Helena opened her eyes slowly, not feeling extremely hungover, but certainly feeling the effects of having over indulged last night. She froze when she realized she wasn't at home and that she wasn't alone.
Oh, God, she swallowed hard, dreading to turn around to see who she was with. Drunk-Helena was a lot of things, but above everything, she could be quite the flirty type.
Drunk-Helena was the type of a girl who didn't shy away from hugging and kissing strangers when she was happily intoxicated. The downside of it was that the object of her affection tended to always assume that a kiss would lead to something more. She'd never let it go that far, not even when she'd been left with no other choice but to bluntly tell the other person to fuck off, because contrary to what they seemed to think, giving them a kiss certainly did not oblige her to give more. So far drunk-Helena had never gone home with anyone, but she supposed all good things came to an end eventually.
Helena's heart skipped a beat when she turned around and saw Hunnigan. She was asleep, lying on her back with her arm resting over her head, the other one tucked underneath the pillow that supported her neck. The hem of her T-shirt had hitched halfway up her abdomen and Helena exhaled sharply at the sight.
It wasn't the smooth, nude skin that made her react; it was the realization of how skinny Hunnigan had gotten. For as long as Helena had known her, Hunnigan had been the slender-type, but this was different. The way her abdomen slumped into practically nothing when the ribcage ended and the support was gone was unhealthy. Not to mention the almost unnatural way said ribs were protruding from underneath the skin.
Helena couldn't say that she was surprised, after all, she'd witnessed Hunnigan neglect her own well-being for weeks now, but she hadn't realized how bad it had gotten.
"You look far too skinny," Helena muttered.
"I thought one can never be too skinny or too rich," Hunnigan uttered softly, her eyes still closed.
"It's not funny."
"I'm fine," the other woman assured, moving her arm to rest over her eyes to block away the sunlight that was seeping into the room through the curtains.
"I'm gonna make you something to eat."
"Helena..."
"No, I will take care of you whether you like it or not," Helena said and rushed out of the bed, not listening to any objections or arguments. In truth, she was desperate for any excuse to get out before the how and why she'd ended up here would become the topic of conversation. She knew she wouldn't be able to run from it forever, but a temporary solution was good enough for now, it would give her time to think of something to say, some excuse for her behavior and words.
Oh, God. I was drunk, I came here, there's no way I did not say something stupid. I know I did, I can feel it, I just don't remember how bad it was exactly. Shit. Shit-shit-shit, Helena cursed internally as she stood in front of the fridge and absent-mindedly stared at one of Levi's drawings hanging on the door with the help of a magnet. Admittedly, Helena had no idea what it was supposed to be, unless squiggly lines were what he'd been trying to portray, but obviously it had some meaning to Hunnigan; Helena knew that if she herself had a kid and he drew random lines, you could bet your ass and a keg of beer that she'd put it on the fridge door even if it wasn't really much to look at.
"Helena," Hunnigan said, waking the younger woman back to reality and startling her.
"Don't do that!"
"Sorry," Hunnigan said, realizing it was kind of silly considering this was her house and her kitchen, meaning she certainly had the right to walk into any room she wanted to.
"About what you said..."
"I said something?"
"You don't remember?"
"I'd prefer it if we just pretend I don't and that I never said anything," Helena said awkwardly.
"I don't know, you were... quite adamant," Hunnigan said, a small smile tugging the corner of her mouth as she crossed her arms over her abdomen and leaned her hip into the kitchen counter. Helena wasn't amused.
"Please. This is embarrassing enough as it is. I realize I said things that were beyond inappropriate and none of my business, so... I am sorry. I was drunk and stupid, and it won't happen again," Helena assured seriously and Hunnigan exhaled deeply.
"You said you have feelings for me. Is that true?" she asked and Helena's mouth twisted into an uneasy thin line. She swallowed hard and raised her hands a little, giving Hunnigan the universal silent version of "I don't know". Hunnigan unfolded her arms and brought the left one up to pinch the bridge of her nose with her fingers while resting the other hand on her hip.
"Look, Helena..." she began but was cut off by her phone ringing. God damn it, she growled and reached for it. Helena on the other hand was grateful for the interruption.
"Yes, this is she. Where? I'm on my way," was all Hunnigan said during the call before ending it and reaching to grab her keys, obviously preparing to head out.
"Is... everything all right?" Helena asked tentatively.
"Alexis is in the hospital, a building collapsed while she was in there," Hunnigan explained, her tone anything but panicky like one might expect from a person who just heard such news.
"Will she be okay?" Helena inquired, almost wanting to kick herself when she realized that the tiny but the most evil little part of her wished Alexis wouldn't be okay, that way she'd be out of Hunnigan's life permanently.
Oh, my God, what is wrong with me? Helena almost grunted at the thought. Fleeting as it was, and even though she truly didn't mean it, it was a horrible thought.
"I don't know. I have to, um..." Hunnigan trailed off and Helena nodded again, realizing this was her cue to leave.
"I'll just... yeah," she cleared her throat awkwardly, dashed to get her clothes and literally ran away before Hunnigan had a chance to even offer her a ride to town.
Hunnigan sat by the hospital bed and browsed through her email from her phone as she waited for Alexis to wake up. Fortunately the redheaded firefighter's injuries weren't too severe; she had a mild concussion, some bruises and a couple of fractured ribs, but she would be all right. It didn't surprise Hunnigan, she knew Alexis was built like a tank and would be back on her feet in a few days. What really troubled Hunnigan about this situation was realizing just how concerned she really was for the other woman.
It went without saying that she couldn't just flip a switch and decide not to care about Alexis anymore, especially when considering they'd been together for such a long time; also, with all the regular interaction they had because of Levi and in general, they were still rather close, whether they liked it or not. Right now, Hunnigan was comprehending that the thought of permanently losing Alexis did scare her.
She wasn't in love with Alexis anymore, but she did still love her and she supposed that on some level, she always would... and that cursed soft spot for the manipulative bitch that Alexis could be would undoubtedly be her undoing eventually. How was she supposed to move on with her life when this was what she always found herself being pulled back into one way or another? She couldn't breathe when she was with Alexis and the thought of actually trying again with her made Hunnigan cringe, but at the same time, she didn't think she would actually know how to be if Alexis were not a part of her life.
Alexis had become an evil Hunnigan found herself needing. She was always happily confusing Hunnigan with her mixed messages and her tendency to say one thing today and the next tomorrow. It had taken a long time before Hunnigan had realized it wouldn't change. She knew that Alexis's most recent "let's get back together" was just another one of her little mind games she enjoyed so much. She loved seeing Hunnigan react, she loved knowing she had the power to cause such an effect in the other woman, she was practically shameless about the way she took pleasure in manipulating her. It was the equivalent of breaking someone's heart just to put them in their place. Just to remind them that you have that power. Just because you could. And Lord, had Alexis gone and used that power, more times than Hunnigan cared to count.
Even still, Hunnigan admitted she couldn't blame it all on Alexis alone. She herself had been the one who had fallen for the same crap over and over, giving in and reacting when Alexis jerked her around for shits and giggles.
Is it any wonder she does it? I'm the one who makes it so damn easy for her, I'm here right now when I wouldn't have to be. She sure as hell wasn't there for me when I got shot. She dropped by to pick up her alimony check, that's all I got from her. What am I doing? Hunnigan scolded herself.
"Hey. You're here," Alexis murmured hoarsely and managed a tired smile. She reached to entwine her fingers with Hunnigan's, and she let her, having to admit she enjoyed the touch... and hating herself for feeling that way.
"Yeah, well... apparently I'm still your emergency contact," Hunnigan offered a weak excuse.
"Where's Levi?" Alexis then asked.
"He's with Miranda. I'll pick him up on my way home. I can bring him over tomorrow if you want?"
"No, I don't want him to see me like this, he would want to know what happened and you know how sensitive he can be... I'd rather he believed you and I are immortal for as long as he still believes such things," Alexis shook her head a little and Hunnigan nodded hers in agreement. Mother was the equivalent of God in the eyes of a child, at least that was what she'd been raised to believe. She had no desire to shatter that idea for Levi.
"I'm glad you came. I really have missed you," Alexis then said, rubbing a gentle circle into Hunnigan's palm with her thumb.
"Al, look... I'm not... I don't want you to get the wrong idea. I'm not here because I want to get back together or anything, let's make that perfectly clear. I do care about you, but that doesn't mean anything more than just that."
"No matter what your reasons, I'm happy you're here."
"I just wanted to check in on you and see how you were, and since you're more or less okay... I should get going, I have to get Levi and go to the store and... stuff," Hunnigan said slowly untangling her fingers from Alexis's and standing up.
Alexis pulled Hunnigan back down to herself. She nipped at Hunnigan's lower lip before flicking her tongue over it in a quick little lightning bolt before interlocking her lips with Hunnigan's, deepening the kiss. She was about to go further and let her tongue seek out Hunnigan's in the familiar way it always had before, but Hunnigan pulled away in an almost violent jerk.
"I'm gonna go," she said, managing to appear unaffected and unsurprised by the act.
"All right," Alexis merely nodded as Hunnigan backed out of the room. She didn't say as much and she didn't let it show on her face, but Hunnigan knew Alexis well enough to know she was convinced she'd just won something. It didn't matter to Alexis what the game was or whose expense it was being played at, not as long as she got to come out of it looking pretty.
As Hunnigan exited, she ran the back of her hand over her mouth in an attempt to banish the lingering taste and feel of Alexis's lips on her own. Walking away, she realized she didn't feel anything inside.
No longing, no nostalgic joy stemming from the familiar kiss. No warmth spilling inside her chest and cascading through her before pooling into the pit of her stomach, heating up the desire and igniting an aching need for Alexis's touch. It was all gone... and Hunnigan realized that even though she still cared, and despite all her hesitations... she really was finally getting over Alexis.