Chapter 7: Devi's Horrible Date

A/N: Or would that be a normal date? Considering how all the others have ended, anywho here we go.

BEEPBEEPBEEP!

'Damnit! I really need to change that ringtone' the freelance artist thought to herself as she picked up her fallen pallet. After placing it on a table, Devi headed out to the living room where the communication device continued to assault her ears with the horrible sound. Devi put on the phones headset and a few seconds later heard the line pick up.

-Hello? Devi?—

"Speaking"

-oh, hi, its Derek—the nervous man said

"hey, Derek" Devi responded as she sat in her chair.

-Listen, uhhh, there's a shitload of traffic out here, I'm gonna be a little late—He explained as angry honking could be heard in the background.

"Oh, I see" was her only response.

–don't worry about the reservations I already called and moved them up—

"okay, well, see you later."

-Kay, uhh, bye—was the only thing said before the line went dead.

"hmmm, being late, things must be getting better" Devi hoped out loud. "Oh, I doubt it" Sicknesses voice seemed to echo from both her head and a nearby closet, "something always goes horribly wrong" the doll continued. "Shut up, so far Derek has been nothing but nice this whole time" Devi said out loud in the privacy of her apartment.

"And what, he's been 'normal' too? Plenty of your other dates started normally" The demonic doll pointed out. Devi did not respond as she retreated into her drawing room, and slammed the door behind her. About 30 minutes later she emerged then headed to her bedroom to prepare for her date. A few minutes later she exited and deposited herself on the couch.

KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK

She got up from her position and, after checking through the peep-hole to make sure it was Derek, she unlatched the two deadbolts she still kept in use, she stepped into the hallway. Both of the clearly nervous adults strode in near silence as they made their way to the ground floor of Devi's building. As they got into Derek's car Devi thought she faintly heard an excited "squeak!" from Tenna's window.

The conversation started within the vehicle, it was mainly about the restaurant they were headed served. They arrived a few minutes later, and were seated soon after. They continued talking, about various subjects, like work or what movie they would see after dinner.

"Sorry, I have to use the restroom" Derek said during a slow point in their conversation. As the nervous man walked to his destination a small voice screamed into Devi's head, "Oh my god! Somebody put shit in his pants!" 'That's not funny!' she screamed into her head, the memories of that past date making her gag slightly.

IN THE BATHROOM

Having already soaked his napkin clean through, Derek attempted to dry his sweat-soaked hands with numerous paper towels. 'At least it's cool in here' he thought, dreading the short cut through the park they would be taking to get through the theater.

IN THE MAIN AREA

Devi's time was also taking a turn to the south. It wasn't anything Derek had done, no Sickness had taken the last 4 minutes to list ALL the ways her past dates had ended.

"Car crash/mongoose/airbag, Lit on fire by a crazy woman, beaten by zoo monkey's, lit on fire by his own smoke bombs, trampled by circus elephants, horrific allergic reaction, diarrhea, attempted murder, zombie, exploding car, devoured by giant ants, explosive diarrhea, run over by massive spaceship, blah blah blah blah blah."

She realized that some of the few she had paid attention to were very similar to each other. As if the twisted, darkly humorous man writing her life had begun to run out of ideas, or the story of her life had been hijacked by a less morbidly creative individual. "Are you alright? You look angry" Devi was brought out of her thoughts by the return of Derek. "I'm alright, just thinking, about my part-time job" she quickly thought of something to say. "Oh, where do you work?" he asked nervously. "The 24/7 over on [insert street name]" Devi responded. After finishing their meal, and paying the bill, they departed for the park/movie theater.

Their talk soon shifted to all the weird and crazy customers she seemed to get.

"Really? Mental patients?" Derek said in a disbelieving voice. "Yep, I think I still have the doc's card" Devi mention as she pulled the object from her wallet and handed it to her date. "Wow, hey did you hear what happened at the D.H.M.I.?" he asked as he handed back the card. "No, what happened?"

"Well, apparently one of the doctors there was an "Angel of Death" serial killer who poisoned patients" he said as they walked along. "They found him dead after he accidentally poisoned himself trying to off a witness."

"That's crazy" Devi jested weakly, and lo they laughed for a few minutes, until they came to one of those "don't feed the animals" signs

"Oh, hey" Derek nervously pointed out the sign, "whenever I see one of those signs I think those poor animals must be starving, do you mind if we stop for a few." He asked as he somewhat shakily pulled out one of those "all natural" granola bars he always seemed to have with him. Glancing at her watch Devi responded "No, not at all, we still have time" and her apparently nature-loving date shuffled off to the side of the path

'Okay, that definitely counts as odd' she thought as he bent over to offer a squirrel a piece of the bar. "Oooo, somethin's gonna happen" Sickness commented in the most annoying voice possible. 'Nothing's going to happen' Devi answered back, and with that she became engrossed in another debate with the spooky doll, which she was pulled out of by the sound of ruffling leaves.

Looking over towards Derek the single squirrel had become four. "Hey, where'd they come from?" Devi asked indicating the new arrivals. "They must've smelled the food" Derek answered as he broke the remaining bar into four roughly equal pieces.

As they left Devi did not notice the sweaty palm prints on the concrete path.

Neither noticed the squirrels sniffing the prints inquisitively.

No normal human heard what was said among the squirrels.

"Eewwww, that human smells of anxiety and sex!" the original squirrel exclaimed

"Yes, but he also has food" the second commented as the third nodded in agreement.

"We must tell master!" the fourth bellowed, the four then skittered into the trees while chanting this phrase over and over.

She was having a nice time, the dinner had gone without any problems, and this walk was nice, except for the feeling that they were being followed. Chancing a glance over her shoulder Devi practically sighed with relief when she saw nothing behind them. "Something wrong?" Her date asked, "Not really, it just feels like we're being followed" Devi answered.

"Yeah, I've got that feeling to, maybe we should hurry." He suggested, and they began to quicken their pace. That is, until the bushes beside them began to rustle, turning to their rear they spotted some squirrels, and quickly turned forward.

"Are those the same squirrels?" She asked in a hushed voice. "I think so" he answered as they both entered into a slow run pace. After a few minutes of this they turned again, and saw that the four had now become forty. They both broke into a run as a virtual tidal wave of the tree-dwelling rodents poured forth from the path behind them.

Talking a moment to take note of the squirrels advance and Derek's position, Devi witnessed the cascade of rodents parting like a rabid Red Sea.

And the "Moses" which was a mutant human-sized squirrel charge forward and pounce on Derek while shrieking like the T-Rex from Jurassic Park.

Devi stood in shock as the hoard swarmed upon her date, and then, after a few minutes retreated, leaving nothing behind, not even bones or blood stains.

After letting this soak in Devi eventually found her way back to her apartment building.

SQUEEK!

Devi looked up and saw Mr. Spooky poking out a window; the irritating squeak toy was soon followed by her friend, Tenna. "Sooo, how'd your date go?" the excitable woman asked, "Devoured by mutant squirrels" She responded. "Ummm, well, that's not exactly what I meant, but, oh well" Tenna confusingly answered as Devi made her way into the building.

Once in her room the freelance artist plopped down on the couch and dozed off.

777th: witness

A/N: Well, I added something's to the list of how horribly a date/relationship can end. Also when I stopped to see how much I had written I just happened to land on word 777 so I think I'll probably record that from now on.