Chapter 7: The Letter

I awoke the next morning at around 6:00AM with the most wonderful man wrapped in my arms. Edward was still quietly sleeping as I contemplated staying in bed for as long as it took for him to gently wake up but I knew that I would become restless so I decided to slowly slide out from his embrace taking as much care as possible to not disturb him.

I find my jeans and pull them on and head into the living room. I sit on the couch and pull out my iPhone from my back pocket to check for messages. I have a voicemail from my sister Alice. I press the play back to listen and I have to quietly laugh.

Jay its Alice, do you not love me anymore? How are things going with you dreamboat? I'm assuming since you are ignoring me that it must be going well. Call me! I want all the delicious details.

I look at my watch and see that it is 6:15 AM and decide that if she wants the details, then she can be inconvenienced a little. I dial her number and I'm greeted with a groggy voice, "Umm, hello? Who is calling?"

I say, "Good morning sis, you said you wanted details so I'm giving you a call."

I can't help but chuckle a little as a smirk forms on my face.

Alice inquires, "Do you even realize what time it is? Nobody should be allowed to be up at this hour in the morning, it should be illegal!"

I laugh some more and say, "Well do you want some details or not?" She perks up and says, "Of course I do dear brother. And you can skip over the disgusting details about you drooling all over him and what you both did to each other's bodies". I laugh some more and tell her, "Oh you know you like all the sexual details you perv!"

I recount how the evening progressed from dinner preparation through dinner and on to dessert. I shared as much detail as I can with her even my brilliant idea about leveling the playing field for the two of us.

Alice happily replies, "I'm so happy for you Jay, I know you have been hoping to find somebody special in your life for a while now and aren't you glad I convinced you to write that letter and send it to him? And here you thought he would never reply or he would think that you are some deranged gay man that wanted him just for his body."

I reply, "Yes Alice, I will never be able to thank you enough for pushing me to put into words what I had experienced when I first dreamt of Edward. Now I need to let you go before he wakes up but I will call you later. Love ya sis!"

I lie back on the couch and think back to the time I saw Edward in the movie 'Heart of a Piano' in which he played the lead character, Stephen who was a great pianist who lost his parents when he was 22. Ever since then, he was never able to compose music due to the overwhelming loss that he felt from their death. He suppressed all feelings of love in hopes that he would never have to feel the pain of losing somebody again. It was not until he met the young cellist, Ryan, that he slowly rediscovered that love was the heart of his musical inspiration. And through his relationship with Ryan, he composed his greatest piece of music.

When I first saw Edward in prior movie I knew I was attracted to him but never really focused on him because all of the magazines and articles speculating which woman he was currently dating at that particular time. But when he portrayed a character that falls in love with another man, something stronger developed.

Shortly after seeing 'Heart of a Piano' I started having the same reoccurring dream. At first I thought it was just my over active imagination but I was surprised at the amount of detail I was able to recall each time as well as the vivid colors in my dream. Usually they were mostly in black and white and I could only recall bits and pieces of them.

I shared my dream with my sister Alice one day and she suggested I write the dream down in a letter and send it to Edwards's agent. She had said, "What's the worst thing that could happen, he just rips it up or he completely ignores it but you will at least have the comfort that you made an effort to share it with him." So reluctantly, I composed the letter and sent it off to his agent.

The letter detailed how I encountered Edward at a local coffee shop and felt compelled to talk to him and try and get to know him. I asked him questions about where his creativity came from to compose music—I had researched that he composed several pieces of music for 'Heart of a Piano' and being a musician myself, I was curious about what inspired him.

We talked for a bit and eventually arrived at his apartment and to my shock I was invited in. I described in colorful detail what his couch and living room looked. And during the conversation, I managed to embarrass myself by asking if I could massage his feet.

I was pleasantly surprised when he granted me my request and we spent most of the evening getting to know more about each other and what we liked as it related to music; favorite artists, songs, and various other aspect of music.

I ended the letter, thanking him for allowing me the opportunity to get to know him better and left my phone number and email at the bottom.

I honestly had no expectation that he would reply back to the letter as I assumed he receives hundreds of letters from other fans and even if he did manage to read mine, he would think that I was a bizarre fan who had similar interests in music. I also figured that the chances of Edward and I possibly becoming good friends or something more had too many things stacked against us.

First off, I had no clue if he was gay. Secondly, there was an age difference between the two of us with him being 24 and me being 34; I figured 10 years could be something difficult to overcome. And finally, why would a famous actor take the time out to call a stranger that sends him a letter detailing some dream they had.

Holy Shit! I never asked Edward why he called me! WoW! Why have I not asked him about that?

I was completely lost in my thoughts and didn't notice Edward standing in the living room until he asked me, "Penny for your thoughts?"

I look up startled a little bit and then say, "Hey Babe, I hope I didn't wake you? You looked so peaceful while you were sleeping this morning that I did not have the heart to nudge you out of bed. I just came out here and called my sister back. She left me a voicemail sometime last night."

I motion for him to come and sit down next to me on the couch. I give him a quick kiss on the lips and ask him, "You know something; I never did ask you why you called me in the first place."

Several emotions quickly cross his face, some of them too fast for me to focus on a specific one but I do notice that he appears to be nervous. I patiently wait for him to respond.

Edward glances down at his hands a couple of times before he looks back into my eyes and says, "Umm, well there were a couple of reasons to be honest. The first is probably how accurately you described my living room; the color of the couch, the coffee table and all that. I was a little freaked out at first but then I got to the part when you asked about massaging my feet, I could not help but laugh. It was the most unexpected request that I have ever been asked."

He looks down again at his hands and I notice that he is circling his thumbs around each other. He is obviously in uncomfortable territory so I gently rub the tops of his hands and say, "Babe, you can tell me anything and not worry about me laughing at you. However, if you are not comfortable or ready to share it right now, I understand."

He hesitates a moment and then says, "You are one of the first people that has really wanted to get to know me for who I am on the inside. Most other people want me to hug them; take a photo or sign autographs and such. You saw past the outside layer and wanted to know more about what was under it."

He still looks nervous but does not share anything else so I don't press him further.

I hope soon, that he will feel comfortable enough around me to be able to share what he can't talk about now.

I decide that I should change the subject to help relieve some of his nervousness and ask, "How are you feeling about last night?"

To my surprise, he still appears to be nervous and I can't help but wonder if I may have pushed things along too quickly.

He grabs my hands that are rubbing his and squeezes them as he says, "To be honest, I am a little shocked that I have such strong feelings towards you, you being a guy I mean. I know I have wanted to find somebody special to be a part of my life but apparently—he chuckles at this point, I was looking in the wrong 'places'. And then I met you, another guy, and I start feeling these intense emotions towards you the moment I laid eyes on you and I just don't know what to think. I never imagined myself in this situation and I don't know where to go with it."

I hesitate in my response, "Do you still want to try and discover where our relationship can go?"

I feel like I'm putting my heart out on the table right now and asking him to decide if he wants to keep it or crush it with a hammer.

He takes a few seconds to respond, "Umm, yeah I do but I'm also nervous about what my family will say about the two of us. My sister Rosalie and her husband Emmett are pretty conservative when it comes to the concept of two guys being together in a relationship. I'm pretty sure she will not be happy at all."

Well, he didn't crush my heart, I think he wants to pick it up but it seems like he is not sure what to do with it. And his sister Rosalie is going to be major hurdle to overcome.

I pull Edward's hands towards me and motion for him to rest his head on my chest as I wrap my hands around him and say, "Babe, I'm willing to do whatever it takes to make YOU feel comfortable with our relationship. The others in your family, we can worry about later."

He smiles up at me, letting some of the worry drop from his face as he says, "Thank you Jay, I appreciate your willingness to be patient with me. This is all just so new and sudden that I want to give it time to sink in and enjoy it."