she was still watching and judging him. She entered the infirmary silently her boots left outside the door to make her footsteps quieter. She opened one of the drawers slowly pulling out one of her brother's pre-prepared sleep cocktails just in case Jayne acted up again. She was not moving with any particular quickness she knew that slow was the way to go when one was sneaking around. Time was no concern anyway, she knew the cocktail would have him out for at least six hours unless he was woken manually which she did not plan to do. She flipped his wrist gently and injected the syringe into his arm, his eyelids fluttered at the pinprick but he did not wake. She stood over him empty syringe clutched in her hand until his breathing evened and slowed pushing him deeper into sleep proof that the drug was working.

She threw the syringe away and moved toward Mal's bed, even without the aid of the medication she had just administered to her brother Mal was sleeping just as soundly. Only it wasn't sleep, she knew because Mal told her he couldn't sleep without, and Mal never lied so Mal couldn't be asleep which meant something else was wrong. Simon had said something about blood loss and coma but she could still feel him she never read his mind he was very closed and she wasn't sure he even realized it but she knew enough to know that when she probed a mind like his it was too hard to get in and the subject often knew what was going on, more than anything Mal's trust was important to her. "Sorry" she told him resting her hands gently on either side of his head his soft hair tickling the sensitive pads of her fingers.

She closed her eyes the physical connection making it easier to enter his mind, she could fell the wall, his natural defenses, closing in around her. As her eyes slid closed she saw it's physical manifestation, it was Mal but only as she had seen in her nightmares. He was barely recognizable his piercings and sharpened teeth those of a Reever, she withheld her gasp of shock and watched as the creature advanced on her. "I just want to bring you back." She told the Reever who continued to advance toward her. She could feel the fear taking over as she realized that in this blank world of Mal's there was nobody to protect her. The beast continued to advance and she found that as she tried to step back she was against something hard, she tried to see what it was but all her eyes could see was the expanse of inky blackness. "Please Mal." She whispered as she felt the hot breath of the Reever against her face.

All of a sudden she was falling backward through the air; she shut her eyes tightly trying not to see what was happening. She was elated not to feel the Reever's presence anymore but the sensation of falling caused her terror to increase. When she finally hit something it was a body of water, the impact forced all the breath from her lungs and she frantically clawed her way to the surface taking long gulps of air once she reached it. She continued treading water as she looked around. She was in a lush green park and it seemed that the only thing disturbing the serene lake was her body's presence. She slowly swam to the edge of the lake and wrung out her long dark hair. She had entered his mind that much was clear, there were little touches of Mal everywhere from the horses grazing in the distance to the small pile of wood carvings at the edge of the lake.

"Who are you?" a small boy made his presence known brandishing a long wooden sword that was held together with twine. She forced her body to calm fighting her natural instincts to neutralize the threat.

"River" she answered solemnly treating the boy as she would anybody else.

"Well aintcha gonna ask who I am?" he questioned after a moment. River simply shrugged and sat cross-legged on the ground to give herself time to dry out. "Watcha doin?" he asked sitting across from her laying his blade across his legs. He was seven or eight with a mop of dark brown hair and eager hazel eyes full of laughter and youth.

"Trying to find my friend." She told him honestly. She found dream walking exhilarating, it remove all the excess thoughts in her head, she was almost normal when she was visiting a dream.

"Well what's he look like?" the boy inquired. "I know everyone here cept you but since we just met I guess I know you too. I betcha I know who your lookin for."

"His name is Mal." River told him as she searched out with her mind for all these other people, she couldn't sense anyone but in a dream world that meant nothing.

"Same as me!" the boy exclaimed with a gap toothed smile. "Hey I bet yer looking for me!"

She took in his small stature unable to imagine the strong capable man she knew as this child. She reached out as he waited paitently for her reaction to not finding anyone else there. When she opened her eyes she saw the essence of the child infront of her, though there were differences, an innocence that Mal had lost and a childlike wonder that had been replaced by memories of war and hate this was the man she was looking for. "What happened to you?"