Little White Lie

Edward's eyes were such a beautiful shade of gold. He looked more mystical and surreal as he lay on the bed, awaiting his cruel fate. A thin, nearly shear sheet was the only thing that covered his nude body. It was so unfair that someone so undeserving of him gets to claim him so effortlessly.

There was no regret nor anger in his eyes, just a loneliness that threatened to consume him. If I had not known him, I would have thought he looked defeated. So consumed was I with him that I had not realized the presence of another in the room, not until Edward's face tilted a little in acknowledgement.

"You look not nearly as in pain as what I thought you would be," the sultry voice lingered in the air. Jane seemed pleased as she spoke those words, her gait slightly predatory as she advanced.

Edward appeared to stiffen momentarily, but the relaxed. "No pain," Edward assured her in an equally appealing voice. "Should this?" Edward gestured at the intimacy of the quarter, "not be a reason to celebrate?" His pupils dilated, the look of primitive lust overcoming his handsome features. Not more than a second, Jane was on the bed, the shear sheet a heap on the ground. She eyed him once over with desire and within moments, their naked bodies were entangled. Both cried out in ecstasy, and my worst fears had come true. Edward had relinquished to the darkness that was Volturi, giving himself completely to their desires, whims and cause. I could see his long muscular leg draped over the side of the bed, the rest of his body veiled by Jane as she took him hungrily.

And I woke up violently as Edward screamed Jane's name. My heart thudded heavily as I realized that it was simply a nightmare that felt so real. I had never felt so much envy before, and this feeling all stemming from a dream. Relief flooded me as I realized that it was not reality, just an overactive subconsciousness.

It had been weeks since Edward Cullen had left me with Uncle Seth at the treaty line. He disappeared from existence shortly thereafter along with Jane. No one, not even Uncle Seth, had any more words on the matter, and Edward's mysterious absence only put me on edge further. Night after night, I dreamt of Edward's surrender to the Volturi. The dreams became more vivid and the end was always the same. Edward became one of them!

Mom remained depressed, talking very little to anyone, even me. She always seemed preoccupied. It also appeared to me that Uncle Seth had told Dad of Edward's last meeting with him because Dad seemed even more vigilant than ever before. Jacob Jr spent much more time with Jinx and Xolo, which worried me a little. I hadn't realized how far knowledge of my last meeting with Edward Cullen had spread when one day, those three had cornered me at home.

It was another dull day when I had finished my chores on the Res. Dad had forbidden me to leave the protection of our tribe. I was about to fix dinner when Jinx, Xolo and Jacob Jr busted into the room, faces livid.

I could read from their expressions that they had learned about my tryst with Edward. Perhaps tryst was too liberal a term, but I liked how it rolled off my tongue.

"Can I help you boys?" I asked acridly, my patience pretty thin.

"You lied to us!" Jacob Jr accused immediately.

"No, I omitted certain facts," I corrected him.

"Why are you defending that filthy leech?" Jacob Jr continued, Jinx and Xolo too chicken to comment.

"He's not a leech and neither is he filthy!" I retorted.

"He certainly smells like filth, so how can he not be filth!" Jacob Jr responded, gritting his teeth.

"How would you know?" I answered hotly.

"First Mom and now you? That's all he knows to prey on, girls with weak wills!"

"I resent that statement," I defended.

"Esmeralda, your brother is right. This Edward seems quite manipulative. You need to step back and look at this more objectively. Don't just go by pretty looks."

I shot Xolo a dirty glare. "Are you guys done with all this nonsense?"

"Where is he?" Jacob Jr spoke, surprisingly in a threatening tone.

"I'm not his mother. How should I know?" I retorted with more vehemence than I felt.

"Don't lie to me. Contrary to that filthy leech, I am family!" Jacob Jr persisted.

"Oh get off your high chair! I haven't spoken to him for weeks. I don't know where he is!"

The sudden acknowledgement of my interactions with Edward seemed to be a slap to their faces.

"What has gotten to you, Esmeralda!" Jinx cried out exasperatedly.

"Look boys, even if I knew where Edward Cullen is, I would never tell you, the way you're behaving!"

It seemed the wrong thing to say as Jacob Jr's face turned violent. "You would defend an enemy?"

I continued along this dangerous course. "He's no enemy of mine. Now lay off!" I snapped.

"We will hunt him down, and I will feed on his heart," Jacob Jr promised menacingly, "that is, if he has one."

My heart fell, suddenly realizing that it was no idle threat, especially considering who his father was. It was not what Edward needed at this time, a bunch of young, angry, blind wolves after his existence. "Why such drama?" I tried a different tactic. "He's no longer in Forks."

"You know where he is!" Jacob Jr accused. "Hasn't he done enough damage? Now where is he?"

"He left Forks!" I gritted my teeth. "You don't need to add unnecessary tension. Just let it go!"

Jacob Jr must have realized the futility of his line of questioning because all of a sudden, his tone changed. He was calmer, more in control, more worrisome to me, as if he made a decision. "If ever he returns," his eyes darkened, "he would be very sorry." It was a very dark promise.

I wanted to retort, but held back with great difficulty. I didn't want to provoke him any further. It would be a worthless cause. I looked away, my cue for them to leave.

And they did, silently . . . dead silently.

I waited to cool down and was about to leave the kitchen when I noticed a slight motion behind the door. My eyes widened as Mom stepped out, face full of intensity as she approached me tentatively.

"You know where he is?" Mom asked, eyes hopeful. "You've seen him?"

Speechless, I merely nodded.

"Tell me," she looked at me beseechingly, tears forming. "Please tell me! The house, the Cullen house is gone! I can't find him. He promised not to leave!"

I closed my eyes, trying to not watch her agonizing face. My voice was cold. "Yes, he promised eighteen years ago. Mom, isn't it time to let him go?"

Mom's expression suddenly became more determined, fiercer. "What did he say to you?"

I must have looked exasperated. "Nothing! Absolutely nothing."

Mom then looked at me differently, more pensively, as if gauging my motive.

"Look, I'm not stupid. I can figure things out. Edward said very little. Uncle Seth told me most of the story."
Mom appeared bothered, not buying my story. "You sought Edward." She said it rather than asked.

I remained silent.

Mom continued. "He is a pretty intriguing person—smart, talented, and . . . very beautiful. I can see why you would be fascinated." My jaw dropped. Mom was jealous? Of me?

"All right, this is really awkward. You think I'm in love with your ex-boyfriend?"

"No!" Mom responded. "Infatuated . . . like I was when I was your age."

"Well, if it was an infatuation, isn't it time to call it quits?" I asked ferociously, unable to hide the crimson in my cheeks. "He's moved on . . . and so should you!" The moment I said that, I regretted my vehemence.

"Moved on," she whispered despairingly, the tears streaking down her face. "He . . . he never said he was involved." She focused on me once more. "With who?"

"Jane." I surprised even myself when I spoke with such envy and longing.

Mom's breath hitched at her immortal rival, perhaps realizing that Jane was an even match for Edward, at least in strength. I saw the same envy and longing in her eyes. A sudden thought swept through me. Had Mom ever consummated her love with Edward? One look at her crestfallen face and I realized that perhaps, she never had that opportunity. "He goes to her willingly?"

No! I screamed to myself. 'He goes to her for you!' The guilt washed through me and a sudden image of a reluctant Edward being intimate with Jane consumed me. "Willingly enough!" I lied, unable to comprehend my shamelessness. Actually, I knew. My biggest competitor for Edward was not Jane. It was Mom. "He is, after all, a male," I plugged in matter-of-factly. "And like all males, he has needs." That seemed to have closed the topic as Mom retreated into another world, frozen from shock.

Amazingly, I was lifted by her surrender. And though my actions were underhanded, the guilt gave way to triumph soon thereafter.

That night, I dreamt. It wasn't the nightmare where Jane conquered Edward. In that dream, Edward responded to me, and only me.