Thanks to paigeandtiger for reviewing!
For many days and nights I wandered Middle Earth… I'm starting to sound like Gandalf. I wish he were here. A nice, loud explosion would be just the thing to cheer me up, but that's beside the point. I finally reached the Shire! I decided to live in the Baggins part of the Shire, because all the Bagginses have been removed. Unfortunately, someone forgot to tell the orcs not to burn the hobbit holes down (how you burn down a hill of dirt is beyond me). I moved into an already occupied house. I hope the owners don't mind.
1 minute later:
The owners DO mind. They told me that "Mommy told us to tell strangers in our house to try over the hill or across the water." When I told them that water melts me, they got buckets of water and tried to melt me!
After wandering around the Shire for a while, I found Nazgûl no. 3. (Apparently he was responsible for the razing of Dul Guldor and was subsequently written out of the List). He told me to try a place called the "Green Dragon." I did, and the innkeeper (after through convincing with a Morgul blade that we were really decent Nazgûl) decided to allow us a month's board, free of charge. Actually, his replacement did. The original was too busy bemoaning the loss of his eyes.
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