A/N: MY MUSE HAS RETURNED! GET BACK TO WORK, INSPIRATION!
Hello, everyone! Thanks for the incredible amount of support through my writers block, I appreciate it a lot! I know I said I wasn't going to update in a while... But my mind is a troll, I guess. I've gotten quite a few recommendations that I will consider, thanks to everyone to gave them! This is an EXTREMELY random chapter, I think you could have deduced that from the title... But hey! Fangirls are a MAJOR part of the fanbase. And I forgot completely about responding to guest reviews... So without further ado, if you were a guest and reviewed for the last few chapters, the responses are down below.
Bisexual Cookie: I'm glad I made you laugh! And thanks, I'm doing my best to write this fanfic!
K.m: Yes, the 2p's are amazing, and here's what you waited for! AND WELCOME BACK!
That Brit: Thanks! I appreciate it!
Samantha: Yes, it would be funny. But they'd have to explain the corpses and the bloody stains on their clothes to their bosses...
That ONe Unicorn: Thank you!
This situation was WEIRD.
America had seen weird. He was the embodiment of weird, with Christmas memes popping up in August, everybody getting way too psyched for his birthday at his house (Of course, he was America, so it was mandatory to get psyched on his birthday) and painting themselves red, white, and blue, that ugly Christmas sweater contest, and of course, the mystery of the I'm-exercising-but-I'm-gaining-weight-what's-going-on-help-me-Iggy situation.
But despite all that, (and all the previous chapters in this fic) this situation topped the weirdness charts. While he was used to seeing hordes of screaming girls mob concerts, stores, and the occasional youtuber, he couldn't recall a moment where he had seen fangirls mobbing a five-star hotel chanting "HET-A-LI-A!" over and over again, some dressed in clothes that seemed to match the attire of the other countries, and some trying to claw their way up the building.
It terrified him.
Mostly because there were some people trying to imitate his own signature bomber jacket, (Excuse you, this baby was vintage and you were NOT allowed to imitate it because he was America) but also because he could hear them screaming from ten stories up. Either he had supersonic hearing (Which he totally did, by the way) or they were just really loud.
So he decided to check by opening the window, and his eardrums were completely obliterated by:
"AAMMMEEERRRIICCAAA! OPEN UP~"
"HE-TA-LI-A! HE-TA-LI-A!"
"OMGOMGOMGOMG HE'S HERE GRAB THE ROPE AND PREPARE THE GETAWAY TRUCK"
"MARRY ME!"
With the last of his strength, America shut the window and turned to face his fellow countries.
"We're doomed."
The words stumbled out of America's mouth as he panted heavily, starting to loose hope.
When America looses hope, either it means that there are no more burgers in the world, or you're actually doomed. Actually, both scenarios meant that you were doomed. Therefore, all the countries are now officially doomed.
Everyone in the meeting room shifted around nervously, and started writing their own personal wills.
"How long do you think the barricade will last?" Latvia asked nervously.
All the countries turned to stare at Latvia, sighing.
"Probably about thirty more seconds."
"It's breaking down already, da?"
"Ve~ Germany I'm scared..."
"I am getting WAY too old for this, aru..."
A huge crash resounded throughout the building, causing the countries to jump.
"I guess they broke it down already... RUN!" America shouted.
"WHERE? IT'S A ROOM WITH ONE ENTRANCE! WE'RE GOING TO DIE!" England retorted.
"JUMP OUT THE WINDOW!"
"NO!"
"I HEAR THEM COMING UP THE STAIRS!"
"Oh good, more friends!" Russia said amiably.
"NO! I STILL HAVE MORE K-DRAMA TO WATCH, ANIKI SAVE ME!" screamed Korea, who was clinging on to China.
"GET OFF OF ME, KOREA!"
"I'M TOO AWESOME TO DIE! BRING IT ON!" Prussia roared, while standing on the the table.
Picture this: America and England next to a window, bickering over whether or not it's safer to jump (America thought so) or it was safer to stay, while Austria plays dramatic music on the piano and Italy clings on to Germany, whimpering. Romano using Spain as a shield, though Spain doesn't really care, Roma-chan is too cute. Prussia standing on the table, proclaiming that his awesomeness will save everyone, though the next minute he's hiding in corner with Gilbird, saying that it would be better if awesome didn't die, while Hungary and Japan are taking out their cameras, ready to take pictures. Greece sleeping soundly with his cats, and Switzerland shouting that he would kill anyone who got within two feet of Liechtenstein. Korea groping China, yelling about how he'll never get to finish his K-drama, and China trying to wrench Korea off, while the rest of the Asian countries panic. Canada under the table, hoping that no one will find him there, while the Nordic countries bid each other goodbye, complete with a patriotic song, flags, and military salutes. Russia smiling happily, with Belarus declaring that anyone who touches big brother will suffer a terrible death. Poland being fabulous and not caring, while Lithuania and the rest of the Baltic trio cling together for security. Netherlands making sure that all his money is in the bank, while Belgium sighs and France panics and runs around, yelling that he needs more time to conquer England.
All this happening while a horde of fangirls are running up the stairs, crowding into elevators, and steadily approaching the poor countries.
For a while, all is silent as the countries accept their fate and wait for their death to arrive.
3... 2... 1... BOOM!
A nuclear bomb? No, a horde of fangirls breaking open the doors and flooding into the meeting room, squealing their heads off as the countries attempt to escape.
"EEEEEEE! THEY'RE HERE! THEY'RE REALLY HERE!" screamed one rabid fangirl.
"PRRUSSSIAA! MARRY ME!" yelled another fangirl.
"I SHIP YOU TWO SO HARD OMG GET TOGETHER ALREADY!" one fangirl screamed, pointing at France and England.
"USUK! USUK!" one roared.
"FRUK! FRUK!" the first retorted.
The countries stared at each other in confusion.
"Are they... cussing?"
"Ladies, ladies, calm down, there's enough of the Awesome Me to go around!" Prussia said, laughing.
Many fangirls took that statement quite literally, and they pounced onto Prussia, squealing.
The countries stared in horror as the watched Prussia disappear under a huge pile of fangirls, and hoped that they would be able to escape before they were subjected to the same fate.
"GAH- AWESOME CANNOT BE HELD BA-MMPPFF... ENOUGH FOR ALL YOU LOVELY LADIEMPPFFH..."
And so ended the legacy of the Awesome Prussia. Died when crushed by fangirls. A very noble way to die.
Joking! Don't kill me, please. (A/N: Sorry, I just had to pop that in there.)
However, it was only a short while before all the fangirls who didn't ship Prussia with themselves dragged him out, to satisfy their own intense shipping/OTP needs. What they had forgotten, however, was that there was one Prussia. ONE. The world wouldn't be able to handle the intense awesomeness that came with two Prussias.
Such was the case with all the other nations. ONE. And only one.
Screams of horror issued from the countries mouths as the realization dawned upon them: Their fanbase was completely and utterly crazy, and they were trying to get them to get into relationships with each other. All the fangirls were chanting their OTP's as they dragged around the poor countries, trying to pair them up, with the occasional "I-ship-you-with-myself-let's-get married" fangirl clinging onto the country.
"GIVE ME THE BOOTY, SPAIN!" screamed one.
"LET US BECOME ONE, RUSSIA!" a fangirl yelled at a terrified Russia, who was suddenly reminded of his sister.
"IIIGGGGGYYY!" squealed another, as she tackled England.
So while that was going on, there were plenty of other fangirls dragging a very horrified country to the country that they shipped them with. A perfect system, only there was one problem: NoTP's and OTP's.
So while some fangirls were sighing with delight when China was pushed onto Russia, (A very infuriated Belarus was soon to be on the rampage) other screamed, kicked, and dragged the two apart again.
They were also very confused, because they were unable to find Canada at all.
"CANADA, HONEY?" yelled one confused fangirl.
"Canada? Caannaadaa?" whispered a Canada cosplayer, thinking that she could force him to "come into existence" if she whispered.
"SENPAI CANADA SENPAI COME OUT!" screamed a (very creepy) fangirl.
For the first time, Canada was glad that he was invisible. Because otherwise, he would be shoved, hugged, kissed, and shipped with other countries.
It was a giant game of tug-a-war mixed with a dating website.
It was, put in very simple terms, a weird day.
In less simple terms, the nations were dragged, hugged, tackled, got their hair messed up, kissed, drawn, taken pictures of, fangirled over, and had heard so many squeals it was a wonder that their eardrums hadn't burst yet.
Of course, when the police showed up, the chaos was put into a momentary pause until one fangirl tackled an officer, screaming something about "Stupid police ruining her love life and that she would never leave her precious Spainard and his booty," and the chaos ran rampart again, and the police couldn't do anything about the sheer number of girls.
In the end, they managed to separate the girls from the countries, though it involved a ton of food, free Hetalia merchandise, bribes, and an autograph from Prussia to accomplish it.
America, clad in fuzzy bunny slippers and a robe, skimmed the newspaper with Tony, the latter saying seemingly random curse words. He didn't have to look very far to find the headline he was looking for, as it was emblazoned in big, bold letters on the front:
"RABID HORDE OF GIRLS BREAK INTO HOTEL; MOB AMBASSADORS DURING WORLDWIDE MEETING"
Chills ran down his spine as he recalled those dreadful moments. The article seemed interesting enough, however, and he decided to proceed with the article. If it was important enough to be on the front page, then maybe he could get famous!
"During the annual worldwide ambassador meeting, a group of young girls claiming to know the ambassadors on a personal level broke into the _ Hotel at 10:15 AM. No physical harm was done to the ambassadors themselves, however, some have been sent to the hospital for their psychological health. The girls were taken to the police station for questioning; no information has been released about the questionings. However, it seems that the girls seem to think that they know the ambassadors, some were reported to have hung on to the ambassadors and told the police to "-BLEEP- off," one young girl claimed that she was married to one of them. The girls were taken back into their homes; many of them have been recommended to undergo psychological therapy."
No mention of him at all. Terrible reporters! Then again, the actual knowledge of anthromomo-whatchamacallit countries was classified info that only the old boss and a few other peeps knew, so he couldn't expect too much. Still, at least just like, mention "American ambassador" some place in the article!
As he was ranting to Tony about it, ("I should ask the boss to make them actually credit me, I'm the freaking USA") his phone rang.
"Oh, it's the boss. Gotta take this, hold on-Hello?"
"Alfred, what's this all about?"
Shoot. He found out.
"Watcha talking 'bout? I don't know what you're talking about."
"Alfred. The meeting. The fangirls."
"Oh... Um... Yeah, about that..."
"What did you do?"
"Um... give them the location of the meeting?"
"ALFRED! WHY?"
"They gave me a pass for free burgers for a month!"
"You know that the knowledge of anthropomorphic countries is classified information! Alfred..."
"Sorry! I won't do it again..."
"I've been getting calls from the others, Alfred. They aren't exactly happy about it."
"Umm..."
"Alfred. I need you to stop this. You're going to get some angry calls from the others soon."
"Wait- You're telling the others?"
"Yes."
"Iggy? The Commie Bastard? Moneybags too?"
"England, Russia, and China, yes. All the others, as well."
"Aww, dude..."
"That's it, Alfred. I need to see you tomorrow at six, okay?"
"Fine... Seeya."
America hung up and glanced at Tony forlornly, who was still drinking a giant soda, and cussing non-stop.
"I'm dead, Tony..."
His phone exploded with noise, freaking America to the point where he jumped into the air and started clinging to Tony.
"AAAHHHH! Oh, it's just my phone..."
He picked up the phone, only to stare at it in horror.
All the countries were calling him. And all of them were texting him. He cancelled all the calls, only to see the text messages.
IggyBrows: WHAT THE BLOODY HELL WERE YOU THINKING? HOW OLD ARE YOU? GO SIT IN A CORNER AND THINK ABOUT WHAT YOU'VE DONE!
Moneybags: I am going to kill you. NOT ONCE IN MY 4000 YEARS HAVE I EVER BEEN INSULTED IN THIS WAY! DISHONOR ON YOU AND YOUR STUPID ALIEN!
America gasped. "Tony, he called you stupid!"
Commie Bastard: Thank you for the lovely time, da? However, I will begin planning your gruesome death later, do not worry! I will also begin plotting the death of those girls soon.
Canadia (Bro): America... Please don't ever do this again... Kumo wants to kill you.
French Fry: Thank you, America! Though I will want to ask you to keep the fangirls toned down a bit, it was a little over the top.
Tomato No.1: F*** YOU, BASTARD! SCREW YOU! I WILL DROWN YOU AND YOUR F***ING ALIEN AND KILL YOU FIFTY THOUSAND TIMES
America stared at the phone. "Tony, everyone's insulting you!"
Wurst and Tech stuff: America, I am highly disappointed in you. Please don't do this anymore. I believe all the others are extremely angry at the moment.
AWEESOME: DUDE! AMERICA! THAT WAS AWWEESOMMMEE! NOT AS AWESOME AS ME, BUT LIKE, HALF WAY OR SOMETHING. But like West wants to kill you so like you might wanna run soon and those fangirls are like kinda over the top, BUT DUDE! AWESOMEEEE! Yeah, and like bring some bulletproof stuff next time.
America slumped over, depressed.
"Tony... I'm going to die."
At the next meeting:
"Where's America?" asked Spain, casually slinging a bag of CD's over his shoulder.
"I dunno. F*** him, anyway, for making us do that." grumped Romano, grabbing a pair of earphones and testing them..
"Roma-chan!" said Spain, scandalized.
"What?"
"I think he's avoiding us, aru," said China, grabbing a length of rope.
"Aww... Well, we just need to drag him in, da? I will go do that!"
Russia skipped happily out the room.
"..."
"Don't you guys think this is a bit too over the top? I mean, it's a little too mean," Finland said, "And he won't be happy at all..."
He was cut off when Sweden put a hand on his shoulder.
"He deserves it."
"Oh-oh, o-okay!"
"I have him!" Russia said cheerfully, dragging a very panicked America into the room, and plopping onto a chair as all the countries surrounded him, hindering any chance of escape.
"Oh.. Hi, guys! Um... Wassup?" America said meekly.
"You. Are. Dead." England growled at him.
Russia grabbed the rope and tied America to the chair, smiling happily.
"I know you have super strength, so we reinforced this rope, da? And we're going to shoving your hands in these-" he motioned to a pair of gloves with lead weights with a chain that would fasten it to the chair, "And giving you earphones that we will fasten to your head with this headgear!" And a gag, too! Can't have you screaming too loudly!"
Wait, earphones? How was this a punishment at all?
"Spain? The latptop." asked England, motioning to the laptop Spain had in his hands. Spain handed the laptop to China, who starting typing furiously.
"Are you sure you downloaded all the songs onto here?" England asked, raising an extremely bushy eyebrow.
"Yes!" Spain said cheerfully. "I had Germany check if I did, too!"
"Good." England nodded, and grinned creepilly at America. "You're going to regret messing with us, America. Russia, everything fastened?"
Russia looked up, having just finished slapping the headgear on. "Da! You may start now!"
China picked up the laptop, plugged in the headphones, and pressed the play button.
The countries watched America, waiting for his reaction.
Time elapsed: 0.014 seconds.
A look of horror stretched across America's face as he struggled to free his hands from Russia's gloves and tear the headphones. A panicked look grew in America's eyes, and his eyes darted around, silently pleading with his fellow countries for mercy.
"Come on, let's go. Get some food, or something." England said as he started walking to the door.
"Bye bye!" Russia said cheerfully. "Enjoy!"
"He can't hear you, Russia. We made sure to turn the volume as high as it would go, aru." China said, walking out the door with his hands in his pockets.
"And thanks, Canadia. For lending us those CD's, I mean," Spain said, slapping (A now relatively visible) Canada on the shoulder.
"No problem," Canada whispered. "I needed to get rid of those, anyway."
"I still do not believe we should have given such a harsh punishment to America-san," Japan said, walking down the hallway.
"Psh, whatever," Romano said, munching a tomato.
"I am deleting those songs from my laptop afterwards, aru."
The last country (Greece) made sure to lock the door behind him and leave America to suffer silently.
"Baby, baby, baby, ooo!" sang the pop artist whose songs were now playing in the headphones.
And in the room, America was subjected to true horror.
A/N: The Christmas thing in August is legit. I don't know how many of you are currently in the US, but we have HALLOWEEN stuff on the store shelves and it's August. AUGUST. America is easily bribed using hamburger coupons. I know that not all us Hetalia fans are like that, but... there are some INTENSE fans out there. Once again, thanks for all the support! (2p Nordics coming up soon, I promise)
Guess who the pop artist is! (It's quite easy, I promise. You've heard of him. American's mainly hate him, too.)
Now that school is starting up, updates will be a bit late, but the story will continue!
Thanks for reading! Critique is appreciated!