Kitchen Troubles, Sleepwalking and a romantic night with Kili

Obnoxious POV: Why? Because no chapter is complete without me

Ah well hello there readers of all ages! Today is a glorious day. You know why? Cause today I am narrating! Yes, after the short appearance they gave me on last chapter, the least they could do was to give me a complete chapter for myself. Hooray for life! Al right let´s get this thing started… in one, two, three…

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Next morning was quite gorgeous, well not exactly the sun hadn´t come out yet, so it was still quite dark to see what was going on. Anyway, all the Company was lying down on the fertile and rich forest floor. They were peacefully asleep, some snored and others just breathe peacefully. But the creature that really touched you with its peacefulness was no other than the brown bear on the company. He graciously lay on the grassy floor with its stomach up, and paws that slowly moved from time to time with any outside stimulation.

"Mmmmm I like honey…why didn´t I found this place before…yummy…Whoa! Whoa! what do you think you are doing! Back off brother this is are all mine… Yeah better run and I hope I don´t see ya again on the neighborhood… stupid Winnie the Pooh who he thinks he is?"-Valentino said during his peaceful sleep, what he didn´t knew was that while he was dreaming with honey, a hungry and fierce beast was about to ambush him.

The fierce creature step closer and closer to the grizzly and with one kick it hit the bear´s ribs.

"What? No official I swear… I don´t know how that got in... Huh?"-Valentino waking up from his dream looked up to his attacker. Knowing who she was he frowned. "Kid what the hell? It's like four of the morning!"

"Who cares... wait how do you know the hour?"-Asked Lulla embrangled by the bear´s knowledge

"Emmm I …"-Valentino babbled and Lulla rolled her eyes, shrugging it.

"Nevermind… Get up we got business to do"-Commanded young Lulla.

"What kind of business?"-Asked a perplexed Valentino.

"Fishing of course"-Said Lulla as she was kicking the bear lightly in order for him to get up.

"But you don´t know how to fish kiddo!"

"That's exactly why I am taking you"- Said Lulla and gave the bear an evil grin

"What?! No kid, you know I love you but I´m sorry, I need to sleep"

"You wanted to make up for abandoning me? Well its serve, come on we have to come back before they wake up"- Said Lulla, hands on her hips and a smirk on her lips.

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"Kid seriously this lake is too big!"-Valentino complained.-"Bears are better in catching fish at rivers and waterfalls, you know?!"- Valentino complains as he attempts for the 9th time to catch some fish.

"You said you smelled a waterfall but you were too lazy to go"

"That's because the thing was like 6 miles away!" Valentino said as he splashed some water with his paws.

"Bla-bla, stop talking and keep looking" Commanded Lulla as she lifted more her pants who were still trying to rolled down and get wet.

"Stop talking and keep looking"- Valentino imitated on a silly tone

"What was that?"- Lulla raised her eyebrow.

"Nothing boss"-Said Valentino and raised his paws in defeat.

Valentino sank his head in order to catch something for the human´s plan. A big blue fish swam rather closely to his being. Valentino snatched it from its way and came out of the water.

"Oh look kid I got one!"-Valentino exclaimed to his "boss" who was so comfortably sitting at the shore.

Lulla smiled excited and quickly went to the lake with a basket on her hands.

"Awesome! Come on, put it on the basket"

But the bear was having trouble controlling the fish that was putting up a good fight to slip from the bear´s paws.

"Oh no, it's too big and slippery…."

"That's what she said…"-Lulla was then slapped by the blue fish that had scape from Tino´s grasp.

"Hehe sorry kid"- Valentino apologized, half sincere about it. Lulla raised an eyebrow at him and shrugged, taking out the fish from her face and putting it into her basket.

"Okay let's keep looking"

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Kili was waked up by the smell of smoke and food, but mostly smoke. Alarmed by the fact it could possibly be a fire near their camping, he immediately stood up and search for the smoke source. He looked around, the sun was starting to rise, and everyone was still asleep. The smoke source came from a couple of meters away from the camping group. Kili grabbed his sword, in case of an enemy being found, and went straight to look for the creature.

As he got closer he began to hear the young human´s voice as well as some bear growls.

"What is it with this fish?"- Asked a really frustrated Lulla, as she tried to flip the fish without it getting burn and failing at it.

"Come on, can you get it right? It's not that hard you know? You are going to start a fire!"

"Well thanks Valentino! You are really useful just by sitting over there"

"I already made the fishing woman! Besides I can´t cook?-Valentino raised his arms- "Remember paws?!

"But you can toss me to the ground whenever I oversleep? -Said Lulla–"And besides what do you know about cooking Lemon-Pepper Catfish Recipe anyways?"

"The question is what you know about cooking Lemon-Pepper Catfish Recipe?-Retorted Tino "I thought you only cooked the basics"

"I do, but I have some tricks under my sleeve"- Lulla said confidently.-"Momma teach me how to make this"

Some time when I was 12 – Thought Lulla, but omit the detail.

"What's your excuse anyway?"-Said Lulla but then immediately knew the answer "Oh no don´t tell me I know"

"Cooking programs"- Both Lulla and Valentino said.

"Of course!"-Exclaimed the human. "How could I not guessed?!"

"Because I´m batman!"

Lulla rolled her eyes and flipped the fish that by now was burned to crisp. She tossed the spatula substitute to the ground in despair.

"Ugh! What's the deal with these? They are so easy to burn!"

"Luckily we have other 22 fish to experiment with"- Valentino sarcastically answers

"Whatever I just don´t…"

"Lulla?"- Asked Kili as he came to the scene.

"Kili? What are you… AGHHHH SHIT!"- Lulla screamed as she accidently touched the hot fished.

Kili was bit surprise by her saying a bad word. You see young Lulla almost never said bad words, of course the keyword in here is "said" because on her mind, well that was a whole other story. If the young dwarf could read the human´s mind he would be surprise of how much a mouth of sailor she had.

"Are you alright"- Kili asked getting closer to the girl, chuckling at her reactions and face expressions.

"Yeah I´m fine don´t worry!"- Lulla said getting nervous by Kili´s closeness. Kili seemed to noticed these and smirk at her.

"So what are you doing?"- Asked Kili as Lulla quickly backed off and returned to her cooking.

"Attempting to make breakfast"- She says while flipping another fish, this time a bit more effortlessly, in order to make an impression.

"The key word is attempting."- Comments Tino, from his sitting spot.

Lulla glared at the bear. Suddenly Fili came running to the spot.

"Hey what's going on?"

"Oh Lulla is just making us breakfast"-Answered Kili

"Wow, where did you get all these fish?"-Fili asks, looking at the piled up fish.

"I fish it myself"-Lulla answered cockily

Valentino growled at her.

"I mean Valentino helped me and by helping me, I mean he did most of the work"

Then the rest arrive.

"Hey what's going on in here?"- Asked Thorin

"Oh Lulla is making roasted fish for breakfast!"- Answered Kili enthusiastically.

"Really? Oh thank you lady you shouldn´t have bother"-Said Bofur happily at the thought of finally eating food made by a woman.

Yes, yes I had to-Thought Lulla as she looked at Thorin who gave her a strange mixed look of surprise and skepticism.

"Oh what can I say"-Lulla says, getting more confident and cocky with the compliments and enthusiasm. - "Since we don´t have ponies to carry us anymore I thought we could use a more complete breakfast here"-Lulla says and puts both hands at her hips. Valentino rolled his eyes at her cockiness. "Besides I think I haven´t done a lot lately so perhaps I might redeem myself today"- Lulla says and crosses her arms proudly.

"The bushes are burning?"- Pointed Thorin, not amused, at the bushes beginning to catch more and more fire.

Oh shit!

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It wasn´t that bad it only took 15 minutes to settle down the fire and all thanks to Gandalf. Now everybody was eating there breakfast.

"Well now I see why you said you never cooked"- Commend Bofur.

The dwarfs laughed.

"But I have to admit these is really good"-Finished Bofur as he munched the roasted fish.

"Yeah I could put off with possible fires for this type of food."- Said Fili as he took his second dish

"Don´t worry I promise next meal I won´t burn anything."-Said Lulla satisfied with their compliments.

"You can burn whatever you want as long as you keep doing these"-Commented Kili really please with the meal." These is delicious don't you think uncle?"

Kili turned to look at Thorin, who seem to careless. The true was that he really liked the breakfast but his pride wasn´t willing to compliment the human, besides she burned a couple of bushes… right? She shouldn´t compliment the spoil brat for that! Right?

"Yes I guess they are good,"-Thorin blandly said, much to Lulla´s displease. However a smile crept on Thorin´s face as soon as he saw the twitch on her face.

What a douche…-Thought Lulla

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The Company walked by the woods, now with the absence of their ponies they had to carry with their things and own weights.

Bilbo didn´t mind his feet were made after all for this type of walking. He looked to his surroundings and then something caught Bilbo´s attention.

"Lulla, your bear didn´t got lost, why aren´t you riding it?"

"What kind of bastard would I be, if I just ride comfortably my bear while you all walked? That would be totally rude! Besides he has done already enough for me this morning"- Lulla patted the bear´s back and he smile at the human.

However the bear wasn´t the only one who heard the girl´s statement, Thorin heard it too and a really small smirk emerged from his mouth.

"Well I am glad I am seeing you in a much more light mood, yesterday you were a bit down"- Said Gandalf deciding to join the human´s and hobbit´s conversation "Why if I may asked?"

"Oh just a bit moody I guess, I was getting a bit homesick"

"Oh you mean with Arnor?"-Asked Gandalf

"Where?"

"Arnor"-Gandalf replied and at the absence of respond he added. "Your home…"

"Oh yeah! That!"- Lulla answered quickly realizing her dump action. " I am sorry I was spacing a bit hehe"

Gandalf glance at her suspiciously, he was about to asked something but she immediately change the subject,

"Yo Ori! Think I can see those drawings now?"

Lulla quickly went straight to Ori and the poor guy almost jumped at her touch

"Relax Ori; I am not going to bite!"

"I am sure you won´t miss"

"Can you please show me your drawings!"-Lulla pleads glancing at Gandalf who was looking at her strangely. "Like now!"

"Alright"

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The Company settled down a bit to rest, and to eat for the moment. Lulla was sitting by the tree, walking was a thing, now walking for miles was just plain torture. She huffed and dropped herself to the floor.

"I don´t know how you do it Bilbo, we have walk for miles and you don´t seem tire"- Says Lulla looking up to his friend.

"Well hobbit´s feet are made to endure long walks"

"Oh yeah your rubber feet"-Lulla says looking down at his hairy feet.-"Now I wish I have one of those"

Bilbo shudder at the mental picture of his friend having his feet, it surely did not fit the human.

"Are you alright?"-He asks.

"Yeah just a bit tire, but I got you for entertainment"-Lulla says patting one of Bilbo´s feet, he stepped it a side, rather uncomfortable by her touch. However Lulla didn´t seem to notice.

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Afternoon had finally come upon the day, and Thorin decides it's time for his Company to settle.

"Alright I need a fire, Kili, Fili, go.."

"Oh I can go too!"- Lulla volunteered

"I rather have you help Bombur make tonight´s dinner"- Thorin comments

"May I take charge of today´s dinner too"-Lulla asks confidently. The dwarfs hopes lifted yet for another meal and looked at Thorin waiting for a positive answer. Thorin shrugged

"I think is alright, as long as Gandalf is near for when you cause another the fire"

The dwarfs chuckle and Lulla´s scoffs.

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"Bilbo, can you go for some mushrooms?"

"Sure Lulla"-Says Bilbo.

"Just be careful Bilbo, make sure you don´t bring her the other kind of mushrooms or we might end all like her the night we found her and start saying Kili is gorgeous"-Comments Fili

The dwarfs burst out laughing at the comment.

Lulla turned 50 shades of red in less than 3 seconds at the comment, she was sure they had forgotten that already.

"That is a lie!"-She whined

"Oh you are right! How did she call you Kili?"-Asks Fili to his brother.

"I am certain she called me angel"

Then again, the dwarfs ended up laughing and poor Lulla was sulking in embarrassment.

"That´s it! None of you are getting dessert!" At her comment the dwarfs stood silence.

"Oh you made dessert?"-Asked Bofur

"Yep and you all will get none!"

"Oh no please forgive us!"-Said Fili going to Lulla and trying to hug her in order for forgiveness. Lulla just stepped aside.

"Too late friend"

"Oh come on Lulla, if you do it the "angel Kili" will love you forever! Right Kili?"-Fili tried and turned to Kili.

"That does it!-Says a really frustrated Lulla." Congratulations Bilbo, you are eating all the dessert tonight!

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Of course in the end the human gave dessert to everyone, she couldn´t be mad to the dwarfs, specially to Fili and Kili, maybe Thorin, but still she gave the king his dinner. Now everyone was just relaxing, all eating there food in different places. Bilbo and the girl were sitting together next to a tree.

"Lulla what was it with you and Thorin yesterday?"

"You are not going to just forget it, right?"

"No, certainly no"

"Fine, can you keep a secret?"

"Of course"-Said Bilbo a bit startle by the statement.

"Well Thorin gave me an ultimatum, if I don´t make myself useful around here, I am out"

Bilbo freaks out by her words.

"If he thinks that about you, no wonder what he thinks about me!"

"Chill Bilbo… believe me is there anyone who will stay the longest is you!"

"Of course!" –Exclaims Bilbo sarcastically.

"I´m serious, Bilbo!"

"Tell me what kind of evidence you whole that says I am going to live!?"

4 books and 6 movies-Thought Lulla

"A feeling…. "-The human answers hesitantly, but then looks at Bilbo in the eyes and seeing the distress on his face, she puts a hand on his shoulder

"Hey is there anyone who will make it in this journey is you! You got lots of potential and to rubber feet to endure all"

Bilbo smiled at his friend´s words

"And don´t worry Bilbs as long as Thorin doesn´t kick me out I will protect ya!"

"Shouldn´t be the man who protects the woman"

"Fine I´ll tell Thorin to protect you"

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Since they had to wake up at inhumane hours of the morning, Lulla and Tino were the first to fall asleep that night.

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Normal POV:

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Obnoxious POV:

Oh hell no! They promised me a full chapter and that's what I´m going to have, you can´t just take me away this, you know who am I?

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Normal POV:

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Obnoxious POV:

So that how it is? I see then fine , you will be missing me all, you know what I hope something bad happens to the protagonist. See how you all deal without me.

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Normal POV:

I was inside a house it was full of people having a party, chilling and I think they were smoking weed. I knew this was a dream but somehow I felt a strange vibe from the place, and no it wasn´t the weed, it was just a feeling a bad feeling, normally I don´t know I am dreaming, so this was weird already.

A bunny came and offered me some; I refused and decide to explore the place. The place was full of yellow and red lights it was kind of trippy and relaxing. I walked deeper in the living room, suddenly a man with giraffe face came. If it wasn´t because I have had weirder dreams I would be crept out.

"Miss, they are waiting for you"-Said the giraffe with British accent.

"Who?"

"Room 33"- Said the giraffe before disappearing to the crowd.

I made my way between the high guests until I came to room 33. I opened the door and found an elegant bedroom, then I saw her, there sitting by the bed with her leather jacket and x-mas hat. was the cause of my recent nightmares. She made a French inhale and smiled at me.

"Hello Looser, long time not seeing you"

"What the hell are you doing here?"

"Jeez dude, just relax, why don´t you smoke some"- She said standing up and stretching a bit.

"What are you doing here Spirit?°

"Well I got a bit bored so I decide to see what my little subject was doing"-The witch said."How is it going? Have the handsome Kili kissed you yet?"

That bitch…

"Oh he hasn´t? Not a single moment yet? Those he even like you?"- She said on her mocking tone knowing all the answer clear.

"Get out my head! Oh better yet, tell me when I am going to go back hom…"

I could not finish my sentence because Spirit had literally zipped my mouth close.

"Jesus you dream a house full of weed and you can´t even relax."-She then teleported next to me."You know what I´m going to play nice tonight"

Oh shit, I don´t like the sound of that.

"I am gonna push the things between you and the hot dwarf, I am gonna give you a romantic night with Kili!"-she putted her thin finger to her chin."Okay let´s see what can I do? Oh I have always loved to right fanfics, let´s see mmm, I like tragedies we could use some of that or…"

The Spirit stood in deep thought, while I in an attempt to wake myself up began to hit myself.

This is not happening come on is just another freaky nightmare come on wake up wake up!

"Okay I got it!"-Said the Spirit and I almost fell in surprise, she then turned to look at me, her sick smile on her face."Don´t worry looser you are going to have an awesome time or at least I´m sure I will"

"Nooo!"- I screamed, finally getting my mouth unzipped.

"Yesss! No go, go looser we got a lot work to do"-the bitch said as she pushed me outside the room and outside the house."´I´ll be there soon!"- She said and closed the door on my face.

This is bad, very very very bad indeed!

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Obnoxious POV:

Well this certainly lifts my mood; let´s see if you try not to keep your deals next time, after this

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Miss Lulla woke up and to her horror found no other than Kili missing. Panicking, she quickly began to search for him, being careful into not waking up anybody, and start a scandal. She found him, a couple of meters away from the camping; he was walking to an unknown direction with a white aura surrounding him. Carazyn quickly ran to catch him.

"Kili!"-She said and tried to shake him, but as soon as her hands made contact with his shoulders the young dwarf was teleport far from her. She then heard the Spirit voice.

"You got until dawn to save him"

Lulla quickly began to run to him and he began to fasten his pace. He was heading straight for a tree. Lulla panicked and tried to run to him. She gently pushed him towards another direction and avoided the tree. But as soon as she accomplished that he was teleport away from her. She looked everywhere and found him at the top of a big tree.

"Kili! "-Lulla screamed and her eyes widen as Kili began to balance himself on the tree´s fragile top branch, dangerously threatening to break. "Don´t worry love, Lulla will save you!"

And as fast as she could, she began to climb the tall tree, the branches pinching her hands and cutting her face. She ignored it , her eyes were on Kili.

Kili was still peacefully asleep and peacefully bouncing the tree´s top.

"Hold on Kili I am almost there!"-Lulla said as she almost reached the hexed dwarf. She smiled as soon as she was just below him and attempted to reach for his foot. He was just now hugging the branch and Lulla smile in relief.

"Okay honey, just listen to me. Stay still and tried to… SHIT KILI! NO DON´T DO THAT! KILI!"- Lulla screamed in terror as the dwarf began to bounce on the branch again, making all the top tree swing from side to side, again threatening to break. Lulla grasp for dear life to the tree and prayed for it not to broke,

"For god sake Kili stop it! You are going to kill us both!"-Lulla was completely horrified. Her horror magnified as soon as she heard the distinct snap sound. "No, no nooooooooooo"-Lulla screamed, as the branch began to fell, with both Kili and her.

Lulla quickly grabbed the hand of the still oblivious and unaware of the situation dwarf.

But as soon as they began to fall, Kili disappeared from her grasp, leaving her to fall alone. She mentally cursed the one causing her terrible night. Fortunately for Lulla, she got to soften her fall by hitting every single branch and stick from the tree, until she landed flat on her butt.

"Ouuuuuch! Damn it!"- She cursed as she rubbed her butt in order to relief the pain. But there was no time for her to whined about her butt, because she suddenly remembered that Kili was still hexed and lost.

She quickly ran and began to search for the handsome dwarf.

"Kili!"- She called completely stressed by the situation. She spotted and found him walking dangerously closed to the cliff´s edge. She quickened her pace as much as her legs allowed her to.

She reached him, just in time for him to stop at the cliff´s edge.

"No! Kili listen, it is me, Lulla, I know you are asleep but could you do me a favor and not kill yourself!?"

Kili just took another stepped back, this time almost loosing his balance."

"No! Ugh! Listen Spirit I get it you are a troll master, ha-ha you have a really dark sense of humor! Lol rofl LMAO ha-ha now please, put him safe!"

There was a long pause, and then Kili began to slowly walk towards Lulla. She took a deep relief breath and took the dwarf´s hand.

"Thank you!-She said.-Come on Kili I will take you home."

But when Lulla pulled his hand for him to follow he didn´t moved. She tried a couple of times and the dwarf stood still as a rock.

"The fuck? Kili!"

As soon as she pronounced his name, Kili caught the girl´s wrist and pulled her closed to him.

"Kili! What the fuck?! Let me go!"- She tried to pull away from her but Kili was under some demon strength control and it made it impossible for her to go.

Lulla´s fears reawakened when Kili and she were teleported back to the cliff´s edge.

Lulla tried biting his hand but it made no use.

"She panicked as she saw the bottom of the cliff.

"Kili! Listen to me whatever is going through that handsome head of yours, don´t listen to whatever that bitch is telling you to do, you hear me? Kili do not take a step closer! Don not take a step closer do not… Shit!"- Lulla panicked as a pebble fell with Kili´s lost balance.

"Kili please…"-Lulla begged

Kili smiled and took another step and Lulla screamed as both began to fall to the abysm

"Great the first time Kili hugs me and is for him to take me to my eminent death! Well thanks a lot asshole!"- She said turning to Kili who was still deeply asleep." As soon as she saw the ground getting closer and closer she grasped Kili for dear life and began to scream again.

"Dear lord, anyone! Please help me!"- Lulla begged and before they could hit the ground they were teleported.

She opened her eyes to found herself on a green prairie on a sunny day. Kili was still asleep.

"Oh yes! Yes! Thank you!- Lulla celebrated and punched Kili´s arm.-"We did it!"- But of course Kili did not response.

But before Lulla could even stand up they were teleport again.

They were no both under the sea, tied upside down to an anchor and close to a lot of hammerhead sharks. The predators seem to smell Lulla´s bleeding cuts and began to approach to her. Lulla panicked and struggled to get herself free. While she screamed and several bubbles left her mouth, Kili was still asleep and unaware of the situation.

Before the sharped teeth animal could snatch her face, the couple was teleported away from the situation. They appeared on the head of a T-Rex, then on Egypt´s pyramids, and soon after that in the middle of San Diego, in what appeared to be a Comic-con. Several women were over the dwarf´s "accurate cosplay".

"Oh my god he looks just like Kili!"- One squealed

"I know! Hey where did you got your costume?"

"Did you make it yourself?"

"Can I take a picture with you"

"You have a girlfriend?"

Kili was still deeply asleep and unaware of his hormonal fangirls

"Hey back off sisters! He is mine!"-Lulla said angrily and quickly grabbed Kili´s hand just in time to teleport to another place.

-Meanwhile-

"Quickly we must find that dwarf trash and finished them"- Said Azog the pale orc.

"We have looked for days for them, sir!"

"Clearly you haven´t tried enough!"-Said Azog-"It's not like they are going to appeared out of nowhere in here"

The pale´s statement was clearly proved wrong as Kili and Lulla appeared in the middle of the base, all eyes on them. Azog stare at the human and the sleeping dwarf beside her. Both human and orc shared a look for several moments

"Well this is awkward…"-Said Lulla

"Get them!"-Shouted Azog, but before they could reach them the couple was teleported.

-Meanwhile more less 70 years in the future-

"I am the servant of the secret fire, wielder of the flame of Arnor, The dark fire will not avail you, flame of Udun! Go back to the shadows! You…"- Gandalf´s speech was abruptly interrupted by the blue portal opening just above him and Balgrog.

"Unbelievable! How could a perfect day like this, end in such a distressful and awful night! When I get my hands on that bitch I swear I am…."- Said Lulla as she and unconscious Kili fell to the abysm between Gandalf and Balgrog just to disappear in another portal.

Gandalf and his crew stood perplexed at the abysm for a few seconds, not sure how to take the strangeness of the situation, hell even Balgrog did not know what to do.

Gandalf shrugged it and proceed to do his business.

"You shall not pass!"

-Meanwhile in other world-

Lulla and Unconscious Subject appeared on what it looked like a fight arena. The fog on the place was too dense to make out the whereabouts of both at first sight; the only thing Lulla knew was that there were a lot of people watching. Suddenly the fog moved as the narrator began to talk.

"Wait? Was that Gandalf we saw back there?"

"New Challenge"

"What the hell is this place?"-Lulla asked, but as soon as she heard the narrator´s voice she had no doubt in were she was."Holy…"

"Scorpion"

"Shit!"

"3"

"No please no, mercy!"

"2"

"Nooo!"

"1, Fight"

"Oh for God Sake! I had 3% of probability to survive with no skills on Middle Earth and you are seriously expecting me to deal with this! You sick Bastard!"- Shout Lulla to the Spirit she knew was somewhere watching and enjoying every moment of her despair

Lulla saw the fire on Scorpion´s eyes and knew neither she nor her unconscious friend would make it alive if they stood still like retarded statues.

"Come on Kili we have to get away of Mr. Vengeful from hell, before he makes a barbeque with our flesh"- Said Lulla as she quickly grabbed Kili´s hand and ran for dear life.

"Really Spirit?! You are going to do this to me?!"- Lulla screamed as she tried to avoid Scorpion´s attacks, but to her horror she realize she wasn´t holding Kili´s hand.

She stopped dead in her tracks, and tried to localize the lost dwarf, she found it walking stupidly close towards Scorpion, who was just waiting for any pathetic attempt Kili had to give.

"No Killi the guy is evil!"-Lulla screamed, and somehow seem to got sense in him, because the young dwarf turned around to walk to her.-"Yes that's right, here follow my sweet voice and come to momma"

Scorpion annoyed for not getting any flesh he decide to take hands on the situation and wait no more.

"Get over here!"-Said Scorpion as he aimed his weapon towards the sleepwalking dwarf.

Lulla quickly react to the situation and threw herself towards Kili, making him fall and avoided the weapon. Scorpion charged toward them full velocity and Lulla not knowing what else to do, decided to make the first thing it came to her desperate mind, as soon as she saw Scorpion in front of her.

"I guess there is no mercy for girls, right?"- Lulla smiled sheepishly.

Scorpion just removed his mask and spit fire dangerously close to Lulla´s side.

"I guess not… Hey! Isn´t that Sub-Zero, behind you?"

It was all it took for Scorpion´s vengeance thirst to rise and make him turned around, just in time for the portal to open and teleport the couple away from there.

- -Meanwhile-

"Thanks for buying at Starbucks, I hope you enjoy your coffee"-Said a really bored cashier

"Thanks, I wanted to try this flavor for some time now"

The coffees on the shop began to slowly tremble, as well as the chairs and furniture, and well basically all the floor. A couple of screams were heard so everyone at the shop curiously went to the window in order to find the scandal´s source. To many people´s surprise, they found a couple oddly dressed running across the mall´s halls, one seem to be running with his eyes closed. But that was not the source of panic, the source of panic was the giant rock rolling by the marbled floor and following the couple, crashing all stands on its way.

"Seriously Spirit! When I said that at least I wanted a souvenir I meant Jone´s hat, not these!"-Said the female as she pulled the man running along her side and both disappeared on a blue portal along with their rock.

"Thanks for buying at Starbucks; I hope you enjoy your coffee"

-And then…-

"Come on"-Said the insane Joker, as batman quickly approached on his motorcycle. "Come on, come on hit me Hit me! HIT ME!"

And indeed he got hit, not by Batman of course, he is a cool guy, but by the douchebags running at light speed from a portal to another other.

Those douchebags were no other than a blue hedgehog and a Lulla that had lost Kili in other dimension.

-Meanwhile 70 years in the future… well in the past…well in the present… Oh you get my point-

"Frodo! Throw it in the fire"

"…"

"What are you waiting for? Just let it go!"

"The ring is mine"

"No, no"

"Nooo!"-Screamed once more Sam, as he watches with horror and despair, his dear friend being consumed by the ring and vanishing before his eyes. Frodo soon was knocked out by a really pissed Gollum who threw himself to the power hungry and invisible Frodo.

The creature then bites the hobbit´s finger off, and while Frodo twists in pain on the floor, Gollum makes the dance of happiness at the cliff´s edge.

Frodo tries to kill him and charges towards him. After some fighting both end up falling from the cliff. Well not exactly, Frodo got to grab from the cliff´s side, meanwhile Gollum fell to his eminent death. The last thing he saw before being burned by the melted rock was his precious and also two other people falling, but of course he didn´t got the chance to see who.

So while Gollum was being burned alive, Sam tried to pulled back the hanging Frodo, and the ring was just chilling on a piece of rock in the middle of the lava, Lulla and the still asleep Kili were falling to their also imminent death.

"Shit Shit SHIT! NO WAY, PLEASE SPIRIT I´M BEGGING YOU, ANYWAY BUT THIS! LISTEN IF YOU REALLY WANT TO GET RID OF ME SO BADLY, I UNDERSTAND JUST NOT LIKE THIS NOT IN THE LAVA!"

Lulla screamed in horror, as the melted rock got closer and closer to him and Kili, she could feel the hotness of the lava; she wanted to cry so badly, she was sure this time she was really going to die. She turned to look at Kili STILL deeply asleep.

"Well at least you won´t get to see this"-Lulla said and tighten her grasp around him.

"Don´t let go Mister Frodo!"

"Mister Frodo?"-Lulla asked confusedly and tried to look up, but it was too late, for she and Kili had reached the lava.

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O

"AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH HHHHHHHHHHH!"- Lulla still screamed on top of her lungs for a couple of seconds until she realize she wasn´t burning alive

She opened her eyes and realized she was back at the forest, and not just any forest it was Middle Earth´s Forest and just not any Middle Earth´s Forest but her time Middle Earth´s Forest (Kind off).

."Wait were those Frodo and Sam?"

But her happiness did not last long as soon as she realized she did no have Thorin´s nephew by her side.

She turned around and found no one. Lulla quickly began to think the worst.

Maybe this was all part of her sick plan! Letting me live but kill Kili instead, for me to deal with the guilt! Oh poor Kili!"-She thought

Lulla suddenly felt like crying feeling it was all her fault, a few drops fell from her cheeks, but before her breakout could start she heard soft snores from behind the tree. She quickly pulled herself up and ran to the side of the tree. She closed her eyes afraid to find an ugly image, but when she opened them she found a healthy and in good condition Kili.

She felt a wave of relief hit her body, and she almost jumped of joy, Kili was alive, she was alive and the night was probably almost over, so the meant the X-mas Spirit was probably be done by now.

She laughed in relief and then looked at Kili.

"Asshole you haven´t wake up yet, we almost die you know?! "-Lulla argued to the still asleep Kili and sighed with a smile. "Well at least is over now"- And with that said she gently kicked Kili´s side.

She turned around and began to debate the way to carry the man back to the camping, and while she was doing that, the white aura began to surround Kili again, making him stand up and walk without Lulla noticing.

By the time Lulla noticed his platonic crush absence it was too late, for Kili was already back under the Spirit´s control.

Lulla search for him but found him nowhere around. She got a glimpse of the dwarf´s white aura, still it was too dark to see his plans, but Lulla knew he was heading to the camping.

What Lulla didn´t knew was that the still sleeping handsome dwarf was carrying an ax and it was not for his brother´s birthday.

Lulla got to catch him before he went to the camping. She quickly turned him around just to find he was wearing nothing but his pants, leaving the well build and delicious torso and arms of the young dwarf expose to Lulla´s eyes. But that wasn´t what left her wide eyed, well partly yes. But what really make her eyes widen and panic was the ax the sleeping Kili was carrying.

Lulla quickly dodged and step aside when the dwarf swung it to her direction. Kili than proceed to go to the company members ready to butch everyone there.

"Be careful Lulla he might think they are trees to cut"-Said the Spirit´s voice

Quickly Lulla ran to Kili, and threw herself against him making him fall. Kili quickly turned around and pushed Lulla out of his way. Lulla then began to pull his arm back. Kili didn´t move a bit to Lulla´s pulls.

"Come on Kili snapped out of it!"-Lulla shouted, as she began to dodge the dwarf´s ax swings, one passing dangerously close to her side.-"Shit Kili!"

Lulla kept dodging Kili´s attack at an almost (in Lulla´s mind) rhythmic pace. Seriously the only thing missing was the fiddle playing some unfitting music.

Kili aimed one more swing towards her, and Lulla miraculously got to get a hold on the ax. Kili began to try to pull it back to him, while Lulla tried to take the weapon away. They thug the ax for while and slowly began to get near the camping.

Lulla getting tire, decides to make the only thing in her mind that would work and kicks Kili´s stomach as hard as she did a few days ago. Kili grabbed his stomach and dropped the ax, just for Lulla to get hold of the weapon. Kili seemed to want to attack again but as soon as the light of dawn began to spread on the forest. The white aura disappeared and Kili fell to the floor.

Lulla took a deep breath in relief.

"What on earth is going on here?!"- Shouted Thorin but stopped on his tracks as soon as he looked at the picture of Kili half-naked on the floor and the human beside him with an ax.

Thorin and Lulla stared at each other for the moment not knowing what to think or do.

"Lulla?!"-Exclaimed Kili, all the attention on him as he began to wake-up."What is going on?! What happened to my cloth and why are you carrying an ax?"

Lulla shared a look from Kili, to the ax, to Thorin.

Well this is awkward- Thought Lulla as her face began to turn redder, and saw all the dwarfs whispering things. Thorin´s expression seemed to want to hear an answer.

"I can explain"-Said Lulla dropping the ax and lifting her hands on surrender.

"Explain now, then"- Said Thorin his tone not really friendly.

Lulla gulped.

This is going to be a pain…-Thought Lulla as she scratched her head and sighed.-

Falling into the hot lava, doesn´t seem as a bad idea now… At least I can say I spend a whole night with Kili hehehe….I am screwed.

OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO O

Wow that was indeed satisfying! Oh well that's what they get for no giving me my spotlight!

HAHA oh well that was fun hope I see you next time. Kisses

-Obnoxious POV

Oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo oooooooooooooooooooooooooooo ooooooooooooooooA/A/N: Well here ends chapter 7. Wow it took me less than a week to update ! Guess there will be cake for me! Anyway I hope you like it, chapter 8 will be up soon, tell me what you think and Hope to see ya all next time! Good night and have a Nice Week!