Finding Heaven

A/N: I just realized that the idea of Edward wanting to EAT Bella, but then has SEX with her instead, is sick. And all you people reading this story are twisted individuals for enjoying it. Please don't misunderstand me; I LOVE your wacko ways and the fact that I'm not the only crazy one. So, THANK YOU so much for continuing to read. With that being said, let's all be sickos together. Lol. ;-P

(The A/N was meant to be a joke, please don't take it seriously)

~Chapter 6 –Sands of Time~

EPOV

I imagined what it was like to drink her blood so many times. I watched her sleep for weeks every night, and fought the temptation. I could taste her on the back of the tongue when I breathed her in, and the flavor was intoxicating. But it was all nothing compared to the astonishing bliss of being inside her. I hadn't imagined such a feeling could exist. If I had, I would have gone searching for it; I would have combed the planet for it…for her.

I had sex before, not only with Heidi, but others as well. Sex was always easy, simple, an animalistic release, rough and careless. All were shit compared to the torturous restrained ecstasy, of being with the human girl…my Bella.

I held her as she slept, and ached to know her dreams. I never wanted to hear someone's thoughts more. I couldn't see past her, I couldn't think beyond the moment. Nothing in the world existed besides her, lying peacefully in my arms.

"Edward." I looked at her face, and watched her eyes flutter but remain shut. She was dreaming, and she was dreaming about me. But was it a nightmare? A small smile played at the corner of her lips, and a wave of contentment washed over me knowing she was happy in that moment.

I kissed her closed eyes softly, and kept my face close to hers, just basking in all her glory. Suddenly, she took a deep breath and shook in a way that startled her awake. Her eyes popped open and she automatically jerked away from me. I could have held her in place easily, but I didn't want to hurt her.

"Shh, it's Ok. It's me." I said like a daft moron. I was probably the reason why she was afraid, and there I was, trying to calm her.

She stared at me for a moment, almost like she was searching for something, then she sighed and melted back into my chest. Whatever nightmare she had, she dismissed it, and returned to her previous peaceful state.

We laid tangled together for a few more hours, but then a low rumbling noise filled the silence.

"Was that your stomach?" I whispered, but it seemed so loud after the serenity of the previous hours.

"Don't worry about it." She said just as quietly.

"Don't worry? When was the last time I fed you?" I asked, realizing it had been over a day, at least.

"I'm fine."

"No, you're not." I gently moved her off of me and got up to get dressed.

"I don't want you to leave," she protested.

"Bella, you need to eat."

"I'd rather you just stay here with me."

I shook my head at her, "I won't be gone long."

I finished getting dressed, put my mud brown contacts in, and then left to find her something to eat. I felt horrible for neglecting her, and I swore to myself that it wouldn't happen again.

As I was walking to the eatery a few blocks away, the dry burning in my throat warned me that I better feed as well, before I returned. I quickly found a homeless man, and drained him in less than a minute. After I was finished, I continued on my mission to get Bella something to eat, when a blonde woman approached me.

"Hi." She batted her eyes, and leaned into me.

"Uh, no English," I told her, but she didn't seem to care.

"That's Ok, we don't need to speak," she said smiling. Stupid fucking horny, American females .It wasn't even afternoon yet, and this woman was already drunk and hitting on the first guy she sees.

I raised my eyebrows at her, and gestured for her to follow me. She licked her lips, and I led her to her death in the back of the building. Even if I felt sympathy for killing humans the way Alice did, I'd still never feel bad for killing that particular woman, she deserved it.

Finally, after over filling on blood, I bought Bella some Italian take out. I was heading back to the compound, when a unique scent filled my senses. I turned towards the source of the scent, and searched my mind for the reason why it smelled so familiar. On the other side of the street, there was a man handing out flyers, and I realized that he was what I smelled. I walked over to him curiously, and he turned to face me. I never saw the man before, but his smell was very familiar, and very appetizing.

"Um, have you seen this girl?" He asked cautiously, and handed me a paper. I stared at him intently, and was confused as to why he was so tempting, especially since I had just fed.

"Uh, do you speak English?"He asked, and finally, I looked at the paper….

…..

MISSING YOUTH

Isabella Swan, 18 yrs

…..…

There was a brief description, an Italian translation, and a picture of Bella, and then I understood. This man smelled familiar, because he was Bella's father; often human family members smelled similar.

"I think I may have seen her before," I told him in my heavy Italian accent, without even thinking. His blood wasn't as potent as my singer's, but it was still more delicious smelling than any other I tasted before, and my predator instincts came out instantaneously.

I listened to his mind, but there wasn't anything to hear. His thoughts weren't completely concealed like Bella's were, but they were definitely quieter than all others. As far as I could tell, he wasn't thinking of anything other than my words and his lost daughter.

"Where? When did you see her?" He asked desperately.

"Please, come. We talk in private."

The man was wary of me, as most humans were, but his distress over his missing child pushed all his fear away. I led him to an obscure location, and turned to face him. Venom welled in my mouth, and my throat burned to be quenched by his distinctive blood. Like his daughter, it didn't matter that I wasn't thirsty; my body would easily accommodate the addition of his sweet blood.

"Please, any information you have on her would mean the world to me."

I narrowed my eyes at him, and considered my options. The insignificant human was nobody, he was absolutely nothing. I didn't care about his life, and his blood was more appealing than any other…besides Bella's. I considered the fact that Bella was upset at the thought of me killing her mother, so I was sure that she'd hate me for killing her father, but how would she ever know?

I decided it was torture enough to resist Bella; I wouldn't put myself through the same hell for this man. I stepped forward so my teeth would have a better angle to sink into his neck, when he turned and looked at me with an expression which was exactly like Bella's.

I had Bella's face memorized, and I could see her in him. Looking at me with those wide chocolate eyes, expecting something without really knowing. DAMN IT. I was seriously losing it. I couldn't kill Bella, now this? I started questioning myself as a vampire, and what my lack of nerve meant. If I cared about one… or two humans, did that mean I had to care about all of them? No. I wouldn't degrade myself more than I already had.

"I don't know where she is," I lied to him. "Last time, she was in the hotel." I turned and walked away, feeling completely emasculated.

I hated what I was becoming, I was disgusted by it. It was worse than Alice's disturbing lifestyle, and for the life of me, I couldn't escape it. I walked into my chamber and she was staring at me expectantly, and it was impossible not to smile at her. She was absolutely breathtaking.

"I got you some rigatoni and garlic bread."

"Garlic?" She seemed surprised.

I smiled again, and shook my head. "Garlic is about as damaging to vampires, as that wood you tried to steak me with."

She bit her bottom lip. "Sorry about that."

Now I felt even worse for almost killing her father.

"Don't ever apologize to me. You have done nothing wrong."

She got up from the couch, and I assumed she was going to take her food from me, but instead, she wrapped her arms around my neck, and kissed me. I kissed her back, and she grabbed the bag I was holding, and put it on the floor. She pulled me down on top of her, as she laid back on the couch.

"You should eat," I said as her kisses left my lips, and moved to my neck in the most erotic way. She moaned something, and then actually bit my neck. Of course, her teeth did no damage to my skin and she didn't bite me hard enough to hurt herself, but I nearly exploded from the arousal it caused.

I didn't waste time with removing her clothes carefully; I just ripped them off and immediately thrust into her. Her body was like a symphony, and it moved with a certain cadence. She was the embodiment of harmony and peace, but caused explosive devastation in her wake.

Beautiful.

Like the last time, our bodies convulsed together and calmed into a hum of serenity. Her body became my heroin, but unlike if I were to drink her blood, this heroin I could have over and over again.

I kissed down her neck and had no urge to bite, but my lips didn't want to retreat either. My kisses trailed on over her breasts and down to her stomach…

"Oh my god. Bella, I'm so sorry." I said and pulled myself away from her.

"What?" She asked confused.

"You're covered in bruises." I never hated myself before that moment. I would have rather killed her quick then force her to endure being tortured by my carelessness. I should have known that we as different species, were incompatible.

"Edward, I'm fine, I promise. I didn't even notice until you just pointed them out."

I turned away from her, horrified.

"Hey," she caressed my face and I let her pull my chin so I was looking at her again. "I'm fine," she repeated as her eyes bore into mine.

"I hate hurting you." I said quietly, and I knew then that they were the most truthful words I ever spoke.

"Then don't pull away from me." Her lips met mine again, and we repeated our previous activity…but with a little extra restrain on my part.

It was hard to accept that she wanted me as much as I wanted her, but I wasn't going to question it either.

Over the next several days, we lived like newlyweds on our honeymoon, rarely ever apart, and dressed even less. We would separate only long enough for me to get her some food and new clothes, but then I was back at vampire speed, and back in her arms. I was worried about my cold body temperature, combined with the frigidness of the chamber, constantly being pressed against her bare body, but she didn't seem to mind.

"I think I've acclimated," she laughed.

"What do you mean?"

"I don't feel cold anymore. Nothing is cold, or warm; it's all just…numb."

I wasn't sure what she meant by that, but I had a feeling that her being numb had nothing to do with temperature.

I could see my time with her passing. I felt like her life was slipping through my fingers, like the sands of time. Only a month, and yet I could see the miniscule changes in her. Changes no human would notice, changes that I never witnessed in any other before. Vampires were frozen, never different from one century to the next, but humans change every day. I never spent enough time with a human before to see it, but my Bella changing was just a constant reminder that one day, I'd be without her.

"I'll be back." I kissed the tip of her nose gently, and then left to get her some more food.

"Everyone's been whispering about you." Heidi appeared as I was exiting the compound.

"I really don't give a shit, Heidi," I said without stopping.

"Well aren't you lucky that Aro hasn't needed to touch you in a while. Everyone else around here is too terrified of you to tell him what you've been doing, so you've been in the clear. But how long do you think that's going to last for?"

"Aro knows about the girl, Heidi. What, don't you read the Volterra vampire gossip column?" I said annoyed that I was wasting time even speaking to her.

"Yes, but does he know that you've been fucking her?"

I stopped to look at her, and she smirked. The thing about being a mind reader is, it only comes in handy when the mind you're reading doesn't know you can do it, otherwise, like Heidi, they can control what they're thinking in the moment. Heidi was thinking about the human she just fed on, so her words took me by surprise.

"You don't know what the fuck you're talking about," I said bitterly.

"Oh please, I can smell her bodily fluids all over you. Funny though, none of those fluids include her blood. Interesting right, or just plain nauseating; I guess it depends on how you look at it."

I turned away from her and continued walking; she, of course, followed. Fucking bitch.

"Everyone knows; and soon Aro will know too. He's going to make you kill her, or maybe he'll just kill her himself."

"No one is going to touch her," I said in a threatening tone.

"Ooo, the big bad human lover is making threats, consider me scared," she said mockingly. It took all my will power not to rip her head off. My desire to kill her was about dead even with what my desire to kill Bella had been in the beginning.

I turned to glare at her, and despite her sardonic tone, she immediately shut up and backed away a few steps. Heidi always thought she had an element of control over me, and she never once considered that I would turn on her, but I could hear from her mind just how afraid she was of me in that moment, even if she tried to hide it. She knew then that I could kill her, and never feel sorry about it.

I got Bella's food, and then hurried back to her. The atmosphere was changing, Heidi was actually right; if others were on to my unconventional relationship with a human, then it was only a matter of time until Aro figured it out as well. My sands of time with Bella seemed to fall at an increased rate. I was running out of time.

I watched her eat, and I considered how I wanted to broach the subject.

"Bella?"

She looked up at me, and her whole face sparkled with curiosity as she waited for me to ask my question.

"I can't let you leave here."

"I know," she said confused. We had already talked about the fact that she would never be able to leave, so she didn't understand why I was mentioning it again.

"But, maybe I could make it so you could leave," I said cryptically.

"How?" She said with a smile, as if I was only joking with her.

"I could turn you," I said in only a whisper.

It was like all the light was sucked out of the room. Her face fell and paled, as she comprehended what I was asking her. But she didn't respond.

"If you were a vampire, you could come and go as you pleased. After the newborn phase is over, you could have your freedom back. We could even leave here if you wanted; others have left the Volturi, and the leaders never had a problem with it." I said in a rush. I waited for a response, but her eyes glazed over and she wiped a tear away, before she was able to talk.

"Edward, I can't," she breathed.

I furrowed my brow, and shook my head. "Why?"

"I could never do that, I could never kill people."

"You'll get used to it, in fact, you won't even think twice about it once you're changed."

"But, you think twice about it. You think about it every day, otherwise I wouldn't still be alive," she rebutted.

"No, you're different, I don't care about killing other humans," I said and she suddenly became very quiet and withdrawn. Shit.

"Oh come on Bella, you know that I kill people, it's what I am," I said frustrated.

"But is it who you are?"

"What the hell does that mean? Who, what; it's the same thing."

"No, it's not. You have to kill people because it's what you are, but do you actually enjoy taking people's lives? Do you really think that you would actually choose that life, if you had the choice?"

"Bella, I didn't have a choice, this is what I am, but I'm not going to piss on my creator for it. I can't become human for you, there's no going back, but you can become what I am so we can stay together."

"Do you love me, Edward?" Her question took me off guard.

"Vampires don't love," I said mechanically.

"And yet, you love me. I know you do, otherwise you would have killed me a long time ago."

"What difference does it make if I love you or not, if you're not willing to change for me regardless?"

"It matters because if you truly love someone, you would understand why I can't choose that life. Every person you kill, has people who love them. How would you feel if someone killed me, or how about your sister?"

"I would never allow that to happen."

"So, because you're stronger physically than humans, that means your love is stronger too?"

"I don't know human emotions, I can only speak for myself," I told her.

"And I can only speak for myself, too. I will not become a killer, I can't."

"You know, I could always make you. I don't need your permission to do it; no one asked me if I wanted to be turned."

She was quiet for a moment, and looked deep into my eyes, searchingly. "But you won't…because you love me."

She was so confident in my affections for her, that it actually scared me. Did she actually know me better than I knew myself? I still wasn't confident that I wouldn't kill her, but she never wavered in her belief in me.

"You don't understand, if Aro knew what I've been doing with you, he'd not let you stay here. Bella, he'd kill you."

"Then at least I'll die knowing I've never hurt anyone," she said quietly. Her willingness to die and lack of fear was really starting to piss me off, it's just unnatural.

Later that night, I did what I always did while she slept, I watched her. But this night was different, I was different. I considered the possibility of her being right, was I really in love with her, was I even capable of it? Vampires had mates, but did they truly love them? I already knew the answer; of course I was in love with her. It made absolutely no sense, and yet, it was the only thing I truly knew.

But loving her meant I had to do what was best for her, and put her needs above my own….

"Come on, get dressed," I said impatiently the next morning.

"You know better than anyone, how all the vampires here hate when you take your little pet human on walks around the compound." She joked, but was serious at the same time.

"And you know, I really don't care," I smiled, and leaned in to kiss her slowly. She responded to my tender kiss by wrapping her arms around my neck, and then pulling herself closer to me until our bodies were all but molded together.

"Are you sure you don't want to stay in?" She asked seductively.

"You know I do, but we can't stay in that room forever."

"Why not?" She giggled.

I held her hand as we walked around the compound. She didn't cower into my side anymore when we passed other vampires, they all knew her, and she knew they would never mess with her as long as I was there.

"Where are we going? I've never seen this part of the compound before," she asked.

"That's because we don't usually walk this way, but I have a surprise for you."

"Really?" She smiled excitedly.

I pulled a handkerchief out of my pocket. "But I need to cover your eyes first."

"Why?" She suddenly became suspicious.

"Don't you trust me?"

"Of course I do," she said offended that I'd ever ask.

I tied the handkerchief over her eyes as a blindfold, "I'm going to carry you, ok?" She nodded. "I'm going to run really fast, so take a deep breath."

Her breath washed over my face, and we were off. I only ran for a minute before we got to my intended location. I stood her up, and removed the blindfold.

She gasped, and I had to hold on to her so she wouldn't fall over.

"Edward," she said, astonished.

"I thought you could use a little sun." I whispered in her ear. We were on a grassy hill, just outside the city limit. The sky was clear, and the sun shone brightly above us.

She looked out at the view in front of her, and then closed her eyes to soak in the warmth of the sun. I never saw her look more breathtaking; the sun on her skin was a beauty that was beyond words.

"Thank you for taking me here Edward, but we need to get back before anyone realizes….." she let her words trail off as she looked at me for the first time.

She didn't say anything; she just reached out to my face, and stroked my skin as if she wasn't sure of the texture.

"Yeah, it's kind of trippy, isn't it?" I said referring to the way my skin reflected the sun.

She shook her head. "You're beautiful."

"Bella?" Someone said, so she turned around to see who said her name.

"Dad?" She took a step back, and pressed her back into me.

"Bella!" He yelled, and started running towards us.

"You were right," I said quietly in her ear. "I do love you."

She turned to me, but I was already gone.

Something made me hold on to the flyer with her face on it, and after I accepted my feelings for her, I knew I had to set her free. I called the number on the flyer, and told her father where to meet us. I instructed him that he needed to leave the country right away and never return to Europe, which he agreed to.

With that, there was only one thing left to do in order to give her the best chance at a life…kill Demetri.

*dun. Dun. DUN! *Please Review. The more reviews, the faster I'm inspired to update. THANKS* ;-P