I only own Nokoribi and Momi all other characters are from Naruto which belongs to Masashi Kishimoto.

Nokoribi's eyes hadn't quite adjusted to the dim light of the room, but she could hear a strange gurgling noise from the ground in front of her. She stepped closer. Her feet dipped into a warm puddle of liquid.

What the hell? This is a weird common room.

…Maybe…I'm just saying, what if we were supposed to take the left?

You would be a much ignored chakra monster.

I see.

There was a groan from the shadows and Nokoribi could now make out the outline of two people. One was strung up against the wall the other appeared to be impaled by spear and lying on the ground. She gulped.

I definitely don't think this is the common room. In fact it may be a morgue.

…A morgue?

The body that lay in front of her suddenly came to life and grabbed her ankle. She yelped and tried to tug her ankle away from its dead grasp, but her attempts failed and she fell to the floor landing with a little splash.

A face had now appeared in front of her. It was black with white covering the bony parts of the head, crazy purple eyes gazed at her.

"Ahh! Zombie-Skeleton-Man," Nokoribi screamed and bashed him in the face with her fist.

"Can you not f**king read? Prayer in f**cking progress, you illiterate heathen," he cursed, his grip tightening around her ankle, "for your blasphemes action I will sacrifice you to Lord Jashin."

This just made Nokoribi shriek even louder.

Shut up you banshee and hit him in the face again!

The strange man pulled the spear out from within his chest and leered. Nokoribi did as she was command and smacked him in the face again, but he didn't seem the slightest bit bothered. Blood dripped from the spear adding to the pool on the floor.

"You don't understand the suffering of others and for your sins Jashin will punish you," he let out a frenzied laugh.

He thrust the spear into Nokoribi's wrist. But only drew a small amount of blood which left a minimal gash. She scoffed and looked aghast when the 'Skeleton Man' as she put it, licked the droplets of blood from the blade.

This guy is weird. Run now while he's distracted and being a sicko.

Nokoribi scurried to her feet and pelted towards the door. She had been so close. She had reached door but collapsed just before the opening. Her hands frantically grasped her bleeding thigh. A hole ran through the centre of the muscle and bone. Soon enough gushing amounts of blood hid the wound.

"How the hell did you…do that?"

"It's part of my ritual and your sacrifice. I'll make this quick because I have another bloody mission to get on with. Damn Kakuzu."

He raised the spear so it was inline with his chest, just above the rib cage. A smirk stretched across his face.

He's going to kill himself?

No, you idiot haven't you figure it out yet? There was silence, whatever he does to himself happens to you as well. Look at his thigh. The exact same wound.

Nokoribi looked at his leg than at his spear. It was now inches from his skin.

Think this maybe the actual time you die.

I guessed. Well at least I got to meet one of my other colleagues.

"Now. Die!"

Nokoribi closed her eyes and winced, waiting for the discomfort of death. However she felt nothing.

Whoa that really was quick. I didn't feel a thing. Death's so peaceful, no more irritating voice in my head or being captured…

That's not nice kiddo.

Looks like there is a hell after all.

Shut up, you're not dead. God the youth of today.

"F*ck this shit," the deranged man yelled, "you can't come f**cking waltzing in here and interrupting my f**king ceremony. No disrespect Lord Jashin."

"Hidan, you simplistic idiot. She wasn't meant to be one of you sacrifices," Nokoribi opened her eyes shocked to see Pein had come to her rescue, "she is the new member I briefed everybody on."

Hidan paused for a moment and his skin gradually turned back to normal. He glanced at her briefly then walked away back into his room.

"F**king noobs," he grumbled.

Pein slowly turned to face Nokoribi, who stared at the floor not wishing to feel the wrath of those eyes.

"Why were you in Hidan's room? I specifically told you to go to the common room."

'Well, you see the voice in my head said that I should go right,' something tells me he wouldn't believe me if I told him that.

Hey! I'm not just a voice in your head. I'm your best friend.

Best friends don't lead people into insane religious people.

"And? What's your excuse?"

"I forgot which way you said but I didn't want to bother you again so I just guessed," she said then quickly added, "I wasn't trying to escape again. I swear."

He shook his head, "whatever just follow me, you will be leaving for you first mission soon."

A mission so soon? Wow, you must have impressed them.

Or it's because their two best shinobi can no longer walk so I have to take their place.

Plausible, I guess.

They walked back in silence or Nokoribi hobbled quietly. She examined his face.

Do you think those piercings cover every part of his body, Momi pondered.

Nokoribi shuddered, please don't put those images in my head. You'll corrupt my innocent eyes.

They stopped outside an open door, where Kisame, Itachi and a woman sat.

"This is the actual common room," Pein said, "and this is Konan. She will provide you with clothing and anything else you will need."

She actually looks normal.

"Hello Nokoribi, I will just go fetch your things," Konan said then her body broke up into little paper butterflies and fluttered down the corridor.

Spoke too soon.

Don't be harsh. She seems nice enough.

I wouldn't get too 'girlfriendish' with her or she might paper cut you when you hug, Momi started laughing hysterically.

It wasn't that funny.

Pein issued Nokoribi to sit beside Itachi and Kisame, who seemed slightly reluctant to allow her to. But with a threatening death glare from Pein they moved over. Nokoribi bounded down beside Kisame and totally forgetting about his leg which bounced up as she did. He groaned and glanced at her thigh.

"Its seems karma does really exist. A leg for a leg."

Nokoribi glared at him, "you were trying to kill me. I had a good reason."

"Never mind you two," Pein scolded, "that's in the past now. Nokoribi is a member of the Akatsuki and our goals are much more important than your little tiffs."

"Sorry Leader," they both said.

"Nokoribi for your first mission you will be supporting Hidan and Kakuzu, who will be transporting some 'goods' to be sold on the black market."

He wants us to work with the insane guy who just tried to kill us?

By the words he used I would say yes.

"You will be leaving within an hour. So while Konan finds your equipment I will find Kakuzu and he can stitch you up again. Itachi make sure these two don't misbehave."

"Yes Leader."

"What? I'm a grown man I don't need a babysitter."

Pein ignored Kisame's comment and left the room. The three were left in silence. Kisame leered at her with his hand wavering towards Samehada.

Does this guy have like a human complex or something? Please, please can we take him to a fishery.

I don't think Pein would really appreciate that.

"Kisame you should be thanking her your finally get that new partner you wanted."

"Pity it is the same person who took out my ankle. I can't fight for weeks, been stuck in here is going to drive me insane. All my lady callers will miss me."

"I didn't realise it was mating season for sharks," Nokoribi said and then her eyes widened with horror.

Crap, did I just say that out load?

Yes. Yes you did.

Kisame leapt from his seat and pounced on her. She tried to push him away but he was like a slimy, fishy dead weight.

"First, you break my ankle. Then I have to pay for your medical bills and now...and now you make fun of me," he growled but with all the anger in his voice his eyes suddenly started to well up, "why does nobody ever like Kisame?"

Then he burst into tears and squeezed Nokoribi in a tight bear hug, or shark hug.

What the hell just happened?
Well you just made the shark cry and now he appears to be hugging you.

"And you call me a PMSing Uchiha," Itachi rolled his eyes.

"Just because you get all the women. I have to go to extreme measures just to be loved."

"Yes and that is the last time I'm putting you in a Tsukyomi for that purpose," Itachi shivered, "I saw everything."

Kisame hugged Nokoibi harder, "you're so horrible Itachi, and if my leg wasn't broken I would have decapitated you by now. Slowly."

"Yes, yes that's what you always say."

I bet Pein is so proud to call these two his best shinobi.

Konan reappeared in her form and the fluttering noise of paper made Kisame look up from his sobbing. Konan just raised her eyebrows.

"Umm... sorry for interrupting but here's your things."

"Thank you Konan and this really isn't what it looks like," Nokoribi stuttered.

Kisame let out a bellow, "you're ashamed of me just like my mother."

"Yes she is, now get the hell off her," Itachi commanded dragging Kisame off the sofa before limping out of the room with the shark in hand.

Pein and Kakuzu walked into the room their eyes still fixed on the sobbing Kisame and shuffling Itachi.

"I would bet all of Hidan's wages that somebody said something about sharks."

"That's unimportant now, Kakuzu just get on with healing her leg."

Kakuzu bent down and examined the wound. It had stopped bleeding now and the hole within her thigh was crusted with blood. Threads wiggled from beneath Kakuzu's arm.

Gross, they're like little worms. I bet he's great to go fishing with.

I bet that's how they got Kisame to join.

Nokoribi squirmed away from the threads but Kakuzu held her down. The threads began to stitch the wound up and tugged the skin back into place. She bit her lip trying to distract herself.

At least I don't have to worry about scars. I have so many because of those stupid experiments it's starting to like it's just my complexion.

Soon enough it was over, although it felt like she had been sat there for an hour. She flexed her leg then stood up apprehensively.

"Good as new," Nokoribi smiled.

"That will be five thousand ninja-coins."

Damn he's obsessed with money.

Pein interrupted, "take it out of Hidan's wages and Nokoribi go get changed. There's a spare room just over there."

Konan handed her the new clothes and she sauntered off into a small room. There was a little mirror and once she was dressed she examined her appearance. She now wore a simple red vest with netted sleeves and a black skirt with the same colour leggings. This was all hidden beneath the trademark Akatsuki cloak. Her hair was tangled with leaves and knots. Nokoribi tried to remove them but with no luck and untangled her fingers.

I look dreadful. As if I have been walking around like this.

Yeah, you look like you've been dragged through a bush backwards.

Thanks. Great best friend you are.

Honesty's the best policy.

She slipped on a pair of sandals that had been similar to Konan's and strapped the few Kunai she had been given to her thigh and belt. She opened the door to see Hidan had also joined entre of people in the room.

"Right, bitch-cheeks we leaving now. "

"You have been in my presence for a few minutes and I already want to kill you," warned Kakuzu.

Did he just call you bitch-cheeks?

Yes, this mission is going to be interesting.

Indeed.