Things had gotten rather tense in the past 2 weeks. Raph hadn't said a -word- to me, not a peep, but instead gave me these dirty glares everytime our eyes met. Karai had started acting rather... strange, her hunger had increased tremendously and she seemed to be in a bad mood often. She snapped at me a lot, her anger nearly worse than Raph's usualy was, and her words had actually hurt me a couple of the times...

But today... today wasn't a good day. Lately I had been very paranoid regarding trust issues, ever since Karai and I had... well.. did it, I was really paranoid that she would take and leave. I was keeping my eye on her, making sure she didn't show any signs that she was going to leave us.

Today, I awoke to find Karai gone. I hurridly put on all my gear and stumbled down the stairs, looking frantically for her. "KARAI!" I yelled repeatedly, looking around frantically. "She got up really early this morning. She went out without a word." Don told me from his desk. My heart pounded in my chest. "No..." I whined quietly. She had betrayed us again. She got what she wanted and left. I nearly passed out as my eyes clouded with tears. I ran back upstairs, stormed into my room and slammed the door behind me. I could hear Don bounding up the stairs after me. He slowly opened my door and found me sitting on my bed, sobbing. He slowly walked to my side, and sat down beside me. "Leo... whats wrong?" he asked quietly, and I whiped away my tears so I could try and talk. "K-Karai.. she betrayed us again... just after I... I.." I felt the lump reforming in my throat and the tears began to force their way out of my eyes again. Don placed his arm around my shoulders. "After you what?" he asked tentatively, looking at me with concern. "A few weeks ago... w-we... we.. we d-did it.." I slowly told my brother. I did NOT want him or anyone to know about that night. But Don had to know why I was so upset.. and I couldn't lie. I could just see Don's face forming into a shocked expression, but his tone didn't match that mental image. "Wow.. I dunno what to say, Leo.. she took and ran. Thats.. thats just horrible.. I'm sorry.." Don couldn't seem to find the right words. He pulled me a bit closer and just let me cry.

--

Raph simply laughed at my condition. He tortured me, abused me and stabbed my heart with his words until my eyes bled with tears. "HA fucking HA! I KNEW she wouldn't stay around forever! She just cant fight the resistance to be evil again! Nice goin' oh fearless leader, ya got laid then betrayed!" Raph just kept spitting it in my face, over and over until I couldnt stand it any longer. My decision was almost made.

--

I felt so used. So violated and used. The option of suicide had been running through my head most of the day. I kept my eyes glued to the door like a hawk, hopeing... praying.. that Karai would return and maybe she was on a training excersise, and I waited... and waited... and waited.. all day.. and when she didn't return, I had made up my mind.

I went to my room, locked the door, and set up a chair under one of the pipes that made up my ceiling. I took a rope from the closet and tied it around the pipe, making sure the knot was good and tight. I made a noose at the opposite end, checking to make sure it was far off the ground. I stood up on the chair, and let the noose fall over my head and I let it tighten around my neck. I then went to kick the chair out from under me, and the last thing I remembered seeing was Mikey busting through the door, screaming my name, before everything went black.

--

I awoke with a serious pain in my neck. My throat felt clogged, as if something was blocking my airway. I could hear faint voices, and I could see blurred figures above me. My vision slowly cleared and I could see five figures towering over me. Wait.. five? No... Karai... she hadn't betrayed us! I craved answers as my vision cleared completely, and I could see Karai towering over me, he face etched with concern, my brothers and Spllinter standing around her. "Leo, are you okay!?" I heared her voice echo through my senses. "Y-yeah... what.. what happened.." I asked confusedly, my head still spinning. "You thought I betrayed you and you tried to hang yourself.." Karai told me, tearing up. "Why the hell would you think I betrayed you??" she added, her hand carressing my shoulder. "Y-you left and you were g-gone all day.. " I answered, closing my eyes, hoping to ease my headache this way. "No.. not even close. I wasn't gone all day." Karai whispered. "Guys, if you don't mind, please let me talk to Leo in private." Karai told my brothers and splinter, and they nodded in understanding and took their leave without a question. I slowly sat up on the couch, rubbing my head painfully. "Leo... there is a good reason for my absence. I... I was at the hospital.." Karai started to explain but I immediatly cut her off. "What?? The hospital! Why??" I shot in panic, my demeanur changing from weak to vigilent, eyeing Karai like a hawk. "There isn't anything wrong with me, so don't get all worked up." she paused for a moment. "Well.. actually... there is something going on.." she added slowly. My face fell. What could be wrong with her?? All the negative posibilites ran through my head in a flash as I waited for her to explain, nodding my head. "Remember when we.. did it a few weeks ago?" Karai asked, her head bowed, only her eyes looking up at me. I nodded slowly, my eyes glued to her face in worry. "Well... i've been feeling a little... weird, lately, so I decided to go to the doctor for a check-up." Karai explained. Her words were making perfect sense, everything was piecing together. I had noticed she had been acting different in the past few days. I listened, more than curious to find out what had been going on. "Well... to put it simple..." she paused, and I could tell she didn't want to tell me. "...this may shock you..." she took my hand and inched closer, her face tentative. My jaw was set and I was ready to hear whatever news she delivered. "...Well... I'm pregnant." she said it clean and simple. Quickly, and then hid her face with her hair. My heart skipped a beat and the kind was knocked right out of me. "W-what... " I whispered slowly, my weight falling onto my arms that were propped on my knees. "Y-your sure?" I gasped, my arm resting around her shoulder. "Yeah, its definatly positive... no doubts. I saw it.." Karai stammered, letting her head rest against my neck as she teared up.

Great. Fucking great. April had warned me about this and I completely ignored the facts that night. I felt like such a fucking bastard, someone who should be locked away and punished for his disgraceful acts. The whole thing was my fault and I was convinced of this, regardless of what anyone said. I knew it was my fault and I was tearing myself up over it. How the hell was I going to be able to care for a kid? I could barely keep myself and my brothers alive from the Shredder's attacks. How was I going to protect ANOTHER life, one that is completely helpless and could be killed by simply punching it in the right place??

I sighed in guilt. I had really fucked my whole family up now. I felt embarrassed, guilty, disgraceful and like a total failure. And Raph didn't really help at all to make me feel better, but instead added to my misery by tormenting me and 'i told ya so'ing'.
I couldnt even look at myself anymore.

I went to bed that night without a word, except a quick and quiet 'Love you' to Karai before we both fell asleep against eachother. The next few months would be complete and utter hell, this I knew.

--

The morning was slow as most were anymore, Raph the normal bitchy grump and Mikey the usual childish annoyance. Don seemed like the only one who stayed out of everyone's way anymore, he was always quiet and stayed either in his room with his laptop or in his lab.

Karai was now 3 weeks pregnant. I could hardly handle what was happening, it was to much to soon to take in. I wasn't ready for this, and I felt as though for the first time that I had really threw my label in the trash, my label as a leader and the 'responsible one' who was Mr. Perfect.

I knew I couldn't get worked up about this. I had to handle it responsibly and act as though I had expected it, or Raph would have a reason to be up my ass for the next several months, rubbing his victory all over the place like a child with paint. Raph had been yanking my last nerve as of late, and I was so close to going over the top and just... going off on him, both verbally and pysically. Master Splinter wasn't any more pleased with the issue than I was, I could tell he was more than disappointed in me. I felt so bad about all of this, I felt as though I was single-handedly tearing the family apart. I was convinced this was my fault, no, I Bknew/b it was my fault, regardless of Karai's constant attempts to tell me it bwasn't/b my fault. How could it not be? It had to be! She didn't get herself pregnant, SHE didn't bring something else into the home to protect from Shredder. bI/b did, and nothing could convince me otherwise.

--

That night, while Karai was with Don getting tests and other things done... I was in my room with three bottles of alchohol, drunking myself, doing anything to take the stress of what was happening away. I took the shots in gulps, every single time nearly puking, but I didn't care. I wanted to get myself wasted as soon as possible, to erase the thoughts in my mind, if only for a few hours.

Karai slowly come into our room and shut the door, and at my sight, she gasped. "Leo, what happened to you!?" She yelped, running to my side. "I-I can't take 'dis anymor..." I stammered, dropping the empty bottle to the floor. It shattered to pieces, a loud shattering noise filling my room. "Honey this isn't the way to relax... You should have came and talked to me.." Karai whispered, her soft tone echoeing through my ears. I hadn't managed to get myself drunk yet, and now that Karai was here, I wasn't sure that I wanted to. Karai slid underneath the sheets and threw them overtop of me, and we cuddled ahainst eachother in the warmth of the blankets.

My head was aching from the days that had passed. So much had happened, I was fed up with my life... My brothers, particularly Raph, had proved troublesome on all levels concerning me and Karai's relationship, there was no doubt about that. All I wanted to do was to go to sleep, and try to forget about the day.

I kissed her to what I thought was going to be our goodnight kiss, however she wanted otherwise. As I reached to pull the covers around me, she led my free hand to the lower outline of her breasts. "Baby... I'm sort of tired tonight, and your.." I started, but she took her free hand to my lips with a quiet 'Shhh'. With another attempt of going to bed I laid on my side, facing Karai. I soon however, felt my lips part as our lips slowly met and embraced each other's warmth vigorously.

I surrendered to her lust, and all the negative thoughts attacking my mood disappeared. She didn't want anything more than to make-out, that I came to realize soon enough. But I was more than willing, and her warmth against me made my outlook on our situation a lot more positive.

"Your so beautiful, I love you..." I said lowly, my voice still slightly raspy. We both cuddled under the sheets, before falling into deep slumber. Even though the real world was tomorrow, all those interruptions... I still had my hopes for a better future, and I had the one woman who I could spend my entire life with beside me.