Author's Note: Thank you so so much to everyone reviewing. GLBTQ is a real book by Kelly Huegel, I forgot to say. Also, so everyone knows, if I don't update for a few days, it's because I'm having problems with my computer.
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Bells For Her
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"It's so frustrating --
you're not the type I should be dating."
-- Skye Sweetnam, "It Sucks"
Seven.
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Darcy woke early the next morning, earlier than Manny, and as she lay in bed, she glanced over at the small table beside her. She'd set the GLBTQ book on it, and it was surprisingly the first thing on her mind. With a deep breath of sorts, she reached over and grabbed it, before sitting up and making herself more comfortable in the bed. She stared at the cover for a moment or two, lost in thought. What was she doing? Why on earth did she tell Manny she would read this?
As if afraid Manny would somehow hear her thoughts, Darcy glanced over at the other girl. She looked like she was about eight-years-old when she was sleeping, and Darcy hesitated for a moment. Then with a small nod, she forced herself to open the book.
"Maybe you've known you're GLBTQ for years. Or maybe you're only now beginning to question your sexual orientation or gender identity. Either way, you are not alone. Researchers believe that between five and six percent of youth are gay, lesbian or bisexual."
As she started reading, she couldn't help but get sucked into it. Each time she read the next sentence, one part of her mind was screaming about how wrong it was, and the other part was almost agreeing with the author. She was torn, because the words made sense, she understood them clearly, and soon found herself able to relate to some instances. But she knew she shouldn't have been reading that -- she shouldn't have been feeling the way she was.
"What time is it?"
She started, turning to Manny's bed to find the smaller girl half-sitting up, half-laying down, her hair sticking up, and eyes all but closed. Darcy couldn't help but smile at the sight, and she glanced at the clock.
"Almost time for you to get up," she answered.
Manny gave a little noise in the back of her throat, and dropped herself back down onto the thin mattress. She covered her face with her hands, rubbing lightly at her eyes, and Darcy watched her for a moment, before going back to her book.
"Wow," Manny said suddenly, sitting up and swinging her legs over the side of the bed. "You got pretty far."
Darcy glanced down at her book and was surprised to find that Manny was right. She'd almost made it halfway through. She nodded, marking her place with a piece of scrap paper, and setting the book aside. She gestured to it.
"Who gave it to you?" She asked, curiously.
Manny paused, before averting her gaze as she climbed to her feet. "Just a friend," she said. "She'd rather me not say."
Darcy studied the other girl for a second, but could only nod and accept this as an answer. The curiosity would probably kill her within the next few days, but she wouldn't try and pry it out of Manny.
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It was one of those rare occasions where Darcy and Manny were seated beside each other at their table in the mess hall, instead of across from one another. Darcy had sat down first, and though she wondered why Manny sat beside her, she didn't ask.
She knew something was going to happen when she saw Chante slowly making her way towards them, knew it deep in her gut. She felt a blush slowly rise to her cheeks before her former friend had even made it to the table, but Manny didn't seem to notice at first. When Chante stopped across from them, hands on her hips and unreadable smirk on her face, Darcy chanced looking up at her. Blair was standing behind her and off to the side, and she looked anxious -- perhaps even worried.
"Chante," Darcy said in a somewhat greeting.
Chante nodded slightly, before directing her gaze to Manny. She glared at her for a moment, before looking back to Darcy. "So you spent the night with her?" She asked.
"I slept in her cabin if that's what you mean," Darcy said -- her voice came out steadier than she felt, for which she was glad.
"You think we're blind?" Chante asked, and Darcy had to assume that 'we' meant her and Blair. "It's not like it's hard to see what's going on." Her smile suddenly changed to a more mean one, and she crossed her arms over her chest. "I would've thought you, of all people, would know that lesbianism is a sin. I don't think God'll let you into Heaven for that one, will he Darcy?"
Darcy shouldn't have been surprised by Chante's words -- Chante was always one who made comments about her religion. But for some reason, these words both stunned and stung her, and she could only gape at her for a moment, blinking.
Manny's chair made a scraping noise as she stood up, and Darcy looked up at her with almost the same puzzled expression as Chante. Manny's arms were straight at her sides, but her hands were clenched into fists. Upon her face was a cool expression, jaw set and lips a thin line.
"You would know all about that, wouldn't you?" Manny asked. "How many times have you cried over it?"
Chante's eyes widened, before narrowing at Manny, and Darcy could swear she saw her nostrils flare. Darcy was almost surprised that Manny had said something like that, considering the fact that everyone knew Chante liked the boys, and she liked them a lot.
"What are you implying?" She asked.
"What?" Manny asked. "You don't want anyone to know? It's kind of sad that you're ashamed of who you are."
Darcy knew for a fact that Chante didn't swing that way, but all of the girls that had gathered around them whispered to each other. It was so easy to plant the seeds of rumors when girls were such gossip-hounds -- that whole day was going to be a day for the girls to discuss whether or not they thought Chante was, in fact, a lesbian.
Chante suddenly smirked again though. "You know," she said, "I can see you know how to talk tough, but I don't really think you're as comfortable as you like to think. A slut like you is probably dying for a good bone right now. You're just so desperate to get some action that you're pretending to like girls."
Darcy didn't know how it happened -- one minute, the girls are staring at each other -- death glares, even -- and the next, Manny had reached across the table and grabbed two handfuls of Chante's hair. Before the other girl could even utter a surprised cry, Manny was all but pulling her over the table. Darcy jumped up, but not to help -- she was too shocked to do so. She could only back up some, eyes wide and mouth open, watching as Chante reached up to grab at Manny's hair.
The rest of the girls were a mess -- some were laughing, some were cheering, some were looking scared, as if Manny would break Chante's neck and then turn on them next. There were only two counselors doing breakfast duty that day, and they were still trying to push their way through the crowd of girls, who for some reason, wouldn't move for them. The adults were blowing their whistles like there was no tomorrow, calling on their walkie-talkies for more help.
Darcy saw her at almost the last minute -- the girl she'd coined Sasquatch in the shower-room. She'd broken away from the wall of on-lookers, and was making her way towards Manny with a sadistic look on her face. Darcy was about to lunge at her -- she didn't know how to fight, but she couldn't just sit back and watch it happen -- but someone did so before she could.
More excited chatter and cheering rose from the girls as Gretchen, Echo Ridge's apparent new resident hero, grabbed Sasquatch's shoulder, spun her around, and clocked her a good one right in the jaw. This was all she had time to do, before she was grabbed by the counselors who'd managed to break their way through. Manny and Chante were then separated, both of them red-faced and feral-looking, hair all a mess.
And then Darcy found the four of them being marched away, Manny still trying to reach around the counselor holding her and grab at Chante. As they were led from the mess hall, the girls that were standing around Darcy all slowly drifted away, leaving her next to the now abandoned table, still with a dropped jaw.
She didn't know what had been more surprising -- Manny's attack on Chante, or Gretchen coming in to save the day.
"Did that just happen?" She asked herself, before quickly making her way out of the hall.
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Manny left Geena's cabin, attempting to comb her fingers through her hair. She hadn't known what'd gotten into her during breakfast, but she just couldn't take the nerve of that girl. It wasn't so much that she'd called Manny a slut -- she'd grown to be able to ignore that word, as much as people seemed to like throwing it around at her -- but it was the fact that she'd been rude to Darcy, one of the nicest people that Manny had ever met.
She'd seen red, plain and simple. Something had snapped in her like a too-tight guitar string, and she hadn't been able to control herself.
She didn't even know why that tall bully and Gretchen had been dragged along -- not until Gretchen had explained what'd happened as they waited for Geena to talk to them. Apparently the tall one had been planning on attacking Manny from behind, and Gretchen had jumped in. Manny hadn't really considered her and Gretchen that good of friends, but a bubble of gratitude had swelled in her chest, and it'd made her feel so optimistic that she didn't even care what trouble she got into.
Turns out though, Chante had admitted to goading and poking fun at Manny. She even claimed that she'd started the fight, to which Manny had never been more surprised in her lifetime. And Geena had fallen for it, so now Manny was off the hook, in the clear -- no trouble at all. Not to mention, Geena had requested something that made Manny feel like she were on cloud nine.
She felt bad for Gretchen though, who got punished with the tall girl and Chante -- the three of them were to help set up the meals, as in bring out the trays of hot food for the line, and then clean up after every meal for a week. Geena had been furious, and Gretchen told Manny that she'd been sure that the supervisor was going to completely kick them out of Echo Ridge.
Manny made it back to her cabin, a smile instantly coming to her face as she found Darcy sitting on the front steps waiting for her. The other girl glanced up, and she stood quickly, hands clasping in front of her. She looked anxious.
"Hey," Manny said, brightly.
Darcy seemed only a little confused. "Hi," she said. Then she said quickly, "I'msorryIgotyouintotrouble."
Manny hesitated, sorting out the words she'd said, and then shook her head. "I didn't get into trouble," she said, "Your ex-friend told Geena that she started it -- I'm completely cool."
Darcy sighed, shoulders sagging slightly, and she finally smiled. "Wow," she said, "I thought for sure Geena was going to kick you out."
Manny shook her head again, but then her smile grew. "She did tell me to deliver a message to you though," she said, and Darcy suddenly looked like a deer in the headlights. Manny gave a little laugh, "She's requested that you move from your cabin into mine -- so as not to provoke Chante any further."
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Manny was laying in bed that night, watching Darcy unpack her few personal belongings to place on the table beside her cot. The taller girl had been excited about her move to Manny's cabin of course, but Manny couldn't help but think something was bothering her. She'd seemed a little too thoughtful that day, and Manny had to assume that it was because of the night before.
She tore her gaze off of the other girl, as Darcy turned around and got comfortable in the bed. She pretended she'd been focusing on her magazine rather than Darcy. Out of the corner of her eye, Manny saw the other girl pick up something -- the GLBTQ book. She couldn't explain why it made her so happy to know that Darcy was reading it.
"You like it so far?" She found herself asking, side-glancing her.
Darcy looked at her, seemingly a little flushed from the question, and she shrugged her shoulders. "Hard to say," she said softly. "I mean -- it's making sense, and I can agree with some parts of it." She suddenly gave a little smile, though it looked just a tad forced. "I guess you could say it's making me see things a little differently."
"Just don't change your thoughts and beliefs completely," Manny said, shutting her magazine. "I gave it to you to broaden your mind, not brainwash it."
Darcy seemed to relax a little bit at this assurance, and she nodded. Then she asked, "So who'd you borrow it from?"
Manny shook her head, lying down and pulling the blanket up to her chin. "She asked me not to say," she said -- and after what Gretchen had done for her today, Manny would never give away her secret, not even to Darcy.
Darcy smiled a little, but then changed the subject. "Do you want me to turn off the light?" She asked.
Manny yawned, shaking her head. "No," she answered, "I used to sleep with it on all the time when I was little."
Darcy smiled again, and Manny closed her eyes, making it the last thing she saw before she fell asleep.
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Manny awoke in the middle of the night -- the cabin was completely dark except for the small light coming from Darcy's side. She rolled over to find the taller girl still awake, sitting up in bed and using a flashlight to read. She looked exhausted, and she was right at the end of the book which meant that it must've been pretty late. Manny quickly rubbed the sleep from her eyes and started to sit up.
"Darcy," she said, "What time is it?"
"Some time after two, I think," Darcy said. "I just didn't feel like sleeping."
Manny watched her for a moment in silence, and Darcy suddenly shut the book and looked at the cover again. She set it aside, on her table, and clicked off her flashlight.
"Finished now," she said, and in the dark, Manny could make out her moving around to get comfortable. "Did the flashlight wake you or anything?"
"Oh, no," Manny said quickly, "I woke on my own." She paused. "Are you okay?" She asked.
There was a brief silence, and for a second Manny thought that maybe Darcy was going to pretend she was asleep. But suddenly Darcy spoke, and it sounded as if she were about to cry.
"Not really," she answered.
Manny quickly threw the blanket back and climbed out of bed. She blindly walked across the room and sat down on the edge of Darcy's bed. Her eyes had adjusted somewhat, and she could just make out the other girl lying on her back.
"What's wrong?" She asked.
Darcy sighed, and shook her head. "I just, don't know, Manny," she said. "After reading that book I'm more confused than ever."
"It didn't make you feel just a little bit better?" Manny asked slowly.
"No, it did," Darcy said. "This is just so awkward, and...and weird. And it's still hard for me to get over how wrong it is -- I've been brought up to think it was wrong, you know. It's been instilled in my head."
"Talk about brainwashing," Manny said before she could stop herself. She hesitated though, wanting to hit herself. Hopefully Darcy didn't take offense to that, but she better apologize anyway. "I didn't mean it...like that," she said.
Darcy nodded, the movement not hard to see in the dark, and she sniffled. "No, you're right," she said. "I've been brainwashed by my family and by the church I go to -- I mean, so what if there are guys that like guys, or girls that like girls. It's not like they do it on purpose, right? It's not like they're doing it for the sole purpose of defying God?"
Manny smiled, "That's about right," she said. "We can't help what we feel, what our heart tells us to feel -- excuse this corny way of putting it."
Darcy laughed, and she sighed. "Yeah," she said softly, "Yeah."
A small silence settled over them, in which Manny looked around awkwardly. She was struck with the sudden urge to lay down with Darcy, but she didn't know how well that'd go over. Swallowing, she decided that she better just see what happens -- worst comes to worst, Darcy asks her to get out of her bed, right?
She tentatively laid down on her side, facing Darcy, and Darcy started to move. She didn't get up though, as Manny had feared, only rolled onto her side as well, so that she could face Manny. Manny took a deep breath, mostly to try and ease the flutters in her stomach, and she smiled.
"This is okay?" She asked.
Darcy nodded. "Yeah," she answered.
Manny reached down slowly, and she grabbed Darcy's hand. She linked her fingers with the other girl's, keeping her gaze fixed on Darcy's face to watch her expression. "Is this?" She asked.
Darcy hesitated, averting her gaze, and after a moment, she smiled again. Once more, it seemed like a forced smile, but Manny tried to pretend she hadn't noticed. She closed her eyes to go to sleep the second time that night, trying hard to ignore the shred of doubt in the back of her head.